This new, moronic, non-English



  • I am seriously bothered by the modern phrases that crept into all fields and are usually devoid of any real meaning. My HP laptop provides a fantastic example of this assfuckery. It asked me if I would like to "make Windows my default Power On experience". Wtf?!
    Wasn't "start Windows by default" a simpler, more meaningful way to say it? Why is "power on" capitalized? Is powering on a computer a trademarked thing? Wtf does "power on experience" even mean? How does pushing a button constitute an experience?
    I hate this non-English fad.



  • I noticed this too when I had an HP laptop, although it didn't seem to induce the level of rage you are evidently experiencing...

    (I think I was just numb to HP stupidity by that point.)

    The more WTFy part was the alternative to the "Windows Power On experience"—namely, HP's useless pseudo-OS thing.



  • Sounds like the sad emoticon on the new Windows 8 BSOD would cause your head to asplode.

    Otherwise, I agree with you. "Experience" is something you get at Alton Towers.



  • Oh, but are you experienced?

    Have you ever been experienced?

    Not necessarily Windows, but stupid.



  • Think about it from HP's perspective. Going forward, the ability to pivot between Power On experiences provides for uplift within the value proposition of the HP ecosystem.



  • Arrggh! I am so with you on that one! Neologisms, padded word counts, "verbising" nouns, meaningless phrases like "action this going forward" and that horrible use of "experience". I can see how some of these techniques are valid in marketing (where the goal is to mislead) but they are not appropriate in user interface design (where the goal is, or should be, clarity).



  • The only WTF here is that people are still buying HP laptops. Why? Cheaper than hiring some fat guy in leather to punish you?



  • @havokk said:

    [...], "verbising" nouns, [...]

    That's an interesting turn of phrase.



  • @havokk said:

    they are not appropriate in user interface design (where the goal is, or should be, clarity).

    UI design is so 2010. UX design is where all the buzzwords are at now. Did you miss the memo?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    The only WTF here is that people are still buying HP laptops. Why? Cheaper than hiring some fat guy in leather to punish you?

    If HP made a fat guy in leather, he would breathe through his arsehole and overheat within two minutes of sitting down.



  • @Severity One said:

    @havokk said:
    [...], "verbising" nouns, [...]
    That's an interesting turn of phrase.
     

    Dunno if it's a true term, but sadly (a) I understood what he meant and (b) get similarly annoyed at it.

    Irony.



  • @Cassidy said:

    (a) I understood what he meant and (b) get similarly annoyed at it

    English has pretty much always featured parts of speech that slide around some; verbing of nouns is actually a fairly common pattern. It doesn't bother me anywhere near as much as the nouning of verbs, which generally strikes me as completely up itself.

    Yes, I have a telephone. No, I'm not interested in cutting my "monthly spend". Just fuick off and telemarket somebody else.



  • It's the only trick all these communcation MAs know: change the name.

    Engineer: "We've got a problem: our nuclear waste, eh, sorry, reprocessing facility just leaked tons of bad stuff into the Irish sea! What can we do?"

    Communication Expert: "Cover it up and change the name"

    So, what do you do when you want to ram a choice down a user's throat? Get someone to write a start-up screen like this: "Congratulations on your acquisition choice for this HP Comfy Surfing Solution (TM). All necessary software has already been installed and will be kept up to date for your convenience, so you don't have to miss one second of Comfy Surfing Time (TM), by just pressing the OK button below. The one the mouse is already hovering over, so all you have to do is to click, and your HP Comfy Surfing Solution (TM) will take you anywhere with the greatest ease." And "ease" would of course mean: using Internet Explorer and whatever crapware provides best "synergy" for HP...



  • "Comfy" is far too cardigan and slippers (said he, casually adjectiving two nouns) for HP, who are all about trying to look thrusting and businesslike while avoiding any choice of language that might wake any CTO responsible for enterprise purchasing decisions from his customary intellectual torpor. So if HP did this, they would almost certainly call it HP Enhanced Web Experience and it would be implemented as a preinstalled IE/Windows Explorer BHO that breaks everything if you try to uninstall it, bundled with an auto updater that breaks everything if you don't. Also, it would only work as designed in an Administrator account.



  • @Severity One said:

    @havokk said:

    [...], "verbising" nouns, [...]
    That's an interesting turn of phrase.

    I always heard it as "verbifying."

    OP reminds me of George Carlin ranting about rain events, preheated ovens, preboarding, and getting IN the plane, not ON the plane.



