How to handle TURDs



  • Our new overlords found it confusing when dealing with our anything-goes new-company mentality; everyone calls things by different names.They decided that they would take a page from the GoF and use common names for things across projects to minimize learning curves. Not so bad.

    Sometimes fate tosses you a softball.

    In particular, due to production lockdown, we can't get onto prod boxes to look at log files, so we had to write scripts that email a logical subset of the log when something happens. The subject was "blah blah blah The Underlying Runtime Data".

    Thanks to the acronymization directive, we now send emails about TURDs.

    Of course, the email language filter starting blocking the mail, which led to all sorts of email discussions about stopping, blocking, moving and handling TURDS. Of course, THOSE emails got filtered in various ways, which led to an email storm about how to handle TURDS, which in itself got filtered, leading to lots of phone calls. Finally, the email guys were told to kill the filter for the day, and we all got a flood of emails about various recommendations on how to handle TURDs.

    sigh

     


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Dude, you seriously need your own WTF site. This is better than anything that's been on the front page in a long time.



  • So ... what where the recommendations?

    I'm on the edge of my seat here (so to speak).  I have my own TURD problems.



  • @belgariontheking said:

    I'm on the edge of my seat here (so to speak).  I have my own TURD problems.
     

    I generally sit relaxedly in the middle.



  • A flood of TURDs. That's got to be shit.



  •  You don't handle me! Nobody can! Mwuahahahahaha!



  • @snoofle said:

    the email language filter starting blocking the mail,

    Wait... what? Don't you work at a company full of adults? I thought it was some Wall Street thing, not Public School District #140.



  • I didn't realize emails about TURDs were such a widespread problem that creating a filter for the word was necessary or effective.  I'm curious to know just how many unwanted emails about TURDs the average person receives in a day.



  • Too busy today, I'll talk more about this on Sa****ay.

     Regards



  • You could have a lot of fun with this.

    Something Happened in IT or ...In The System

    Create-Retrieve Audit Process

    Finding Underlying Cause [of Unexpected Problems]

    Assorted System Specifications

    ...



  • TURD? Really? reeeaaally? They didn't want to change the acronym just a liiitle?

    It's hard to believe they didn't just flip it around and go with something like Data for Underlying Runtime Process.



  • @boog said:

    I didn't realize emails about TURDs were such a widespread problem that creating a filter for the word was necessary or effective.  I'm curious to know just how many unwanted emails about TURDs the average person receives in a day.

    It's not so much about any given word or even email. They want to be politically correct and not use ANY word that could in ANY way be ANY bit offensive to ANYone, so they made a looooong list of ANY words that could in ANY way be offensive to ANYone, and any email that contains one or more of said words gets held, and you get an email telling you that you've received an email containing one or more offesnive words, and to phone xxx-xxx-xxxx to tell them whether it's spam, some employee being naughty, or whatever. Since this little offense-offensive spread across numerous groups, the support guy was getting calls from hundreds of people telling him that the turd-mail was legitimate and to let-it-fly (so to speak).

     



  • @DemonWasp said:

    You could have a lot of fun with this.

    Something Happened in IT or ...In The System

    Create-Retrieve Audit Process

    Finding Underlying Cause [of Unexpected Problems]

    Assorted System Specifications

    ...

     

    Some folks have already begun doing exactly that...

    A new training course was suggested: Common Lookup: Internal Training on Rudimentary Insert Statements

    Suggested charity: Funding (for) Underaged Companion Kids

     



  • @belgariontheking said:

    So ... what where the recommendations?

    I'm on the edge of my seat here (so to speak).  I have my own TURD problems.

    You should stop eating every meal at taco bell then.

     



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @snoofle said:
    the email language filter starting blocking the mail,
    Wait... what? Don't you work at a company full of adults? I thought it was some Wall Street thing, not Public School District #140.

    Maybe the email filter was outsourced to India, where handling TURDS can get you kicked out of your caste.



  • Yeah, E-Mail-Filters. I recently deployed a website for a (small) primary school. None of the teachers were able to login to the school site from within the school's network because I had used an OpenID login scheme and their webfilter blocked the calls to Google, Yahoo, Facebook et al.

    Of course, there's also no easily reachable override method for the teachers - they have to call the IT company to add a site to the white list (which then is, of course, globally whitelisted).

    This is the same company who thought it a good idea to downgrade the classroom's laptops to Windows XP with IE8 only (there's a big "Windows 7" sticker on the laptops themselves!). Okay, they thought about security which is why the Windows installation is wiped (and probably mirrored from a repo) upon shutdown.
    However, the Antivirus definitions also get wiped which are now horrendously out of date. Which makes me wonder why they went to the trouble of actually installing a scanner...



  • @Rhywden said:

    webfilter blocked the calls to Google

    "This is a school!! We can't be allowing the kids to just FIND information! They've got to work for it."



  • Hahah, this thread really amused me because just this morning i was assigned with enhancing our TrueUp Report.

    what am i adding to the report ? well, it has a monthly summary, now all i need to add is the Details 🙂

    TrueUpReportDetailed.xls it is.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @snoofle said:
    the email language filter starting blocking the mail,

    Wait... what? Don't you work at a company full of adults? I thought it was some Wall Street thing, not Public School District #140.

    Welcome to the world of corporate liability. Brought to you by mountains of civil litigation and walls of government regulations.



  • @DemonWasp said:

    You could have a lot of fun with this.

    Something Happened in IT or ...In The System

    Create-Retrieve Audit Process

    Finding Underlying Cause [of Unexpected Problems]

    Assorted System Specifications

    ...

     

    We always called the big thick IBM reference manuals by acronyms of their titles.  Except the one for the Rexx language.  For some reason it was always "the Rexx manual" and never anything to do with what it said on the cover: "System Product Interpreter Reference Manual".

