Asset management fail



  • I have whined on here before about how I seem to have ended up in a job I didn't expect to be in, after starting out selling computers and writing software, building computers and writing software, servicing computers and writing software, installing networks, managing servers... and writing software and then getting offered a job here because I wrote them some software... I kind of thought the job they offered me would be, well, you get the idea.



    I expected to either end up writing software or being a general all round sysadmin/IT guy again. I thought that would have made sense especially since the people who already worked here told me how useless their current IT guy was, even whilst interviewing for this techy but not really IT job the MD asked me "Would it be possible to make everyone's browser have the same homepage?" and I was like "Sure I could probably apply that through group policy." ... "Oh because <existing guy> told me it was impossible."



    Anyway, I ended up doing something other than looking after the IT and today whilst doing that I get this email:


    IT Survey at COMPANY, September 2012

    Could you please enter as much information regarding the computer you use into this form. If you do not know all the details, enter what you can and I can come along to your computer to gather the remaining information.

    Cheers

    IT Guy

    What follows is an enormous list requesting the computername, details of hardware, age of equipment, serial numbers, installed software, attached peripherals etc. Basically all the stuff that A. Should be recorded when the kit is deployed in the first place and B. As all the windows kit is on active directory and attached to the network could be easily queried remotely.

    I dunno if I should laugh at the stupidity of A. Not keeping records, B. Not being able to gather a lot of this information automatically and C. Trusting everyone to declare everything themselves. OR Just cry at how badly the IT is run and feel so impotent knowing that I could do it better but it is no longer my job.

    It seems neither is quite applicable so I just thought... dailywtf.


  • I'd bet anything that if you entered "transporter pad controller" into the middle of the hardware list, that nobody would even notice.



  • "Nobody would even notice" is quite an ambuguos statement. It could mean: "Nobody will even read it" or "It will get typed at the database without anybody thinking it is wrong".

     The bad thing is that I can expect either one of those to happen.



  • I was thinking of entering that all my equipment was low spec and years old so that it would get put into next years budget for an upgrade :)



    And to add to the WTFery today, I received 50 small transistors I ordered, each tiny one in its own 135 x 65mm anti static bag, a little excessive for a 30mm long component.



    Then, just as I finish building what I was building and get it fired up the power goes out! I go to check the rest of the building, its on, so I check the distribution boards and both the mains and lighting to my lab/office have been turned off.



    Obviously for both to go it didn't just trip so I ask around and get told "Oh, we are working on that circuit, I didn't know anyone was in there."



    Would have been nice if they had checked first!



    The boss quibbled with me this week over buying a multimeter, I'm tempted to put in a request for a very large UPS now just to make a point.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    I was thinking of entering that all my equipment was low spec and years old so that it would get put into next years budget for an upgrade :)

    Tell them you're using a Commodore 64, and you'd really like an upgrade to a Commodore 128, so you can use 80-column video mode, SwiftCalc 128, and CP/M.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    I received 50 small transistors I ordered, each tiny one in its own 135 x 65mm anti static bag, a little excessive for a 30mm long component

    This sort of thing is probably because the transistors get picked, packed and shipped automatically. Kind of weird but not necessarily a WTF, because it's likely cheaper for them (and consequently, for you) that way.



  • @db2 said:

    @EncoreSpod said:
    I was thinking of entering that all my equipment was low spec and years old so that it would get put into next years budget for an upgrade :)

    Tell them you're using a Commodore 64, and you'd really like an upgrade to a Commodore 128, so you can use 80-column video mode, SwiftCalc 128, and CP/M.

    Dude and fucking Alleykat can put like twice as many sprites on screen in 128-mode.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    IT Survey at COMPANY, September 2012



    Could you please enter as much information regarding the computer you use into this form. If you do not know all the details, enter what you can and I can come along to your computer to gather the remaining information.



