The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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@Zecc said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
More surprisingly, I learned MySQL was already named after his first daugther My.
Who in turn was named after My Weekly Reader.
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@loopback0 said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
His son is Max, who he named MaxDB after.
I had a DBA coworker whose name was Max. His wife, who was also a DBA, had the name Min. (Both from Taiwan.)
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@jinpa said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
you can learn
I watched the video and read the words and still can not grok.
Is there an Origami instruction set I can follow instead?
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@PleegWat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Double, double, fold just short of the elastic, double again, done.
Easier - washer, dryer, bed.
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@jinpa said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
you can learn
I watched the video and read the words and still can not grok.
Is there an Origami instruction set I can follow instead?
You need to learn this skill the same way I did. In the summer of 1974 I put in as a candy striper. Not only did I learn how to get the pillow into the case the first step is "turn the case inside out"), I can make a bed with a patient still in it.
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@TimeBandit said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
this is the most useless dialog of the entire IT industry
is this a challenge?
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@Tsaukpaetra try this
Start by lifting the corner of the sheet and flipping it over to its opposite corner. Imagine yourself performing a daring aerial maneuver as you gracefully rotate your body along with the sheet. Don't worry if it feels awkward at first – perfecting this technique takes practice.
Flipping the fitted sheet mid-air
As you continue this incredible feat, you'll notice that the elastic edges of the fitted sheet naturally nestle neatly within each other. It's as if the sheet itself is cooperating, eager to be part of this mesmerizing spectacle. Make sure to keep your balance and maintain the rhythm of your movements.Balancing while folding a fitted sheet
Once you've completed the majestic flip, it's time to bring the sheet back down to earth. Slowly lower the sheet while simultaneously tucking in the edges, almost like performing a gentle ballet move. The sheet will obediently fall into place, revealing its beautifully folded form.
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@sockpuppet7 said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
performing a daring aerial maneuver
Origami is not known for its usage of flying actions...
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@jinpa said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
That's post production. You're not expected to be airborne prior to completion.
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@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
candy striper
TIL.
I can make a bed with a patient still in it.
Now that sounds like something a bit more tricky than folding a fitted sheet (which frankly is only a challenge if you never do laundry yourself...).
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@remi said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
(which frankly is only a challenge if you never do laundry yourself...).
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@remi said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
you never do laundry yourself.
The Things That Remind You of TDWTF Members thread is .
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@remi said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
candy striper
TIL.
I can make a bed with a patient still in it.
Now that sounds like something a bit more tricky than folding a fitted sheet (which frankly is only a challenge if you never do laundry yourself...).
I've done my own laundry since I was 14. My method of folding has for the vast majority of that time been to toss the clean clothes in the clean-clothes-sofa. Bed linens generally just go back in the bed after cleaning so no need to fold.
Now that I have a wife, she had vetoed the excellent clean-clothes-sofa.
When we get a house I am going to reimplement the sofa though.
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@remi said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Now that sounds like something a bit more tricky than folding a fitted sheet (which frankly is only a challenge if you never do laundry yourself...).
I did my own laundry from the ages of 14 - 32. My method of folding a fitted sheet was to pretend it wasn't an issue and just to fold it. But the dark secret that I always knew deep in my heart was that it wasn't the perfect way to fold a fitted sheet, and that Martha would disapprove.
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@Carnage said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
clean-clothes-sofa
I have the clean-clothes-drawer! Can't tell the difference, and that's good enough!
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@boomzilla It needs a 20% of "Because my partner won't shut the fuck up"
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Quotations from conductor Eugene Ormandy,
collected by members of the Philadelphia Orchestra:Now we will play something we have never played before. I didn't mean that. Mahler wrote it as the 3rd Movement of his 4th Symphony. I mean the 4th Movement of his 1st Symphony - we play it third. The trumpet solo will be played by our solo trumpet player. It's named "Blumine" - which has something to do with flowers.
With us tonight is William Warfield, who is with us tonight.
... He is a wonderful man and so is his wife.
(On the occasion of the death of David Oistrakh) I told him he'd have a heart attack a year ago, but unfortunately he lived a year longer.
I conduct faster here so you can see my beat.
The next movement is still in the factory.
Think of your girlfriend or boyfriend or whomever you want to.
At every concert I've sensed a certain insecurity about the tempo. It's clearly marked quarter note = 80, uhh, 69.
All of you are ready to start so I must be ready.
It's not important. It's only important when it's late.
