:baby_symbol: Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit
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So, every year during the holidays we go out to the middle of Bumfuck Egypt to where a railroad preservation society hosts a train ride with Santa thing every year. You get on a vintage train in what seems like the middle of nowhere and take it closer to the middle of nowhere where you pick up "Santa" and head back to the depot. All along the way Santa sits with each family, the kids say what they want for Christmas. All in all, a pretty fun event. Ya know, for an area where the only exports are the memories of this event and meth made by high school drop outs. Good times.
So this tradition started 5-6 years ago. On our first trip "Santa" gave me a bag of coal. So, like, seriously, is this the real Santa? This motherfucker nailed it.
Since then we have left that small bag of coal in my stocking. For whatever reason our six year old is absolutely goddamned fascinated with me having coal in my stocking.
"Who gave you the coal?"
"Where did Santa get the coal?"
"Do you think there are coal mines at the North Pole?"
"Where can we buy coal?"
"When did Santa give you the coal?"
It just keeps going. Forever.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Since then we have left that small bag of coal in my stocking. For whatever reason our six year old is absolutely goddamned fascinated with me having coal in my stocking.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Camps, where a number times we were told just find some place to go. I do think they mostly meant pee. It wasn't excluded and they mentioned possible wiping material.
A couple times, in my time in the military, the camp in the woods had a porta-potty. A not-insignificant number of times, I took a look inside and promptly decided to go find a quiet spot in the woods to dig a hole instead.
We were all equipped with basic entrenching tools. And just about everybody had paper of some description in their pocket.
And the first time I had to go camping after getting out of the military, I went to buy an entrenching tool. Because **** porta-potties if there is a nice, quiet patch of woodland handy.
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@acrow Somewhen I read a book written by an Israeli. He wrote that at the army they had some special plastic sacks to put into their helmets, than sit on them for a ****, then close the plastic sack and take it back.
Because by leaving your shit behind (even freshly buried), you would inform the enemy that you have been there.
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@BernieTheBernie Has something to do with their having to work in desert environments, I think? Anything I bury in the local woods here will be gone before the week is out. And very likely undetectable much sooner, unless someone digs on the exact spot.
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@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Since then we have left that small bag of coal in my stocking. For whatever reason our six year old is absolutely goddamned fascinated with me having coal in my stocking.
I think
thatthat's why I never got one.
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@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think my 8 yo still believes in Santa but we just have too much stuff for her to go through to find anything.
I swore to myself that I wouldn't lie to her about Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy.
I failed.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think my 8 yo still believes in Santa but we just have too much stuff for her to go through to find anything.
I swore to myself that I wouldn't lie to her about Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy.
I failed.
Don't cry. You can still make it up to them.
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Ah! I know! Show them this movie:
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@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think my 8 yo still believes in Santa but we just have too much stuff for her to go through to find anything.
I swore to myself that I wouldn't lie to her about Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy.
I failed.
Don't cry. You can still make it up to them.
...
Ah! I know! Show them this movie:
I should find time to watch it.
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When the older kids were that age, I was thinking:
Is it better to hear that Santa isn't real from their parents or just let them learn on the streets?
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@Karla For those too to look it up, it's on Hulu in the US.
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Christmas gift advice/warning:
Don't buy these things for your kids. While the idea is nice, they're awful in real life:
As to why they're awful:
These things have exactly 1 motor per robot, total. You see those wheels on the bots? They don't have motors behind them. They're casters that spin freely. The only motor is in the waist of the bot, swinging the upper body around.Yes, the remote controller does have directional buttons. They cause the robot to swing the upper body in a pattern that causes the robot to slowly waddle in roughly the direction indicated.
Also, these things are very, very loud.
And yes, my wife already bought a set. Which is why I know to warn you to not repeat our mistake.
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@boomzilla How would you even know your children's Sony or Microsoft account credentials? Aren't those neeeded to finish the setup process?
( I wouldn't know, because I game exclusively on PC, so... )
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@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I game exclusively on PC
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@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
How would you even know your children's Sony or Microsoft account credentials?
I make them give them to me so I can record them in my password manager. If for no other reason than I'll have the information when they forget how to login.
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@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I wouldn't know, because I game exclusively on PC, so...
So does my son. Steam / Mojang / Microsoft credentials all apply there.
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@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
If for no other reason than I'll have the information when they forget how to login.
Speak of the devil!
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@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
Steam
Sure. But when my kids get to that age, I assume they'll want to use my Steam account. At least to start with. Dozens of games in there, after all.
Mojang
The what now?
Microsoft credentials
Not in my case, no. I'm trying to actively discourage this one.
@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
How would you even know your children's Sony or Microsoft account credentials?
I make them give them to me so I can record them in my password manager. If for no other reason than I'll have the information when they forget how to login.
...I'll take it under consideration. Not for the kids though. But for my wife. She forgets them on a semi-regular basis.
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@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@BernieTheBernie Has something to do with their having to work in desert environments, I think? Anything I bury in the local woods here will be gone before the week is out. And very likely undetectable much sooner, unless someone digs on the exact spot.
And especially undetectable in comparison to a large number of troops tromping through the woods. Sole buried piles of shit is a whisper compared to that scream.
