Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal
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From Twitter: https://twitter.com/berenguel/status/1088814229401018375
Try it out yourself: https://www.google.com/search?q=how to tell if you're running jdk or jre
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The first result says "Sweden Suicide Hotlines" and gives US phone numbers. Good job!
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[quote]
WiseWoman
@WeWuWiWo
16m
16 minutes agoMore
Replying to @berenguel
Same in Germany. I looked through the keywords in the source, maybe it is because jre and jdk are often used together with the word "commit"? And if "how to tell" is at the beginning. If I switch to "running jdk or jre how to tell" I don't get the hotline.
[/quote]I gamed it a bit, and found that it'll return the same result when you take away "jdk" but keep "jre" from the query, so that don't hold quite well to me.
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@ender the funniest thing is people being astonished that it works the same in every country. Why wouldn't it?
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@Gąska said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@ender the funniest thing is people being astonished that it works the same in every country. Why wouldn't it?
Google search results can vary wildly between people, and nations.
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Weird.
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@Carnage said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@Gąska said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@ender the funniest thing is people being astonished that it works the same in every country. Why wouldn't it?
Google search results can vary wildly between people, and nations.
Not if it's
if (detectedSuicide()) insertLocalSuicideHotlineAsFirstSearchResult();
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Trying some variants, this seems to be tied to the
how to tell if you're running Xprefix.Filling in a number of different similar words for thejdk or jrepart gives the same suicide link at the top (though wildly different results elsewhere).
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@Atazhaia said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
The first result says "Sweden Suicide Hotlines" and gives US phone numbers. Good job!
If you're gonna kill yourself anyway, the phone bill is probably the least of your worries. And if you don't speak decent English as a Scandinavian they probably figured you may as well kill yourself.
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@PleegWat said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Trying some variants, this seems to be tied to the
how to tell if you're running Xprefix. Filling in a number of different similar words for thejdk or jrepart gives the same suicide link at the top (though wildly different results elsewhere).For me 'jre' appears is significant:
how to tell if you're running jretriggers
but nothow to tell if you're running jdkeven weirder, the contraction matters:
how to tell if you are running jredoesn't workWhat other meanings are there for JRE that work across multiple languages?
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@PleegWat said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
how to tell if you're running X
ps -A|grep X
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@Atazhaia Notice how "TALK" is highlighted. Probably because of the word "tell". Some time ago Google decided that all synonyms are interchangeable
.
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@LaoC said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@Atazhaia said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
The first result says "Sweden Suicide Hotlines" and gives US phone numbers. Good job!
If you're gonna kill yourself anyway, the phone bill is probably the least of your worries.
But if they succeed in talking you off it, the bill might make you reconsider.
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@anonymous234 said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@Atazhaia Notice how "TALK" is highlighted. Probably because of the word "tell". Some time ago Google decided that all synonyms are interchangeable
.When I read that, the first thing that came to mind was the smurf language. (Les stroumpfs for the french.)
Also, the synonym thing is a minor inconvenience (and strategically justifiable) compared to the homonym issue. If for any reason you wish to search for something related to the other meaning of a word, you first need to reach for a thesaurus.
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Confirmed on my end!
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@japonicus said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@PleegWat said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Trying some variants, this seems to be tied to the
how to tell if you're running Xprefix. Filling in a number of different similar words for thejdk or jrepart gives the same suicide link at the top (though wildly different results elsewhere).For me 'jre' appears is significant:
how to tell if you're running jretriggers
but nothow to tell if you're running jdkeven weirder, the contraction matters:
how to tell if you are running jredoesn't workWhat other meanings are there for JRE that work across multiple languages?
how to tell if you're hanging works just as well.
At a guess, "how to tell if you're" is associated with realizing that you
- have cancer
- are pregnant
- are gay
- are miserable
- have an abusive spouse
- other reasons to be very, very sad
The mandated contraction may mean that it's aimed at teenagers or a similar target audience.
The next key is then having a word associated with killing. And, let's face it, the JRE's built-in updater's inability to do the one thing it was created for has probably given inspiration for a whole sub-genre or death-threats.
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@japonicus said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@PleegWat said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Trying some variants, this seems to be tied to the
how to tell if you're running Xprefix. Filling in a number of different similar words for thejdk or jrepart gives the same suicide link at the top (though wildly different results elsewhere).For me 'jre' appears is significant:
how to tell if you're running jretriggers
but nothow to tell if you're running jdkeven weirder, the contraction matters:
how to tell if you are running jredoesn't workWhat other meanings are there for JRE that work across multiple languages?
windowsandlinuxdon't work.apachedoes, and so doesnodejs. Nobody should be surprisedoracleworks.
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I'm leaning pretty strongly toward deliberate Easter egg from some jokester at Google.
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@brie Careful not to lean too far, you might fall over...
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@acrow said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@japonicus said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@PleegWat said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Trying some variants, this seems to be tied to the
how to tell if you're running Xprefix. Filling in a number of different similar words for thejdk or jrepart gives the same suicide link at the top (though wildly different results elsewhere).For me 'jre' appears is significant:
how to tell if you're running jretriggers
but nothow to tell if you're running jdkeven weirder, the contraction matters:
how to tell if you are running jredoesn't workWhat other meanings are there for JRE that work across multiple languages?
how to tell if you're hanging works just as well.