  • @kilroo said:

    and getting IN the plane, not ON the plane.
     

    Oh, I recall that one.

    It was linked to an article ranting about "pre-owned" and "pre-ordered", and referring to virgins as "pre-fucked".



  • @flabdablet said:

    Oh, but are you experienced?

    Have you ever been experienced?

     

    That's a little intimate, isn't it?

     



  • @dhromed said:

    That's a little intimate, isn't it?

    Would you like to come in? I could show you my cling film. All the rolls of it.



  • @Severity One said:

    @havokk said:

    [...], "verbising" nouns, [...]
    That's an interesting turn of phrase.

    I hate when people verb nouns.

     



  • @flabdablet said:

    "Comfy" is far too cardigan and slippers (said he, casually adjectiving two nouns) for HP, who are all about trying to look thrusting and businesslike while avoiding any choice of language that might wake any CTO responsible for enterprise purchasing decisions from his customary intellectual torpor. So if HP did this, they would almost certainly call it HP Enhanced Web Experience and it would be implemented as a preinstalled IE/Windows Explorer BHO that breaks everything if you try to uninstall it, bundled with an auto updater that breaks everything if you don't. Also, it would only work as designed in an Administrator account.

    Oh,but my market segment was 50 year old housewives trying f*book. But I like your linguistifying scrutinization. I suggest you letter the HP Obfuscation Department on-line and task them with your interviewing for a senior ranked job.



  • @TGV said:

    I suggest you letter the HP Obfuscation Department on-line and task them with your interviewing for a senior ranked job.

    Could be some good learnings in it I suppose.



  • I misread Comfy as Cornify. Shut up and take my money, HP!



  • @flabdablet said:

    English has pretty much always featured parts of speech that slide around some; verbing of nouns is actually a fairly common pattern.

    Well, the point was that he complained about the turning of nouns into verbs by turning a noun into a verb. The word "verb" is a noun. If it was intentional, it was brilliant irony. If it wasn't... well...

     



  • @Severity One said:

    If it was intentional, it was brilliant irony.
     

    I genuinely thought it was - made me chuckle. 

    @Severity One said:

    If it wasn't... well...

    .. then I'm a WTF. 


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @veggen said:

    I am seriously bothered by the modern phrases that crept into all fields and are usually devoid of any real meaning. My HP laptop provides a fantastic example of this assfuckery. It asked me if I would like to "make Windows my default Power On experience". Wtf?!
    Wasn't "start Windows by default" a simpler, more meaningful way to say it? Why is "power on" capitalized? Is powering on a computer a trademarked thing? Wtf does "power on experience" even mean? How does pushing a button constitute an experience?
    I hate this non-English fad.

    <font size="2">Ford flipped the switch which he saw was now marked "</font><font size="2">Mode Execute Ready</font><font color="#ff0000" size="2"><font color="#ff0000" size="2">"</font></font><font size="2"> instead of the now old-fashioned </font><font color="#ff0000" size="2"><font color="#ff0000" size="2">"</font></font><font size="2">Access Standby</font><font color="#ff0000" size="2"><font color="#ff0000" size="2">"</font></font><font size="2"> which had so long ago replaced the appallingly stone-aged </font><font color="#ff0000" size="2"><font color="#ff0000" size="2">"</font></font><font size="2">Off</font><font color="#ff0000" size="2"><font color="#ff0000" size="2">".</font></font>



  • @Behodar said:

    Think about it from HP's perspective. Going forward, the ability to pivot between Power On experiences provides for uplift within the value proposition of the HP ecosystem.

    You must die. Preferably with a steady, percussive application of "The Holy Bat of Buzzword Cleanseification".



  • @Severity One said:

    Well, the point was that he complained about the turning of nouns into verbs by turning a noun into a verb. The word "verb" is a noun. If it was intentional, it was brilliant irony. If it wasn't... well...

    Perhaps it had escaped your attention that my complaint was not about using nouns as verbs, which I don't mind so much given that it has been going on in English for centuries, but about the misuse of verbs as nouns, a practice that has relatively recently become prevalent in business-speak and which I find ugly and crass.



  • @C-Octothorpe said:

    You must die. Preferably with a steady, percussive application of "The Holy Bat of Buzzword Cleanseification"

    And right after that power on experience from the Holy Bat, he could then be made to pivot upon it until it has achieved so much uplift within the value proposition of his own ecosystem as to enhance his back teeth going forward.



