Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery
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Feel free to chime in with stories of your own. I tend to get a lot of recruiter spam, even though I'm not looking for a job, have never been successfully placed by a recruiter, and have no active resumes anywhere. They're universally shitty emails written by shitty people with no understanding of what they're saying.
This one just takes the cake. Subject line is "Classic ASP Developer 5 Months Contract Brampton". FYI: Brampton is ~1 hour outside of Toronto, and 1.5 from where I live. I've only ever applied for jobs within 20 minutes of where I live, not downtown Toronto, full-time permanent ASP.Net. So this misses on everything, even if I was looking.
The position is for Rogers, another reason I'd turn it down instantly. (Fuck you Rogers!)
But then-- oh it gets even better. The very first line in the "job responsibilities" is:
Responsible for software code development using HTML/CSS, P frameworks, Python
Not a typo, because it mentions Python framework over and over. So TIL that Classic ASP == Python.
And OH it gets better. Because showing the ignorance about two programming languages wasn't enough-- they need to show their ignorance about THREE!
(This is not a java developer role so please ignore the job description)
Which I thought was weird because the job description doesn't mention Java. And then I realize-- IT GETS EVEN BETTER! I was just skimming, and didn't notice the line was from the section "Additional Comments". And it seemed odd that the Additional Comments were written in a different style from the rest of the post. And that's because "Additional Comments" are comments DIRECTLY FROM THE PERSON WHO HIRED THE RECRUITER. As in the recruiter just copy/pasted them without reading them.
Additional Comments:
We have a Manager searching for an ASP Developer. (This is not a java developer role so please ignore the job description). This person will develop and enhance GUI interface using JPHP and ASP. They will develop and enhance business logic and backend interface Python framwork, SOAP & REST Web Services. They will develop unit test cases and prepare technical documentation to support development work.Candidates must have experience performing ASP development (front end). this project was written by ASP - which is a fairly old application. There is a chance for an extension as well.
We understand that it may be difficult to find ASP developers although if they have telecom experience too, that's great, however the focus is on ASP. I understand that PHP may have similar traits, however the preference is ASP. Those that have worked with C++ or Windows applications will fit well too. Please submit your top 3 applications by this Friday at 3pm. Thanks!Wow, good thing the person didn't put anything confidential in there like "The max salary is $100/hr, but we're desperate so we'll take a candidate asking $150/hr" or anything.
And bonus that "PHP may have similar traits". Ignorance about FOUR programming languages!
Goddamn recruiters.
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One day, I was goofing off and posted a resume to a well known Job Search Website. Except, it wasn't a resume. It was a page of random gibberish that I created with a random text generator I found.
A year later, the throw-away email account i used is still getting emails that say "We read your resume and think you would be a good fit for our company"
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@Lorne-Kates said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
TIL that Classic ASP == C++
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@Lorne-Kates said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
This person will develop and enhance GUI interface using JPHP and ASP.
is JPHP ?
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@Lorne-Kates said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
ASP == Python
Meh...they're both kinds of snakes, right?
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I once had a recruiter try and recruit me for a position at the company I was already at.
I guess they didn't bother to look at the company name in 1 or both instances.
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@TimeBandit I just googled it, apparently it's like JRuby but for PHP. I don't know why people want to try running everything on the JVM.
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@aapis said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
I don't know why people want to try running everything on the JVM.
Because it must be more portable
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@zoidberg005 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
I once had a recruiter try and recruit me for a position at the company I was already at.
I guess they didn't bother to look at the company name in 1 or both instances.
you should have asked about salaries. you might have been able to negotiate a raise :D
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@TimeBandit said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@Lorne-Kates said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
This person will develop and enhance GUI interface using JPHP and ASP.
is JPHP ?
Japanese PHP. Rogers is an international company.
Filed under: They are also a television service provider. They air Japanimation.
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LOL! Yes, I should have!
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@TimeBandit said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@aapis said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
I don't know why people want to try running everything on the JVM.
Because it must be more portable
If they managed to make it segfault in the same way on all platforms simply by calling a function, I'd be seriously impressed
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@Lorne-Kates Oh well @Tufty has some opinions about this.
It includes you being a piece of shit.
Because nobody could have a bad employment experience, but @Tufty knows fucking everything.
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The butthurt is strong with this one.
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@lucas1 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@Lorne-Kates Oh well @Tufty has some opinions about this.
It includes you being a piece of shit.
Because nobody could have a bad employment experience, but @Tufty knows fucking everything.
