How can you be this stupid




  • ...and still be a functional adult?

    Setting: int. Lunch area/kitchen. mikeTheLiar, a suave, sexy, and intelligent son of a bitch is eating lunch. Senior Recruiter, a kind, matronly woman, is preparing hers. Enter Staffing Coordinator, a glorified secretary with a BA.

    SC: 40 times hourly divided by 50.

    SR looks up.

    SC:(repeats) 40 times hourly divided by 50.

    SR: What are you trying to figure out?

    SC: Yearly income. It's 40 times hourly divided by 50, right?

    mikeTheLiar and Senior Recruiter share a look.

    SR: No, honey, it's times 50. 40 hours a week times 50 working weeks in a year, times hourly.

    Staffing Coordinator looks confused.

    SR: 40 hours in a week and 50 working weeks in a year.

    Staffing Coordinator looks confused.

    mikeTheLiar: I usually just multiply by two and add three zeros. Roughly 2000 working hours in a year.

    Staffing Coordinator looks confused. Senior Recruiter nods in agreement. Staffing Coordinator clearly doesn't understand, but is too embarrassed to admit it.

    SC: Okay...

    Exit Staffing Coordinator. mikeTheLiar and Senior Recruiter share another look.

    Scene fades to black.

    This is the same girl who flooded the kitchen by using hand soap in the dishwasher, and broke the shredder trying to shred ~50 sheets of paper at once. How she's survived this long is a mystery. It's only a matter of time before she darts into traffic, falls down a manhole into a meat grinder. She'd be more useful as cat food.



  • Lemme guess. The glorified secretary is a bit of a looker. Mike should apply his suavity to help her understand numbers in the hours after work.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    ...and still be a functional adult?
    FTFY. Obviously, she's not.

     


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    son of a bitch

    You're too hard on Mike's mom.



  • @joe.edwards said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:
    son of a bitch

    You're too hard on Mike's mom.

    No, I'm really not.
    @joe.edwards said:
    Filed under: Like I was last night

    Hope you showed her a good time. Although, given the fact that she has WKS-caused dementia, she probably doesn't remember it today. Or even 5 minutes after the fact.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    she has WKS-caused dementia
    @Wackypedia said:

     WKS is most commonly seen in alcoholic patients

    Apparently having you as a son is a bit difficult.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    she has WKS-caused dementia
    @Wackypedia said:

     WKS is most commonly seen in alcoholic patients

    Apparently having you as a son is a bit difficult.


    @blakeyrat said:
    mikeTheLiar you're the worst of the worst.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    she has WKS-caused dementia
    @Wackypedia said:
    WKS is most commonly seen in alcoholic patients
    Apparently having you as a son is a bit difficult.


    @blakeyrat said:
    mikeTheLiar you're the worst of the worst.
    So, Blakeyrat is your father?

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    she has WKS-caused dementia
    @Wackypedia said:
    WKS is most commonly seen in alcoholic patients
    Apparently having you as a son is a bit difficult.


    @blakeyrat said:
    mikeTheLiar you're the worst of the worst.
    So, Blakeyrat is your father? That explains a lot
    Including why his mom drinks.



  • Joke heard from my niece the other day:

    3 young (talking) cows are standing in a field with their (also talking) mother; the the oldest one asks "Why did you name me 'Rose'?"

    The mother replies, "Because just after you were born, a rose petal landed on your head."

    The middle one asks, "So did a daisy petal land on me?", "Yes, that's why I named you Daisy."

    The youngest says "Hurrrr derp derrr duhhh mok mok mok durrr.", "Hush now Cinderblock."



  • I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.

     



  • @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.

    But doing so can suck when they just put in the dollar amount then add that change to what you handed to them to give back (has happened repeatedly to me).



  • @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.


    That requires pennies, though. Fuck pennies.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.


    That requires pennies, though. Fuck pennies.

    They're worth less than the metal they're made of. How is that even possible?



  • @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.

     

     

    What is this 'cash' that you talk about? Cents? Why would you pay $0.25 more than you have to? I am wildly confused.

