The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
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When I said "consistent set of units", dumbass.
You're a consistent set of units, dumbass.
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So my local dialect version of Flemish, that would be a dialect of Dutch, is rather strange ... somebody decided to make T-shirts mixing up both the dialect and English.
Because if you have 'tit you might have time to fondle some tits. This one confused the hell out of me the first time I heard it IRL. WTF was she talking about? A sweater?
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Since we (well, I) only use it here on earth, it's good enough for measuring mass.
Only at sea level though.
but science! force is not mass!
How sweet! I wasn't expecting to log in and find you guys celebrating Christmas mass! :-)
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Two little boys, Tom and Danny, are excessively mischievous.
They are always getting into trouble and their Mom knows if any mischief
occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in
disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys.
The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.
The mother sent Danny in the morning, with the older boy to see the
preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy
down and asked him sternly,
"Do you know where God is, son?"
The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there
wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.
So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,
"Where is God?!
Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's
face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD?!"
The boy screamed & bolted from the room, ran directly home & dove into his
closet, slamming the door behind him.
When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked,
"What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,
"We are in BIG trouble this time!"
"GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"
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So this happened last night:
Wife: "How does Kiersten spell her name?"
Me: "Who?"
Wife: "Our son's teacher..."
Me: - pause - "Well, I am not sure how she would spell Kierstyn, but here is how I would spell her name. C - A - I - T - L - Y - N..."
Wife: "That doesn't spell Kierstyn, that spells Caitlyn..."
Me: "Yes Honey, I know. Her name is Caitlyn."
Wife: - silence - "Are you sure?"
Me: "Absolutely positive."She has been one of his teachers since May.
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Are you sure, Google?
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i would watch it.
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I frequently take my dogs with me when I go somewhere, weather permitting, etc. Every time I come back to my vehicle, they are in the driver's seat. I always tell them, "Fuck off to the passenger seat. You can't drive. You've got no fucking thumbs." <I realize the grammar on that is horrible, but I like the way it sounds>
I just did it and did not realize there were people around. The look on that woman's face was priceless.
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Action panda:
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Hey, panda! Get your blaster out and return fire. They're only imperial stormtroopers, so they couldn't hit the side of a barn at 5 yards…
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If Star Trek redshirts got in a firefight with Star Wars stormtroopers, the stormtroopers would miss all their shots and the redshirts would die anyway.
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I think you missed the Nerdy Jokes thread.
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Aren't they all the nerdy jokes thread?
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Some of us are humor-impaired and post rants instead.
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Customer: What does this screenshot mean? Please investigate and get back to us.
Note, the last sentence is his actual wording.
Me: *looks at screenshot* (It says "this form is for 2013, not 2014.")
My response: It looks like you haven't applied the 2014 update yet.
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Colleague: I've tried to close a case [in our CRM] but it won't close
Colleague: It says: Case cannot be closed as there is a related sub case open
Me: Close the sub case, then
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I LOVE easy fixes!
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Me: Close the sub case, then
I am unable to comprehend the state of confusion that would lead someone not to figure out on their own what to do, but I see it all the time.
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I am unable to comprehend the state of confusion t
i like to put it down to too much blood in the caffeine system.
i know it isn't that most of the time but i like to think it is.
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i know it isn't that most of the time but i like to think it is.
People who regularly run around in that state would probably be better suited to being organic farmers.
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Likewise.
That's a core/vendor error but all of the ones we add with our customisations spell out the problem and tell the user how to resolve it and yet we still get tickets.
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That's a core/vendor error but all of the ones we add with our customisations spell out the problem and tell the user how to resolve it and yet we still get tickets.
It doesn't matter. People will not read. You could make the error message have a button that says, "Click here to fix this issue" and they would still call...
We have migrated almost all of our clients off of on-premise Exchange to hosted email services. For every single migration, we send out an email to all users with an explanation of what to expect. The first paragraph of the email has the answers to most commonly asked questions, etc. It is very brief. How much of an outage to expect, where to access the new webmail, etc.
Within minutes of sending out that email each time, we will absolutely receive several emails that ask questions that would have been answered if they had read the first brief paragraph. Every. Freaking. Time. If we are migrating 50 users, we will get 15-20 emails like that.
Users suck.
