Best posts made by No_1
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RE: Testing candidate's mettle S02E02
@cartman82 said in Testing candidate's mettle S02E02:
TIL you can pump up the number of languages in your CV by listing all the regional variations of your native tongue.
Why didn't I think of that!?
I must add this to my CV*:
Languages
English (Full professional proficiency)
North American (Full professional proficiency - Can translate USian and Canadian**!)
*Résumé for those of you between Russia and Ireland
**Not the French-speaking ones though
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London's streets predict the future
I haven't seen this posted elsewhere and can't be bothered to search:
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RE: 1 server, 10 workstations, 1 idiot, 1 cup
goes off and checks Active Directory
That's when you end up with 10 workstations not working. And a server.
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RE: [Discussion] WTF is WTDWTF (Getting Started, FAQ, History)
@Gurth said in WTF is WTDWTF (Getting Started, FAQ, History):
So … are we meant to suggest memes that aren’t on the list yet?
I can't be bothered to suggest
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RE: Things I wish I could say to my customers
i have that on a 10x18 poster hanging over my desk.
10x18 feet? Miles? Ångströms?
I used to have something similar: 'A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.' It was a bit smaller than 10" x 18" though.
Now that I contract for a living it's more a case of 'A lack of planning on your part pays for my mortgage so hand over the cash and thank you very much.'.
Filed under: Pedantic dickweedary
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RE: The obvious way to select units
file.useMetric = true if ( GetConVarString( "cl_language" ) == "'murican" ) file.useMetric = false if ( GetConVarString( "cl_language" ) == "actual english" ) file.useMetric = sometimes
Filed under: I18N
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RE: Stress-relief beverage recommendations
Chloroform really seems to help people relax.
My favourite chat-up line:
"Does this handkerchief smell like chloroform to you?"
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RE: Advanced Trolly Logic
@xaade Simply leave for a different gas station and shoot anyone who follows.
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RE: Well... Shit.
@anonymous234 said in Well... Shit.:
What if that is just the decoy tower, and the real one is perfectly camouflaged somewhere else?
The real tower is hiding immediately behind the decoy.
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RE: You're not alone...
If you're starting to find animals attractive then it's probably not a good idea to imbibe inhibition-lowering substances.
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RE: I tried to edit an image in the Windows 10 Photos app
those kids do the actual editing work
They must be older children then if their hands are too large to manage fewer than 50 pixels.
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RE: Impromptu testing a junior's mettle part 4
... why? I don't see what hipstery clever domain name you can make with "rs".
hipste.rs?
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RE: Project NEON
@accalia said in Project NEON:
if you blur #FF0000 and #00FF00 together you are supposed to get yellow in the middle! not this yucky brown that everyone always gets.
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RE: 1 server, 10 workstations, 1 idiot, 1 cup
But what if the door isn't properly registered in AD?
Then shut down the door, strip out its metadata with ntdsutil, give it a fresh build and re-promote it.
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RE: interview attire 2019
@Lorne-Kates said in interview attire 2019:
What do I wear if I want to be a stripper?
Something hard-wearing yet flexible:
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RE: Which forum do I post the whining "My life is so hard" posts?
I just want to whine...
Fair enough.
...and get sympathy.
You must be new here.
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RE: Dress pattern - Dorothy for 12 month old?
Did anyone else see this:
sewers
And think this:
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RE: You *will* be chipped. Whether you like it or not.
@Applied-Mediocrity said in You *will* be chipped. Whether you like it or not.:
until it has at least RGB, cryptowallet apps and an antivirus
"Every program attempts to expand until it can read mail. Those programs which cannot so expand are replaced by ones which can."
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RE: For the love of God, PLEASE just tell me what your company does!
@timebandit said in For the love of God, PLEASE just tell me what your company does!:
The work we do is so
secretinane, even we don't know what we're doing™ -
RE: Flat Design can go fuck itself with an unmarked dildo
@coldandtired said in Flat Design can go fuck itself with an unmarked dildo:
@blakeyrat said in Flat Design can go fuck itself with an unmarked dildo:
@Lorne-Kates Are dildos usually marked? What are they marked with?
"This end up"?
"Tapered end toward enemy"
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RE: How I got locked out of my appartment
@benjamin-hall said in How I got locked out of my appartment:
You can't vacuum an igloo floor.
However you can give it a nice polish:
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RE: Elephantastic jokes
Q: Why do elephants varnish their toenails red?
A: To hide in cherry trees. -
RE: [Discussion] WTF is WTDWTF (Getting Started, FAQ, History)
@blek said in WTF is WTDWTF (Getting Started, FAQ, History):
This is brought on by haters who don't know the language well enough, as well as haters who know the language
toowell enough.Edit for extra comedy value.
Filed under: In b4 someone says 'In your opinion that is, humo(u)r is subjective'
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RE: Manly photos
@Tsaukpaetra said in Manly photos:
@kazitor said in Manly photos:
should be a ticket kiosk thing
Should have penetration-tested it...
Judging by that mark on the screen it seems that someone's already tried.
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RE: 1 server, 10 workstations, 1 idiot, 1 cup
The only proper answer is: ...
You could also try: "You have 9 spares, I wouldn't worry about it." -
Wallchart in Access
From an IT recruiter:
Hello No. 1
$NAME_OF_RECRUITMENT_AGENCY are currently looking for an associate who can come in and replicate the functions of Wallchart in Access.
If you are interested in this role please email me back.
Kind regards
$NAME_OF_RECRUITER
Although it looks like an opportunity to end up with a maintenance contract for life (or at least until the client goes bust), I think I might just pass on this one.
Filed under: Not Invented Here, How hard could it be?
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RE: Number-Two-Factor Authentication
@PJH Presumably analprints aren't unique enough hence the need for a fingerprint scanner. This means that there could be at least 1 analdoppelgänger for everyone out there.
Filed under: StoolFA, Multi-Farter Authentication, Literal toilet humo[u]r
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RE: Anyone is looking for a job in the lucrative market of cryptocurrency? We are hiring!
"This is an extremely exciting opportunity to be apart of"
As apart of, and far away from, as possible methinks.
Of course TRWTF is PHP.
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RE: Meet Handle, the robot [Boston Dynamics]
@Maciejasjmj said in Meet Handle, the robot [Boston Dynamics]:
I have a precisely 27.395cm cock.
The largest can get to be around 90 cm.
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RE: Windows Insert Funny Name Variation Update
@loopback0 said in Windows Insert Funny Name Variation Update:
Might as well make the clock on the task bar more friendly - it can show "About now" permanently.
According to South Africans I've met it could be more like:
'Just now' -> Roughly now-ish, give or take
'Now now' -> Actually nowFiled under: I18N
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RE: What users say versus what they mean
@Karla said in What users say versus what they mean:
Hmm, after seeing this (mildly NSFW):.
https://www.metro.us/sites/default/files/main/articles/2017/10/24/gua-sha.jpg
Reminds me of this (possibly mildly NSFW):