     



  • @boomzilla said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @snoofle said:
    the email language filter starting blocking the mail,

    Wait... what? Don't you work at a company full of adults? I thought it was some Wall Street thing, not Public School District #140.

    Welcome to the world of corporate liability. Brought to you by mountains of civil litigation and walls of government regulations.

     

    At my last job, for some reason we had this promotional clock from the pharmaceutical company that makes Viagra. (We liked to say it was the clock that told you when to get up.) We were told that the clock was inappropriate, and we had to put a piece of paper over the part of the clock that said "Viagra". Never mind that the clock was the same color and shape as a Viagra pill; the word "Viagra" was offensive and couldn't be shown.



  • @Someone You Know said:

     the word "Viagra" was offensive and couldn't be shown.

    I would have printed a label that said Cialis and cover Viagra with it. 🙂



  • @snoofle said:

    In particular, due to production lockdown, we can't get onto prod boxes to look at log files

    Now that's TRWTF. What a piece of turd your architecture is.



  • @snoofle said:

    It's not so much about any given word or even email. They want to be politically
    correct and not use ANY word that could in ANY way be ANY bit offensive to
    ANYone, so they made a looooong list of ANY words that could in ANY way be
    offensive to ANYone, and any email that contains one or more of said words gets
    held, and you get an email telling you that you've received an email containing
    one or more offesnive words, and to phone xxx-xxx-xxxx to tell them whether it's
    spam, some employee being naughty, or whatever.
    Agatha Christie must be spinning in her grave. Somewhere near Ten Little Niggers I'd imagine. Whatever happened to "you have no right to be not offended?"



  • Every once a while some smartass stands up and has this 'great' idea. In no time, management is convinced and all the people below need to adjust. I reckon where I work this not the only place where this happens. Things get different names, processes need to change (well change, they just grow). And all for the benefit of the company. Of course.

    Maybe, some day, I will post this genius idea of how to reduce patch hits where I work. (A patch hit is when a 50+ million dollar machine no longer works after installing a patch)



  • @Xyro said:

    It's hard to believe they didn't just flip it around and go with something like Data for Underlying Runtime Process.
    Just go one step further to "Data for Essential Runtime Process" and it's perfect.



  • @snoofle said:

    It's not so much about any given word or even email. They want to be politically correct and not use ANY word that could in ANY way be ANY bit offensive to ANYone, so they made a looooong list of ANY words that could in ANY way be offensive to ANYone, and any email that contains one or more of said words gets held, and you get an email telling you that you've received an email containing one or more offesnive words, and to phone xxx-xxx-xxxx to tell them whether it's spam, some employee being naughty, or whatever. Since this little offense-offensive spread across numerous groups, the support guy was getting calls from hundreds of people telling him that the turd-mail was legitimate and to let-it-fly (so to speak).

     

     

    Sooooo, if I am, for example, Nagesh and I read a word in another language that, in my own language is offensive (the best example I know, is the Dutch word for pacifier being rude, Indian slang for testicles), it would be filtered out as well? Do you guys get to write even one character without it getting blocked?



  • @The poop of DOOM said:

    Sooooo, if I am, for example, Nagesh and I read a word in another language that, in my own language is offensive (the best example I know, is the Dutch word for pacifier being rude, Indian slang for testicles), it would be filtered out as well? Do you guys get to write even one character without it getting blocked?

    Here's where things get tricky. Now you have the PC nuts vs the multi-culti nuts, and there's no hard and fast rule about who beats whom in that situation.



  • @boomzilla said:

    @The poop of DOOM said:
    Sooooo, if I am, for example, Nagesh and I read a word in another language that, in my own language is offensive (the best example I know, is the Dutch word for pacifier being rude, Indian slang for testicles), it would be filtered out as well? Do you guys get to write even one character without it getting blocked?

    Here's where things get tricky. Now you have the PC nuts vs the multi-culti nuts, and there's no hard and fast rule about who beats whom in that situation.

    It's easy: get the people with common sense to throw both of the above groups in a well.



  • @serguey123 said:

    @Someone You Know said:

     the word "Viagra" was offensive and couldn't be shown.

    I would have printed a label that said Cialis and cover Viagra with it. 🙂

     

    Or one that says, V1AGR/\ ...



  • @The poop of DOOM said:

    Sooooo, if I am, for example, Nagesh and I read a word in another language that, in my own language is offensive (the best example I know, is the Dutch word for pacifier being rude, Indian slang for testicles), it would be filtered out as well? Do you guys get to write even one character without it getting blocked?

    A guy I used to work with tells the story of how a Japanese friend of his was made uncomfortable by a roll of packing tape he saw at my coworker's house. The brand of the tape was "Manco", and in Japanese, "manko" (which is how it's usually romanized, but still, close enough to be recognizable) is "cunt".

    On the flip side, Honda sells (or sold in the mid 90s at least--not sure if it's still around) a model called "City". However, in Japanse, there's no "si" sound. The closest is approximately "she". I always got a kick out of my friend talking about her "Shitty Car" (though the pronunciation was more like "sheety caah").

    And don't get me started what pops up in "Engrish" slogans and whatnot...



  • @boomzilla said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @snoofle said:
    the email language filter starting blocking the mail,

    Wait... what? Don't you work at a company full of adults? I thought it was some Wall Street thing, not Public School District #140.

    Welcome to the world of corporate liability. Brought to you by mountains of civil litigation and walls of government regulations.

    By... who?  Mr. Hanky? The National Association for the Advancement of Constipated People?



  • @jverd said:

    Shitty Car
    Not dissimilar to the Toyota MR2 in France then?


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