TDWTF Plays The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
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Your score is 45 of a possible 400, in 54 turns.
Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, get hints or end
this session of the game?
(Type RESTART, RESTORE, HINTS or QUIT):
>Would you like to start over, restore a saved position, get hints or end
this session of the game?
(Type RESTART, RESTORE, HINTS or QUIT):
>
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@error_bot restore
babel fish
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Please enter a filename [babel fish]: Vogon Hold Score: 45 Moves: 54
Okay.
Vogon Hold
Ford is in the corner, snoring loudly.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.>
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@error_bot put all in thing
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Vogon Hold Score: 45 Moves: 55
your gown: Done.
towel: Done.
satchel: Done.
babel fish: You'll have to remove it first.
The Hitchhiker's Guide: Done.
electronic Sub-Etha signaling device: Done.
toothbrush: Done.
flathead screwdriver: Done.An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain.
My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate
freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space.
On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first.
Repeating...">
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@error_bot wait
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Vogon Hold Score: 45 Moves: 56
Time passes...
An announcement is coming over the ship's intercom. "This is the Captain.
My instruments show that we've picked up a couple of hitchhikers. I hate
freeloaders, and when my guards find you I'll have you thrown into space.
On second thought, maybe I'll read you some of my poetry first.
Repeating...">
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@error_bot wait
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 57
Time passes...
Guards burst in and grab you and Ford, who comes slowly awake. They drag
you down the corridor to a large cabin, where they strap you into large,
menacing chairs...Captain's Quarters, in the poetry appreciation chair
This is the cabin of the Vogon Captain. You and Ford are strapped into
poetry appreciation chairs.
The Captain is indescribably hideous, indescribably blubbery, and
indescribably mid-to-dark green. He is holding samples of his favourite
poetry.>
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@error_bot wait
wait
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 59
Time passes...
"If he's going to read us his poetry," mutters Ford, sweating profusely,
"just pray he softens us up with some cudgels first...""Hello, hitchhikers!" begins the Vogon Captain. "I've decided to read you a
verse of my poetry!"> Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 45 Moves: 60
Time passes...
"Oh freddled gruntbuggly, thy nacturations are to me!"
>
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@error_bot enjoy poetry
enjoy poetry
enjoy poetry
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 61
You realise that, although the Vogon poetry is indeed astoundingly bad,
worse things happen at sea, and in fact, at school. With an effort for
which Hercules himself would have patted you on the back, you grit your
teeth and enjoy the stuff."As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee."
> Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 62
Hey, let's not overdo it, okay?
"Groop I implore thee, my foonting turlingdromes."
> Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 63
Hey, let's not overdo it, okay?
"And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, or I will rend thee
in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, see if I don't!">
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@error_bot listen
wait
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 64
(to Vogon poetry)
You have no choice. Why not relax and enjoy it?"You looked like you enjoyed my poem. I think...yes, I think I'll read the
NEXT verse, also!"> Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 65
Time passes...
"Gashee morphousite, thou expungiest quoopisk!"
>
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Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 66
Time passes...
"Bleem miserable venchit! Bleem forever mestinglish asunder frapt."
> Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 67
Time passes...
"Fripping lyshus wimbgunts, awhilst moongrovenly kormzibs."
> Captain's Quarters, in the chair Score: 60 Moves: 68
Time passes...
"Gerond withoutitude form into formless bloit, why not then? Moose."
>
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@error_bot wait
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Vogon Hold Score: 60 Moves: 69
Time passes...
"Since you have somehow managed to survive two verses of my poetry, I have
no choice but to space you. Guards!" A guard grabs you and Ford, and drags
you toward the hold. Ford whispers, "Don't worry, I'll think of something!"Vogon Hold
This is a squalid room filled with grubby mattresses, unwashed cups, and
unidentifiable bits of smelly alien underwear. A door lies to port, and an
airlock lies to starboard.
In the corner is a glass case with a switch and a keyboard.
It looks like the glass case contains:
an atomic vector plotter
Along one wall is a tall dispensing machine.The guard releases you and Ford and begins cycling the air in the airlock.
"Hey, guard!" shouts Ford, "do you really enjoy this sort of thing?
Shouting, stomping around, shooting people, is it really a fulfilling
career?">
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@error_bot type "thou"
drop thing
take vector plotter
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Vogon Hold Score: 85 Moves: 70
The glass case opens.
Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.
> Vogon Hold Score: 85 Moves: 71
It falls to the ground with a light "thunk." It doesn't do anything else at
all.Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.