Oh well @lucas1 has some unasked for opinions about tufty.
it includes him being a cunt.
Because nobody could have had a good thread experience, because @lucas1 fucks up everything.
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@flabdablet Did you mum do you up the arse with a big black dildo? Just Asking?
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@Lorne-Kates Your revelation on here is I don't like a forum member. You are a fucking retard aren't you
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@flabdablet If you like tha crap good for you ;-)
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@lucas1 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@Lorne-Kates Your revelation on here is I don't like a forum member. You are a fucking retard aren't you
Is that a question? I can't tell because you didn't put a question mark. You are a real shit communicator.
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@lucas1 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@Lorne-Kates Oh well @Tufty has some opinions about this.
It includes you being a piece of shit.
Because nobody could have a bad employment experience, but @Tufty knows fucking everything.
??????????
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@flabdablet said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COTrB7N7EOA#t=15m44s&end=23m48s
whyyyy can't we not be sober
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That's an amazing series of screwups right there.
Recruiters literally don't do anything. They just read the job ads on one end, and send them to their entire spam list on the other, hoping to wedge themselves in between a company and some inexperienced or desperate developer.
At this point, a good recruiter experience would be a more novel story.
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@lucas1 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@Lorne-Kates Oh well @Tufty has some opinions about this.
It includes you being a piece of shit.
Because nobody could have a bad employment experience, but @Tufty knows fucking everything.WTF dude. Don't ruin Lorne's thread with this shit. If you don't like Tufty, make your own thread or, even better, take it to private chat.
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@cartman82 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
WTF dude. Don't ruin Lorne's thread with this shit. If you don't like Tufty, make your own thread or, even better, take it to private chat.
Or option 3: STFU and ignore each other.
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@cartman82 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
, take it to private chat.
He tried that but people in private chat need to parse better.
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My favourite one from last week:
R(ecruiter): [after sending me an unsolicited linkedin contact request, but i've resigned to the fact that people think a total stranger qualifies as "someone i know and trust" by now] Hey! I was looking in detail at your linkedin profile and that looks REALLY interesting! Are you by any chance open for a new position?
M(e): did you also read in detail the bit right at the top where it says i own several businesses?
R: ... oh shit... I feel stupid now. So I guess that's a no?
M: Yep.
R: Aw. Let me know if this changes in the future, ok?
M: Don't hold your breath, mate.edit jesus i can't type. Corrected typos, time for a drink.
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@lucas1 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@Lorne-Kates Your revelation on here is I don't like a forum member. You are a fucking retard aren't you
Another revelation: forum members don't like you.
This is @Lorne-Kates'a thread about stupid recruiters. If you want to talk about something else go and create your own thread (I heard they're free)! And stop spamming @Lorne-Kates's thread.
People should only be able to post in threads they created. Jeez!
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@kt_ said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
This is @Lorne-Kates'a thread about stupid recruiters. If you want to talk about something else go and create your own thread (I heard they're free)! And stop spamming @Lorne-Kates's thread.
People should only be able to post in threads they created. Jeez!Who died and made you @blakeyrat?
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@loopback0 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@kt_ said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
This is @Lorne-Kates'a thread about stupid recruiters. If you want to talk about something else go and create your own thread (I heard they're free)! And stop spamming @Lorne-Kates's thread.
People should only be able to post in threads they created. Jeez!Who died and made you @blakeyrat?
Just a lousy imitation, actually. But you know where to get the real stuff, right?
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@kt_ said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@loopback0 said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@kt_ said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
This is @Lorne-Kates'a thread about stupid recruiters. If you want to talk about something else go and create your own thread (I heard they're free)! And stop spamming @Lorne-Kates's thread.
People should only be able to post in threads they created. Jeez!Who died and made you @blakeyrat?
Just a lousy imitation, actually. But you know where to get the real stuff, right?
The blak e-markrat, right?
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@Monomelodies Welcome back to the forums!
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@Lorne-Kates said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
Goddamn recruiters.
I don't know if any recruiter story can beat Groupon's recruiter trying to recruit David Hennemeier Hanson for a Rails position and asking how much experience he has with RoR.
But some of the recruiter spam I get starts to come close. Recruiting for entry-level positions, sending recruiter spam to a business owner. Or the offers from headhunters to help me move my career forward.
Seriously fuckers, you're both barking up the wrong tree.
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There seems to be no negative consequence for sending recruitment spam to an uninterested person: they will ignore it and complain on TDWTF.
