That person you don't do tech support for anymore
There's a woman in my steampunk airship who has caught on that I know computers She's an older lady, an art teacher, and 100% clueless -- and worse, she has a ton of energy and excitement around steampunk that those of us who work longer hours can't match, but she seems blissfully unaware that she has more time than most. Despite my never offering her tech support, and foisting her off on other group members when she does ask for help, she still keeps asking. Or rather, demanding.
It was suggested that we put our new logo on some buttons, and this lady said she had a bunch of blanks and could whip something up. Problem solved! Another club member sent out the image file with the logo, and, sure enough, a few days later, this message comes across the group mailing list:
How can I create 1 inch diameter circles so i can print them out and make buttons for handing out at [event]? helpppp!!!
Against my better judgement, I responded:
What have you tried? What software do you have?
No response. This morning, I get an email directly to my personal account (WTF, use the mailing list!) with no body (!!!) and subject line:
logo for public relations too light when reprinted can we make logo bolder?
Fuck you, go away. Pay me $100/hr and I'll come over and tutor you in photoshop 101, otherwise, shoo.
Re-enact that zeppelin scene from Wings. You know where they lose gas bags and the commander orders the observer and bombadiers to jump off so they can cross the channel. Back to Germany. It's a WWI movie.
Not the sitcom. You uncultured fucks.
It was a great scene.
EDIT: oh wait that was in Hell's Angels. I am the uncultured fuck.
Anyway the clever joke here is you like zeppelins apparently and there's this famous movie with a scene where the German commander orders his crew to jump off the zeppelin before it crashes into the ground and it's a really good scene and you could "reenact" it by having this annoying person jump off something very tall I guess. Shutup. It's very clever. You just have to have seen you know silent WWI aviation movies.
that reminds me of another client i fired before i dropped the tech support thing entirely.
Hi! my computer's gone a little weird. Can you help?
I guess. what seems to be the issue?
Well i went to this site and it told me i had a virus and i should click this button to get rid of it. well viruses are bad so i clicked it.
well then another popup said i should install this browser bar to make my browsing more secure... so i installed it.
and well there were a bunch more suggestions and stuff and now my computer takes almost an hour to boot and is slower than my old computer after it boots. also i can't watch the youtubes anymore.
ooookay, you know my rate. When shall i stop by to fix it?
[after spending 8 hours disinfecting the computer and resecuring it, and talking the ISP into unblocking the guy because he wasn't spamming he just had a virus.... the next week...]
Hey, you didn't fix my computer! i want my money back!
well you uninstalled all that security software i had and when i put it back my computer started acting weird again!
-sigh- You just reinfected your computer with everything i just spent all of my saturday fixing and you want me to refund your money? No.
then i'm calling my lawyer!
Do so, i do his tech support too and unlike you he listened to me when i told him not to click on things me didn't understand.
why i never! -click-
an hour later i got a call from his lawyer, who was barely holding back the laughter. he told me not to worry about anything legal, and that he was sending me a check for 8 hours of work just for giving him the best laugh of the year.
he was sending me a check for 8 hours of work just for giving him the best laugh of the year
Wait, who has that sort of money just-
I am the uncultured fuck.
Remember that everything blakey says is true, according to him.
WWI aviation movies.
Also: "The Blue Max" with George Peppard.
Wait. No Zeppelins. Peppard acts very Teutonic, so, maybe SteamPunk-ish?
Plot point: outside loops during WWI are bad - causing crashes - so related that way to Tech Support!
Filed Under: Movie I Liked (who knows you might like it too?)