Slightly passed its used by date



  • Last week I listened to an online seminar where the presenter was "teaching" us about methods you can use to find professional engineering consulting positions in the US. First of all he was extolling the virtues of physical newspapers as a source of work - look at the job ads for 4 weeks in a row and if you see the same position over and over then contact the company and suggest that you can help them in the interim as a contractor in order to get their project rolling before the hire a full time employee. However I don't really see that many engineering companies advertising positions in the papers these days.

    But I pissed myself laughing with another bullet point he brought up. He suggested that government procurement contracts can be really lucrative and to go to the Commerce Business Daily website and keep an eye out for things to do. So while listening to the seminar I did just that .. surfed to cbdnet.gpo.gov and after a quick look noted that the website had not been in use since 2002, and was replaced back then by the Federal Business Opportunities website: www.fbo.gov

    On the other hand he did suggest that public speaking was a good opportunity for consultants. I'll assume that that means writing a lecture way back when and never bothering to update it even though the time they are a changing

    Fortunately I didn't pay for this crap.



  • I'm assuming you're in Australia, correct?

    Is this a common thing to do there? "Come to a seminar on how to leave this horrible country! With our help you can forever banish this Mad Max-esque horror from your mind by getting a contracting position in the US, where the streets are paved with gold and/or stock options!"

    (That would be the Real WTF.)



  • @blakeyrat said:

    I'm assuming you're in Australia, correct?
    Nah I have the misfortune of already being here (US) and having the market crash around my ears so that I can't afford to migrate back right now. Yeah sounds lame I know, but the bubble in the housing market in Oz hasn't burst and the place I am in now will need a few more years to get back to a decent price.



  • @OzPeter said:

    However I don't really see that many engineering companies advertising positions in the papers these days.
    There's a good reason for that - advertising in the local paper gets you noticed only by the people who buy & read that paper, and normally costs a lot more money to advertise in than a website such as cwjobs or monster which can reach a wider audience for a longer amount of time (I'm assuming the paper is normally recycled or trashed within 24 hours of buying it). 

    I don't know about other people here, but I don't bother with buying a paper, but my CV is on most of the above kind of websites. This means that as soon as I get fedup of my current job, finding another isn't too difficult. 

    The only downside is that I have recruitment consultants ringing me up every so often asking me to explain some engineer-speak to them (assumingly to parse other vacancies they have been given). They don't seem too happy when I question them about how they are going to pay for my time. 



  • @blakeyrat said:

    Is this a common thing to do there? "Come to a seminar on how to leave this horrible country! With our help you can forever banish this Mad Max-esque horror from your mind by getting a contracting position in the US, where the streets are paved with gold and/or stock options!"

    Aussie #1:  Aye, mates, Imma hop on over to America!  You should go, they got programming jobs up the yahoo!

    Aussie #2:  Crikey!

    Aussie #3:  America, you say??  Why, I hear they got jobs what pay so good where a man can buy his'self new clothes every year!  And good stuff, too!  A whole package of t-shirts, still in the plastic, what 'aven't got stains on 'em or nothin'!

    Aussie #2:  Clanger!  Now I know you's having me on!

    Aussie #1:  S'true!  An' they got cans of Foster's as big as a rubbish can!  An' the rivers are made of Vegemite!  An' they gots ladies with a discernible waistline!

    Aussie #2:  Al'ight, yous had your fun, enough of ya' lies!  Now pass me that kangaroo leg!  And that newspaper blanket!



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    what 'aven't got stains on 'em or nothin'!
     

    Everything I ever wanted to know about Australia I just made up from various offensive stereotypes.

    Even Irish ones.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Bruce #1:  Aye, mates, Imma hop on over to America!  You should go, they got programming jobs up the yahoo!

    Bruce #2:  Crikey!

    Bruce #3:  America, you say??  Why, I hear they got jobs what pay so good where a man can buy his'self new clothes every year!  And good stuff, too!  A whole package of t-shirts, still in the plastic, what 'aven't got stains on 'em or nothin'!

    Bruce #2:  Clanger!  Now I know you's having me on!

    Bruce #1:  S'true!  An' they got cans of Foster's as big as a rubbish can!  An' the rivers are made of Vegemite!  An' they gots ladies with a discernible waistline!