> Vogon Hold Score: 85 Moves: 72
Taken.
Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.
>
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@error_bot wait
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Vogon Hold Score: 85 Moves: 73
Time passes...
Ford continues trying to talk the guard into a sudden career change.
>
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@error_bot wait
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Airlock Score: 85 Moves: 74
Time passes...
The guard says, "Well, all things considered, I guess I like being a guard.
Especially the shouting. Resistance is useless!" He throws you and Ford
into the airlock and closes the door.Airlock
This airlock has massive doors to port and starboard.Ford points at the outer door. "In about two minutes, it will open and
we'll be ejected into the vacuum of space. But don't panic, I'll think of
something.">
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@error_bot look
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Airlock Score: 85 Moves: 75
Airlock
This airlock has massive doors to port and starboard.
Ford Prefect is here.Ford is mumbling to himself.
>
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@error_bot look port door
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You used the word "port" in a way that I don't understand.
>
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@error_bot look at port door
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You used the word "port" in a way that I don't understand.
>
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@error_bot look at door
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Which door do you mean, the inner door or the outer door?
>
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@error_bot look at inner door
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Airlock Score: 85 Moves: 76
All you can tell is that the inner door is closed.
Ford produces a pencil and begins scribbling equations on the wall.
>
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@error_bot look at outer door
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Dark Score: 85 Moves: 77
All you can tell is that the outer door is closed.
Ford's eyes light up. "Do you still have the Electronic Sub-Etha Auto
Hitching Thu..." At that moment, the airlock door opens, and you and Ford
are blown out into space.Your elbow must have struck some key on The Hitchhiker's Guide because it
begins droning out an entry, coincidentally enough the entry on SPACE. "If
you hyperventilate and then empty your lungs, you will last about thirty
seconds in the vacuum of space. However, because space is so vastly hugely
mind-bogglingly big, getting picked up by another ship within those thirty
seconds is almost infinitely improbable." (Footnote 9)Precisely twenty-nine seconds later, you and Ford are scooped up by a
passing ship. Gasping for air, you pass out...Dark
>
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@error_bot save
dark
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Please enter a filename [babel fish]: Okay.
>
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@error_bot footnote 9
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Unfortunately, you couldn't hear a word of it, because sound doesn't travel
in a vacuum.>
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@Parody I think you just got ed by a bot.
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@error_bot wait
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You can hear nothing, smell nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel
nothing, and are not even certain who you are.It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full
scale of the problem is not always appreciated. For instance, at the exact
moment you said "look at port door" a freak wormhole opened in the fabric
of the space-time continuum and carried your words far far back in time
across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant galaxy where strange
and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar
battle.The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time. A dreadful silence
fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'Hurgs,
resplendent in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the
G'Gugvunt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green, sweet-smelling
steam. As a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to
unleash electric death at his single word of command, the Vl'Hurg
challenged his vile enemy to take back what it had said about his mother.The creature stirred in its sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment
the words "look at port door" drifted across the conference table.Dark Score: 85 Moves: 78
Unfortunately, in the Vl'Hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult
imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for
centuries. Eventually the error was detected, but over two hundred and
fifty thousand worlds, their peoples and cultures perished in the
holocaust.You have destroyed most of a small galaxy. Please pick your words with
greater care.>
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@error_bot hear
smell
taste
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Dark Score: 85 Moves: 79
(darkness)
You can hear nothing, smell nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel
nothing, and are not even certain who you are.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 80
(darkness)
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can hear,
nothing you can feel, nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you
are.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 81
(darkness)
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can feel,
nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you are.>
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@error_bot wait
wait
wait
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Dark Score: 85 Moves: 82
You can smell nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel nothing, and are
not even certain who you are.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 83
You can smell nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel nothing, and are
not even certain who you are.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 84
You can smell nothing, taste nothing, see nothing, feel nothing, and are
not even certain who you are.>
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@error_bot smell
hear
taste
feel
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Dark Score: 85 Moves: 85
(darkness)
You can't see anything, smell anything, feel anything, or taste anything,
and do not even know where you are or who you are or how you got there.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 86
(darkness)
You hear the deep and distant hum of a star drive coming from far above.
There is an exit to port.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 87
(darkness)
You can see nothing, feel nothing, taste nothing, smell nothing, and are
not entirely certain who you are.> Dark Score: 85 Moves: 88
(darkness)
There's nothing you can taste, nothing you can see, nothing you can feel,
nothing you can smell, you do not even know who you are.>