So I tried...
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I tried to take the derivative of:
Y=O*P*T*I*M*U*S
But the multiplication and chain rules started making it giant. I finished it, but then when I tried to multiply it all together, I realized: Finding (OPTIMUS)' just isn't worth it.
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Chain rules? Are all those letters a function of x (or whatever variable you're taking the derivative of)? Of course, if they're not, then the answer is zero.
If it was something like dy(x)/dx where y(x) = o(x)p(x)..., yeah, that could get hairy if those functions can't be composed. In that case, maybe start with a numerical solution and work backwards. But without definitions of those functions, I wouldn't rule out the possibility that there is a trivial solution lurking behind the corner using simple function composition.
I think you just gave up without trying so you could make a lame pun.
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It ended up being way simpler than I thought it would be. No chain rule, just nested multiplication rules. Here's (OPTIMUS)':
Y'=O'PTIMUS+OP'TIMUS+OPT'IMUS+OPTI'MUS+OPTIM'US+OPTIMU'S+OPTIMUS'
Every letter is a variable and this is the simplified form.