    Cheers



    IT Guy
     

    Keyboard (108 key)
    Mouse (3 button, scroll wheel)
    2 monitors (one big, one small)
    Dell Box Thing
    Cyclotron Resonate Scanner
    2 terrawatt microwave (for popcorn)
    Jar of nutella
    Pentagram (5 point, upside down)
    Laser Printer
    Thing that flashes (orange)
    Thing that flashes (green)
    The Ancient Prophecies: That Which Shant Be Foretold (volume I, abridged)
    Employee Handbook: That Which Shant Be Foretold (volume I, abridged)
    Holy Water
    Unholy Water
    Swiss Water (with holes)
    Earphones
    Bling
    VGA Cable (unattached)
    VGA Cabal (undiscovered)
    Your Mom (very much attached and discovered)
    Wireless USB Adapter
    Wireless AC Adapter
    Wire for Wireless AC Adapter
    Space Heater/2002 Toshiba Satellite
    Box of unused recursive acronyms



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @db2 said:
    @EncoreSpod said:
    I was thinking of entering that all my equipment was low spec and years old so that it would get put into next years budget for an upgrade :)

    Tell them you're using a Commodore 64, and you'd really like an upgrade to a Commodore 128, so you can use 80-column video mode, SwiftCalc 128, and CP/M.

    Dude and fucking Alleykat can put like twice as many sprites on screen in 128-mode.

     

    How many dogs, brooms and pieces of cheese does one actually need on screen to enjoy a game of [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alley_Cat_(video_game)"]Alley Cat?[/url]



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Cyclotron Resonate Scanner
     

    Wow really?

    I have a small bubble chamber. It's pretty cool.



  • @dhromed said:

    @Lorne Kates said:

    Cyclotron Resonate Scanner
     

    Wow really?

    I have a small bubble chamber. It's pretty cool.

     

    I'm still waiting on my autoclave. They better hurry. I have tomatoes to jar before the frost comes.

     



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    @EncoreSpod said:

    IT Survey at COMPANY, September 2012



    Could you please enter as much information regarding the computer you use into this form. If you do not know all the details, enter what you can and I can come along to your computer to gather the remaining information.



    Cheers



    IT Guy
     

    Keyboard (108 key)
    Mouse (3 button, scroll wheel)
    2 monitors (one big, one small)
    Dell Box Thing
    Cyclotron Resonate Scanner
    2 terrawatt microwave (for popcorn)
    Jar of nutella
    Pentagram (5 point, upside down)
    Laser Printer
    Thing that flashes (orange)
    Thing that flashes (green)
    The Ancient Prophecies: That Which Shant Be Foretold (volume I, abridged)
    Employee Handbook: That Which Shant Be Foretold (volume I, abridged)
    Holy Water
    Unholy Water
    Swiss Water (with holes)
    Earphones
    Bling
    VGA Cable (unattached)
    VGA Cabal (undiscovered)
    Your Mom (very much attached and discovered)
    Wireless USB Adapter
    Wireless AC Adapter
    Wire for Wireless AC Adapter
    Space Heater/2002 Toshiba Satellite
    Box of unused recursive acronyms

     

    2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
    2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
    1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
    1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
    3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
    1 large rhubarb.
    1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
    2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
    Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
    Slaughter electric needle injector.
    Cordless electric needle injector.
    Injector needle driver.
    Injector needle gun.
    Cranial caps.

     



  • @Mason Wheeler said:

    2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
    2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
    1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
    1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
    3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
    1 large rhubarb.
    1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
    2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
    Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
    Slaughter electric needle injector.
    Cordless electric needle injector.
    Injector needle driver.
    Injector needle gun.
    Cranial caps.
     

    Frightening.



  • @dhromed said:

    @Mason Wheeler said:

    2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
    2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
    1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
    1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
    3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
    1 large rhubarb.
    1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
    2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
    Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
    Slaughter electric needle injector.
    Cordless electric needle injector.
    Injector needle driver.
    Injector needle gun.
    Cranial caps.
     

    Frightening.

