The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
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@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit, how’d you get my password???
(and why have you stopped using the enhanced variant of your avatar)
May not be his fault. If he logged in it might have reset to whatever login provider used, which may not have the good version.
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@kazitor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit, how’d you get my password???
(and why have you stopped using the enhanced variant of your avatar)
Crapping hell. Somebody must be using a singleton to store per-request state or something.
I was trying to zombify the frog, but it did not work.
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What if some people were in a car?
They'd be riding on the sidewalk!
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@da-Doctah Is the broken image link intentional?
It's supposed to be this:
You must be blocked.
I couldn't see it yesterday on my home PC (domain not DNSing), but this morning it shows up just fine on my work laptop, also on my home network.
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Ever Given Limerick
Ever Given, both sturdy and stout
Drew a dick, then thrust up the mouth
Suez said “Hey bloke,
I'm starting to choke”
“That's too bad, cuz I can't pull out”.
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@boomzilla ripped from the headlines, screaming and crying because it was not ready, then having a panic attack and vomiting.
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A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. The bartender says, “Hey there’s a steering wheel sticking out of your zipper," to which the pirate exclaims “AAAAARRRRRRRGH, it’s driving me nuts!!!"
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What cut the Roman Empire in half?
A pair of Caesars.
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@Gąska I think you'll find it was an Augustus and a Caesar.
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My son recently took an interest in astronomy.
Today he asked me "Do you know how the stars die?"
"Usually from an overdose" I replied.
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@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My son recently took an interest in astronomy.
Today he asked me "Do you know how the stars die?"
"Usually from an overdose" I replied.you're not wrong. they can't handle their iron.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My son recently took an interest in astronomy.
Today he asked me "Do you know how the stars die?"
"Usually from an overdose" I replied.you're not wrong. they can't handle their iron.
Some of them die of sudden onset lead poisoning.
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I promise I won't make any more Suez canal jokes from now on.
That ship has sailed.
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@Carnage said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My son recently took an interest in astronomy.
Today he asked me "Do you know how the stars die?"
"Usually from an overdose" I replied.you're not wrong. they can't handle their iron.
Some of them die of sudden onset lead poisoning.
I didn't know that lead could be created in any stellar process whatsoever. TIL.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Carnage said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My son recently took an interest in astronomy.
Today he asked me "Do you know how the stars die?"
"Usually from an overdose" I replied.you're not wrong. they can't handle their iron.
Some of them die of sudden onset lead poisoning.
I didn't know that lead could be created in any stellar process whatsoever. TIL.
Supernovae can create all the elements. That's how we got everything heavier than iron in the first place, via supernovae and then radio decay.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Supernovae can create all the elements. That's how we got everything heavier than iron in the first place, via supernovae and then radio decay.
Have you ever had technetium in your body? I have.
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@Benjamin-Hall said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Carnage said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@obeselymorbid said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
My son recently took an interest in astronomy.
Today he asked me "Do you know how the stars die?"
"Usually from an overdose" I replied.you're not wrong. they can't handle their iron.
Some of them die of sudden onset lead poisoning.
I didn't know that lead could be created in any stellar process whatsoever. TIL.
Supernovae can create all the elements. That's how we got everything heavier than iron in the first place, via supernovae and then radio decay.
Hey now. Spallation is the only process postulated for some.
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So, here's a new idea for a burger for McDonald's:
A vegan burger patty which employs beetroot to have red juice dripping from it whenever you take a bite.
I'm calling it the McBeth.
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@Rhywden
The MacBethanie is only beetroot filled 1 or 2 in 30
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@Rhywden said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
So, here's a new idea for a burger for McDonald's:
A vegan burger patty which employs beetroot to have red juice dripping from it whenever you take a bite.
I'm calling it the McBeth.
From the people who brought you chicken fries:
Cow Chips. Hearty little beef snacks from Frito-Lay.
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@Rhywden said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I'm calling it the McBeth.
Does the stain come out when you scrub your hands?
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@dkf said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Does the stain come out when you scrub your hands?
Yes, but you will think it doesn't.
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@dkf said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Rhywden said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I'm calling it the McBeth.
Does the stain come out when you scrub your hands?
Ever had beetroot juice on your hands? There's a reason they recommend that you're using disposable gloves when cutting / dicing raw ones...
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@Rhywden It never washes off the cutting board on first wash, but it always did eventually. Same for hands. No permanent stains.
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@Bulb said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Rhywden It never washes off the cutting board on first wash, but it always did eventually. Same for hands. No permanent stains.
Means you need to set the needle depth a little higher.,,
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What does a lawyer get when you give him Viagra?
Taller.
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@boomzilla
That is a strange nickname for it ...
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— Sir, there's a battalion approaching.
— Are they friends or enemies?
— They must be friends. They're all together.
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@Zecc classic! I had some good success with this one telling it to Cub Scouts.
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Zecc classic! I had some good success with this one telling it to Cub Scouts.
