Protip: if you want to make it challenging for someone to guess the PHP language, don't put an opening tag that says "php" as the very first line of your snippet!
Best posts made by masonwheeler
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RE: Guess the programming language
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RE: Dumb things being crowdfunded.
@RaceProUK said in Dumb things being crowdfunded.:
Not sure if this counts as a dumb thing or not tbh:
!https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/ninjacket-japan/The whole point of ninja clothing is to hide you.
Not exactly. Those things would be pretty conspicuous even if they were all-black.
Actual historical ninjas "became invisible" by pretending to be servants or peasants, who were socially invisible enough to give them an opportunity to get close to a target. The head-to-toe black costume actually comes from a very different source: it's the traditional dress of a stagehand in Kabuki theater.
A Kabuki stagehand can walk into the middle of a scene and rearrange things as needed, and because they're dressed like that, the audience knows to ignore them; they're not worth paying attention to. Then some playwright got the brilliant idea of depicting a ninja this way: have him dress up as a stagehand, who then becomes "invisible" to the audience right up until he jumps out and assassinates someone! It was successful enough to be imitated, until it became a cultural stereotype to depict ninjas dressed like stagehands.
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RE: OWL Web Language
@brisingraerowing said in OWL Web Language:
OWL Web Language features a JavaScript-like syntax and compiles to PHP, promising more security and safety
How many s can we find in that simple onebox snippet alone?
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RE: The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
@dkf Maybe this will be more to your liking?
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RE: Microsoft Adds Support for JavaScript Functions in Excel
@el_heffe I see no way this could possibly end up doing anything horrible or being a malware vector...
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RE: Large, terrifying and impressive...
@accalia said in Large, terrifying and impressive...:
A friend of mine in Argentina once encountered a massive spider--he described it as being like a tarantula the size of his hand--in his bathroom. So he did what any self-respecting South American would do: he went and got a lighter and a Raid can and let the spider have it.
After enduring the gout of flame for a long moment, the tarantula ran off under his bathtub.
It emerged a minute or so later, and he sprayed it with flame again... and again it ran off. By this time, he was thinking, "this is some sort of Terminator spider!" So when it came out the third time, he tried a different tactic: he sprayed it with Raid first and then flamethrowered it.
Being covered in flammable bug spray finally did the trick. He said the tarantula "basically exploded" at this point.
Moral of the story: Killing it with fire is all well and good, but you have to know how to go about it!
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RE: Internet access in rural America and StraightTalk Wireless WTF
@topspin said in Internet access in rural America and StraightTalk Wireless WTF:
This sounds a bit dangerous. Horses can potentially be shy / easy to scare, and depending on how small your dog is, a horse that's scared for no reason at all kicking him could badly injure the dog.
My brother-in-law grew up out in the country. They don't actually have a farm, but they live next door to one, and the neighbors have horses.
He says that they used to have this little yappy dog, the kind that would be a car chaser if he lived in the suburbs. Instead, he decided to be a horse chaser. Well, one day he actually caught one, or at least came close enough to get kicked in the face for it. They found him half-dead and badly bloodied the next morning and realized what had happened.
Dad had to get to work, so he didn't have time to deal with it; he asked Mom to take him to the vet. Mom was a bit surprised by the request. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I think he needs to now."
"Well... OK, if you say so..."
He heads off to work. Comes home that evening to find the dog, all bandaged up and wearing a cast or two, and an annoyed wife complaining about how he must love that dog a whole lot, because getting him fixed up cost $600.
"What? I told you to take him to the vet!"
"I did! Where do you think all this expensive treatment came from?"
" I meant to take him to the vet to have him put down!"
Well, this is the thing that BIL's parents didn't quite understand. He grew up in the city, where that was a perfectly reasonable idea. His wife, on the other hand, was a country girl, and...
"What? Why would you go to the vet for that? You need to put a dog down, you take him out behind the barn and hit him in the head with a shovel!"
Well, the dog eventually recovered and lived for a few more years... before dying from being kicked by a horse. At least he went out doing what he loved.