     

    And delicious, and high in both fibre and souls.

     



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    And delicious, and high in both fibre and souls.

     

    Souls keep you regular.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    As all the windows kit is on active directory and attached to the network could be easily queried remotely.
     

    Why not do just this, and send a screen dump showing the details by way of reply.

    But hit "reply all".

    Accidently.



  • @Mcoder said:

    "Nobody would even notice" is quite an ambuguos statement. It could mean: "Nobody will even read it" or "It will get typed at the database without anybody thinking it is wrong".

     The bad thing is that I can expect either one of those to happen.

    I dare you to bury the item offog somewhere into the middle of the list of hardware without explanation.

     



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    @dhromed said:

    @Mason Wheeler said:

    2 cups rhubarb, sliced.
    2/3 cups granulated rhubarb.
    1 tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
    1 teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
    3 tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
    1 large rhubarb.
    1 cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
    2 tablespoons rhubarb juice.
    Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
    Slaughter electric needle injector.
    Cordless electric needle injector.
    Injector needle driver.
    Injector needle gun.
    Cranial caps.
     

    Frightening.

     

    And delicious, and high in both fibre and souls.

     

    fish-shaped crackers
    fish-shaped sediment
    fish-shaped fish
    fish-shaped dirt
    dirt-shaped dirt



  • @Ben L. said:

    fish-shaped crackers
    fish-shaped sediment
    fish-shaped fish
    fish-shaped dirt
    dirt-shaped dirt
     

    Was talking to a guy the other day at Church's chicken about why chicken is so good.  Suggested that it's the basis for all other food, which is why so many things are said to "taste like chicken".

    In fact, we even use it to describe dishes that have nothing to do with actual chicken.  There's no "ham-boiled fish sticks" that has no ham in it, or "potato-baked cabbage" that doesn't contain potato, at least not unless some lunatic has come up with them trying to get a visit from the Food Network.  But "chicken-fried steak" is right out there on the menu.  Even "chicken-fried zucchini" in a few places.  And the description has become so thoroughly divorced from the original that you can even get "chicken-fried chicken"!



  • @EncoreSpod said:



    Obviously for both to go it didn't just trip so I ask around and get told "Oh, we are working on that circuit, I didn't know anyone was in there."
     

    If they didn't put a lockout on the breaker while working on the circuit, they deserve electrocution.



  • @da Doctah said:

    I dare you to bury the item offog somewhere into the middle of the list of hardware without explanation.

    Good story, bad link (but still recognizable). 

     

    I was going to suggest fog in the future.  It's not the only solution, but it makes my life much easier. When we deployed, the inventory feature was just a nice bonus.



  • @trainbrain27 said:

    @da Doctah said:

    I dare you to bury the item offog somewhere into the middle of the list of hardware without explanation.

    Good story, bad link (but still recognizable). 

    I blame Firefox.  I kept trying to Copy Link Location from Google search and for some reason it wouldn't pick up.  If I had posted any of the first four attempts, the link would have sent you to an unrelated YouTube clip, and I think we'd all agree that this would not be helpful.  I was so pleased to see part of the Wikipedia link finally show up in the URL that it didn't even occur to me that it might have pasted it twice.

     



  • One place I worked at had a lot of desk swapping, a lazy IT department that refused to move your machine if you changed desks, and a new, asinine ticket system that refused to complete a job if the asset numbers and employee names didn't mesh.

    IT, being lazy, sent an email around that said "Reply with the asset management tag numbers of your PC and monitor please." The company was all of forty workstations, and it would take one IT lackey a couple hours to have it all straight and correct, so fuck 'em if they're too lazy to do their job yet again. Everyone ignored it.

    The next email said "Reply with the asset tag numbers or we're going to send a nasty-gram to your boss.". They got a few bites, but most people deleted it and laughed. 

