The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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@asdf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
that judge shouldn't be anywhere near a court room
To be fair, 2pm is after lunchtime so he would have been three parts cut.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Either that guy is really dumb, or he actually wanted to go back to jail, or both
To me he reads as mentally ill.
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@asdf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
He doesn't even seem to know what the case is about. What. The. Fuck.
Eh... that's probably going to be typical. He had, at most probably, a list of the cases that were due to be heard that day, and which, if he committed it to memory, would've indicated that it was a murder case.
He completely dismissed the accusations by the defendant right away, siding with the lawyer.
The accusations were unfounded and there was no evidence. Dismissed.
a judge is supposed to be impartial.
Yes, speaking of which, that's one reason why the judge should really need to know as little as possible about the case before hearing it. Just like a jury, they should not come into the trial with a preconceived bias before hearing the evidence.
He is OK with the fact that the defense has no access to crucial evidence.
This one could be slightly disturbing, yes. However, I'm not sure what his options are. The defendant is wanting to fire his public defender for some ridiculous baseless accusations. He then goes on to complain that his public defender has not given him crucial evidence, but the attorney then interjects that he has been given all the evidence that he has. If the attorney's office has in fact not received a bunch of crucial evidence, they would have cause to block it from being presented at the trial, and this could potentially work in the defense's favor. It does not, however, necessarily give the defendant cause to fire his attorney. Especially if he means to attempt to present his own defense, which would be, to put it quite bluntly, an incredibly stupid and naive move. It's pretty obvious that he's relying on Google and non-specific information which likely does not apply to his specific case.
He was going for a long shot, and was hopelessly unprepared to argue his case. A quick Google suggests that a Motion for Substitution of Attorney is very rarely successful unless there is concrete proof, of which there was none in this case, that communication between the lawyer and client has completely broken down. Judges are also likely to deny the request if they believe the defendant's problem is that they do not understand and/or like the public defender's strategy, or that their request comes from frustration with the system rather than their real stated reasons -- both of which also seemed likely in this case. They're also very reluctant to allow it when the defendant does not have another attorney to represent them, which he did not.
"So you're saying that you'll find me guilty if I defend myself?" - "Yes." This statement alone is reason enough to force the judge to take a long vacation and stay as far away from this particular case as possible.
Not what he said, though; he said he probably would. And he's absolutely right. You put a hopelessly incompetent defense up against an experienced prosecution and that is the very probable result. The judge matter-of-factly tried to inform the defendant that attempting to self-represent would be "the biggest mistake you've ever made in your life". I tend to agree with him. The defendant admittedly knew nothing about the jury selection process -- that is a vital part of ensuring that he'd receive a fair trial. Knew nothing about cross-examining witnesses -- that is also a crucial part of the trial. Knew nothing about the process of trial itself. The guy was going to walk in, make an absolute buffoon of himself, and the prosecution would've walked all over him.
Then the defendant basically just launches into a profanity-laced tirade -- the only problem here was that the judge didn't have him removed from the courtroom fairly quickly.
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@anotherusername You're missing the point. I'm not claiming that any particular statement made by the judge before the profanities started was incorrect, or that the behavior of the defendant was either smart or appropriate, I'm saying that the judge's remarks and the way he handled the situation were extremely unprofessional. Also:
Not what he said, though; he said he probably would.
That doesn't make any difference. I don't know about US law, but under German law that remark would immediately disqualify the judge from doing anything related to the case.
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@asdf It isn't up to the judge in any case. That's why the Jury exists.
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@Erufael I can still imagine that a biased judge can make a difference.
And since this is the funny stuff thread, I'll refrain from posting controversial comments about the jury system in the US. ;)
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@asdf Granted.
And no system is perfect, this is true.
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@asdf I don't see how it's suggestive of any bias to tell the defendant in a murder trial that attempting to self-represent is incredibly foolish and very likely to result in conviction. At the very least, the likelihood of it being a fair trial is very low, since the defendant will not be able to properly question the jury during selection, or the witnesses during the trial.
For that matter, what's the law in Germany about self-representation? Is it allowed?
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@anotherusername said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I don't see how it's suggestive of any bias to tell the defendant in a murder trial that attempting to self-represent is incredibly foolish
That advice is still okay.
and very likely to result in conviction.
