@boomzilla said in The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!):
Doctor's note: "patient appears irrational".
@boomzilla said in The nerdy jokes thread (bonus original title mode!):
Doctor's note: "patient appears irrational".
Stopped to pick up some ice cream shortly before (10pm) closing time at Safeway tonight. Just as I got into the store the manager gets on the PA system and announces :
"Attention, Safeway shoppers. The time is now nine forty-eight, and we will be closing in twenty-eight minutes."
(pause)
"I mean eighteen minutes."
(pause, while I mutter to myself in the spice aisle, "try twelve".)
"That should be twelve minutes. I can do math."
I just wish I could have had him at the checkout counter a few minutes later trying to make change for my purchase.
@PJH said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@izzion said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
I must confess it took me entirely too long to get where 4416 came from.
For those who can't empathise her stupidity (like me - I needed the picture clue)...
Must be one of my former students:
Them: "There's no P in hamster..."
Me: "Maybe you're just not squeezing them hard enough."
And then there's the classic set of sentences when you have to write a reference letter for someone you'd rather not:
*** To describe a candidate who is woefully inept:
I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.
*** To describe a candidate who you were happy to part company with:
I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine.
*** To describe a candidate who is not particularly industrious:
In my opinion you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you.
*** To describe a candidate who is not worth further consideration:
I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.
*** To describe a candidate with lackluster credentials:
All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him/her too highly.
*** To describe a candidate who is so unproductive the position would be better left unfilled:
I can assure you that no person would be better for this job.
@hungrier said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
@DoctorJones said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
So for some reason I made this
Reminds me of the airport announcement I once heard:
<click>
Your attention please. Will all passengers who have not already done so, please do so immediately. Thank you.
<click>
If you're gonna cosplay C3PO and R2D2, you can't do much better than this....
Actually, I'm not worried at all. My "family" is just the cats, and they've got this social distancing thing down cold.
@Cursorkeys said in In other news today...:
Back when it was still legal to do so in the US, my father once got an application asking for his race, to which he replied "Irish".
When the forms were being reviewed at the union hall, someone held it up and said "is that white Irish or black Irish?" Dad's response: "It's green Irish!"
I wonder how much of this misunderstanding is a calque from German, where hydrogen is "Wasserstoff" and oxygen is "Sauerstoff". The English versions of both are from Greek, which serves to disguise the mistaken meanings.
@Tsaukpaetra said in Random thought of the day:
@da-Doctah said in Random thought of the day:
anyone who assumes them to be engaging in an incestuous relationship.
How do you know they're not?
One may, if one wishes, interpose the words "correctly or not" after "them" in the above.
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse have the same last name.
While it's certainly possible for this to be the case even without them actually being related, you'd expect them to have a quick explanation worked out to offer anyone who assumes them to be engaging in an incestuous relationship.
@Tsaukpaetra Quizno's? The guys responsible for this iconic ad?
Quiznos Spongmonkeys We Love The Subs ad – 00:31
— Rathergood
@BernieTheBernie said in The Official Funny Stuff Thread™:
Easier. A colleague at that time told me how he enjoyed WiFi surfing. Park your car next to a building of a company, switch your notebook on, and just connect to WiFi...
That's a funny way to spell "wardriving".
@Arantor In which case "{indeciperable string of directional emojis}" is better for purpose than any particular indecipherable string of directional emojis would be.
@PleegWat I'm pretty much emoji blind. All the facial expression ones look the same to me at the resolution they're usually presented, so if you're think you're trying to communicate something using them, be advised that you're failing miserably.
@boomzilla said in The unofficial offical bad pun of the day thread:
The Fun With Maps thread is {indecipherable string of directional emojis}
@loopback0 All letters are silent in French. You only pronounce the accent marks.