     



  •  It's like they live outside space-time


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Scumspawn said:

     It's like they live outside space-time


    Listen: Nexzus has come unstuck in time.



  • @pbean said:

    @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.

     

     

    What is this 'cash' that you talk about? Cents? Why would you pay $0.25 more than you have to? I am wildly confused.

    The total is 4.88. If I give a 5 dollar bill, I get back 3 coins which I have to carry around like a sucker. If I have 5.13, I can efficiencize down 3 (or 4, if 2 nickels were tendered) coins. I hate carrying coins.

    The whole point is moot now anyway, as:

    1) Canada abolished the penny - rounding (cash) transactions to the nearest nickel. This pisses me off as some retailers will use the cash amount for electronic transactions. Fuck you Dairy Queen. The price for a peanut buster parfait is 5.24 tax-in. Why the fuck are you charging my debit card 5.25?

    2) As mentioned, I use cash rarely - about once every 2 months. (though I do have an emergency stash at home)



  • @joe.edwards said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:
    @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.


    That requires pennies, though. Fuck pennies.

    They're worth less than the metal they're made of. How is that even possible?
     

    There's more than one cent worth of copper in a penny, but the cost to get the copper out of the alloy is more than the metal value of the copper.  Conspiracy theorists might say we phased out the penny so the government will have all that copper when it becomes economical to refine it. 

     



  • @Nexzus said:

    As mentioned, I use cash rarely - about once every 2 months. (though I do have an emergency stash at home)

    Please kindly provide your address and regular schedule, so we can keep an eye on that stash for you while you are not at home.



  • @rampaging-poet said:

    There's more than one cent worth of copper in a penny, but the cost to get the copper out of the alloy is more than the metal value of the copper.

    That's what they said about tar sands, yet this:




  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Ronald said:

    @rampaging-poet said:

    There's more than one cent worth of copper in a penny, but the cost to get the copper out of the alloy is more than the metal value of the copper.

    That's what they said about tar sands, yet this:



    Yes, well, that was before oil became so expensive. Tar sands oil's costs a few years ago were something like $70/bbl. Obviously that's not competitive with regular oil at $20/bbl, but when it's over $100...


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    50 working weeks in a year
    Is that company or employee working weeks? I'm hoping it's the former...



  • @PJH said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:
    50 working weeks in a year
    Is that company or employee working weeks? I'm hoping it's the former...

    Extended vacation? This is America. I haven't had more than 9 days off in a row since 10th grade.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    @PJH said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    50 working weeks in a year
    Is that company or employee working weeks? I'm hoping it's the former...

    Extended vacation? This is America. I haven't had more than 9 days off in a row since 10th grade.

    Wait what? 52 calendar weeks a year. FTE would get all those; contractors would miss out on ~10 days of public holidays which would make it exactly 50 working weeks. All close enough for back-of-the-envelope calculations.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @mikeTheLiar said:

    Extended vacation? This is America. I haven't had more than 9 days off in a row since 10th grade.
    Work to live, don't live to work. You want personal time to enjoy that money you're making…



  • @Zemm said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:
    @PJH said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    50 working weeks in a year
    Is that company or employee working weeks? I'm hoping it's the former...

    Extended vacation? This is America. I haven't had more than 9 days off in a row since 10th grade.

    Wait what? 52 calendar weeks a year. FTE would get all those; contractors would miss out on ~10 days of public holidays which would make it exactly 50 working weeks. All close enough for back-of-the-envelope calculations.


    We're in agreement. I misunderstood the point you were trying to make, I thought it was a "Europeans get more vacation time than those stupid workaholic Americans" dig. Moving on.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    @Zemm said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    @PJH said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    50 working weeks in a year
    Is that company or employee working weeks? I'm hoping it's the former...

    Extended vacation? This is America. I haven't had more than 9 days off in a row since 10th grade.

    Wait what? 52 calendar weeks a year. FTE would get all those; contractors would miss out on ~10 days of public holidays which would make it exactly 50 working weeks. All close enough for back-of-the-envelope calculations.


