Dicks.



  • Since every topic seems to devolve into an in-depth discussion of penii, I decided to research what would happen to a topic with the express purpose of talking about dicks. And by research, I mean make a topic about dicks.

    Commence



  • Is this the best idea you can come up with? Pussy.

    inb4 "obvious joke is obvious."



  • I've got a nice blue one I stole from the secretary. It's blue, and it's the only one I've ever been able to keep visible on my desk without someone else in the office stealing it. It's actually almost empty, which has never happened before since I've worked here. I guess the thief no longer works here. It works pretty smoothly, and as a bonus has a metal clip so it stays in place if I put it in my pocket.





  • You want a thread about dicks? Alright then. I'll just drop this here:

    It is relatively common for straight men to be attracted to penises.

    Hopefully you'll get a nice long thread now.

    Bonus: a TED talk about penises.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Strolskon said:

    You want a thread about dicks? Alright then. I'll just drop this here:

    It is relatively common for straight men to be attracted to penises.

    (Attempted re-post; first disappeared for some reason...)



    Other research. Start with the paragraph beginning "When photos do contain people related to the task at hand..." if you can't be bothered reading the whole thing.



    Linked from 'The caveat in paragraph number 19' which has nothing to do with the subject at hand.



  • My theory- for centuries, European culture artificially favored the small-dicked. Women had no say in who they married, and little say in who got to have sex with them, and as a result penis size did not give a reproductive advantage, and penis size deteriorated over time. Other qualities were reproductively favored, in particular cleverness at war and thievery. Many of today's scientists and engineers come from this limp-dicked genetic stock, but live in a world where penis size does matter immensely. In my mind, this unfortunate confluence of events has left these people ill-prepared for contemporary existence, and it explains a lot of the bitterness and irrationality one sees on sites like this one.



  •  Hmm this is interesting, I came into (no pun intended) "General Discussion" because I was thinking of started a thread about blow jobs, then suddenly I find that there is a DICKS thread... someone beat my dirty mind to it!

    Reading some of the previous post, some people are obviously skirting around the issue of DICKS for social/political reasons... then I see a post about dick size...

    Now I don't know what to think there, firstly I have do an oppinion on the point made but then I wonder why... when dicks are raised a subject, the first thing that comes into this posters mind is size?

     Now you say 'artificially favoured'. You seem to be suggesting that women where 'forced' to mate with men with small penises for social reasons and this is somehow against the natural order? The fact that you imply 'favoured' shoes that size is irrelavent, if these small penissed men you suggest were actually somehow inferior, in the evolutionary "Being able to reproduce" sense then this trait would not be passed on!

    Fact is the only people who give a fuck about the size of a guys dick, are other guys. It has become this odd social thing, you don't judge a guy by the length of his arms, or the size of his nose but you have an issue with dicks?

     Personally I think it comes from moral attitudes of an older world, don't get me wrong its perfectly natural and justifiable, I see it like this:

    In a pre-indsutrial world we reached a point where expanding population was out running the supply of natural resources needed to supply it's needs. As such society developed this taboo around sexuality to restrict 'rampant' reproductive behaviour.

    Once this taboo was establish it carried through generations and became hard to dispell, because reproduction now had rules so did attitudes to the reproductive organs.

    This also extends into nudity, now of course in the temperate zones of europe where our culture developed, nudity wasn't much of an option for half of the year anyway so clothing was neccesary, with the rise of the taboo around uncontrolled reproduction clothing took on a new purpose, to curb our stimulation and desires... but I am straying from the subject of dicks.

    What I was getting at was, women don't care how big your dick is and it doesn't make a difference to you ability to reproduce, if penis size truely has anything to do with anything, evolution might care, but it make its own judgement over time and honestly I don't think it does. Men may care nowadays, but I don't think that even mattered back when it wasn't an issue, its what you do with it that counts... most men never even see another man's erect penis so how could you even judge another man based on that?

    This whole size issue just exists in the mind because of the taboo that has sprung up around sexuality, in reality it means very little to anyone. You might compare yourself to some pr0n vid and think "Woah my dick is small compared to that guy" but hey... if you really think size has something to do with sucess, look up the length of the average vagina. Big dicks just turn up in the popular media, i.e. pron, because they are visually stimulating. Its symbolic.

