The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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Mate told me his laptop's broken; it keeps playing "Chasing Pavements."
He thinks it's a Dell.
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Why did Katie Tunstall fall over?
It was suddenly icy.
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@PJH For years I've had this idea for an advertisement I wanted to pitch to Lipton:
KT Tunstall and others are sitting outside in the sun, waving hand fans and obviously suffering from being too much warm.
Suddenly: iced tea.
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Why should you never trust Elsa with your balloon?
Because she'll let it go.
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How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints.
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@PJH, thanks for all the new material!
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Here's as good a place as any to park this:
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@lolwhat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Here's as good a place as any to park this:
She's probably thinking more along the lines of mistletoe.
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@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@lolwhat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Here's as good a place as any to park this:
She's probably thinking more along the lines of mistletoe.
Filed under: An eating pussy
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Recently, I've seen a lot of people who have clearly cut their own hair. Let me tell you, it's utter barbarism.
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@PJH said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Why should you never trust Elsa with your balloon?
Because she'll let it go.
Rick Astley once offered me his entire Pixar movie collection except one.
He said: “I’m never gonna give you Up”.
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@lolwhat said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Recently, I've seen a lot of people who have clearly cut their own hair. Let me tell you, it's utter
barbarismbarberism.
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@Mason_Wheeler I've been absent for a while, but is that the new FTFY? I love it!
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@DoctorJones I don't think it's particularly new or the Official 2020 FTFY Meme of WTDWTF, just another way to say it
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@Benjamin-Hall Our wide assortment of patio tables has something for everybody: wood, metal, marble or even bridgestone!
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@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Wherein I'm reminded what 365 used condoms are called...
Two wind turbines stood in a field.
One says to the other: "So, then, what sort of music are you into?"
The other says: "I'm a big Metal fan."
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What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
Arrrrrr matey!
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What did Jay-Z call his wife before he married her?
Feyoncé
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An 8-year old girl went to the office with her father on 'Take Your Child to Work Day'. As they were walking around the office, the young girl starting crying and getting very cranky, her father asked what was wrong with her.
As the staff gathered round she sobbed loudly, Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?
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@PJH I didn't exactly bring him to work with me, but my son was "at work" with me all afternoon anyway. He was hanging out in the computer room assembling his new
gaminghomework computer and bugging me with technical questions ranging from grounding while handling components to Windows admin functions to "why does my CPU keep overheating?" while I was trying to pretend to work. I actually had to do some real work because he was in here with me.
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What did the lion say to Lady Gaga?
Rawr!
Rawr!
Rawr, rawr, rawr!
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What note did Fish from Marillion leave for the delivery driver to inform him that he's not self-isolating?
In commune, Ocado.
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Radio station still coming up with new ones...
Which sultry-voiced singer will happily spit in your face?
Llama Del Rey.
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@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"why does my CPU keep overheating?"
The answer you know you needed…
He's probably got the bonding of the cooler to the CPU package wrong.
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@dkf said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
"why does my CPU keep overheating?"
The answer you know you needed…
He's probably got the bonding of the cooler to the CPU package wrong.
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@Applied-Mediocrity Nope thread is
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@Applied-Mediocrity Thermal paste for @Karla.
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@Benjamin-Hall Bad puns thread is
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@Mason_Wheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall Bad puns thread is
Bad Pun is an oxymoron. Puns are the best!
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@Benjamin-Hall Then why are you posting them in the bad jokes topic?
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@Mason_Wheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall Then why are you posting them in the bad jokes topic?
Have you become ?
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@Mason_Wheeler said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall Then why are you posting them in the bad jokes topic?
Because people complain if I put them in the Funny Stuff thread? Poor benighted souls, incapable of understanding true humor <smh>.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Puns are the best!
Puns are only funny when I make them. When anyone else makes them, they're terrible and elicit groans, not laughs.
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Police have arrested the world tongue twister champion.
They say he will be given a tough sentence.
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Why did Adele cross the road?
To sing "Hello!" from the other side.
Why was Bruno Mars staying in Jarrow?
He'd been locked out of Hebburn.
(Map of Newcastle for context)
Edit: Typo.
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@PJH said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Why was Bruno Marrs staying in Jarrow?
He'd been locked out of Hebburn.IDGI
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@Zecc said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
IDGI
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@PJH The latter.
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There's been a murder in my neighborhood, and I think it's race-related.
The murder weapon was a starter pistol.
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Why has Sean Connery spaced all his books out?
He's been shelf isolating
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I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing.
But this is as close as I could get.