    Bruce #2:  Al'ight, yous had your fun, enough of ya' lies!  Now pass me that kangaroo leg!  And that newspaper blanket!

    MPTFY

    Bruce #1: Is your name not Bruce, then?
    Michael : No, it's Michael.
    Bruce #2: That's going to cause a little confusion. 

     



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Aussie #1:  Aye, mates, Imma hop on over to America!  You should go, they got programming jobs up the yahoo!

    Aussie #2:  Crikey!

    Aussie #3:  America, you say??  Why, I hear they got jobs what pay so good where a man can buy his'self new clothes every year!  And good stuff, too!  A whole package of t-shirts, still in the plastic, what 'aven't got stains on 'em or nothin'!

    Aussie #2:  Clanger!  Now I know you's having me on!

    Aussie #1:  S'true!  An' they got cans of Foster's as big as a rubbish can!  An' the rivers are made of Vegemite!  An' they gots ladies with a discernible waistline!

    Aussie #2:  Al'ight, yous had your fun, enough of ya' lies!  Now pass me that kangaroo leg!  And that newspaper blanket!

    Its really cute when Americans try and make up strine dialog, but in the process get it oh so wrong.



  • @OzPeter said:

    Its really cute when Americans try and make up strine dialog, but in the process get it oh so wrong.

    And it's so cute when the rest of the world wants to be American so much they hold seminars on how to accomplish it. Aww.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @OzPeter said:
    Its really cute when Americans try and make up strine dialog, but in the process get it oh so wrong.

    And it's so cute when the rest of the world wants to be American so much they hold seminars on how to accomplish it. Aww.

    WTF you talking about Willis??? The seminar in question was presented by the IEEE



  • @OzPeter said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @OzPeter said:
    Its really cute when Americans try and make up strine dialog, but in the process get it oh so wrong.

    And it's so cute when the rest of the world wants to be American so much they hold seminars on how to accomplish it. Aww.

    WTF you talking about Willis??? The seminar in question was presented by the IEEE

    I don't know what that is, but Googling it came up with an organization that seems really proud of their Second Life island. So.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Aussie #1:  S'true!  An' they got cans of Foster's as big as a rubbish can!  An' the rivers are made of Vegemite!  An' they gots ladies with a discernible waistline!

    Aussie #1:  S'true!  An' they got cans of VB as big as a rubbish bin!  An' the rivers are made of Vegemite!  An' they gots ladies with a discernible waistline!

    FTFY



    Australians never drink Fosters, at least in the south, in fact it's pretty hard to find. The Fosters as an Australian beer is purely an international marketing ploy, I don't know anyone(australian) that drinks it.



    also it's rubbish bin, not rubbish can




    other than that pretty good, you're on your way to being an Australian



  • @JesusChrist said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    ....
    other than that pretty good, you're on your way to being an Australian
    Oh please nooooooooooooooooo. There is a reason we have strict immigration laws.



  • @OzPeter said:

    @JesusChrist said:
    @morbiuswilters said:
    ....
    other than that pretty good, you're on your way to being an Australian
    Oh please nooooooooooooooooo. There is a reason we have strict immigration laws.
    To protect non-Australians from becoming Australian?



  • @Xyro said:

    To protect non-Australians from becoming Australian?
     

    That's the media story, but the real reason is of course to protect the Australians from the vile, destructive influences of the Outside World.



  • @dhromed said:

    @Xyro said:

    To protect non-Australians from becoming Australian?
     

    That's the media story, but the real reason is of course to protect the Australians from the vile, destructive influences of the Outside World.

    Poor Australians. They are missing out on all the fun. What's next? Internet censorship?



  • @bjolling said:

    Poor Australians. They are missing out on all the fun. What's next? Internet censorship?
    Now thats just mean ;-)



  • @bjolling said:

    @dhromed said:

    @Xyro said:

    To protect non-Australians from becoming Australian?
     

    That's the media story, but the real reason is of course to protect the Australians from the vile, destructive influences of the Outside World.

    Poor Australians. They are missing out on all the fun. What's next? Internet censorship?

    Oh man, they might go after Mature-rated games, too!



  • @bjolling said:

    What's next? Internet censorship?