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RE: The bad jokes topic 🐴🍹👨
Q; What do Titanic and The Sixth Sense have in common?
A: Icy dead people.
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RE: Big list of software that cannot handle spaces or accents in paths
I'm seeing a lot of gnus in here. That appears to be a recurring theme.
I recall hearing at one point that the reason Microsoft created the "Program Files" folder as the default location for installed programs was specifically to force developers to write software that could properly handle spaces in paths.
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RE: In other news today...
@arantor said in In other news today...:
@karla Sorry about that, I'm British.
@karla said in In other news today...:
Yeah, you guys speak a whole nother language and put extra 'u's in words.
This one time, my grandfather was working in England on a job, and his coworkers were having some language trouble. For example, when talking about the times when things needed to be done, they would say "shed-jool" and he would say "sked-jool". Finally one of his coworkers got fed up and snapped at him.
"It's shed-jool, man! Shed-jool! It's S-C-H! Can't you read?!?"
So my grandfather, without missing a beat, nodded humbly and hung his head. "I'm sorry, you're quite right. You'll have to forgive me. I'm a product of the American shool system."
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RE: "ASCII"
Wow, this whole thread just makes me think, "ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI."
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RE: IRS awards multimillion-dollar fraud-prevention contract to Equifax
Best line from the article:
"I was initially under the impression that my staff was sharing a copy of the Onion, until I realized this story was, in fact, true," [US House of Representatives member Earl] Blumenauer wrote.
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RE: Helpful error message
@darkmatter said in Helpful error message:
Their answer: yeah that can happen on sufficiently large tables, create a new table, reload the data, and drop the old table.
This reminds me of the UPS Customer Support lady who acknowledged that they hadn't delivered my package because they had the incorrect address for me somehow, "but don't worry, we've already sent out a postcard explaining how you can take delivery of your package."
Sometimes you just need to think about whether what you're about to say is fundamentally absurd in the context of known facts. And sometimes people fail to do that.
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RE: The Official Funny Stuff Thread™
I don't care what your political affiliation is, this is just funny:
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RE: I'm getting tired of this npm shit
@cartman82 James Iry's words from 2009 still ring true today:
1995 - Brendan Eich reads up on every mistake ever made in designing a programming language, invents a few more, and creates LiveScript. Later, in an effort to cash in on the popularity of Java the language is renamed JavaScript. Later still, in an effort to cash in on the popularity of skin diseases the language is renamed ECMAScript.
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RE: Fun responses to spam phone calls
Probably the best example I know of happened to a friend of mine, soon after high school. He and his sister had worked this all out beforehand. It went something like this.
Ring! Ring!
Hello?
Hi, this is Franks Obnoxious Telemarketing Service. I'd like to ask you about our special promotion.
Oh, that sounds really interesting! *goes to find sister, covers phone, whispers, "it's a telemarketer!"*
We've got a special offer today, just for you, where--
DAVE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE MOWING THE YARD!
SHUT UP, WOMAN! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M ON THE PHONE?!? *ahem* Sorry about that. It's the wife. You know how they can be?
Ugh, yeah. Anyway, as I was saying--
DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT! YOU SAID YOU WERE GOING TO MOW THE YARD!!!They then proceed to get into a big loud screaming match at each other, with the hapless telemarketer still on the line. Meanwhile, he's going to his room and retrieving a starter's pistol. (He was a runner.)
He takes it outside, both of them still yelling at each other, then finally yells, "I TOLD YOU TO SHUT! UP!!!", places the pistol right up against the phone, and fires a shot in the air.
...uhh... oh crap! Are you still on the line? *hangs up*
About 10 minutes later, the police arrive at his place. The two of them come out and explain the prank to the officers, and by the end of it the cops were cracking up laughing and saying that was one of the funniest things they've ever seen.
The telemarketer never called back.
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RE: The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!)
Programming joke:
!false
(It's funny because it's true!)
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Utility company WTF
As most of you who are following stuff know, I recently moved to a different state in order to take a new job.