Can you get away with The Golden Screw, for Cub Scouts?
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@boomzilla said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Zecc classic! I had some good success with this one telling it to Cub Scouts.
Caskets aren't the same things as coffins.
Yes, I am a nerd, why do you ask?
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Huh
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@hungrier said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Huh
If sufficiently misused, or forced by keeping in a dark, ethylene-filled room for at least 31 hours, a casket can become a coffin.
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@hungrier said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
In Australia, everything is trying to kill you, even a lottery.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@hungrier said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
Huh
If sufficiently misused, or forced by keeping in a dark, ethylene-filled room for at least 31 hours, a casket can become a coffin.
Any casket containing @Mason_Wheeler becomes a sepulchre, and this process will fail in those cases.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
If sufficiently misused, or forced by keeping in a dark, ethylene-filled room for at least 31 hours, a casket can become a coffin.
Based on the description above, it would likely be too small
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@hungrier There is a proper and accepted funerary use of
casket
for sure. What it is, well...
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So, a husband and wife, they're at the hospital, and the wife is giving birth. The baby's head comes out normal. Normal shoulders, normal arms. Heart on the inside. But instead of the umbilicus, where the navel should be, there's a golden screwhead. And it's a boy! The parents' think up a new name, NOT
Steve
and NOT beginning withS
, and become irrelevant to the rest of the story.So, the baby with a golden screwhead in their navel grows into a toddler, with an oddly size-appropriate golden screwhead for a navel. The toddler grows into a lad, the lad grows into an idiot, and the idiot grows into an adult - all with a screwhead instead of a bellybutton. This eventually causes some concern.
The man goes to doctors. They tell him that it's definitely gold, X-rays won't go through the gold, and anything they do to remove the item will almost definitely kill him, and whether they can keep the gold in that event.
The man goes to engineers, who tell him it's not really gold, they can get it out no problem, and seem excessively eager about the whole thing.
The man goes to priests, who tell him it's definitely gold and also holy, that trying to X-ray it was probably a mortal sin, and whether he would exhibit his abdomen on request at no charge.
Finally, the man finds word of a mountain on which questions are answered, according to a series of acrostics in Paracelsus. He hires a team, finds a sherpa, engages in a platonic but life-changing relationship with a villager, and sets about climbing.
Halfway up the mountain, half-mad with effort and oxygen deprivation, he completely ignores some wild strawberries.
On reaching the mountaintop, he raises his arms and shouts "I am here! Why is this thing in my bellybutton?". And a great silence falls as the clouds rush to the corners of skies. A mist forms in the air above the mountaintop.
In the mist a shape begins to take form - tiny particles of gold are falling into a gnat-swarm which is centering into a cylinder, in which is forming a golden screwdriver, taller than a short man.
The mist clears and the screwdriver floats toward the unresisting questioner. It engages with the screwhead and turns. Once. Twice. Thrice.
And his ass falls off.
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And his ass falls off.
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@Tsaukpaetra what'd you think the screw was doing?
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra what'd you think the screw was doing?
Nothing. The screw is not something that acts, but must be acted upon.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra what'd you think the screw was doing?
Nothing. The screw is not something that acts, but must be acted upon.
Indeed. His ass was acting upon it, however, due to the weight of asses. It in turn, via a contrivance, acted, until removal, to resist that weight.
Upon the intervention of turning the screw, however, this situation changed... and not for the better!
At this point, the Demon of Screws, Skurzywywex, foul converter of sacred, cycling torque to transient, filthy linear impulse, took his advantage. The fiend acted, changing what would have been a harmless rotation, into a devil-driven push.
And his ass fell off.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And his ass fell off.
I... see.... Ha. Ha. Ha.
Did I ever tell you the story of The Man With The Shaggy Dog?
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@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And his ass fell off.
I... see.... Ha. Ha. Ha.
Did I ever tell you the story of The Man With The Shaggy Dog?
Me, personally? Not according to my recollection. Is it a bad joke though?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Tsaukpaetra said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gribnit said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
And his ass fell off.
I... see.... Ha. Ha. Ha.
Did I ever tell you the story of The Man With The Shaggy Dog?
Me, personally? Not according to my recollection. Is it a bad joke though?
So there was this guy, right? Dog-lover, but, mostly just the one dog on account of its shagginess. You would not believe, however, the degree of shag on this dog. Or, at least not readily. You see, this dog's shagginess transcended simple hairiness, fluffiness, or what-have-you. This was not merely a coat of fur, and mane would hardly do. This was the equivalent of as many coats of fur, as coats of paint you might apply to the walls of a house over the course of an entire civilization, were any house to survive the entire span (if any exist, they are most likely in Rome). "Fuzziness" would be an act of understatement so atrocious as to justify the speaker's immediate murder in anyone's eyes. This was, by any sane estimate, a shaggy dog, and extremely so.
With me so far?
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