    Exactly, just banning a bunch of stuff is much easier than using parenting skills to make sure your kids aren't doing anything inappropriate on the net. Remember it's for the children. You don't hate children do you?



  • @JesusChrist said:

    @bjolling said:
    What's next? Internet censorship?

    Exactly, just banning a bunch of stuff is much easier than using parenting skills to make sure your kids aren't doing anything inappropriate on the net. Remember it's for the children. You don't hate children do you?

    Well, this is Australia we're talking about.  I think we can all agree it's better for kids to be raised by video games, TV and the Internet rather than Australian parents.



  • @JesusChrist said:

    @bjolling said:
    What's next? Internet censorship?
    Exactly, just banning a bunch of stuff is much easier than using parenting skills to make sure your kids aren't doing anything inappropriate on the net. Remember it's for the children. You don't hate children do you?
    Catholic priests don't. Oh no.



    Neither does Mohammad if my learnings of it from certain media are to believed.



  • @JesusChrist said:

    ...just banning a bunch of stuff is much easier than using parenting skills...

     

    Is that like bo staff skills?



  • @PJH said:

    @JesusChrist said:
    @bjolling said:
    What's next? Internet censorship?
    Exactly, just banning a bunch of stuff is much easier than using parenting skills to make sure your kids aren't doing anything inappropriate on the net. Remember it's for the children. You don't hate children do you?
    Catholic priests don't. Oh no.



    Neither does Mohammad if my learnings of it from certain media are to believed.
     

    Great, now some jihad happy towelhead is going to come blow up this site because you said something about Mohammad.  Thanks.



  • @amischiefr said:

    @PJH said:

    @JesusChrist said:
    @bjolling said:
    What's next? Internet censorship?
    Exactly, just banning a bunch of stuff is much easier than using parenting skills to make sure your kids aren't doing anything inappropriate on the net. Remember it's for the children. You don't hate children do you?
    Catholic priests don't. Oh no.



    Neither does Mohammad if my learnings of it from certain media are to believed.
     

    Great, now some jihad happy towelhead is going to come blow up this site because you said something about Mohammad.  Thanks.

    Pfft.. they don't even know how to use the Internet.  Not enough pictures of sexy, sexy camels to make it worth it.



  • Problem with the fucking muslims is that they've got it all wrong...camel should look like... 

     

    mmmm...camel....

     

    mmmm...camel....



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Well, this is Australia we're talking about.  I think we can all agree it's better for kids to be raised by video games, TV and the Internet rather than Australian parents.

    I think what we need is some expert advice, maybe the Octomom or the Ramsey's could do a speaking tour so we can see how it is done.



  • @JesusChrist said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    Well, this is Australia we're talking about.  I think we can all agree it's better for kids to be raised by video games, TV and the Internet rather than Australian parents.

    I think what we need is some expert advice, maybe the Octomom or the Ramsey's could do a speaking tour so we can see how it is done.

    I know you think you're joking, but it's true.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    I know you think you're joking, but it's true.


    alright it's a trade, we'll show you how to use the metric system, properly regulate your financial sector and implement a decent and efficient health care system and PBS and you guys can give us a hand with parenting and blowing shit up.



    everybody wins!



    P.S. we may even throw in some free Kangaroo lessons too!(i'll need to talk to the PM about that though)



    will morbius take the bait? Stay tuned to find out.



  • @JesusChrist said:

    P.S. we may even throw in some free Kangaroo lessons too!(i'll need to talk to the PM about that though)
     

    He was all pissed off that Obama couldn't come to play, and now he's going to get kicked out of Parliament.

    @JesusChrist said:

    you guys can give us a hand with parenting and blowing shit up.

    They've already given us lessons on how to eat :(



  • @JesusChrist said:

    ...properly regulate your financial sector and implement a decent and efficient health care system and PBS...

    This is like a homeless man offering to teach me how to succeed in business.

     

    In fact, do you even have a home?

     

    @JesusChrist said:

    P.S. we may even throw in some free Kangaroo lessons too!

    Riding, eating or, uh... "loving"?



  • We have a nibble..

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Riding, eating or, uh... "loving"?

    loving, the eating and riding is easy, it's the lovin' that is tricky

    @morbiuswilters said:

    This is like a homeless man offering to teach me how to succeed in business.

