Programming Confessions Thread
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My real confession: I haven't done any professional programming in over a year, and I don't know if I will ever get back to it. I spent over a year trying to find work, but, well, I have 'eclectic tastes' and am a 'jack-of-all-trades type', in an industry that seems to prize 'solid experience in X' over actually knowing anything.
Of course, 'eclectic' and 'JoAT' don't sounds so bad, unless they are really (as is the case with me) code phrases for 'rampant Attention Deficit Disorder' and 'crippling fear of success'. Sort of a problem, that.
So... now I am (on the advice of just about everyone who knows me) applying for Social Security Disability, and in fact I'm already on the first appeal. It feels like giving up, as if I am admitting that I am nothing more than a freeloading fuck up, but... well, maybe it's time I admitted that I am a freeloading fuckup and just moved on.
I hate my life more every fucking day. The only light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train marked 'Transition', which is something that I am terrified of doing but at the same time am increasingly convinced may be the thing I need to do most of all if I am ever to get my life back together.
Like my possible future namesake, I have fallen down the rabbit hole and have no idea where I am.
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If you don't mind my asking, what's your disability?
EDIT: the awesome thing about Discourse is that people are "liking" your depression self-hatred and fear of change. That "like" terminology, great idea. And people think I'm a dick.
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"liking" your depression self-hatred and fear of change
Well, that or something else inside the post. It's so up to interpretation if that's the exact reason it's being liked.
Personally, I liked for the "JoAT" Acronym, for example. But that's not really given with a simple Like indicator...
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Major depressive disorder, primarily, with a host of anxiety and panic disorders mixed in.
I would say my appearance would be part of it, but apparently that's more in the way of a delusion; most people say I look like any other overweight nerd, whereas what I see in the mirror resembles an HR Gieger portrait of the love child of Baron Harkonnen and Cthulhu painted 3 days into a Peyote and crystal meth bender.
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Well, the thing is it isn't as if I'm hallucinating; I see my face as it actually appears, but in my mind I interpret my appearance as something hideous.
Let me put it to you this way: I have a younger brother, and the two of us resemble each other a great deal. Whereas I think he looks okay for the most part, I think of my own appearance as being unspeakably terrible, monstrous even, despite the fact that we are so similar that people often have to do a double take to tell us apart. I know it is not the truth yet I cannot change this view of myself no matter what.
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Major depressive disorder, primarily, with a host of anxiety and panic disorders mixed in.
Sorry to hear that. I've been there. I'm still kind of there.
what I see in the mirror resembles an HR Gieger portrait of the love child of Baron Harkonnen and Cthulhu painted 3 days into a Peyote and crystal meth bender.
I have never wanted to see a piece of art commissioned more.
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cannot change this view of myself
Sometimes I wonder if this is one of the rules in my Censor. It is very difficult for me to imagine my physical self. Having a mirror helps, but... If this were the Matrix I probably wouldn't have much more than a nose if I wasn't thinking about it.
Eye contact is also a thing, it's difficult to hold with others because it acknowledges that they can see me....
And now I'm sad.
Well, on to homework!
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I see my face as it actually appears, but in my mind I interpret my appearance as something hideous.
That sounds like some sort of body dysmorphia, similar to anorexia. Tough one to get over, especially when you know very well that there's a disconnect between what you see and how you see it.
Hang in there, dude. It's a tough road but it is possible to fight your way out of all the depression shit.
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Whereas I think he looks okay for the most part, I think of my own appearance as being unspeakably terrible, monstrous even
Ouch, that hits close to home -- I had similar issues when I was anorexic when I was younger. While I'm still terribly insecure these days, I've gotten better at grounding myself in realism, reminding myself I can't be literally the worst person to ever exist because obviously Hitler existed too, et cetera.
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That sounds like some sort of body dysmorphia, similar to anorexia. Tough one to get over, especially when you know very well that there's a disconnect between what you see and how you see it.
QFT.
As for being scared of transition... well, the one time (well, two, but the first time was just a wig and some lipstick) I tried to experiment with a more feminine appearance using makeup - just this past week, in fact - I looked, well, not attractive, but... I dunno, human, at least? The monster was hidden, maybe not even there. It didn't even occur to me until later, and that actually frightened me enough that I haven't done it since. I want to, badly, but it was a bit much to take in.
Maybe today.
