The Joel Test was obviously not written with the Real World™ in mind.
1. Do you use source control?
Yes. No branching or tagging, though, because no one in the company knows how they work and reading up on them would cost valuable development time.
2. Can you make a build in one step?
Builds and packages are unneccessary. We just directly stage to the production server via FTP through our mid-tier consumer DSL line and then connect to phpMyAdmin and modify the database if neccessary.
3. Do you make daily builds?
No, and it wouldn't work anyway because our average time between source control checkins is somewhere around three weeks.
4. Do you have a bug database?
No. The developers don't have time to set up something like that until the system we're working on is done and bug-free. It would take away valuable coding time, you see, and we can just use text files anyway.
5. Do you fix bugs before writing new code?
Only if that code isn't top-priority. We have no priorities other than "top", of course. It's a good week when I can finish one bit of functionality before I have to drop it to start work on something else that needs to be done "right now".
6. Do you have an up-to-date schedule?
Yes. That schedule is "I expected your one-man team to write this ERP system with specs known only to me in three months. Why aren't you done yet?".
7. Do you have a spec?
The boss knows what he needs. He won't tell me but I'm a developer. I'm supposed to know based on the screenshots of a legacy system he once sent me.
8. Do programmers have quiet working conditions?
No but at least I have headphones. Of course I can't set them too loud or I can't be interrupted. Which would be bad since in our company "developer" and "tech support" are synonymous.
9. Do you use the best tools money can buy?
We have a spending freeze until our system is completly done. The boss has promised everyone a Mac after that, although it's dubious whether actual productivity tools other than Adobe Creative Suite would be greenlit. So... Does the trial version of Sublime Text count?
10. Do you have testers?
Why would you need testers? Just insist that the devs get it right the first time. Duh.
11. Do new candidates write code during their interview?
Yes, but mainly because in our company developers conduct the hiring interviews and I've heard of the term "FizzBuzz".
12. Do you do hallway usability testing?
Hallway what?
That's two out of ten, which is what my boss would argue is "how every company operates". So obviously the test must be faulty.