:confused: The Official Dad Jokes Thread™
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@anotherusername said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
Dads are more likely to be happy if the kids will just take their roughhousing outside, onto the lawn...
Of course, since that's the first step to be able to tell them "Get out off of my lawn"
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Due to being in quarantine, from today on I will only be telling inside jokes.
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What is a ghost's favourite musical instrument.
Boogle horn.
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Did you guys hear that they couldn't sell beer in the second game of the doubleheader?
As it turns out, they lost the opener.
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Dad: What has five legs, seven horns, three rows of teeth, and claw nails the size of a man's arm?
Son: I don't know, what?
Dad: turns around and runs
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@xaade said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
Dad: What has five legs, seven horns, three rows of teeth, and claw nails the size of a man's arm?
Son: I don't know, what?
Dad: turns around and runs
The Beast from Revelation has 7 horns but I don't recall the rest of it.
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There is a YouTube channel that always ends its videos with an awful joke. This was today's:
What do you call a fashionable lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythm?
A metro gnome.
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@HardwareGeek too pointful, imo. Do you even dad, bro?
Grand-dad jokes should also be more horrifying, like "what do you eat while you invade Russia?"
"Mud pies!" (then laugh, as though the kid has found this funny as well)
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@PleegWat said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
@xaade said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
Dad: What has five legs, seven horns, three rows of teeth, and claw nails the size of a man's arm?
Son: I don't know, what?
Dad: turns around and runs
The Beast from Revelation has 7 horns but I don't recall the rest of it.
Don't worry, it's not even exactly accurate at the fine detail level.
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@boomzilla I think you meant to post that in the Status thread. It ain't no joke! (We've already been warned gas prices will be significantly higher than last year)
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@dcon I think you have me confused with people who post in the status thread.
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@boomzilla said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
@dcon I think you have me confused with people who post in the status thread.
According to the forum statistics, you have made just over 135,000 posts between the two status threads.
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@boomzilla well, all of us are your alts so you’re confusing yourself with… yourself?
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@Tsaukpaetra you know, the thing you use when you can't find a d20.
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@Arantor said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
@boomzilla well, all of us are your alts so you’re confusing yourself with… yourself?
It's all very confusing.
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This post is deleted!
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Seen on a t-shirt:
I keep all my dad jokes in a dad-a-base".
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
@izzion said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
the forum statistics
The what now?
I had the same question. But then I saw
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@boomzilla Or they turned into an Urgent Care center.
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@jinpa IV is not just for urgent care
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@boomzilla But ... no corrals, and no shopping carts?
has happened there?
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@BernieTheBernie said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
no shopping carts?
Someone we know didn't return them.
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@HardwareGeek Well, then the shopping carts would be expected to be distributed all over that place.
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@BernieTheBernie There are no children there either
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@Applied-Mediocrity nor do I see a guy with a gun who will rob him.
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@BernieTheBernie And the shop's workers got paid for doing nothing.
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@boomzilla This doesn't sound worse than the actual tradition I know of of people climbing on chairs so they can start the year "on top". (possible loss in translation)
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@boomzilla said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
If you want her to
pretend tolike your dad jokes, put a ring on it.
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@boomzilla Thirty years later, they will celebrate for a whole minute...
But wait, if that's a dad joke, will dad be still alive then?
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@izzion said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
If you want her to
pretend tolike your dad jokes, put a ring on it.I don't think it works like that. Once she has the wedding ring, she has no incentive to pretend. Though maybe after the engagement ring but before the wedding ring.
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@jinpa said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
@izzion said in The Official Dad Jokes Thread™:
If you want her to
pretend tolike your dad jokes, put a ring on it.I don't think it works like that. Once she has the wedding ring, she has no incentive to pretend. Though maybe after the engagement ring but before the wedding ring.
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