    We're in agreement. I misunderstood the point you were trying to make, I thought it was a "Europeans get more vacation time than those stupid workaholic Americans" dig. Moving on.

    I KNEW IT! Australia (where Z is from) is that place in Europe where they have nazis, strudels and kangaroos. That explains why Australians on this forum are usually wrong.



  • @locallunatic said:

    But doing so can suck when they just put in the dollar amount then add that change to what you handed to them to give back (has happened repeatedly to me).
    you then hand them the coins back and ask for your quarter (or dollar or what have you).



  • @Ronald said:

    @mikeTheLiar said:
    @Zemm said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    @PJH said:
    @mikeTheLiar said:
    50 working weeks in a year
    Is that company or employee working weeks? I'm hoping it's the former...

    Extended vacation? This is America. I haven't had more than 9 days off in a row since 10th grade.

    Wait what? 52 calendar weeks a year. FTE would get all those; contractors would miss out on ~10 days of public holidays which would make it exactly 50 working weeks. All close enough for back-of-the-envelope calculations.


    We're in agreement. I misunderstood the point you were trying to make, I thought it was a "Europeans get more vacation time than those stupid workaholic Americans" dig. Moving on.

    I KNEW IT! Australia (where Z is from) is that place in Europe where they have nazis, strudels and kangaroos. That explains why Australians on this forum are usually wrong.

    I'm also known as PJH.



  • @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.

     And back when I still cashiered from time to time, customers under retirement age would be utterly confused when I'd count change back the old fashioned way, up from their total.

    Older customers were always mightily impressed, though, that the skill hadn't died out completely.



  • @mikeTheLiar said:

    She'd be more useful as cat food.

    But that's true of most of humanity, innit? Including, I suspect, you and I.



  • @taustin said:

    And back when I still cashiered from time to time, customers under retirement age would be utterly confused when I'd count change back the old fashioned way, up from their total.

    I'm curious, what is this way? I take it it's not simple subtraction?


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @taustin said:

    @Nexzus said:

    I rarely use cash anymore, but I always enjoyed watching cashiers heads' explode when I would round up to the next 25 cents over the next whole dollar, eg 4.88 to 5.13. They'd look at what I gave them, give a perplexed while counting it, and then give me an astonished look as they gave me back the quarter.

     And back when I still cashiered from time to time, customers under retirement age would be utterly confused when I'd count change back the old fashioned way, up from their total.

    Older customers were always mightily impressed, though, that the skill hadn't died out completely.

     

    Apparently handing people back their change, coins first, is a completely lost art now.  No, everyone's "here's your bills with your coins precariously perched upon them.  Hold it as steady as you would a bomb or a dime is going to go rolling off under the counter."



  • @Arnavion said:

    @taustin said:
    And back when I still cashiered from time to time, customers under retirement age would be utterly confused when I'd count change back the old fashioned way, up from their total.
    I'm curious, what is this way? I take it it's not simple subtraction?

    If it's what I think he is referring to it's where you give a $5 for something that was $3.55, then the change you get handed back is: 2 dimes "$3.75", a quarter "$4", and a buck "$5".



  • @Arnavion said:

    @taustin said:
    And back when I still cashiered from time to time, customers under retirement age would be utterly confused when I'd count change back the old fashioned way, up from their total.

    I'm curious, what is this way? I take it it's not simple subtraction?

    You start with the purchase price and keep adding until you reach the amount that was given to the cashier.  For example, the purchase is $12.50 and you give the cashier $20.

    They give you 50 cents.. $12.50 + .50 = $13.00

    They give you 2 one dollar bills.  $13.00 + $2.00 = $15.00

    They give you a five dollar bill.  $15.00 + $5.00 = $20.00

     

    or

     

    They give you 50 cents and an 7 dollar bill**



  • @El_Heffe said:

    You start with the purchase price and keep adding until you reach the amount that was given to the cashier.  For example, the purchase is $12.50 and you give the cashier $20.

