What's wrong with me?
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Its a failure of management. It is your manager's responsibility to motivate you. My suggestion is that rather than asking what is wrong with yourself here, you look at trying to change the dynamic at work.
For example, what I'm hearing here is that you don't have any direct accountability on a day-to-day level, so maybe it would be worth to get something like code reviews, daily standups or even just a list of tasks up for you to cross out as they get completed. Or maybe it would be a good idea to give @Polygeekery a bit more info about your setup, see if you can get some personalized advice.
Or else, maybe I'm way off base here, and you do have a great manager. Except if that's the case, you're wasting your time asking tdwtf about this―you should be discussing it with your manager.
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I have a few ideas for you, but I am getting on a flight in 4 hours. If I forget, feel free to remind me to come back to this.
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I've basically gone through my entire life without a "sense of accomplishment". It kind of sucks.
In one post, you have provided more insight into why you present yourself in the way you do.
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I said I would come back to this, I hope I am not too late. Vacation got in the way.
On job I'm working on a large multi-year project. At home, I have my own small hobby project. But lately, working on both feels like a chore.
If your hobby feels like a chore, you have the wrong hobby. Everyone needs a hobby and past times that are just fun. Just because you are a programmer, do not feel as though you have to have a hobby project that includes programming. If you do have a hobby project, then it needs to be something that you find fun, relaxing (most of the time) and exciting. It should not feel like a chore to you, that defeats the purpose.
As in, I have to close all the fun browser windows and force myself to stay inside the dev environment and keep typing. I finish a tiny function or a piece of functionality, and I'm like "There! Now I deserve a few minutes on reddit or TDWTF". Every little thing draws my attention away, and I WELCOME IT. I'd rather deal with junior's inane questions and business emails than programming.
I feel like everyone goes through periods like that. How long has this been going on? It only becomes an issue if you have been fucking off for a long period of time, but distractions can be healthy in moderation. Sometimes I hit a brick wall on something and I just go screw around with something mindless and the solution comes to me. That happens a lot actually.
So, have I just grown tired of programming?
Possibly, but I doubt it based upon:
give me even a hint of greenfield, or an interesting question on SO or a good article and I'm all over it. Not even noticing as hours slip away, not even thinking about twitter or reddit.
I think you have become tired of:
working on a large multi-year project
Variety is the spice of life. Also, does this project challenge you? Are you bored with the project? It sounds like to me that there is nothing there to keep your interest. How is the project planning done? (I will come back to this)
I know a lot of people here would hate doing what my employees do, but I believe that the people that work with me do so because there is variety. They learn. They are always doing new things. We might be rewriting some LOB application one day and then I will pull them off for a day or two to go pull cable in a new office. Back to coding for a while then they might be tidying up a server room and re-racking a bunch of equipment mangled in place by the chimps that came before us. I cannot do the same shit, day in and day out. I crave variety.
So, have I just grew tired of the grind on my boring main project?
Nope. It's the same with my hobby project. And there, I damn well picked the technologies I'm genuinely interested in.
You are interested in the technologies, but are you interested in the problem that it solves? Are you interested in the end goal? It sounds as though there are parts of it that capture your attention, but does it as a whole?
Any of us that hate on Discourse could find a part of it that would capture our attention and work on that, but working on it as a whole would kill our drive if we were forced to.
the hobby thing has just started. Basically, I'm making the new version of my personal site. You know, the basic blog + see my CV + download my projects thing. I already had a few of these before.
You have solved these problems before, you need a hobby project that is new and fresh.
Oh yes. It's like a paralysis. I'm so concerned with getting everything right, that I just delay and delay and delay, until I'm sick of the thing. Actually, I think that's what happened with my hobby project.
Paralysis by analysis. George S. Patton once said, "A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow." When I find myself suffering from paralysis by analysis, I just start. I can over-analyze the shit out of everything. "Where should I start first, I better plan this out, don't want to make any mistakes..." Then I just force myself to start. After I start, then the path becomes clear. I might have to scrap everything up to that point, but it is better than just dicking around for hours or days until it is all perfect. If you wait for all the lights to be green before you venture out, you will never leave the driveway.
It's only once the deadlines loom and I start reducing the feature set to the minimum I need to push the feature out the door, that I get into "zone" and can be productive.
If I were managing you, and I saw a repeated cycle of this, I would shorten your time to delivery. Smaller tasks, more often. But I would still keep some pressure on you. This is the problem with big projects. At the beginning, you always think, "I have plenty of time." In the middle you think, "Oh, I better get going." Towards the end you think, "Holy fuck, there is no way I will get all this done." You sound like the type of person that is most motivated in that third phase. Your manager should balance that out and cut the cycle time down so that you spend more time in that third phase, but not so much that they stress you completely out.
It appears that you thrive on pressure. I do also. I know that if I do not over commit myself, I will get fuck-all done.
Also, from the sound of it you need to:
take a month off, find a nice beach or waterfall somewhere, let your phone go flat and recharge your battery.
If you were working with me, that is probably what I would tell you do to first. This is my first day back at work from a week on an island drinking gin and tonics and getting sunburnt. A couple of weeks ago, when my phone rang I would think, "Who the fuck is this and what the fuck do they want now?" This morning when my phone rang I was ready to get to work. When was your last vacation? Everyone needs time off.