    Out in the real world, even if it does make a difference and as I say I doubt it does, there will be a range of dick and vagina sizes and some will be too big/small for the other and evolution will do its thing, variety being the spice of life.

    Really though I think the issue of dick size is a social one, in reality what really gives a male favour in the being able to mate an reproduce, evolutionary sense, has become social prowess and dominance.

    You could say, if you go with the 'big dicks are just to impress other guys with your big dick dominance' theory that a big dick would help in this respect but then I'd have to get back to the thing about clothes and actually looking at other guys dicks... in a world where you don't see dicks that whole idea doesn't really carry any weight.

     

     

    As for the point raised about small dicks leading to bitterness on this particular forum, I can't see that being right. There are bound to be a broad range of dick sizes amongst any sample of people. I can however agree that those with a smaller than average penis /might/ feel bitterness.... but only if they buy into the whole social comparison thing I was on about born out of sexual taboo. Even then.. how would they know? I mean, have I missed something? Is there some dick-comparison club or website I've missed signing up to? How would you even be able to tell, and feel bad about, having a small dick unless you went around comparing to other guys dicks?

    Maybe I'm strange, but that isn't something I do.

     



  •  On a side note, just for a bit of fun while we are talking about dicks. I had this discussion with an ex about all the strange euphemisms we come up with for the genitals because of this whole social taboo thing... no-one can just say PENIS or VULVA, as the subject of this thread suggests.

     

    I once tried to come up with a list of names which have been invented for the penis, here are just a few off the top of my head.

     

    Dick (obviously)

    Willy

    Dong

    Schlong

    Wang(er)

    Winky

    John-Thomas (fuck knows who he was but he got a penis named after him)

    One eyed trouser snake

    Cock

     Todger

    Plank

    Man Meat

     

    The full list had many more but I can't find them right now, please feel free to add your own.

    A similar list got started over the female genitals. (I may give more descriptions for these, I don't really care for dicks but I have an oppinion on ladies,)

     

    Minge (I hate this one, it has a kind of 'dirty' sound to it)

    Twat (See comments for cunt)

    Pussy (Over used in american porn which kind of devalues it)

    Box

    Cunt (Again another one I hate because it sounds harsh but also because it has developed bad social context, I could include Twat in that too)

    Front-Bottom

    Fanny (I realise this one can also relate to the buttocks in american english)

    Foo-foo (Rare but I have hear it used in england)

    Bits (Make it sound like leftovers in a butchers shop)

    Sex (I kind of like this one because its straightforward but also kind of hate it because it ignores those times when a woman is just beautiful even when you aren't thinking about sex outright)

    Garden (Vague isn't it, bit I have heard it used, sometimes 'Lady Garden')

    Vag(ina) (Often misused to represent the entire vulva)

     

    Again I am sure there are plenty more.

     

    What I do notice is that lot of these terms are used in an offensive context in dialect.

    For example in england we might say someone is "A nob" or "A cunt", which just goes to show what I was saying about the social taboo around sexuality extending to the sexual organs themselves... it has become an insult to call someone a reproductive structure, how weird is that when you consider we wouldn't be here at all if we didn't reproduce, it is the very essence of our existence yet used as our highest insult...

     



  • I probably shouldn't be typing this right now, considering I'm in my Church.  But it's not in the middle of a religious ceremony -- my daughter is here for choir practice.  So . . .

    @EncoreSpod said:

    I once tried to come up with a list of names which have been invented for the penis, here are just a few off the top of my head.
    There's a song from many years back . . . 1994 or 1995 or so . . . written by The Foremen.  It's called [url=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pS5LWS5m5h4]Firing the Surgeon General[/url] and it was written as a new saying to refer to masturbation.  (The Surgeon General at the time, Jocelyn Elders, was talking about the AIDS problem and was asked if masturbation may be helpful in curbing the problem; she said she thought it ought to be taught.  President Clinton dismissed her after that, thus he "fired the surgeon general".)  So they came up with:

    • Firing the surgeon general
    • Flog the dolphin
    • Choke the chicken
    • Spank the money
    • Fool with the tool
    • Whip the bishop
    • Wax the weasal
    • Whack the Bobbitt (John Bobbitt got his . . . Bobbitt . . . [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt]whacked off by his wife[/url].)
    • Knead the noodle
    • Charm the cobra
    • Ponder pointillism 
    • Free the Willy (reference to Free Willy, the whale in the movie of that name)
    • Pat the Robertson (Pat Robertson is a televangelist)

    Some of those I'd heard of at the time, some I hadn't.  I found it rolling-on-the-floor funny at the time.  Now I just smirk a bit.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    Fact is the only people who give a fuck about the size of a guys dick, are other guys. It has become this odd social thing, you don't judge a guy by the length of his arms, or the size of his nose but you have an issue with dicks?
    You're living a pipe dream if you think that.

