The Sexy Washington Sexy Triangle: How sexy Hanzo sexily journeyed to sexy America

  • Continuing the discussion from Nulltastic!:

    @JazzyJosh said:

    A month ago when I was flying back from TI4, AA informed me 30 minutes before my connecting flight left that I could find my baggage at baggage claim November-Uniform-Lima-Lima. How nice of them to let me know my baggage was lost already 😃

    At least when we landed they gave me the right number.


    Like a sexy ninja in the night, Hanz M., AKA Hanzo, stalks across Hesse University’s sexy Dresden campus. The go-to man in the sexy IT department, he fixes the messes that others leave behind. These are his sexy stories.

    It was a cold dark unsexy night. The moon was obscured by clouds, so no matter how many sexy dinner plates it looked like, nobody would know for sure. Seattle slept the miserable, sweaty sleep of the host for a giant convention of people who hate each other being generally horrible to each other.

    Hanzo stalked across the seattle rooftops, silent and unseen, as if his windwalk lasted forever and had no cooldown. He knew his time was short, for he must find the gem before it was reclaimed, and all hope was lost. Without doubt, he traversed the city to the airport. He knew that everything depended on him, and he would not fail.

    While to the normal eye the streets of seattle were relatively peaceful, with only the traffic of a city at night disturbing the air, Hanzo saw the truth. The city was infested with demonic demons. He did not fear, for he had both Sange and Yasha, the 2 blade combination giving him more than an overwhelming advantage against the beasts.

    So he crossed the city silently, slaying demon after demonic demon, leaving nothing in his wake but ash and the clink of gold, it mattered not now, he had all he needed. The gem was the only thing that still meant anything, and he knew that would be at the airport.

    After many hours and the death of thousands of demons, he arrived at the airport, silent, stealthy, sexy. He ghosted through security unnoticed, and crept directly into the guts of the airport, he knew his quarry was close now, and he knew time was getting most short.

    Through the crampt corridors he stalked, until he found the baggage handling conveyors, he knew it was just a matter of waiting now, and the gem would be his. Each item was fitted with a geo-location tag for transit. The airport had lost so much baggage in the past that it was worth the investment whilst the baggage was in their care. Airport staff had real-time knowledge of the location of all bags, and could inform travellers as required where there bags were currently. Hanzo knew all this, and thought on it, for if the bag's owner knew the gem was gone too soon, then perhaps all would be lost. He was not concerned however, or fearful, for he was a sexy ninja, and that was not his way.

    Eventually, the bag he searched for passed by, without a second's thought, he grabbed the bag from the conveyor and took it to a quiet area, he used his ninja sight to check, and discovered the bag had already been marked as moved unexpectedly. This was problematic, as the baggage wyverns would soon arrive to return it to the conveyor system, and he was not equipped to deal with that yet. Particularly if the wyverns knew what he sought. He quickly returned the bag to the conveyor, cancelling any warnings in the system, and realised he had only one option. He grasped the bag tightly, and stepped into the ninja dimension. This was his only option to prevent any interference as he worked. His ninja sight confirmed it, the bag's location was listed as NULL, all was well.

    He searched the bag and found the gem he needed, and destroyed it. Never again would his enemies be able to know his presence and marshal their forces against him, he would once again be a ninja in the night. He returned from the ninja dimensions and placed the bag down, his task complete.

    Hanzo sped away, his feet making no sound, and his sexy passage went unnoticed. demons fell unknowing of their slayers, and Hanzo was unstoppable.

    The next day, Hanzo returned to Hesse, his task complete. All that demon slaying had given him an appetite for some heavy duty sexy disk defragging. He was going to defrag those disks so hard their entire raid array would get an STD. The sun burned away all the clouds, and by the end of the day, the sky was clear, and the moon rose big, full and round, like the sexiest dinner plate the world had ever seen.

    Hanzo looked up, and knew it as a sign of a job well done. Gertrude would be most pleased.

  • Never thought I'd see TheDailyWTF fanfiction.

  • SockDev

    8/10 would read again, needs more Five Rings.

  • @Zacrath said:

    Never thought I'd see TheDailyWTF fanfiction.

    This is like the 4th/5th of these I've done. all of them are BrillantTM

  • mod

    Wait, the title says "How **** Hanzo journeyed to America", but it starts with him in America. I reject this story for lack of an accurate title!

  • it tells of his exploits in america, the title may be misleading, but it is a common title phrasing style, particularly among older missives

  • Here is a citation, a bad citation, but a citation:

  • @abarker said:

    I reject this story for lack of an accurate title!

    I reject your rejection of an accurate front pagination.

  • I thought at least @ben_lubar would get hot under the collar for this one. Only 1 like? maybe this thankless task is even more thankless than I originally thought.

    -1, considering not writing again.

  • @algorythmics said:

    -1, considering not writing again.

    NOnononon! C'mon people. Show the love!

    Maybe they don't realize that you can like the OP. LIKE THE OP DAMMIT.

  • mod

    Ok, fine. I'll do it. For the likes!

  • OP does tend to be a fucking dick.

  • @algorythmics said:

    OP does tend to be a fucking dick.

    He likes to make us think so, anyways.

  • what is this i don't even

    EDIT: This is great. The title threw me off, thus the above sentence.

  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    You understand our intentions wrong. We want you to write again so we are sparse with likes. Now you will want more likes and write more stories (with more 5 Ring-Books, as @Arantor rightfully mentioned).

    Filed Under: Maybe reverse psychology

  • @algorythmics said:

    He grasped the bag tightly, and stepped into the ninja dimension. This was his only option to prevent any interference as he worked. His ninja sight confirmed it, the bag's location was listed as NULL, all was well.

    You had me at NULL.

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