I just got my first gas bill in my email. I logged in to their site and went to set up automatic payments, which requires entering my banking information. It rejected it, saying
Route Number has an invalid format. Please re-enter...
So I double-checked the route number, and it was correct. Just in case, I double-checked the account number. Also correct. Just-extra-in-case, I retyped both numbers, checked them before hitting Submit, and... same error. Somehow this thing is rejecting a perfectly valid bank routing number that I've been able to sign up for automatic payments with on plenty of other things in the past.
Bonus : I went to contact them about it. They have a phone number for customer service, but it's not open on weekends. Nor do they have an email address to send issues to.
Extra bonus : They have a HTML form for submitting issues to in lieu of an email address. But it won't accept more than 200 characters in the body. Treating your customers like Twits is hardly what I'd call good customer service...
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RE: Linux user-facing software usability
@wharrgarbl said in Linux user-facing software usability:
MSX just worked. Even MS-DOS just worked. Soon we'll have TVs and toasters that don't just work.
"I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone."
-- Bjarne Stroustrup -
Symantec email exploit bites Symantec
Not sure if this has been posted or not yet. It isn't not brand new, but it's not even 2 months old yet and I haven't seen anything about it on here, so here we go:
Researchers at Google found an arbitrary code execution exploit against Symantec's antivirus scanner, including the module that automatically scans emails for malware. The best part: when they sent the POC to Symantec, it tried to scan the attachment containing the exploit POC, which then crashed their email server!
I know that at this point, making fun of Symantec suckiness is like shooting fish in the barrel of circular swimming, but this is a real WTF even by Symantec standards...
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RE: Bore
@cartman82 Well, the JS ecosystem is a precipitous stack of mostly rotting White Castle sliders with the occasional full-course-meal hiding in it.
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RE: Next Windows 10 major update will use machine learning to "try" not to force-reboot at the wrong time
Why are they still putting so much effort into going down the wrong path? If they put half that much effort into making it so you don't have to reboot in the first place, they'd have solved it already!
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RE: Microsoft Edge can't numbers
@thegoryone said in Microsoft Edge can't numbers:
It also can't save webpages (instead you need to send to OneNote or some such shit), somehow breaks some server-side PHP scripts (older version of PHPMailer, for example) and if you set it up just right, will replicate an IE9 bug where an executed PHP script can't properly evaluate an empty array.
Edge is great.
Sounds like that browser has a lot of...
:)
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Edge cases. -
RE: In other news today...
A news story talked about how a young girl had told her mom's Alexa, "Alexa, buy me a dollhouse," and the device, unable to distinguish between different voices, ordered one.
Guess what happened with everyone watching the broadcast who had an Alexa of their own?
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Everyone, please double-check your email address
Apparently there's another Mason Wheeler out there. For the past 3 years, I've been sporadically getting email from companies and organizations I have nothing to do with, in a city I've never lived in. When I finally got one from his church, I wrote back, figuring that the writer would actually personally know the guy, and asking if he could pass along to my namesake that he's been using the wrong email address on stuff for a while now. After that, things trailed off quite a bit, but it never stopped completely.
A few days ago, though, I got an email from a background check company with some very personal information about fingerprints and FBI checks and whatnot! I called the company to explain the problem, and the lady I talked to mentioned that she'd already been in touch with the guy, because he'd noticed the problem and called them about it. Just... apparently not quite soon enough.
Please everyone, double-check when you put in your email address for something, (especially when it's not an autocomplete on a browser form that makes sure you get it right,) so you don't end up sending personal information to some stranger. This guy's very lucky I'm not an identity thief, because I could have totally ruined his life several times over by now with some of the stuff that's been sent to me...
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RE: We live in a truly horrifying time.
@anonymous234 If they were, that would really tick a lot of people off!
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RE: NPM package that does nothing accidentally removed, breaks shit AGAIN
Again, this would not happen if NPM used a proper relational database to track packages and dependencies. It would be literally impossible to delete a package where other packages exist that depend on it.
I failed to properly follow our written internal process for checking if an unpublish is safe.