    There isn't one person on this forum that can say they never make judgments about another person.  When you hear a person's voice, your brain is already starting to come to conclusions.  A gal can have a lisp and an IQ of 183 and unconscious conclusions will start to be made with respect to the lisp.  To the fact that she's a gal.  When you see someone who is shorter than average, or taller than average, or a bit more rotund, or looks young but is balding, or looks a bit disheveled . . . take your pick.  A person with a large proboscis.  A person who has one arm a little shorter than another.  Or is missing an arm altogether.  A person in a wheelchair.

    Hell, anyone reading what I've just written is already making judgments about me simply by what I've just said.  And it's absolutely natural to do so.  Most of the time what we see/hear/smell is accurate; sometimes it's not.  But those conclusions are being made all the time -- about the people with whom we interact, about our physical environment, about other non-human living things.  Getting past those erroneous conclusions requires understanding that we are always making conclusions and that erroneous conclusions sometimes occur.  And that they will always happen.  But don't say "you don't judge a guy by the length of his arms, or the size of his nose" and expect that to be 100% truth.  Because it's absolutely not.



  •  You know what they say about guys with long arms.

     

     

     

     

     

    Real handy for those top shelves, right?



  • @nonpartisan said:

    @EncoreSpod said:
    I once tried to come up with a list of names which have been invented for the penis, here are just a few off the top of my head.
    There's a song from many years back . . .
     

    Another track which contains many euphemisms for male and female genitalia: Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

     @nonpartisan said:

    a new saying to refer to masturbation.

    Male masturbation, clearly. Are there any (songs) that refer to female activity?



  • I believe there was a song by Prince called Darling Nikki. Here is link to the lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/p/prince/darling+nikki_20111350.html



  • @Cassidy said:

    @nonpartisan said:

    @EncoreSpod said:
    I once tried to come up with a list of names which have been invented for the penis, here are just a few off the top of my head.
    There's a song from many years back . . .
     

    Another track which contains many euphemisms for male and female genitalia: Bloodhound Gang - Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

     @nonpartisan said:

    a new saying to refer to masturbation.

    Male masturbation, clearly. Are there any (songs) that refer to female activity?

    Missy Elliott did a song about female masturbation called "Oops (Oh My)" and I highly recommend it. That is, I would probably recommend it if I were high.

    There was also a rock song back in the early 1990s called (I think) "I Touch Myself." I don't follow white people music closely enough to remember the artist.



  • @nonpartisan said:

    @EncoreSpod said:

    Fact is the only people who give a fuck about the size of a guys dick, are other guys. It has become this odd social thing, you don't judge a guy by the length of his arms, or the size of his nose but you have an issue with dicks?
    You're living a pipe dream if you think that.

    There isn't one person on this forum that can say they never make judgments about another person.  When you hear a person's voice, your brain is already starting to come to conclusions.

     

     

    Maybe you are a cunt, but not everyone is.

     

    My girlfriend has muscular distrophy, some years ago she broke her leg in an accident and between the two is now confined to chair because ot that. All that happened before I met her, but when I did meet her, none of that really mattered because I met her, not her legs, not her muscles and not her chair.

     

    You say the brain, but the brain is just the hardware. Yes, of course my subconcious makes judgements, but my concious is intelligent enough to know why and to realise that there is more to life. You obviously lack the intelligence to appreciate the diversity of nature.

     

    Inside her I see the sweetest most complex soul, tortured like the rest of us with so much bullshit but with so much potential. I admit that you may be right, and I may be wrong to consider mating with the disabled but the truth is neither of us can know. Evolution will judge us, your biggoted old fashioned attitudes may well prove right... perhaps mating with people with disabilities will prove to weaken the species, in which case, people like me will die out and you guys will win.