    In what way? Australia is much more successful at these things than the U.S. that's why i will probably live 3.5 years longer than you. ;-)

    a half arsed simile is not quite the witty retort i usually expect in a morbius post.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    In fact, do you even have a home?

    What does that even mean? Is the implication that Australians generally homeless? As an american you are much more likely to be homeless than me.citation needed



  • @JesusChrist said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    In fact, do you even have a home?

    What does that even mean? Is the implication that Australians generally homeless? As an american you are much more likely to be homeless than me.citation needed

     

    Does a "trailer" ("caravan" in en-au) count as a home?



  • @Zemm said:

    Does a "trailer" ("caravan" in en-au) count as a home?

    I'm sure morbius considers his "trailer" a home, if it's got enough room for a gun rack and his collection of Jugs and Ammo then it doesn't matter if it has wheels



  • @JesusChrist said:

    "trailer", gun rack
     

    This reminds me of that awesome line from No Country For Old Men (*****) :

     

    WIFE: Where'd you get that gun?
    HUNTER: At the gettin' place.



  • Of course the masters of the Australian politik have noticed this thread and have moved to block morbs immigrating by causing a shift in leadership that has resulted in the first woman prime minister for the country. By noting morbs' rampant misogyny they expect that the process of all new immigrants having to prostrate themselves in front of the country's new leader and announce their subservience would be so humiliating and distasteful to morbs that Australia would end up last on the list of countries to which he would want to immigrate to.



  • @OzPeter said:

    Of course the masters of the Australian politik have noticed this thread and have moved to block morbs immigrating by causing a shift in leadership that has resulted in the first woman prime minister for the country. By noting morbs' rampant misogyny they expect that the process of all new immigrants having to prostrate themselves in front of the country's new leader and announce their subservience would be so humiliating and distasteful to morbs that Australia would end up last on the list of countries to which he would want to immigrate to.

    Where do you get your information?  Being forced to beg and cower before a powerful woman sounds kind of hot.  Usually I have to pay extra for that.  Or get married.

     

    Of course, she'll probably end up screwing the country up (well, more than it already is).  And for five days out of every month you have to worry about your taxes being raised or going to war because some foreign minister didn't complement her on her new hairdo.



  • @JesusChrist said:

    a half arsed simile is not quite the witty retort i usually expect in a morbius post.

    The problem is that I don't really hate Australia the way I do Europe.  I can make cracks about how your entire country is made up of the toothless redneck progeny of English prisoners, but that's about it.  I'm sorry, but the anger just isn't there.  In fact, Australia (like Canada) reminds me of America.  Not too much, but sort of like a cheap Chinese bootleg of America.  And like when a monkey smokes a cigar or a cat wears a sweater or any other time an animal acts like a human, it's kind of adorable, in a mockery-of-God's-order kind of way.

     

    @JesusChrist said:

    What does that even mean? Is the implication that Australians generally homeless?

    Yes..  I mean, I guess that hollowed-out kangaroo carcass you crawled inside counts as a "home"..

     

    I'm sorry, I tried.



  • @JesusChrist said:

    PBS

    You know what, I was thinking about this post, do you mean "Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme" or "Public Broadcasting Service"? Since it was near your mention of health care I immediately thought the former, but then I realised that most US people would think the latter.



  • @OzPeter said:

    ]WTF you talking about Willis???
     

     

    FTFY




  • @El_Heffe said:

    @OzPeter said:

    ]WTF you talking about Willis???
     

     

    FTFY



    More Australia vs US stuff hey? I just read on Wikipedia that Coleman bought Esky as I saw that Esky was listed on the Coleman site and I was "WTF?" (In Australia the item in that photo is called an "esky" as it is a genericised trademark)



  • @Zemm said:

    @El_Heffe said:

    @OzPeter said:

    ]WTF you talking about Willis???
     

     

    FTFY



    More Australia vs US stuff hey? I just read on Wikipedia that Coleman bought Esky as I saw that Esky was listed on the Coleman site and I was "WTF?" (In Australia the item in that photo is called an "esky" as it is a genericised trademark)

    Wrong Wiki article. Try this one.


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