So there is no justification for effort needed to carefully verify all the offers?
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@Adynathos said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
There seems to be no negative consequence for sending recruitment spam to an uninterested person
Pretty much true. It's not like you can leave negative feedback on LinkedIn. About the worst that can happen is that they piss off somebody who would have been a good candidate for some future position. Although if they submit grossly underqualified candidates, they may piss off hiring managers to the point they refuse to deal with that recruiter any more. Hmm, maybe I should respond to some of the Senior Java Dev, Embedded System Programmer, Financial Analyst and Nurse Practitioner spam I get.
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So, the actual job opening is for someone who knows both of classic ASP and PHP for the front-end (how do these even work together?), and Python for the back-end?
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Included in my CV is the teacher training course I started but didn't complete. Every couple of months I get emails about supply teaching opportunities
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@DogsB said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
Now I am tempted to send a fake job offer to this guy in hope that he would write a custom story for me :P
One of his replies in the post:
The room was maybe ten by sixteen. The front ten feet of the sixteen-foot axis contained the tableau of defeated worker. The back six contained trash. Five feet high where it met the wall, it was a mountain of discarded takeout food and microwave dinners and soda cans and half finished beer. There was no bed in the room; he could only have slept on the floor, because it was TV table, eating table, trash mountain. This is one of the memories that kept me in college. This is one of the memories that made me understand why people kill themselves.
I would rather be that guy's boyfriend than work in the ad industry again.
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@Adynathos He gets way more interesting recruiters than I do lol
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@El_Heffe said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
A year later, the throw-away email account i used is still getting emails that say "We read your resume and think you would be a good fit for our company"
Yeah, I get those. I'm 50. I've worked all my career as a developer, mostly in C and C++, but having to deal with JS and Fortran in one job, and Python in another.
I get those sort of emails from my last job search, eight years ago, when I was, like, you know, 42, and that job with JS and Fortran was the job I was trying to leave. Most of them are for entry-level/new-graduate or "5-7 years" positions, marginally suitable, geographically, for where I was living at that time, and only sometimes actually for a C or C++ developer. Sometimes they aren't even for developers, or for front-end web devs working in PHP or some flavour of .NET.
And, of course, "marginally suitable, geographically" when talking about where I lived at that time means "radically unsuitable because I'm not going to move back to that country..."
But still they come.
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@cark said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@TimeBandit said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@aapis said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
I don't know why people want to try running everything on the JVM.
Because it must be more portable
If they managed to make it segfault in the same way on all platforms simply by calling a function, I'd be seriously impressed
Instead, they allow you to have NullReferenceException on all platforms.
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@Steve_The_Cynic said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
that job with JS and Fortran was the job I was trying to leave.
Hmm. That looks like a nice front-page material. Of course, when there was a front page.
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@pydsigner said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
@DogsB said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
I think he saved the best for last.
And he allocated enough time to write these to recruiters? Impressive.
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@dse said:
@Steve_The_Cynic said in Fucking Recruiter dumbshittery:
that job with JS and Fortran was the job I was trying to leave.
Hmm. That looks like a nice front-page material. Of course, when there was a front page.
Not as much as you'd think. The JS wasn't browser JS, but server-side with GTK bindings to allow rapid prototyping of new screens, and, aside from the inevitable JS weirdness, wasn't too bad.
The Fortran, on the other hand, was a major clusterfuck, but to be fair to the company, they were trying to get rid of it, and to get rid of the hundreds of thousands of lines of C that had been part of an informal attempt to prove the old adage that a Real Programmer can write Fortran in any language.
On the downside, some of the things people did with C++ were, indeed, front page material, since there were programmers who had no fear of:
- undefined behaviour of any sort
- overriding class-specific
operator &()
(address-of) and making it return something that wasn't a pointer to the object, given that the object wasn't a smart pointer. (There's a very narrow set of circumstances where overriding address-of is, marginally, OK, but every single one of them is a smart pointer of some kind, and the alternative type is a pointer to the contained raw pointer, see ATL's COM pointers as an example.) - defining the truthiness operator of a class to return
bool
rather than some sort of pointer. This causes ... issues ... when you use the class as the key type in astd::map
- you may find that your map can contain only two items, one for thefalse
cases, and one for thetrue
cases.
Also, the details of the structure of the applications was such that structural weirdness in one area usually impacted only that area.
But then, in that job, "big" was a noun and "66" and "49" were verbs.