  • While researching a rebuttal to all this grammar nazi shit, I found this 1994 excerpt about "language mavens."



  • @kilroo said:

    OP reminds me of George Carlin...


    You do me great honor.



  • @MiffTheFox said:

    While researching a rebuttal to all this grammar nazi shit, I found this 1994 excerpt about "language mavens."


    Weeeeell, this thread isn't really about those prescriptive rules the essay describes. It's about semantics. If you eschew grammar, you get a dumb sounding sentence. If you eschew semantics, you get gibberish. But in the case we're discussing here, not just any gibberish, but malicious gibberish meant to mislead, influence perception etc. by cleverly emulating actual language.
    So, no, your usual grammar Nazi rebuttal doesn't work here.



  • @flabdablet said:

    And right after that power on experience from the Holy Bat, he could then be made to pivot upon it until it has achieved so much uplift within the value proposition of his own ecosystem as to enhance his back teeth going forward.
     

    You both horrify me and impress me in equal measures. It's an interesting experience.



  • @veggen said:

    Weeeeell, this thread isn't really about those prescriptive rules the essay describes. It's about semantics. If you eschew grammar, you get a dumb sounding sentence. If you eschew semantics, you get gibberish. But in the case we're discussing here, not just any gibberish, but malicious gibberish meant to mislead, influence perception etc. by cleverly emulating actual language.
    So, no, your usual grammar Nazi rebuttal doesn't work here.

    Oh I was just rebutting the idea that verbing is bad.



  • Oh, ok then, my bad. I, personally, don't have a strong opinion on that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just doesn't. E.g. "googling" is fine by me. "To action" would be a no-no.



  • @MiffTheFox said:

    Oh I was just rebutting the idea that verbing is bad.

    ObCalvin:



  • @boomzilla said:

    @MiffTheFox said:
    Oh I was just rebutting the idea that verbing is bad.

    ObCalvin:

     

    Ob Benjamin Franklin (in a 1789 letter to Noah Webster):

    During my late absence in France, I find that several other new words have been introduced into our parliamentary language; for example, I find a verb formed from the substantive “notice”: “I should not have noticed this, were it not that the gentleman,” etc. Also another verb from the substantive “advocate”: “The gentleman who advocates or has advocated that motion,” etc. Another from the substantive “progress,” the most awkward and abominable of the three: “The committee, having progressed, resolved to adjourn.”

     


  • Impossible Mission - B

    Tangentially related:


    Also the third-level hidden text references the Calvin and Hobbes comic directly.

    (I rank hidden text 1=title/hover text, 2=mailto subject line, 3=RSS feed title.)



  • @Cassidy said:

    You both horrify me and impress me in equal measures. It's an interesting experience.

    Enhancements to the goose in the flavor space also achieve synergies with the gander.



  • @da Doctah said:

    Ob Benjamin Franklin (in a 1789 letter to Noah Webster):

    During my late absence in France, I find that several other new words
    have been introduced into our parliamentary language; for example, I
    find a verb formed from the substantive “notice”: “I should not have noticed this, were it not that the gentleman,” etc. Also another verb from the substantive “advocate”: “The gentleman who advocates or has advocated
    that motion,” etc. Another from the substantive “progress,” the most
    awkward and abominable of the three: “The committee, having progressed, resolved to adjourn.”

     

    I feel like I have to Snopes this one...



  • @Behodar said:

    @da Doctah said:

    Ob Benjamin Franklin (in a 1789 letter to Noah Webster):

    During my late absence in France, I find that several other new words
    have been introduced into our parliamentary language; for example, I
    find a verb formed from the substantive “notice”: “I should not have noticed this, were it not that the gentleman,” etc. Also another verb from the substantive “advocate”: “The gentleman who advocates or has advocated
    that motion,” etc. Another from the substantive “progress,” the most
    awkward and abominable of the three: “The committee, having progressed, resolved to adjourn.”

     

    I feel like I have to Snopes this one...

    The most authoritive source I can find is Archive.org (note this is NOT the Wayback Machine), but googling quotes from the letter also brings up dozens of books on Google Books.

    (Ctrl+F, 126" MEMOIRS OF BENJAMIN FIIANKLIN.) Yes, even with the spelling and the quotation mark (digitization error?).



  • @flabdablet said:

    Enhancements to the goose in the flavor space also achieve synergies with the gander.
     

    tilt

    splurge

    You owe me a new desk.


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