    The last email said "If you haven't replied with the asset number for your equipment, we're going to assume you're not using company equipment and have you fired for violation of the IT policies, and reserve the right to have you prosecuted for any equipment you were assigned that you cannot account for. Respect mah authoritah!" They then sent around a guy to everyone's cube to threaten them into sending the asset numbers in. Everyone thought, "Oh, gee. They have the time to send a guy around to threaten us, when they could have just had him record the numbers. Fuck 'em harder."

    IT had enough at this point. No one was jumping! "We have to make an example of someone!", they thought. The head tech-support guy called in his boss, a HR drone, Ray from the mailroom, and Ray's boss.

    "Ray. You haven't replied to our email with the asset numbers of your PC. HR is here to hear why and start the paperwork to fire you for violation of the IT policy."

    Ray's boss got smiley. "So, Ray. Why haven't you replied?" "Well," Ray said, "I don't have a PC, IT never issued me one when I started here. I've been sharing with the woman in the file room".

    IT got squirmy. Ray's boss capitalized on it. "I haven't sent you a number either. Since Ray's in the clear, why don't you start the paperwork to fire me? I'll call my boss, the CEO, and you can explain it to him why I'm being fired." The CEO was livid, chewed everyone out for wasting his time with bullshit, and dictated a series of orders.

    1. Whatever moron in IT sent the email around would send an apology. 

    2. Whatever moron in IT thought the whole thing up would go do the inventory himself.

    3. Ray was to be issued a nice PC.

    4. Failure to have any one of his demands done by the end of the day would result in IT sackings. 



  • @toon said:

    @EncoreSpod said:
    I received 50 small transistors I ordered, each tiny one in its own 135 x 65mm anti static bag, a little excessive for a 30mm long component

    This sort of thing is probably because the transistors get picked, packed and shipped automatically. Kind of weird but not necessarily a WTF, because it's likely cheaper for them (and consequently, for you) that way.

    Most sensible electronics distributors actually automatically pick from whole reels (it's cheaper for them to buy and warehouse that way...). RS, Mouser and element14 (Newark) would all send one anti-static bag with a partial reel. Of course, it would come in an enormous oversized box with more styrofoam than needed (although e14 and RS do sometimes use the more space-economic courier bags).



  • @NoOneImportant said:

    The CEO was livid, chewed everyone out for wasting his time with bullshit, and dictated a series of orders.
     

    I suppose TRWTF is that it took someone that high to point out the stupidity, but IT are known to have very blinkered views from time to time.

    @NoOneImportant said:

    "If you haven't replied with the asset number for your equipment, we're going to assume you're not using company equipment and have you fired for violation of the IT policies, and reserve the right to have you prosecuted for any equipment you were assigned that you cannot account for.

    "Certainly. Could you please provide the asset nunbers for any/all equipmemt assigned to me?

    If you haven't replied with the right numbers, I'm going to assume you are not managing and accounting for IT assets and have you fired for violation of company policy of not being able to do your fucking job that the company is paying you to do but which requires you performing tasks you cannot account for." 

    Fuckwits.



  • @mdc said:

    Most sensible electronics distributors actually automatically pick from whole reels (it's cheaper for them to buy and warehouse that way...). RS, Mouser and element14 (Newark) would all send one anti-static bag with a partial reel.

    That would require the component to be flat enough for reel-based storage. Most resistors, capacitors, diodes have no problems - transistors and TRIACS are three-legged and some packages lend themselves to being reel-wound, others may not.

    Image for those that don't understand this stuff:

     

    TO92 and TO126 can easily have their pins sandwitched between paper reel feeds. Something like a TO3, however...

    @mdc said:

    Of course, it would come in an enormous oversized box with more styrofoam than needed (although e14 and RS do sometimes use the more space-economic courier bags).
     

    Yeah... I've noticed a few suppliers erring towards the HP-style of Unnecessary Oversized Packaging. OTOH,

    I've had a supplier bundle 20 EDO RAM chips in one fat reel, held all together with an elastic band then dropped into one antistatic bag before being shipped in a Jiffy bag. I examined the inner wrapping for any signs of minute surface-mount components being dislodged in transit, but miraculously they all worked fine. I'm guessing the bag wasn't subjected to the usual knocks and bangs associated with most careless twats delivery drivers.



