monkey
@monkey
Best posts made by monkey
Latest posts made by monkey
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RE: Download our website as Microsoft Powerpoint
I liked the fact that the founding member wrote two "bestselling" books on MSPaint. I'll be sure to go out and buy them as soon as I leave the office today! As a pressman in a previous life, that site horrifies me and only succeeds at making me glad I didn't get out of printing and into website d-sign.
This is all I can think of when reading about the member[b]z[/b] of this l33t d-sign clan: http://www.rofl.name/flash/mspaint [NWS]
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RE: Poorly chosen name
My choice as a DBA, since the 'asshole' seemed directed at the DBA would have been:
developers_asshole
"Inserting ... into developers_asshole" much more accurate and descriptive table, IMO.
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RE: %$#$% Blocked!
@danio said:
... Found that in the browser history of a laptop once that we were testing for a colleague. Every time I saw him afterwards all I could think about was his penchant for animals and young girls...
Don't even remind me of my days in tech-support at a local ISP; the things people would leave on thier pc's when they brought them in for us to fix.... <shudder>
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RE: The guy in the next cube . . . .
That's better than having to listen to someone hum along to Chinese music...
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RE: Coworker WTF
I once had to make an (obviously) idiotic 'guru' a local admin on one of my servers against my will. Two days later I got the call....
Guru: I need the o/s cd for server X.
Me: Why?
Guru: I uninstalled IIS.
Me: <sigh>...why?
Guru: I was on the phone with Product-Z support and they suggested that I uninstall & reinstall IIS to see if fixed the problem. I didn't know I could uninstall IIS.
Me: You said (demanded) you had to be a local Admin on the server!
After all the time I spent working on it, this 'mo comes along and blows it all to heck in 30 seconds because he "didn't know that as an Administrator he could uninstall IIS". Management finally saw the light after I spent another day reconfiguring all of Product-Z again. And two months later they escorted him out of the building.
Sometimes these fools get found out in short order. Other times they get promoted...
Edit:
[Shameless BOFH plug]
They're called cow-orkers mostly these days.
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RE: User language
@Rodyland said:
Me: Look at the mouse. There are two buttons on it. Which one did you press.
lUser: The left one.I had this problem once with someone who couldn't grasp the idea of a 'right-click'...
Me: Ok sir, if a 'right' click is the left mouse button, what would a right-button click be?
Customer: A wrong-click?
Me: Good enough. Wrong-click the icon and choose 'properties'...
As soon as he associated a 'wrong-click' he got it. But this guy also took two reboots (and a lot of swearing) that he had windows 95, but didn't have a 'my computer' on his desktop. So I asked him the second time when he rebooted what the splash screen said...<sarcastic southern drawl> Windows three point won won. </sarcastic southern drawl> [^o)]
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Scary stuff...
when you're the new DBA and find code snippets like this one...
Part of a procedure to determine disk space usage:
<FONT color=#0000ff>WHILE @@FETCH_STATUS = 0 BEGIN</FONT><FONT color=#0000ff> SET @DOSCmd = <FONT color=#800080>'chkdsk</FONT> ' + @Drive + ':'
INSERT INTO #ChkDsk
EXEC master.dbo.xp_cmdshell @DOSCmd</FONT><FONT color=#0000ff> SELECT * from #ChkDsk</FONT>
Running chkdsk on a LIVE PRODUCTION SERVER(s) to determine disk usage...OMG! [B)] -
RE: My big toe is more qualified.
I was present in a senior mgmt meeting once where a director of development actually said "Development lifecycles are only good/applicable for three years."
What he failed to realize was that his platform had been in development for almost five years at that point.
Another favorite quote:
"We don't have time to do it right, but we have time to do it over."
[:'(]