The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
-
@Arantor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@HardwareGeek does the phrase “you’re pulling my leg” mean anything in the context of “you’re having me on” or similar?
Yes. Trivia side note is that usage of this phrase was one of the points that exposed Carlos Castaneda as a hoaxster. Carlos, don Juan and don Genaro were ostensibly speaking in Spanish, which Carlos translated for the book. However, don Juan used the phrase "pulling his leg", and don Genaro replied, "You better be careful, or you'll pull it right out." This exchange would not have made sense in Spanish, so it suggested that the original language of the conversation (if it had existed at all) was English, not Spanish.
-
Because of gambling, I no longer see my wife and children.
I won the lottery and moved to Hawaii.
-
I burned 2,000 calories today.
I shouldn't have left the brownies in the oven while I took a nap.
-
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.
-
-
Why has Barbie never been pregnant?
.
Ken comes in a different box.
-
Mark Thomas Griffin, better known as MC 900 Ft. Jesus, is an American rapper based in Dallas, Texas.
He was less successful in Europe where he was known as MC 276.9 meter Jesus
-
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
.
The wheelchair.
-
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
What part of a vegetable can't you eat?
.
The wheelchair.
@boomzilla's off color jokes topic is
-
When I'm dating a woman I treat her like a little toe.
.
I bang her on all the furniture.
-
@Gern_Blaanston People used to ask me if the woman I was seeing was good in bed. I'd tell them we hadn't been together long enough to know that, but she was great on the coffee table.
-
It seems like nothing is made in the U.S. any more. I bought a television and it says on the box "Built in antenna".
I'm a little embarrassed to say, but I don't even know where that is.
-
@Gern_Blaanston Let me inform you: it is in New Mexico. And has an extremely low rating, so
https://www.google.de/maps/place/Antenna+Hill/@35.1191639,-108.542777,13z/data=!4m6!3m5!1s0x87245ed8cca920df:0x9e036a63b63afdf7!8m2!3d35.1208669!4d-108.5047969!16s%2Fg%2F1vysw_d8?entry=ttu
-
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records.
.
But the librarian made me take it out.
-
What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?
.
I've never had a kidney bean on my face.
-
@Gern_Blaanston Neighborhood near me has a flock of wild peacocks and their mates and offspring. When the young'uns are out, people passing through delight in throwing them bread crusts. One of these days I want to take some hummus over there and find out if peachicks will eat chickpeas.
-
It is common for actors and musicians to adopt a "stage name".
John Wayne. Real name Marion Morrison.
Elton John. Real name Reginald Dwight.
Vin Diesel. Real name Vin Regular Unleaded.
-
@Gern_Blaanston in Elton’s case it wasn’t just a stage name but a legally recognised name change in 1972. But I know, and all that.
Mind you, his new middle name is Hercules after his cat so, uh…
-
Huh. I believed Meat Loaf's legal name was also Meat Loaf. But the never-erring source of knowledge that is Wikipedia does not mention this. It does mention he changed his name from Marvin to Michael (Aday).
-
@Zecc I don’t think he ever actually changed his name to Meat Loaf - the change to Michael was already after he was famous.
-
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
It is common for actors and musicians to adopt a "stage name".
John Wayne. Real name Marion Morrison.
Elton John. Real name Reginald Dwight.
Vin Diesel. Real name Vin Regular Unleaded.
Michael J Fox. Real name Michael A. Fox.
Cilla Black. Real name Priscilla White.
-
-
-
-
I went to McDonald's and ordered 2 large fries.
.
The bastards gave me a hundred little ones.
-
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I went to McDonald's and ordered 2 large fries.
.
The bastards gave me a hundred little ones.
And a good two thirds of them not even in the little sleeve-cup things but rather loose in the bottom of the bag.
-
@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I went to McDonald's and ordered 2 large fries.
.
The bastards gave me a hundred little ones.
And a good two thirds of them not even in the little sleeve-cup things but rather loose in the bottom of the bag.
Round here they give you the little sleeve-cup things full of fries then wrapped in their own paper bag so the fries can’t escape.
-
@Arantor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I went to McDonald's and ordered 2 large fries.
.
The bastards gave me a hundred little ones.