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Tonight Lil'Dude wasn't feeling well so I laid him down early instead of reading "The Night Before Christmas" as a family as we usually do. He's exhausted. Before he falls asleep:
"Goodnight Buddy, I love you. I will see you in the morning and we will see if Santa brought you anything. Have you been good this year?"
In his amazingly honest fatigue:
"No. Not really."
I love my kids. They're amazing.
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One of my older daughters was not going to celebrate Christmas with us on Saturday because she would at her boyfriend's family. So we went over there today.
I walk in, two people sitting on the floor playing. I recognize my older daughter but then I'm like who's this little girl that she brought with her?
That was my daughter. Between her hair being different and a quick glance I though she looked older than she was. I am
Once we got home, I put on NoradSanta.org Once Santa got to Florida, I tell her she has to go to bed soon because Santa is on his way.
She was willing to go without any videos like we normally do. I said we have time for just one if we don't wait for daddy. He made about halfway through.
The rest of our ritual as usual.
Now to wrap presents. Hopefully my husband is almost finished by the time I go to the LR.
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@acrow Steam lets you share games, so there’s no reason you need to give them your Steam account itself.
Mojang is for Minecraft so there’s a chance they’ll want an account at some point.
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@Arantor
Although as of this winter they no longer need a standalone Mojang account - Minecraft is converting to using Microsoft accounts instead.
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@Arantor I think I'll buy them some LEGOs instead. And with any luck, Microsoft kills Minecraft off completely before my kids are old enough to learn of it.
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@acrow my son (15) still loves both. He also likes Scrap Mechanic on steam.
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@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Arantor I think I'll buy them some LEGOs instead. And with any luck, Microsoft kills Minecraft off completely before my kids are old enough to learn of it.
My daughter would be traumatized.
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Tonight I was joking about beating our oldest, because child abuse is a running joke in our home. That's how I roll.
So Lucy starts scratching at the door as I am laying him down. I joke that he needs to lay down or he will be beaten.
"Awwww man, no fair."
And he laughs, because he knows I would never (intentionally) beat him.
She keeps persisting so I get up to let her into his room. As I walk to open the door I act like I am going to hit him, because child abuse is funny. For some fucking reason he quickly raises up and I actually (barely) hit him right in the eye.
He knows it was an accident, but I feel like absolute shit.
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@Polygeekery In case shared experiences make you feel better:
My wife was shouting to our youngest. So I pick him up to console him. But then I started wondering whether he had made a poo and needed a change, so I tried to sniff-test. And didn't notice that I was standing under a low doorway.Now I wonder if he thinks I hit his head on purpose.
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@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I've always heard from teachers that the hardest part is not laughing when a kid gets one over on you. You really have to enforce the discipline, because if you let "it's okay if it's funny" get past you... well, every kid thinks they're a comedian.
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The hardest part about parenting is not laughing about the stupid shit your kids pulled when you're trying to discipline them
Regarding the phones: Amateur. The first thing I do when I collect such devices for non-compliance is to turn them off.
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@Rhywden Have to learn to do that from experience. You probably got the habit after some phone kept making noise after confiscation. And then they got the idea of prank-calling any confiscated phones, maybe?
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@Rhywden said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
The first thing I do when I collect such devices for non-compliance is to turn them off.
And then the (phone) murders began.
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@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@acrow said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Karla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@boomzilla said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
I think my 8 yo still believes in Santa but we just have too much stuff for her to go through to find anything.
I swore to myself that I wouldn't lie to her about Santa, Easter Bunny, or Tooth Fairy.
I failed.
Don't cry. You can still make it up to them.
...
Ah! I know! Show them this movie:
I should find time to watch it.
It's basically
A Christmas Story
, but in Finland, without the voiceover or daydream sequences, and no BB gun. Also it is where I found out that gingerbread is made from stoicism.Note, the TV cut dropped what little of the herding there was from the elder work, sadly, which is a shame. Some of the best wry witticisms were in that bit, and 45 minutes is not a long time, especially since it was the only way the Bumpus's dogs really made sense.
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@Polygeekery said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
"Do you think there are coal mines at the North Pole?"
Took me two months to think up a good reply, but here it comes.
"Near the North Pole there's a country called Poland, it's full of coal mines. Because the land is all covered in white snow, they have to go underground to get coal black like this. Then they send it to homes all around the world."
They will think you're bullshitting them, but later they will learn it's all real and hate you even more.
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@Gąska said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
They will think you're bullshitting them, but later they will learn it's all real and hate you even more.
For introducing them to Poland? They should hate me even more.
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@Polygeekery and to make your wife hate you too, introduce them to Polish language
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@error said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
@Mason_Wheeler said in Parenting advice - you're gonna get hit:
My sister just sent this around:
2-year-olds are fun. After establishing that Grandma and Grandpa X are MY mom and dad, and that Grandma and Grandpa Y are DAD's mom and Dad...
: So who is MY mom and dad? [Obviously hoping for someone cool.]
Me: Well, it's me. I'm your mom, and Dad's your...
: Oh.Narrator: Little did he know...
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@djls45 by March 8 the pandemic was already coming.
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@Gąska I was thinking lockdowns...
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@djls45 we had lockdowns on day 1, and people self isolating on like day minus 4 (including yours truly). Was it different in your area?
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@Gąska A quick web search showed that lockdowns (in the states in the USA that had them) started somewhere between Mar 19-24, so that's what I used.