…and now you've crossed the line, IMO. Even though the judge doesn't make the decision in the US, he is still responsible for guaranteeing a fair trial.
In Germany, any comment on the expected outcome of the trial before the proceedings have ended is a valid reason to dismiss the judge. You only need to prove that there's reasonable doubt that the judge is impartial, you do not have to prove that he's actually biased. Seems like this is a bit different in the US, at least according to Wikipedia:
The general rule is that, to warrant recusal, a judge's expression of an opinion about the merits of a case, or his familiarity with the facts or the parties, must have originated in a source outside the case itself.
Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Judicial_disqualification
For that matter, what's the law in Germany about self-representation? Is it allowed?
Depends on the court. In a criminal court case, yes.
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@asdf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Even though the judge doesn't make the decision in the US, he is still responsible for guaranteeing a fair trial.
...and the trial is virtually guaranteed to be not fair if the defendant tries to represent himself. That is why it's discouraged, especially when the stakes are very high, as in a murder trial.
Anyway, it's kind of irrelevant whether that judge presides over the case or not. I have no feelings one way or the other on that point. If he does represent himself, it's not going to matter one bit whether that judge or a different one oversees the trial.
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@r10pez10 said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Should be cross-posted to BAD IDEAS thread. Especially the fuse with the "audiovisual alert."
Also, they totally omitted the old-style copper penny, which I recall hearing was good for 300 amps.
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@CoyneTheDup said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Also, they totally omitted the old-style copper penny, which I recall hearing was good for 300 amps.
Then you'd have to differentiate between the old-style solid copper pennies and the new-style copper-clad zinc pennies (to someone who may or may not know there's a difference). The results could be... not good.
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Something I came across today in ancient mailing list logs:
For years molecular biologists and geneticists were baffled by the fact that very little of any organism's DNA seems to serve any actual purpose. The mystery has been solved. The reason why only 30% of human DNA performs any apparently useful function is that the rest of it is comments. Once a typical human genome is decoded, we see that the contents begin as follows:
==/* HUMAN_DNA.H * * Human Genome * Version 2.1 * * (C) God */ /* Revision history: * * 0000-00-01 00:00 1.0 Adam. * 0000-00-02 10:00 1.1 Eve. * 0000-00-03 02:11 1.2 Added penis code to male version. A bit messy -- * will require a rewrite later on to make it neater. * 0017-03-12 03:14 1.3 Added extra sex drive to male.h; took code from * elephant-dna.c * 0145-10-03 16:33 1.4 Removed tail. * 1115-00-31 17:20 1.5 Shortened forearms, expanded brain case. * 2091-08-20 13:56 1.6 Opposable thumbs added to hand() routine. * 2501-04-09 14:04 1.7 Minor cosmetic improvements -- skin color made * darker to match my own image. * 2909-07-12 02:21 1.8 Dentition inadequate; added extra 'wisdom' teeth. * Must remember to make mouth bigger to compensate. * 4501-12-31 14:18 1.9 Increase average height. * 5533-02-12 17:09 2.0 Added gay option, triggered by high population * density, to try and slow the overpopulation problem. * 6004-11-04 16:11 2.1 Made forefinger narrower to fit hole in center of * CD. */ /* Standard definitions */ #define SEX male #define HEIGHT 1.84 #define MASS 68 #define RACE caucasian /* Include inherited traits from parent DNA files. * * Files must be pre-processed with MENDEL program to provide proper * inheritance features. */ #include "mother.h" #include "father.h" #infndef FATHER #warn("Father unknown -- guessing\n") #include "bastard.h" #endif /* Set up sex-specific functions and variables */ #include /* Kludged code -- I'll re-design this lot and re-write it as a proper * library sometime soon. */ struct genitals { #ifdef MALE Penis *jt; #endif /* G_spot *g; Removed for debugging purposes */ #ifdef FEMALE Vagina *p; #endif } /* Initialization bootstrap routine -- called before DNA duplication. * Allocates buffers and sets up protein file pointers */ DNA *zygote_initialize(Sperm *, Ovum *); /* MAIN INITIALIZATION CODE * * Returns structures containing pre-processed phenotypes for the organism * to display at birth. * * Will be improved later to make output less ugly. */ Characteristic *lookup_phenotype(Identifier *i);
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@Gurth said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
- No include guards??!!