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Go for it. Try it in private, see if you like it and move on to public if and when you feel comfortable. Life's too short to feel like you're not you
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Mostly it sounds like you just didn't see you in that reflection. Wear the persona everyday, and that'd change, and I suspect you'd be right back where you started.
If your brother's appearance is so similar to your own but there's that huge difference in how you perceive him vs. yourself, I don't think that it's your physical appearance that bothers you so much as that it represents you - who you really are underneath it.
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I wonder if, while taking advantage of the respite that the feminine persona grants, it'd be easier to start in on the psychological aspects and make some headway on the journey toward self-love? I ended up getting rid of mirrors and scales for a while so I could stop noticing how fat I was getting during recovery. I still don't own a scale, and on bad days, I avoid looking at myself too long, but I do take effort to pretty up my hair on good days.
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they just list-off features that Visual Studio already has and has had for decades
I've used both for periods of time. Now I don't use Resharper. I don't really miss it.
By the time I stopped using Resharper, intellisense had improved drastically, and the refactoring tools in VS were more in front of me, being in the right click menu now. I think that Resharper caused VS to put its tools up front, which is a good thing.
The only thing I miss is that Resharper let you navigate per CamelCase in each word with Ctrl+Arrow. It stinks that I can't Ctrl+Arrow navigate into a word.
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can't be literally the worst person to ever exist because obviously Hitler existed too, et cetera.
Not if you gained the weight by devouring countless jewsy cupcakes.
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taking advantage of the respite that the feminine persona grants
Possible. But, if that's all it is, he could probably get a similar dissociation from the self-image he previously associated with just by changing hairstyle, facial hair, glasses, clothing style, etc.
Also, apparently, choosing to be a transgender woman only temporarily really bothers people, on both sides of the issue.
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Find some horses. Seriously. Find somebody who has three or four horses in a paddock, and go there, and spend an hour or two just hanging out with the horses while they do their horses in a paddock going about their daily lives thing.
I don't know what it is about horses, but being close to them makes it really fucking hard to stay miserable, and the effect persists for at least several days after a visit.
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Mohawk time.
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I once wrote a loop in JavaScript that wasn't optimal.
The next day I was tired and I used a jQuery function. I felt disgusted with myself for months on end. Chrome was telling me via the profiler I was a jQuery whore.
I don't think I will ever get over the fact I used $.each .. because it is 8 times slower than a proper for loop.
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Surprised Fox isn't in here telling us how the hairstyle "mohawk" is cultural appropriation.
I guess he's too busy waiting in line to use an elevator.
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Here's another one: I've had the concept of "dependency injection" explained to me about half a dozen times by half a dozen people, and I still don't really understand what it is, or why I would want to use it in my own code. I especially don't understand IoC (Inversion Of Control) containers.
Do you understand the difference between a framework and a library?
A framework is a "program" (whether it's an executable or library is somewhat irrelevant) that calls on functions that are not defined at writing time. So the point is, you fill in stub functions, and then your framework calls them to produce a fully functioning "product".
In other words, a framework is like the template pattern on steroids.
This is an "inversion of control," because the framework's executable is in charge of flow control, and directs the control of flow into your code at the appropriate times.
Frameworks are just a single example of a more general phenomenon where you pass methods around as arguments to other methods. There's basically only one thing a method can do if it is passed another method as an argument, and that is to call it (or not) at the appropriate time. That outer method (the caller) is in control.
I don't put all of my queries in a DAO.
dun dun dun
I am a Java developer, and I work with Oracle databases.
I said DUN DUN DUN
I write (and enjoy!!) PHP stuff in my spare time because it's more interesting than my day job.
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A framework is a "program" (whether it's an executable or library is somewhat irrelevant) that calls on functions that are not defined at writing time. So the point is, you fill in stub functions, and then your framework calls them to produce a fully functioning "product".
Really.
Because the framework I use 99.5% of the time, the .net framework, is pretty explicitly not that.
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>I don't put all of my queries in a DAO.
Serious question, do people actually do this? Does it make it impossible to find what you're looking for among similarly named methods? Are all of your queries just super generic CRUD sorts of things? It really seems like an anti-pattern to me.
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Great, Microsoft re-defines decades old language again.
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You're one of those people who could explain something I understand perfectly, and I'd come out of it with no idea
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I was just teasing. Most of my queries are either written in a type safe SQL emitter or just raw sql if the emitter isn't expressive enough.