At a guess, "how to tell if you're" is associated with realizing that you
- have cancer
- are pregnant
- are gay
- are miserable
- have an abusive spouse
- other reasons to be very, very sad
The mandated contraction may mean that it's aimed at teenagers or a similar target audience.
The next key is then having a word associated with killing. And, let's face it, the JRE's built-in updater's inability to do the one thing it was created for has probably given inspiration for a whole sub-genre or death-threats.
The (mental) solution to both is the same, actually.
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I suspect the JRE is triggered off this, which was news for a while:
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@levicki said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Actually what I believe to be the reason why we are seeing the same website suicide.org (just quasi-geo-customized) is that their search keywords contain "sign, signs, symptom, symptoms" among other things and suddenly Google is equating "how to tell" with "sign" and "symptom" which kind of makes sense.
Nah, I'm absolutely positive that this is custom code on Google's side to inject that page as the first result based on some triggers in query. It's too consistent to be just SEO.
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@levicki said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
What doesn't make sense is their insistence on including totally unrelated stuff just so they can say "hey, we found something!".
Millions of results! Well, until you get to the fifth page. Then they all disappear...
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@Tsaukpaetra DuckDuckGo is even worse - they don't give any result counter, and many popular searches get only one page of results.
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@Lorne-Kates Aha. Bolded words. 'Tell' is equated with 'talk' - does it think you're trying to talk to a counselor?
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@Gąska said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@levicki said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Actually what I believe to be the reason why we are seeing the same website suicide.org (just quasi-geo-customized) is that their search keywords contain "sign, signs, symptom, symptoms" among other things and suddenly Google is equating "how to tell" with "sign" and "symptom" which kind of makes sense.
Nah, I'm absolutely positive that this is custom code on Google's side to inject that page as the first result based on some triggers in query. It's too consistent to be just SEO.
Me too. We seem to be getting locally-relevant suicide helplines. Just now at work off a UK proxy I get an NHS page.
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@pie_flavor said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@Lorne-Kates Aha. Bolded words. 'Tell' is equated with 'talk' - does it think you're trying to talk to a counselor?
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@PJH Suicide by pastry?
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@dkf said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@PJH Suicide by pastry?
It was a more innocent time back then....
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@PJH Too bad there's no "tofu"(豆腐) in the options.
(We use phase "撞豆腐自殺" when we joke "want to commit suicide" but doesn't mean it, especially when doing something so shameful that I want to kill myself, or a milder form of scolding against someone for doing something stupid, and think that that person should kill himself)
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@cheong Can you provide a slightly more literal translation of the phrase? The translation utilities I have just say "suicide" and don't have any expansion.
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@dkf said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@PJH Suicide by pastry?
It's the second-most preferred option to
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@cheong What about "數獨"?
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@levicki Welcome to the forums!
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@TwelveBaud said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@cheong Can you provide a slightly more literal translation of the phrase? The translation utilities I have just say "suicide" and don't have any expansion.
"撞豆腐自殺" = "Hit yourself to a tofu in order to commit suicide".
Tofu is so soft that you can't take any damage by hitting your head on it. (Although if that's really lots of tofu, you might suffocate.)
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@hungrier said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@cheong What about "數獨"?
It won't kill you, although you might want to kill yourself later on if you're forced continuous game play. :P
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@cheong said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@TwelveBaud said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@cheong Can you provide a slightly more literal translation of the phrase? The translation utilities I have just say "suicide" and don't have any expansion.
"撞豆腐自殺" = "Hit yourself to a tofu in order to commit suicide".
Tofu is so soft that you can't take any damage by hitting your head on it. (Although if that's really lots of tofu, you might suffocate.)
Is it like the phrase "commit sudoku", or is it less playful and more like regular "kill yourself" in English-speaking world?
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@Gąska said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
commit sudoku
Monster sudoku thread is
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@Gąska said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@cheong said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@TwelveBaud said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@cheong Can you provide a slightly more literal translation of the phrase? The translation utilities I have just say "suicide" and don't have any expansion.
"撞豆腐自殺" = "Hit yourself to a tofu in order to commit suicide".
Tofu is so soft that you can't take any damage by hitting your head on it. (Although if that's really lots of tofu, you might suffocate.)
Is it like the phrase "commit sudoku", or is it less playful and more like regular "kill yourself" in English-speaking world?
It's more on the joking side, with emphasis on "I don't actually mean you should kill yourself".
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Well, it looks like Google got a hold of this. Searching for the same query now no longer gives me the phone number of the suicide prevention hotline.
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@AlexMedia said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Google got a hold of this
They do love this forum. I wonder if there are any lurking Google employees...
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@Tsaukpaetra said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@AlexMedia said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Google got a hold of this
They do love this forum. I wonder if there are any lurking Google employees...
That sounds like something a lurking Google employee would say.
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@Gribnit said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@Tsaukpaetra said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
@AlexMedia said in Using Java? Google thinks you might be suicidal:
Google got a hold of this
They do love this forum. I wonder if there are any lurking Google employees...
That sounds like something a lurking Google employee would say.
No no no no, Espionage 212 specifically talks about how suggesting the presence of a spy is almost never an appropriate solution.
Erm, I mean, why would you say such a thing?
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!vote @Tsaukpaetra
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@boomzilla
Clearly as the first person to react, you must be one of them!