It's difficult to remember when you haven't played it before.
I'm conducting slowly because I don't know the tempo.
I don't want to repeat this 100 times. When you see crescendo, it means p.
I cannot give it to you so try to watch me.
I was trying to help you so I was beating wrong.
The minute you slow down a fraction, you're behind.
I wrote it the right way so it was copied the wrong way right - I mean the right way wrong.
Who is sitting in that empty chair?
Bass Clarinetist: What note do I have?
EO: The score is written out the way you hear it the way you play it - and I have to transpose back to normal.Tubist: Long note?
EO: Yes, make it seem short.I guess you thought I was conducting, but I wasn't.
The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong.
You have to do two things. Watch it and me.
Even if the right instruments are not here, we will play it anyway. It's only a short piece.
I am thinking it right but beating it wrong.
I can conduct it better than I count.
Intonation is important, especially when it is cold.
It is not together, but the ensemble is perfect.
Don't ever follow me because I am difficult.
I purposely gave you a slower tempo, because I did not know what the right one was.
Suddenly I was in the right tempo -- but it wasn't.
Brass, stay down all Summer.
My bowings are only general.
After two minutes after this time, and I am already there.
This is one bar you should take home.
I never know where I am.
Tonight is the night when 300 years ago Johann Strauss was born. That's why this year is important.
Something went wrong. It was correct when I studied it.
There was confusion since I stood here 35 years ago.
During the rests -- pray.
It has no rhythm, but it will because it's so much faster.
Don't play louder, just give it more.
I don't get into politics, general or musical, but just call me if you get jury duty. Even in New Jersey I was able to help somebody.
More basses because you are so far away.
You're looking at me so strangely.
I purposely didn't do anything and you were all behind.
It can either be too soon or too late or not together.
I go forward in tempo.
There is a shadow on every page.
You know who you are.
EO: To the Woodwinds: There are no woodwinds at Number 6.
Woodwinds: We're at number 15.
EO: I know. that is why.Start 4 and be 42.
Did you play? It sounded very good.
I never say what I mean but I always manage to say something similar.
EO: Percussion a little louder
Percussion: We don't have anything.
EO: That's right, play it louder.If you don't have it in your part, leave it out because there is enough missing already.
That C major chord is always out of tune. I don't know why -- it can't be you.
Let me explain what I do here. I don't want to confuse you any more than absolutely necessary.
That's the way Stravinsky was -- Bup, bup, bup - The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato.
(To William Smith) Did you play?
WS: Yes.
EO: I know. I heard you.Why do you always insist on playing while I'm trying to conduct?
We can't hear the balance yet because the soloist is still on the airplane.
I think one thing and say another.
Start at B. No. Yes. No. Yes. NO.
Congratulations to each and every one of you for the concert last night in New York and vice versa.
Watch me closely -- only one can spoil it.
Accelerando means in tempo. Don't rush.
It's so legato it's difficult to splice. Sibelius was famous for that.
I can see none of you are smugglers, that's why it's so loud.
You notice I go faster and slower, faster and slower. It is all in relation to the previous tempo.
The tempo remains pp.
Without him here, it is impossible to know how fast he will play it, approximately.
We do not know when he is coming. He is coming tomorrow.
Someone came too sooner.
After one performance it will be perfect.
That's the way it was every time I studied it.
Serkin was so sick he almost died for three days.
We have to play it longer because there are no numbers or letters.
Thank you for your cooperation and vice versa.
Don't think you are looking at me because you are not.
I mean what I meant.
I don't mean to make you nervous but unfortunately I have to.
Even when you are not playing, you are holding me back.
Not one of you told me I was too slow - I know I was too slow - why didn't you tell me?
He was listening so I don't remember.
I know this music from memory, not from the music.
I always feel I do it too slow, but then others do it faster.
Chorus, I am sorry you have to stand so long, but can you stand again?
Beauty is less important than quality.
There is a number missing. I can see it.
That was perfect. It was just the opposite from what I said yesterday.
Please follow me because I have to follow him and he isn't here.
I need one more bass less.
Yes, the mutes are already on. You took them off in the beginning.
I am glad you asked me, or am.
You know me. I'm a maniac when it comes to rhythm.
I forgive you for shaving yourself.
It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.
It's marked accelerando, so you push ahead.
Q: is that a G or a G# Maestro? EO: Yes.
Why do you always start after my beat then rush to catch up? Do you want us to stay behind?