     

    On the other hand, perhaps intelligence will prove more useful than strength in the long run... I'm not trying to say I know which is best, I'm just trying to say we all have the right to try and time will tell.

     

     



  • @dhromed said:

     You know what they say about guys with long arms.

    Real handy for those top shelves, right?

     

     

    Yeah being a tall guy myself, women are always asking for my help in the shops to get stuff off the top shelf. These supermarkets like to pack stuff high, I wonder if they atually have an equation for it... you know like, average height of customer... possibility that a shorter than average customer won't pick a product cus its too high, probability that a taller customer will help them reach it....

     

     



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    Maybe you are a cunt, but not everyone is.

    Oh! Now tell me about Buchenwald, or the VAT, you silver-tongued devil! ;)

    @EncoreSpod said:

    My girlfriend has muscular distrophy, some years ago she broke her leg in an accident and between the two is now confined to chair because ot that. All that happened before I met her, but when I did meet her, none of that really mattered because I met her, not her legs, not her muscles and not her chair.

    That's hot. That's a hot way to live.

    @EncoreSpod said:

    I admit that you may be right, and I may be wrong to consider mating with the disabled

    That does seem to be the party line here.

    @EncoreSpod said:

    On the other hand, perhaps intelligence will prove more useful than strength in the long run... I'm not trying to say I know which is best, I'm just trying to say we all have the right to try and time will tell.

    Until a gorilla throws a banana into orbit, I think it's a pretty safe bet that intelligence will prove more useful than strength in the long run.



    Eventually, I think that the human species will probably split in two. It will give birth to something like what the villains in C.S. Lewis' "Space Trilogy" aspired to, i.e. disembodied, discrete instances of consciousness, along with something like the society shown in "Idiocracy."



  • @dhromed said:

    You know what they say about guys with long arms.
    And you know what they say about guys with big hands, big feet, big noses... and balding heads...

     

    They're clowns.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

     

    You say the brain, but the brain is just the hardware. Yes, of course my subconcious makes judgements, but my concious is intelligent enough to know why and to realise that there is more to life. You obviously lack the intelligence to appreciate the diversity of nature.

    I very much appreciate the diversity of nature.  I also understand that by eliminating something 100% in nature, you lose diversity -- and that it is nigh impossible to eliminate something 100%.

    We will never get rid of [insert your favorite form of] cancer.  There will always be random little bits of radiation or something in the environment that ends up affecting that one person or a few people.  You will never eliminate violence -- it's inherent to nature and survival.  On the positive side, you'll never eliminate happiness.  Or love.  Or human achievement and resiliency.

    I never said you couldn't consciously change or override your innate conclusions.  But there are conclusions made nonetheless and to say that nobody judges a person based on [insert your favorite characteristic here] is blatantly untrue.  Judgments are made whether you acknowledge them or not.

    @EncoreSpod said:

    I admit that you may be right, and I may be wrong to consider mating with the disabled but the truth is neither of us can know. Evolution will judge us, your biggoted old fashioned attitudes may well prove right... perhaps mating with people with disabilities will prove to weaken the species, in which case, people like me will die out and you guys will win.
    Where in the hell did you ever get an idea that I discouraged mating with a disabled person?  As it is, my wife had a brain tumor when she was eight -- likely present from birth.  That fact has scared the hell out of me with our own children -- will they develop tumors as they get older?  All the experts we've spoken with say that what happened to my wife was a fluke, it shouldn't happen in our children.  Nevertheless, any time my children get headaches that are out of the norm or aren't feeling well in some strange way, it crosses my mind.  My wife just had a scare this past year with some kind of a mass -- maybe bleeding?  Two neurosurgeons and a neurologist couldn't come to the same conclusion (even when reading the same damn MRI) -- in her head.  Numbness on the left side, finally culminating in a visit to the ER for chest/back pain.  It was our analysis of her symptoms that finally determined she was likely anemic.  A period of time on an iron supplement and she's perfectly fine.  This all over the course of several months of tests and "oh gee, maybe it's this" and "let's get another MRI" and "let's wait and see what happens." . . . during which time neither of us were ever fully comfortable that everything would be okay.

