I was a consultant working alongside, though on different projects, with another consultant who was an independant. So one day he was trying to figure out why his program didn't work, and was trying to be tactful about blaming it on some program of mine that he thought was on the same server. His programs were constantly crashing, but it was 'never his fault'.
Throughout the day, he kept asking "Are you *sure* you don't have anything running on venus?". I'd say no, I've got nothing on that server. A few minutes later, purposefully in front of the IT director..."Are you really, really sure you've got nothing on venus??" He had the 'ready to pounce' sound, like he'd found the evidence and just wanted to be diplomatic and give me a chance to admit my shame before he exposed me in front of the IT director. I again said no.
"Well, you and I are the only ones who could possibly have anything running on that server, and my program is going slow because it's being interfered with by *SOMEONE'S* program which is taking 99 percent of the resources! Now Jim, that program isn't mine, therefore it's got to be yours, so please cancel your 'System Idle Process' program".
The IT director and me looked at each other and I just had to leave the room shaking my head, trying to be politically correct and not burst out in uncontrollable laughter.
--Jim