    They give you 50 cents.. $12.50 + .50 = $13.00

    They give you 2 one dollar bills.  $13.00 + $2.00 = $15.00

    They give you a five dollar bill.  $15.00 + $5.00 = $20.00

     

    or

     

    They give you 50 cents and an 7 dollar bill**

    That sounds... backwards. Won't it be easier to first return $5 bills until you can't return any more (so only one), then $1 bills until you can't return any more (so only two), and so on? In your description it seems like the cashier has to plan ahead when determining the number of $1 bills to return so that the remaining amount can be covered by fivers.



  • @Arnavion said:

    @El_Heffe said:

    You start with the purchase price and keep adding until you reach the amount that was given to the cashier.  For example, the purchase is $12.50 and you give the cashier $20.

    They give you 50 cents.. $12.50 + .50 = $13.00

    They give you 2 one dollar bills.  $13.00 + $2.00 = $15.00

    They give you a five dollar bill.  $15.00 + $5.00 = $20.00

     

    or

     

    They give you 50 cents and an 7 dollar bill**

    That sounds... backwards. Won't it be easier to first return $5 bills until you can't return any more (so only one), then $1 bills until you can't return any more (so only two), and so on? In your description it seems like the cashier has to plan ahead when determining the number of $1 bills to return so that the remaining amount can be covered by fivers.

    Cause the math is really easy for anyone working as a cashier (or the general populous) but it is a method of showing that you aren't shorting change.  The point isn't that they are counting, it's showing that everything is there that should be.



  • @locallunatic said:

    Cause the math is really easy for anyone working as a cashier (or the general populous) but it is a method of showing that you aren't shorting change.  The point isn't that they are counting, it's showing that everything is there that should be.

    Oh okay. Gotcha. Makes sense.


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @Arnavion said:

    @locallunatic said:
    Cause the math is really easy for anyone working as a cashier (or the general populous) but it is a method of showing that you aren't shorting change.  The point isn't that they are counting, it's showing that everything is there that should be.

    Oh okay. Gotcha. Makes sense.


    It seems to imply an element of distrust. I'd rather get short-changed a couple times than deal with the added stress-bordering-on-paranoia of constantly checking that the figures add up.



  • @locallunatic said:

    @Arnavion said:

    That sounds... backwards. Won't it be easier to first return $5 bills until you can't return any more (so only one), then $1 bills until you can't return any more (so only two), and so on? In your description it seems like the cashier has to plan ahead when determining the number of $1 bills to return so that the remaining amount can be covered by fivers.
    Cause the math is really easy for anyone working as a cashier (or the general populous) but it is a method of showing that you aren't shorting change.  The point isn't that they are counting, it's showing that everything is there that should be.
    Actually, the point is that it is just counting; no math is required. Showing the customer that the correct amount is being returned is an added benefit if the counting is done out loud.

    Start with the purchase price, and add smallest denomination coins/bills until you reach an even multiple of a larger denomination, then start adding coins/bills in that denomination. Repeat until you reach the amount tendered. No math whatsoever is required of the cashier, just counting by 1/5/10/25 (or whatever increments are appropriate for the local currency), and is a useful skill to have when your POS terminal crashes.

    This assumes the customer has tendered a convenient amout. If the customer is trying to minimize small denomination pocket change by tendering an odd amount, it's a little more complicated, and may well baffle a clueless cashier.

     


  • Winner of the 2016 Presidential Election

    @HardwareGeek said:

    This assumes the customer has tendered a convenient amout. If the customer is trying to minimize small denomination pocket change by tendering an odd amount, it's a little more complicated, and may well baffle a clueless cashier.

    If only there was some system that worked with any amount that didn't involve counting. We could call it a... arith... arithme... Calculus.



  • @joe.edwards said:

    If only there was some system that worked with any amount that didn't involve counting. We could call it a... arith... arithme... Calculus.
    Doing arithmetic (without electronic assistance) is becoming a lost art. Even (most) stupid people can count, if they try hard enough.