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@Intercourse said:
It doesn't matter. People will not read. You could make the error message have a button that says, "Click here to fix this issue" and they would still call...
We had an issue with a feature that generated a PDF mailing label sheet, the kind you print off onto an Avery sticker sheet. Adobe's software by default used some kind of printer scaling that made the printouts not line up with the stickers. I put in a dialog box explaining how to fix that, and the user just go through the dialog to generate the PDF.
It was incredible how many people would blindly click "Continue" without reading, not adjusting the scaling like the dialog says, and then report bugs with the printout not lining up with the stickers. One of the bosses even reported it, I told him how to fix it, then he said "Well nobody's ever going to figure that out on their own. You should put a dialog box in explaining what to do." I nearly face-desked, and immediately sent him a screenshot of said dialog box which he'd obviously closed without reading.
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@Intercourse said:
It doesn't matter. People will not read. You could make the error message have a button that says, "Click here to fix this issue" and they would still call...
you could even have the popup say "Hey we noticed you had an error. it's cool we know how to fix this so we went ahead and did it for you. click this link if you want to know more about what we did or click ok to get on with your life and we won't bother you again about this."
and you would STILL get helpdesk tickets about it.
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One of the bosses even reported it, I told him how to fix it, then he said "Well nobody's ever going to figure that out on their own. You should put a dialog box in explaining what to do." I nearly face-desked, and immediately sent him a screenshot of said dialog box which he'd obviously closed without reading.
and you would STILL get helpdesk tickets about it.
The moral of the story, users suck and users will always file tickets no matter what you do.
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With some of our users I'm some times surprised that they manage to cross the road without getting run over, or tie their shoes in the morning.
The instance above wasn't even a user, it was a colleague.
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The instance above wasn't even a user, it was a colleague.
He is using something. My guess is black tar heroin.
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I am unable to comprehend the state of confusion that would lead someone not to figure out on their own what to do, but I see it all the time
Is it the same as this state of confusion?
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/charlesbab141832.html
On two occasions I have been asked, 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.
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Dave Barry's review of 2014.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/style/2014/12/28/davebarry-yearinreview-2014/
If only we could live in a world where Operation Thunderous Bidet was a thing.
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@Intercourse said:
He is using something. My guess is black tar heroin.
You might be a sysadmin if:
- You see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and it doesn't occur to you that it's referring to drugs.
There are others, I just happened to remember that one.
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You might be a sysadmin if:
You see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and it doesn't occur to you that it's referring to drugs.
QFT, +1, etc.
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Is it the same as this state of confusion?
I started out using that quote but couldn't remember it exactly and was too lazy to look it up. It's the same sentiment, certainly. "You can't close this ticket because another ticket is open? Are you really unable to calculate a solution from the given problem?"
In my example, it's not as if we don't send out an email every year saying you need to get the annual update that contains this year's version of these [compliance] reports. The only way I can think of to improve the actual message we print is to explicitly say "You need to download and install the 2014 update." Or to make the process somewhat more automated, maybe with a "click here to have the application download and install the update" button. If I could convince my boss to do that I would in a heartbeat.
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The only way I can think of to improve the actual message...
Can it not be automatic?
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@Intercourse said:
Can it not be automatic?
Sure, but I'd have to convince someone to let me do that--nothing in the application supports such a feature. It probably wouldn't be very hard to code. More of a concern would be making sure unauthorized people (read: those who have stopped paying maintenance) can't use such a feature. Currently, this is accomplished by having the download be behind a password-protected website.
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More of a concern would be making sure unauthorized people (read: those who have stopped paying maintenance) can't use such a feature.
I would assume there is a license key or some sort of UUID for each client? It should not be that hard.
if UUID = paid up
then allow download
else download large torrent of dwarf porn
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@Intercourse said:
I would assume there is a license key or some sort of UUID for each client? It should not be that hard.
Yes, and I would agree. It's just I've never done something like that.
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I've never done something like that.
Oh now, everyone here knows how much you like your dwarf porn.
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@Intercourse said:
Oh now, everyone here knows how much you like your dwarf porn.
I think everyone knows who the dwarf porn lover is: @blakeyrat.
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@Intercourse said:
And possibly @ben_lubar...
Well, yes, but I was avoiding the most-obvious joke in favor of the second-most-obvious one.
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Just call me...
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I'm not sure that's how it works....