- What is the license? blakey will not touch his penis if he figures out that he himself is open sores!!!
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@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
No include guards??!!
#pragma once
goes in the include file, not in the includer.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
No include guards??!!
#pragma once
goes in the include file, not in the includer.This is the include file:
HUMAN_DNA.H
Also,
#pragma once
is Microsoft specific, you want to be able to compile this with with the GNOME toolset
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@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Also,
#pragma once
is Microsoft specificThe only compiler I know which doesn't support it is Sun CC.
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@asdf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Also,
#pragma once
is Microsoft specificThe only compiler I know which doesn't support it is Sun CC.
When I first encountered
#pragma once
it was only valid in the Visual Studio, and since then I had not brushed up on this. At the time this ancient ML was posted (etwa 2000) that would be also the case. Let alone the time when God originally created the header file, should ask @boomzilla he is the only one here old enough to know.
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@asdf said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Also,
#pragma once
is Microsoft specificThe only compiler I know which doesn't support it is Sun CC.
Yes, Zeus did not make man, right?
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@Tsaukpaetra said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Yes, Zeus did not make man, right?
Those pagans claim otherwise
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@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
At the time this ancient ML was posted (etwa 2000) that would be also the case.
More likely there'd be a comment in the code saying that including the code twice breaks things so don't do it and not actually taking any steps to ensure that it actually doesn't happen. That's what happens in real code after all.
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http://www.roadandtrack.com/new-cars/car-technology/a30289/transit-elevated-bus-scam/
"Two Chinese state media outlets have claimed that the whole TEB project is actually a scam to extract funds from investors. "
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The platform Ezubao was shut down this year after the government declared the company was a "Ponzi scheme". Even more dubiously, the Chinese tabloid Global Times claims that the project's chief architect, only has a primary school level education.
Well, maybe so, but he's obviously smarter than all those investors.
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@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
What is the license?
Wouldn’t that be a bit tricky to decide with self-replicating and -modifying code?
Also, since it says “(C) God” and was written in the year 0, I'd think it’s safe to assume that if you do something you’re not allowed to with it, you’ll know soon enough.
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@Gurth Been waiting for an appropriate time / place for this:
Title Text:
"We lost the documentation on quantum mechanics. You'll have to decode the regexes yourself."
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@anonymous234 said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
MOAR BLOOM EFFECTS!!!!!!!
Those gloves are bitchin', right? Especially since they recently added "it's dark at night" to the game. Of course, that seems to mainly consist of painting all the landscape black.
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@r10pez10 It's missing the classic US penny, which fits (with a little nudging) into a standard Edison fuse base.
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@blakeyrat And a .22LR shell will easily replace the old style glass automotive fuses.
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TL;DR: Honda Odyssey vs Jaguar XKE vs Porsche 356, Honda beats the Jag & ties the Porsche on "Michelin’s Laurens Proving Grounds in Laurens, S.C., a several-thousand-acre facility where nearly any facet of automotive performance can be explored, exploited and extrapolated in the names of science, journalism and a quest to find the truth."
Well, the Porsche turned in a best time of 48.89 seconds; the Honda, 49.09. A tire upgrade shaved an entire 4 seconds off the minivan's time.
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@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
blakey will not touch his penis if he figures out that he himself is open sores!!!
If you have open sores on your penis, you should certainly avoid touching it.
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@Maciejasjmj said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@dse said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
blakey will not touch his penis if he figures out that he himself is open sores!!!
If you have open sores on your penis, you should certainly avoid touching it.
Yeah, you shouldn't risk catching a blood-borne disease from yourself!
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You know you must've really pissed the judge off if she says this to you after getting a "guilty on all counts" verdict: "There is to be absolutely no retaliation of any kind against any witness in this case, either by your own devices, from your own mouth or your hand, or directing anybody to do anything" and then says she'll put your ass right in jail if she hears about any.
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That's a nice onebox fail right there.
Cop got in trouble for not inventorying the car when it went to Impound. In addition to the pistol, the owners found a rifle, two computers, and the ID of the guy who stole the car.
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@FrostCat said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Especially since they recently added "it's dark at night" to the game.
Considering that feature was in the game at launch, that statement is only true for certain definitions of "recently".
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