  • @Arnavion said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    You start with the purchase price and keep adding until you reach the amount that was given to the cashier.  For example, the purchase is $12.50 and you give the cashier $20.

    They give you 50 cents.. $12.50 + .50 = $13.00

    They give you 2 one dollar bills.  $13.00 + $2.00 = $15.00

    They give you a five dollar bill.  $15.00 + $5.00 = $20.00

    That sounds... backwards.

    You could do it either way, from low to high or from high to low. That was just the first thing that pooped into my head.@Arnavion said:
    In your description it seems like the cashier has to plan ahead when determining the number of $1 bills to return so that the remaining amount can be covered by fivers.
    I don't see it as a matter of "planning ahead". You're at 13 trying to get to 20. Since there is no 7 dollar bill** your target obviously is 15 because 15 + 5 =20. So two more dollars gets you to 15 which just leaves a Five to get you to 20.  If it takes more than a few milliseconds for your brain to make that calculation, then congratualtions, you aren't even qualified for one of the lowest paying jobs around.



    ** In most areas.

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    You're at 13 trying to get to 20. Since there is no 7 dollar bill** your target obviously is 15 because 15 + 5 =20.

    That is the "planning ahead" I was referring to. Your thought process seems to be:

    • I need to go from 13 to 20
    • I'm going to add 2 * 1 to 13 to get 15
    • I'm going to add 1 * 5 to 15 to get 20
    • Goal

    My confusion was that the second step seems unfounded unless you mentally planned for step 3 first. My thought process would have been:

    • I need to go from 13 to 20
    • I'm going to subtract 1 * 5 from 20 to get 15
    • I'm going to subtract 2 * 1 from 15 to get 13
    • Goal
    The reason I only subtract 1 * 5 is because 2 * 5 would make me go overboard. Similarly I only subtract 2 * 1 because 3 * 1 would make me go overboard.

    Of course, as locallunatic pointed out to me, your calculation is for proving the change is correct, not for calculating the change. In that case counting up from 13 to 20 with small denominations before the big denominations makes sense. For calculating change I'd expect counting either up or down but with big denominations before small denominations would be easier. Maybe that's just me?



  • @Arnavion said:

    Of course, as locallunatic pointed out to me, your calculation is for proving the change is correct, not for calculating the change.
    Actually, in my view, you're doing both at the same time.

    I'm at 12.50 so I need (calculate . . . calculate . . . . calculate) 50 cents to get to the next nearest whole dollar amount  (hands customer 50 cents and says "That makes 13")

    Now I'm at 13, so the next nearest amount that is divisible by a bill denomination other than one, is 15

    So I'm at 13 with a goal of 15.  15 - 13 = 2, so I need 2 dollars  (hands customer two Ones and says "That makes 15")

    Now I'm at 15 with a goal of 20.  20 - 15 = 5  (hands customer a Five and says "That makes 20")

     

    Everyone has their own weird way of thinking about things.



  • @Arnavion said:

    That sounds... backwards. Won't it be easier to first return $5 bills until you can't return any more (so only one), then $1 bills until you can't return any more (so only two), and so on? In your description it seems like the cashier has to plan ahead when determining the number of $1 bills to return so that the remaining amount can be covered by fivers.

    As has been mentioned, it sucks when a cashier puts the coins on top of the bills. If the cashier counts out change properly (placing the coins in your palm), you can hold on to the coins with your pinky and ring finger, and easily put the bills in your wallet with the rest of your fingers and thumb. Otherwise you're fumbling around with your purchase, your wallet, and trying to balance metal coins on slipper paper, or even worse, polymer, as with new Canadian bills.



  • That image is linked as a jpg, but shows as a webp file. What sorcery is this?



  • @Buttembly Coder said:

    That image is linked as a jpg, but shows as a webp file. What sorcery is this?
    You have Opera Turbo enabled.



  • @ender said:

    @Buttembly Coder said:
    That image is linked as a jpg, but shows as a webp file. What sorcery is this?
    You have Opera Turbo enabled.

    You are very good, sir.


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