(Before walking on stage) Is the audience all here?
Tonight I'm going to listen with my ears.
Muti is going to do the Alpine Symphony this year. He will do it well because it is not very well known.
I will beat in six because of the distance.
It's all very well to have principles, but when it comes to money, you have to be flexible.
(In reference to Willy Knappell's death) Death is an awful thing. I don't believe in it myself.
(To Kendall Betts) When you have those dark glasses on, I can't tell whether you're looking at me or doubling.
Bizet was a very young man when he composed this symphony, so play it softly.
(To Cindy Williams, violinist) I don't think I've ever met you. Are you Swedish?
Write it down in your own handwriting.
(To the horns) The trouble is not with you; it is with me. I have to catch him and then it is too late.
Let's start at 35 because I don't know where it is.
This is a very democratic organization, so let's take a vote. All those who disagree with me, raise their hands.
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@dcon these are brill
iant, I’d give the students an A.
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@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
This is a very democratic organization, so let's take a vote. All those who disagree with me, raise their hands.
To lung; dirted reed. Short version for the millenial?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
This is a very democratic organization, so let's take a vote. All those who disagree with me, raise their hands.
To lung; dirted reed. Short version for the millenial?
Foreign-born orchestra conductor says funny things to orchestra; unclear how much due to ESL and how much due to sense of humor.
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Dude had four near death experiences and four ex-wives.
I don't like the math on that.
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@dangeRuss said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dcon said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Moose and squirrel?
The X-Files, Season 4 Episode 13, "Never Again", 1997
Scully: Rocky and Bullwinkle are looking for an upsidasium mine. Boris Badenov alters the road signs which causes them to walk onto a secret military base, where they are picked up by a car with no windows and no door locks, and there are silent explosions from a compound called "Hushaboom."
Mulder: So, you're refusing an assignment based on the adventures of Moose and Squirrel?
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@HardwareGeek ...and how much due to Norbert Weiner Syndrome, aka scatterbrained academic aka absent-minded professor.
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@dangeRuss said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
This guy doesn't know a thing about magic carpet physics.
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@dangeRuss said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Given they are also not hanging on for dear life to keep from getting blown off their carpet in the wind, I hazard ther's more going on.
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@dcon
Found @Polygeekery 's dock
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@Carnage No, it's raC ecaR.
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@Carnage said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I can't tell if that's advising me to drink Stroh's or not.
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@da-Doctah said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@Carnage said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I can't tell if that's advising me to drink Stroh's or not.
Do you need advertisement to do that?
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@TimeBandit said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@topspin said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
there's a check box that says something akin to "keep me logged in and don't ask so often". Which I always check, whithout much effect.
Like I posted this is the most useless dialog of the entire IT industry. It doesn't matter if you check or uncheck the box, click yes or no, or any combination of those, it still changes nothing
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@da-Doctah It seems conductors everywhere have that kind of thing going. Here's some from one of ours (Leonid Vigner) (hastily translated):
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Three more attempts until disgrace.
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Faggots [bassoons] haven't taken into their mouths yet, but trombons have already finished.
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People, who are playing wrong, must be locked in prisons like money counterfeiters.
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And if someone has played it wrong, the most important thing is to look disapprovingly at your neighbor.
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I will tell you right now what the notes are, you will be very surprised.
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It's not a symphony orchestra here - you can't hide in the crowd, you have to play it cleanly.
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The second trombone - I wish you that they play like that at your funeral.
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You should play like you're a little drunk and in no rush.
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Pretend that you're musicians and not just idiots with pieces of metal.
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Faggot [bassoon], excuse me, which part [of your body] did you use to make those sounds?
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I'd be ready to kiss you for a solo like that. Too bad you're sitting so far away. I am waiting for you in my office tomorrow, 10 o'clock in the morning.
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You, darling, look like you've never had anything between your legs other than a cello.
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Aren't you afraid to come to the second ? Be thankful that conservatory is attended by intelligentsia; the proletariat would have risen from their seats and punched you in the face for playing like that.
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I'm ending all ceremonies, and from today on I will begin to teach you to love if not me, then at least music.
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Instead of a saxophone you should take a chainsaw. Sounds the same, but more money.
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When you get home, give your wife my condolences. How is it possible to sleep with such a rhythm-less person?
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After every concert like this you should go to church and confess your sins. And don't forget to donate to the church.
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@Zecc said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
This guy doesn't know a thing about magic carpet physics.
Assume ideal carpet?