And a good two thirds of them not even in the little sleeve-cup things but rather loose in the bottom of the bag.
Round here they give you the little sleeve-cup things full of fries then wrapped in their own paper bag so the fries can’t escape.
Ooh, proper mama's little favorite, are we?
-
@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Arantor said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I went to McDonald's and ordered 2 large fries.
.
The bastards gave me a hundred little ones.
And a good two thirds of them not even in the little sleeve-cup things but rather loose in the bottom of the bag.
Round here they give you the little sleeve-cup things full of fries then wrapped in their own paper bag so the fries can’t escape.
Ooh, proper mama's little favorite, are we?
Distinctly not-my-local does it as well so I don’t think I’m special here.
-
@Arantor There's one US burger chain (5 Guys, IIRC; I haven't been there in several years) that puts the overflowing thing of fries in the bag — then dumps more fries on top. Nice if you don't care about calories or carbs; kinda wasteful if you don't want that many.
-
@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Arantor There's one US burger chain (5 Guys, IIRC; I haven't been there in several years) that puts the overflowing thing of fries in the bag — then dumps more fries on top. Nice if you don't care about calories or carbs; kinda wasteful if you don't want that many.
Also wasteful as the grease from the fries soaks through the bag so the bottom falls out of the whole thing as the DoorDash guy hands it to you on your front porch. (Me. I'm the DoorDash guy in this situation. And I don't think there's any "overflowing thing of fries" when I've picked up at Five Guys;they just put your burger at the bottom of the bag and dump a bunch of fries on top of it.
-
@da-Doctah said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@HardwareGeek said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
@Arantor There's one US burger chain (5 Guys, IIRC; I haven't been there in several years) that puts the overflowing thing of fries in the bag — then dumps more fries on top. Nice if you don't care about calories or carbs; kinda wasteful if you don't want that many.
Also wasteful as the grease from the fries soaks through the bag so the bottom falls out of the whole thing as the DoorDash guy hands it to you on your front porch. (Me. I'm the DoorDash guy in this situation. And I don't think there's any "overflowing thing of fries" when I've picked up at Five Guys;they just put your burger at the bottom of the bag and dump a bunch of fries on top of it.
Yeah, learn how to handle baggage properly, pleb!
-
In his later years, Beethoven was so deaf he thought he was painting.
-
If Elon Musk knew anything about marketing he would adopt this as his slogan for the month of December:
It's time to put the X back in Xmas.
-
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
If Elon Musk knew anything about marketing he would adopt this as his slogan for the month of December:
It's time to put the X back in Xmas.
But we know he doesn’t, because only a fool would buy a globally recognised brand, and rebrand it with the most generic name possible.
It would be a bad joke if it weren’t real.
-
-
Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon, when Billy Bob said, “Ya' know sumthin', Luther, I reckon I'm 'bout ready fur a vacation, only this time I'm gonna' do it little different."
“Last few years," he said, "I took yur advice about where to go. Three years ago, you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii, and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year, you suggested Tahiti, and durned if Earline didn't get pregnant again. I ain't gonna do THAT agin."
Luther asked Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna' do this year that's differnt?"
Billy Bob replied, "This year I'm taking Earline with me."
-
@boomzilla meanwhile, Luther goes to Wittenberg every year.
-
@remi womp womp.
-
C, E-flat, and G walked into a bar.
The bartender said, "We don't serve minors here," so E-flat left.
C and G split a fifth.
-
@HardwareGeek And if G would just have lowered their tone a bit, it could all have been diminished.
-
Three logicians walked into a bar.
The bartender asks: "Will you all be having a beer?"
The first one says: "I don't know."
The second: "I don't know either."
The third: "Yes."
-
I got a new hampster
There's no p in hamster
Yes there is, just squeeze him a little.
-
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I got a new hampster
There's no p in hamster
Yes there is, just squeeze him a little.
Been there. Done that.
https://what.thedailywtf.com/topic/12685/the-official-funny-stuff-thread/39253?_=1703121608721#
-
-
article @Gern_Blaanston posted in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
whether he cheated using anal beads
-
-
I need a date for Valentine's Day.
February 14.
-
@Gern_Blaanston said in The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨:
I need a date for Valentine's Day.
February 14.
Classic
-