  • @Cassidy said:

    Image for those that don't understand this stuff:

    Image for people who don't give a shit about this stuff:



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @Cassidy said:
    Image for those that don't understand this stuff:

    Image for people who don't give a shit about this stuff:

    Image for people who like big pictures of balls:



  • @Cassidy said:

    I suppose TRWTF is that it took someone that high to point out the stupidity, but IT are known to have very blinkered views from time to time.
     

     

    It was a pretty small company, 60 or so people, and the org chart was only three levels deep on paper. Ray->Ray's Boss->CEO, tech support guy->IT VP->CEO, etc. I say on paper because the CEO's 'secretary' did most of his work, and the buck usually stopped with her. 

    She's the one who told me what happened, and said "I wish they'd have called [CEO]'s office, instead of his cell phone. I have a speech and a whole file of replacement IT people ready for the day I finally get to fire that fat, lazy bastard."



  • @Ben L. said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @Cassidy said:
    Image for those that don't understand this stuff:

    Image for people who don't give a shit about this stuff:

    Image for people who like big pictures of balls:

    Image for people who don't like oranges:




  • @da Doctah said:

    @Ben L. said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @Cassidy said:
    Image for those that don't understand this stuff:

    Image for people who don't give a shit about this stuff:

    Image for people who like big pictures of balls:

    Image for people who don't like oranges:

     

    Image for people who don't like images:




  • @NoOneImportant said:

    She's the one who told me what happened, and said "I wish they'd have called [CEO]'s office, instead of his cell phone. I have a speech and a whole file of replacement IT people ready for the day I finally get to fire that fat, lazy bastard."
     

    I think I'm in lust. What's her phone number, and where do I apply?

     



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    What follows is an enormous list requesting the computername, details of hardware, age of equipment, serial numbers, installed software, attached peripherals etc. Basically all the stuff that A. Should be recorded when the kit is deployed in the first place and B. As all the windows kit is on active directory and attached to the network could be easily queried remotely.
    Which isn't necessarliy a good thing.

    Everyone where I work used to have their own printer, typically an inexpensive
    HP inkjet, although there were a few laser printers around.  Because my job involves producing CDs and DVDs that get sent out to a lot of people inside and outside of the company I have a special Epson inkjet printer that allows me to print nice professional looking labels directly onto the CDs and DVDs.  One day, as a cost cutting measure, management leased some big copiers that can also be connected to the network and used as printers.  IT was instructed to to take away everyone's printer and make them use one of the network printers.

    I explained to my boss that I really needed to keep my printer because it will make us look bad to be sending out discs with hand-written labels on them.  He agreed and told IT to let me keep my printer.  Approximately every two months, for the last two and a half years, I get an email from the IT manager wanting to know why I have a printer connected to my computer, and I send him a copy of the email that my boss sent to him, two and a lf years ago, telling him that I need to keep my printer.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Image for people who don't like images:
    That looks familiar.  I've seen that somewhere before.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    and I send him a copy of the email that my boss sent to him, two and a lf years ago,
    You forward the original mail, or a copy of the previous forwards you've sent him?



  • @NoOneImportant said:

    It was a pretty small company, 60 or so people, and the org chart was only three levels deep on paper. Ray->Ray's Boss->CEO, tech support guy->IT VP->CEO, etc. I say on paper because the CEO's 'secretary' did most of his work, and the buck usually stopped with her. 

    She's the one who told me what happened, and said "I wish they'd have called [CEO]'s office, instead of his cell phone. I have a speech and a whole file of replacement IT people ready for the day I finally get to fire that fat, lazy bastard."

    You should have mentioned the fat lazy part in your orginal posting.  It would have gone perfectly with the "Respect mah authoritah"


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