My favourite one from last week:
R(ecruiter): [after sending me an unsolicited linkedin contact request, but i've resigned to the fact that people think a total stranger qualifies as "someone i know and trust" by now] Hey! I was looking in detail at your linkedin profile and that looks REALLY interesting! Are you by any chance open for a new position?
M(e): did you also read in detail the bit right at the top where it says i own several businesses?
R: ... oh shit... I feel stupid now. So I guess that's a no?
M: Yep.
R: Aw. Let me know if this changes in the future, ok?
M: Don't hold your breath, mate.
edit jesus i can't type. Corrected typos, time for a drink.