Sorry, that was a long reply. I hope I did not miss anything and if there is any way that I can help just let me know. Keep your head up man. Things can always be better, things can always be worse.
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If your hobby feels like a chore, you have the wrong hobby.
I would caveat this with pointing out that nearly anything can feel like a chore at some point. With some time off (as advised in the rest of your post) today's chore might be tomorrow's fun.
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Agreed. I think I put a caveat in there somewhere. Even hobbies have their tasks that are not fun, but overall it should feel fun. But if you dread participating in your hobby, you don't have a hobby. You have a job that costs you money. ;)
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If your hobby feels like a chore, you have the wrong hobby. Everyone needs a hobby and past times that are just fun. Just because you are a programmer, do not feel as though you have to have a hobby project that includes programming. If you do have a hobby project, then it needs to be something that you find fun, relaxing (most of the time) and exciting. It should not feel like a chore to you, that defeats the purpose.
Yeah, but if your desired hobby is to cram cookies into your mouth and watch TV, you have a problem.
Variety is the spice of life. Also, does this project challenge you? Are you bored with the project? It sounds like to me that there is nothing there to keep your interest. How is the project planning done? (I will come back to this)
I know a lot of people here would hate doing what my employees do, but I believe that the people that work with me do so because there is variety. They learn. They are always doing new things. We might be rewriting some LOB application one day and then I will pull them off for a day or two to go pull cable in a new office. Back to coding for a while then they might be tidying up a server room and re-racking a bunch of equipment mangled in place by the chimps that came before us. I cannot do the same shit, day in and day out. I crave variety.
There's no great variety in a sense that it's all one project. But it is challenging. Frankly, I wouldn't mind just doing simple straightforward CRUD pages for a few days, to relax a bit.
I liked it better back when I was jumping from one smaller projects to the next.
You are interested in the technologies, but are you interested in the problem that it solves? Are you interested in the end goal? It sounds as though there are parts of it that capture your attention, but does it as a whole?
Any of us that hate on Discourse could find a part of it that would capture our attention and work on that, but working on it as a whole would kill our drive if we were forced to.
Well I need this thing completed, so yeah, I'm interested in the end goal.
I don't think I ever truly loved the subject matter I was working on. As in, the idea of the end product inspires me so much , I force myself to fight through the tedium of implementation details. It's mostly the implementation details themselves that I find interesting.
Paralysis by analysis. George S. Patton once said, "A good plan violently executed today is far and away better than a perfect plan tomorrow." When I find myself suffering from paralysis by analysis, I just start. I can over-analyze the shit out of everything. "Where should I start first, I better plan this out, don't want to make any mistakes..." Then I just force myself to start. After I start, then the path becomes clear. I might have to scrap everything up to that point, but it is better than just dicking around for hours or days until it is all perfect. If you wait for all the lights to be green before you venture out, you will never leave the driveway.
Yup. Sounds about right.
If you were working with me, that is probably what I would tell you do to first. This is my first day back at work from a week on an island drinking gin and tonics and getting sunburnt. A couple of weeks ago, when my phone rang I would think, "Who the fuck is this and what the fuck do they want now?" This morning when my phone rang I was ready to get to work. When was your last vacation? Everyone needs time off.
Yup. I'm about due to some. A lot of long weekends these past months helped some.
Sorry, that was a long reply. I hope I did not miss anything and if there is any way that I can help just let me know. Keep your head up man. Things can always be better, things can always be worse.
Thanks @Polygeekery.
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Yeah, but if your desired hobby is to cram cookies into your mouth and watch TV, you have a problem.
Yeah, it might be hard to make money off of that...
I liked it better back when I was jumping from one smaller projects to the next.
Yeah, it sounds like you are craving some variety. Any chance your supervisor could help out with that some?
Well I need this thing completed, so yeah, I'm interested in the end goal.
Those are !=. For your CV/demo site, just get it done. Make it look good, as it is your calling card, but just get it done. It does not interest you, and it has become tedious. Then you can move on to a hobby project you actually get excited about.
It's mostly the implementation details themselves that I find interesting.
If I understand what you are saying, you may be overdue for a supervisory role. Your posts have shown that you seem to have a knack for training and leading. Don't squander it.
Yup. I'm about due to some. A lot of long weekends these past months helped some.
A long weekend in your case is a Band-Aid on a bullet wound. You need a week, a beach and a bottle of booze.
Thanks @Polygeekery.
No worries man. I don't have all the answers, but I will help when I can.
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if your desired hobby is to cram cookies into your mouth and watch TV, you have a problem.
No you don't. You have it pretty sweet. You go to work, make money to buy cookies, then come home and plop down in front of the TV until bedtime. I can't settle for too long doing unproductive things, but I envy people who can. There's no end to new flavors of cookies and new TV shows to spend time unwinding with.
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No you don't. You have it pretty sweet. You go to work, make money to buy cookies, then come home and plop down in front of the TV until bedtime. I can't settle for too long doing unproductive things, but I envy people who can. There's no end to new flavors of cookies and new TV shows to spend time unwinding with.
Yeah, but if you can trick yourself into getting the same kind of enjoyment out of something useful, you won' hate yourself as you go to bed.
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hate yourself
If you hate yourself for doing something, it's not your hobby, it's more of a guilty pleasure IMO
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Dammit! Can you stop posting things from Facebook? I'm trying
toread this from work here.
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I've uploaded the image.
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Finally! Someone is doing his job!