    All I am saying is that judgments are made, period, whether you acknowledge them or not.  The word "judgment" is not inherently negative, as your response seems to imply.  If I see someone who is tall and in good shape, my first thought may be that he or she may be able to run in a marathon and win it.  My first judgment may be that he or she is in great shape and I should aspire to getting myself like that.  Those are both positive.  But the fact remains that I have made a judgment based on nothing more than seeing this person.

    You will never eliminate those judgments.  So to say nobody judges a man based on the side of his organ is incorrect.

     



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    Fanny (I realise this one can also relate to the buttocks in american english)

    So THAT's why it's called a fanny pack, even though you wear it in front! </dumbamerican>



  • Came for the dicks.

    Stayed for the todgers.



  • @ekolis said:

    @EncoreSpod said:
    Fanny (I realise this one can also relate to the buttocks in american english)

    So THAT's why it's called a fanny pack, even though you wear it in front!

     

    We Engrish refer to it as a "bum bag", for said reason.

    Best not to say to a visiting Limey "clip that above yer fanny" for misinterpreted humo[u]r value.



  • @Cassidy said:

    @ekolis said:

    @EncoreSpod said:
    Fanny (I realise this one can also relate to the buttocks in american english)

    So THAT's why it's called a fanny pack, even though you wear it in front!

     

    We Engrish refer to it as a "bum bag", for said reason.

    That makes absolutely zero sense, unless you're TRYING to throw people off. Or am I mistaken in thinking that "bum" is synonymous with "arse"?


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @ekolis said:

    Or am I mistaken in thinking that "bum" is synonymous with "arse"?
    No, you're not. It's synonymous in the same way that "fanny" is synonymous with "arse" over in the States. It's an indication of where, with the belt around your waist, the bag would normally be positioned.



  • @ekolis said:

    Or am I mistaken in thinking that "bum" is synonymous with "arse"?
     

    Bum can refer to both buttocks ("I smacked her bum") and anus ("I got these pills to stick up me bum"). Arse generally refers to the latter.

    I think the term "bumming around" to mean "doing little of value" has evolved to USAnians seeing the noun "bum" to refer to a person who performs said activity, and now more specifically because they're homeless and drunk.

    The growing separation between the terms only adds to the confusion.



  •  What about that bum's fanny?



  • @dhromed said:

    What about that bum's fanny?
     

    She's probably not (washed|used) it for some time, so would be grateful for the attention.

    Get in there, my son.



  • @Cassidy said:

    The growing separation between the terms only adds to the confusion.

    Who bums fags then?



  • Talking about dicks, there's only one Dick that I love.



  • @Zemm said:

    Who bums fags then?
     

    Tightwad smokers.



  • @Zemm said:

    Talking about dicks, there's only one Dick that I love.
    From which we can conclude that you either have no dick, or you don't love the dick(s) you have.

     

     

    Pedantic Logic Man AAWAAY! ...



  •  Im not gonna get too involved in this thread and I realise I did have a bit of a drunken troll earlier but scanning through the replies haz raised some points.

    1. LOL. We have a thread about dick arse and fannies.

    2. That commerical rocks.

    3. Tightwad smokers... I know the sort. There was this one at my last job, Dave C. I'd been warned about him when I started there by the boss who was offering me the position. He said "Do you smoke?" and I was "Yeah, on my breaks." and he advised me "Watch out for Dave C." One day I go out at break time for a smoke and Dave C is all "Can you spare me a fag?" and I'm staunchly "NO.".. as I take out a full pack and light one... a small discussion ensues about why I should bum him a fag and I hold my ground... then he takes out a full pack of his own and lights one up! Cheeky cunt was just trying to get a freebie, he had his own all along.

     



  • @Zecc said:

    @Zemm said:

    Talking about dicks, there's only one Dick that I love.
    From which we can conclude that you either have no dick, or you don't love the dick(s) you have.

     

     

    Pedantic Logic Man AAWAAY! ...

    Or, that my personal dick does not have a capital D.



  • @bridget99 said:

    There was also a rock song back in the early 1990s called (I think) "I Touch Myself." I don't follow white people music closely enough to remember the artist.

    It was the Divinyls, in 1991, i think their only track to make it anywhere on the US charts.
    The film clip featured the divine Chrissy Amphlett simulating masturbation fully-clothed.


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