I wanted to test the job market and registered on a Job portal and I get emails every single day. Typos, Grammatical errors, shitty job descriptions and so on. I am posting the best of the best bland fucking emails here. I would never consider even one of these emails professional. Half the stuff makes no sense. Fuck me. Are things the same in the west ?
EMAIL 1
Hi Stillwater,
As per our Tcon, if you have any references pls. let me know for the web application, Azure.
Thanks & Regards,
Praveena
EMAIL 2
Dear Stillwater,
Job Profile: Python Developer
Job Loc: Pune
Payroll Company: Magna Infotech (Contract-to-Hire)
Skills: Python, Automation
Note: Notice period should be 15 Days Max
JD:
Understand the workflow and identify the gaps where automation scripts can be created
· Discuss with Queue managers and analysts and create backlog of requirements in JIRA
· Create python scripts to be executed on windows/linux platforms
· Daily Reporting – Work covered/pending against identified work items – All this will be tracked and monitored through JIRA
· Automation scripts to be migrated from Ruby to Python
EMAIL 3
Dear Candidates,
This is regarding an opportunity with one of the leading product development company. So kindly revert back to this mail with below details without fail earlier as possible.
Requirement:
Company: GlobalEnglish
Experience: 2+ years
Location: Chennai
Key Skills: HTML5,CSS3,Javascript,Jquery,Angular.Js,Gulp,Grunt,Less/Sass
Responsibilities :
work closely with UX Designers, Visual Designers, Product Managers, Content Specialists, and other Developers.
You will:
Create compelling, seamless, intuitive user experiences through well-designed and well-engineered Front-End code.
Architect, design, and manage a suite of reusable components that work across multiple applications and services.
Build efficient and reusable front-end abstractions, systems, and APIs.
Apply design details from product design standards and templates.
Collaborate with both internal and external teams.
Enhance and maintain our internal frameworks and tools to enable rapid development.
Identify and resolve performance bottlenecks.
Define and promote good engineering design patterns and practices Attributes
To succeed in this role, you must have these attributes:
Committed to Excellence cares deeply about product/process quality
Knowledgeable strong understanding of the technical landscape
Resilient perseveres through challenging problems
An independent thinker sees and pursues what is right and best
Bold makes an impact through strong initiative and action
Innovative inclined to seek new and better solutions
Clear Communicator able to communicate well, verbally and in writing, with coworkers
and stakeholders, even when the subject is complex or difficult
Collaborative natural desire to build open, trusting and supportive relationships with others
International embraces community of global, culturally-aware teams
Required Skills & Experience
Bachelors degree or higher from an accredited university
2+ years of hands-on development experience with HTML, CSS, and JavaScript
(AngularJS, jQuery, Node.js)
Experience with front-end build tools, such as Grunt and Gulp.js
Experience with large and complex code bases, utilizing API design techniques to help keep code clean and maintainable
Experience with hybrid mobile app development, such as Ionic and Cordova
Experience making technological recommendations while weighing various tradeoffs
Solid knowledge of object-oriented programming principles and languages
Knowledge of current trends and best practices in front-end architecture, including performance, accessibility, security, and usability
Agile enthusiast who understands methodologies and enjoys being part of a scrum team
Collaborative experience working with UX Designers, Engineers, and Product Managers
Proven problem-solving and interpersonal communication skills Strong attention to detail
Strong desire to learn, push the envelope and openly share knowledge with others
Nice to have:
Experience with ( Angular2, TypeScript, React, Vue.js ,RequireJS, Webpack and SystemJS
Experience with internationalization (i18n)
*Make sure to attend face to face discussion & ready to join with short notice ( Preferably 30 days)
Need to fill below details:
Updated CV
Total Exp:
Relevant Exp:
CTC:
ECTC:
Current Location:
Notice Period: Official/ Neg. up to
Pan No:
Alternate Mobile (must):
Note: Please find the Job Req. and do reply if your profile suitable for this opportunity.
Thanks,
Rajesh
044-40652600
rajesh.rathinakumar@globalenglish.com
GlobalEnglish Corporation
www.globalenglish.com