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I didn't take it personally, but I hear people talk about this sort of thing and it's always made me wonder about people like that. They probably insist on folding their underwear, too.
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Wikipedia says the .net Framework is a "software framework", but whatever. I guess it's true in the loosest possible sense. Whatever.
Point is, I use it all the fucking time, and rarely do I pass methods in to other methods.
I like how the Wikipedia people thing the "OMG proprietary!!!!" pointless open source scare is so notable, they put it above the Contents:
.NET Framework started out as a proprietary framework, although the company worked to standardize the software stack almost immediately, even before its first release. Despite the standardization efforts, developers – particularly those in the free and open-source software communities—expressed their uneasiness with the selected terms and the prospects of any free and open-source implementation, especially with regard to software patents. Since then, Microsoft has changed .NET development to more closely follow a contemporary model of a community-developed software project, including issuing an update to its patent that promises to address the concerns.
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I can see the attraction. I hate having to write ad hoc parsers and all those lame accessor methods.
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Eh...what? I get the feeling we're talking about two separate things now.
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I can see the attraction for programmatically generated data access objects, since otherwise I have to write a parser or traversal for the data I'm slurping up and I hate doing ad hoc parsers with OO tools.
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Point is, I use it all the fucking time, and rarely do I pass methods in to other methods.
You don't usually have to pass methods in yourself. They're passed in for you by the framework. For example, most web frameworks are designed so that the handlers are passed into the router/dispatcher. The router/dispatcher knows when to call each handler, by inspecting the request.
So, you'd write the handler (the callee code), and the dispatcher calls it on your behalf when the time is right.
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They probably insist on folding their underwear, too.
Although I actually roll it, along with socks, pants, and shirt, for a Full Package.
and 
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You don't usually have to pass methods in yourself.
This is an "inversion of control," because the framework's executable is in charge of flow control, and directs the control of flow into your code at the appropriate times.
Frameworks are just a single example of a more general phenomenon where you pass methods around as arguments to other methods.
RECONCILE THESE TWO QUOTES.
And also I 100% agree with Jaloopa when he said:
You're one of those people who could explain something I understand perfectly, and I'd come out of it with no idea
Seriously, you're fucking awful at explaining stuff.
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RECONCILE THESE TWO QUOTES.
It's a function of your literacy.
Frameworks are just a single example of a more general phenomenon where you pass methods around as arguments to other methods.
He's saying the framework passes methods around.
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Wikipedia says the .net Framework is a "software framework", but whatever. I guess it's true in the loosest possible sense. Whatever.
In that particular context of IOC framework vs library, .NET is a library, because you choose the functions from it and call them.
This is not the only context in which these words are used, and often they mean the same, with "framework" being a "big library". The creators of .NET saw it is a "big library" and called it .NET framework.
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Since when is a framework a "you"?
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RECONCILE THESE TWO QUOTES.
THEY ARE NOT INCOMPATIBLE.
A framework is a thing. Another thing is more general and has features that frameworks don't.
A framework typically passes the method around for you. It is an example of inversion of control, since the pre-written framework is in charge of flow control.
There are other examples of inversion of control, and they all happen because methods are getting passed around. By you or by whoever wrote the library in the first place.
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Since when is a framework a "you"?
It happens when you learn language and how context changes the meanings of words.
I mean...not you you.
Obviously.
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Chrome was telling me via the profiler I was a jQuery whore.
I hear they're taking that message out in Chrome 52.
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Yes they are,
They are replacing it with the word "dickhead 60hz"
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BTW if anyone thinks I am being disingenuous 60hz on apps is a real thing.
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Maybe, I honestly think repaint is a bigger problem in terms of performance than jquery functions.
It depends what you are doing. In the forum case, it has to fucking reload everything that it thinks is relevant to the thread on every scroll ... which is massively inefficient.
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It depends what you are doing.
This page? Displaying a datatable. ;)
I don't have enough prowess yet to do things like browser games etc.
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[quote="Tsaukpaetra, post:248, topic:2974"]
This page? Displaying a datatable.
[/q]The magic word "depends" (in regard you what you are trying to achieve).
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The magic word "depends" (in regard you what you are trying to achieve).
Apologies. It appeared you were querying for clarification in order to provide more accurate feedback. My bad.
Software framework - Wikipedia