...which is precisely why it should be done with referential integrity rather than a checklist that a fallible human has to follow. This is already a solved problem, but people too trendy to use SQL keep screwing it up.
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RE: Apple's $300 picture book
@TimeBandit said in Apple's $300 picture book:
- good fire-starter
Didn't Apple sue Samsung not that long ago for allegedly ripping off their distinctive design elements?
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RE: In other news today...
@HardwareGeek said in In other news today...:
No, but after Brexit, it will be.
Would we really want them?
At the very least, they'd have to learn to speak the language, and how to spell properly. For example, "U" goes between "O" and "R" when it is pronounced (hour, flour, etc,) and does not when the "U" is not pronounced. (Honor, color, etc.)
True story. My grandfather was an engineer who worked on major telecommunications projects all over the world. One time, he was working with a bunch of British engineers on something, and when he would talk about the schedule, he would pronounce it sked-jool, and the Brits would pronounce it shed-jool. One time, one of the British engineers got so fed up by his American pronunciation that he snapped at him. "It's shed-jool, man, shed-jool. S-C-H. Can't you read?"
And so, my grandfather just nodded humbly. "You're right, you're right. My fault for getting it wrong. You'll have to forgive me; I'm a product of the American shool system."
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RE: Windows 10 and another brilliant idea from Microsoft
@tsaukpaetra said in Windows 10 and another brilliant idea from Microsoft:
Evidence of the murder.
A mafiosi was sitting in his cell, awaiting trial, when he received a letter from his aged mother, in which she complained about how it was getting harder each year to dig up her garden in preparation for planting, and she really wished he was around to help.
He wrote back to her,
Mom,
Please, no. Not this year. Under no circumstances should you dig up the garden. That's where I hid the bodies!
A few days later he got a reply letter.
Thank you for sending the nice police officers to dig up my garden for me this year. They did a very thorough job and I didn't have to lift a finger!
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RE: How dare you use the possessive form of someone's name...
@timebandit said in How dare you use the possessive form of someone's name...:
How much time does it take to properly escape your Database query ?
Zero. Popular XKCD comics notwithstanding, escaping is and asking for trouble. The proper way is to use parameters.
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RE: Outlook thinks it's my most important application
Once upon a time, I worked at the front desk at a clinic. One day, we were having network trouble, with connectivity going on and off randomly. At one point, it must have affected my coworker's connection to the email server, because she suddenly groaned, "Oh, now I've lost my Outlook!"
One of the clients sitting in the waiting area looked up with concern on her face. "On life?"
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"I need an avatar"
A friend just IM'd me out of nowhere.
: I need a photo for you. Doesn't have to be RL you, just an avatar.
: My hands. Your trachea.
: ???
: New IM app.
: Just an avatar?
: Sure.
:
: ...Okay.
: It's an avatar.
: ...
: I hate you.
: or would this be better?
: Let's make it happen
Sometimes it's just too easy.
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Arbitrary code execution: Package Manager edition
So some researcher just published a document about typosquatting on popular package managers.
The basic idea is, Python's
pip
, Ruby'sgem
and Node'snpm
each have some facility by which a package's author can cause the package manager to automatically execute arbitrary code on setup, and allow packages with arbitrary names to be uploaded with no manual oversight or code review. This is a beautiful combination for would-be botnet builders: just create a malicious package whose name is an easy typo version of a popular package.He uploaded a few hundred packages as a test, with arbitrary code that causes them to call home to a server he runs to gather statistical information, then published his results: over 17,000 computers "compromised" over the course of just a few weeks...
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RE: Quick spout of annoyance at STEAM
Sounds like this little glitch has got you really steamed!
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RE: NPM 5.7 recursively changing ownership of system directories when using sudo npm -g
@mrl said in NPM 5.7 recursively changing ownership of system directories when using sudo npm -g:
@carnage said in NPM 5.7 recursively changing ownership of system directories when using sudo npm -g:
Because it's provably a clusterfuck, in every concievable way. The actual package manager is maintained by a bunch of drunk monkeys hammering away at keyboards, and the packages it manages are worse ....
And all this in javascript land. I'm shocked.