Clue Bat



  • After dealing with morons on a non-stop basis for the past two years, and morons-on-steroids for the past few months, I decided that both me and my boss needed what I shall term: a Management Incentive Tool.

    If you too would like one of your own, you can order it here.



  •  65/85 bucks?

    My clue-by-four was mere pennies.

    'tis a nice implement, mind. If I owned such a LART I'm not certain I'd actually allow it to come into contact with the Great Uneducated.

    Decisions, decisions.



  • @Cassidy said:

    65/85 bucks?
    True, the price is steep, but I was sitting in a meeting today, tapping the business end of the bat in my left hand, with the words facing the morons. Sadly, they didn't get the hint. It appears I'm not going to be able to bunt with these folks; I may have to swing for the bleachers. My boss was cracking up the whole time.



  • Bah. I can buy cattle prods through work at cost. Though I have been informed that I am not allowed to hang one over my desk, nor am I allowed to put a sign on my office door that says "Help Desk. If we think your question is stupid, we'll light you on fire." No matter how funny my boss thinks both would be.



  • @snoofle said:

    I was sitting in a meeting today, tapping the business end of the bat in my left hand

    To each his own. I prefer a quick blowjob from the receptionist in the network cabinet.



  • @Speakerphone Dude said:

    @snoofle said:
    I was sitting in a meeting today, tapping the business end of the bat in my left hand

    To each his own. I prefer a quick blowjob from the receptionist in the network cabinet.

    That explains why the servers rebooted three times today.



  • So all the Snoofle posts were just a build up to an ad? Feh.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    So all the Snoofle posts were just a build up to an ad? Feh.
    I am disappointed at this blakeyrant.



  • @Ben L. said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    So all the Snoofle posts were just a build up to an ad? Feh.
    I am disappointed at this blakeyrant.

    It's a terrific business model. Sell 1,000 bats at $64.99 each, and you make... profit



  • It is clearly carved from neither ebony nor mahogany. But I approve!



  • @taustin said:

    Bah. I can buy cattle prods through work at cost. Though I have been informed that I am not allowed to hang one over my desk, nor am I allowed to put a sign on my office door that says "Help Desk. If we think your question is stupid, we'll light you on fire." No matter how funny my boss thinks both would be.
    Find the cutoff point in this policy.  Can you put up a sign that says "If we think your question is stupid, we'll smile patronizingly"?

     How about one that says "If we think your question is stupid, we'll post it on TDWTF"?



  • Nevermind the bat - it's that carpet that I'm after!



  • @Mark Bowytz said:

    Nevermind the bat - it's that carpet that I'm after!

    Thanks, your tag will wake up the Lotus Notes TwitterSquad. YELLOW IS FORBIDDEN!!!



  • @snoofle said:

    Sadly, they didn't get the hint.
     

    Percussive education. Be bunt.



  • @Speakerphone Dude said:

    To each his own. I prefer a quick blowjob from the receptionist in the network cabinet.
     

    If that's your organisations' method of dealing with cluelessness, you'll be inside-out soon. 



  • @taustin said:

    Bah. I can buy cattle prods through work at cost. Though I have been informed that I am not allowed to hang one over my desk, nor am I allowed to put a sign on my office door that says "Help Desk. If we think your question is stupid, we'll light you on fire." No matter how funny my boss thinks both would be.

    I used to sit on a face to face helldesk with on of those little name signs on the desk that simply read "HELPDESK" whoever was manning it, apparently our real names were not important.

    On the back I had a label that read "Resident Nutter" so it worked both ways.

    On the wall behind me I had a sign listing "Penalties for computer misuse" showing a variety of activities and the like such as p2p filesharing on work equipment, installing hotbar and so on. Besides each was glued a small glass container and the name of a horrible disease, the implication being you infect our kit with a virus, we infect you. Obviously it was only a joke but I was asked on more than one occasion by worried looking punters "Is that REAL smallpox?"



  • @snoofle said:

    @Cassidy said:
    65/85 bucks?
    True, the price is steep, but I was sitting in a meeting today, tapping the business end of the bat in my left hand, with the words facing the morons. Sadly, they didn't get the hint. It appears I'm not going to be able to bunt with these folks; I may have to swing for the bleachers. My boss was cracking up the whole time.

    The "deep carve" might leave a more lasting impression, but you can also try here:



  • How "depeloslbaba.html" translates to "Deep-Carved Personalized Louisville Slugger Baseball Bats" is amazes me



  • @ubersoldat said:

    How "depeloslbaba.html" translates to "Deep-Carved Personalized Louisville Slugger Baseball Bats" is amazes me

    You're on a site called thdawothfa.



  • @EncoreSpod said:

    On the back I had a label that read "Resident Nutter" so it worked both ways.
     

    We had a servery hatch for people to come and make enquiries. On the front, it said "technical enquiries". On our side, it had a sign pointing to whoever stuck their head through the hatch, labelled "idiot - treat with care".

    Oddly, if you treated them like an idiot - had a mindset that they didn't know what they were talking about - they were actually treated with more care and patience by those staffing our side of the brickwork. Go figure.

    @EncoreSpod said:

    I was asked on more than one occasion by worried looking punters "Is that REAL smallpox?"

    "worse. It's luser germz, cultivated from the still-beating heart of the last person who made that mistake. We keep it as a controlled test to determine who else is infected"



  • @blakeyrat said:

    So all the Snoofle posts were just a build up to an ad? Feh.
    You caught me. Six years of posting horror stories were all just a front to get you to click through and possibly buy a bat...

    I honestly have no connection to that place. I just happened to stumble upon them, recognized the potential for a clue-bat, got a couple and thought some folks might like to get one too, so I gave the link. Admittedly, it's an expensive office toy, but quite a few folks (at my office) - who are apparently as amazed as I am at all the stupidity - have already gotten their own.



  • I will let it pass as long as I can pitch my favorite mug!



  • @Speakerphone Dude said:

    To each his own. I prefer a quick blowjob from the receptionist in the network cabinet.
    Good thinking, designating his job as "recepcionist".



  • @snoofle said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    So all the Snoofle posts were just a build up to an ad? Feh.
    You caught me. Six years of posting horror stories were all just a front to get you to click through and possibly buy a bat...

    I honestly have no connection to that place. I just happened to stumble upon them, recognized the potential for a clue-bat, got a couple and thought some folks might like to get one too, so I gave the link. Admittedly, it's an expensive office toy, but quite a few folks (at my office) - who are apparently as amazed as I am at all the stupidity - have already gotten their own.

    I have a vision of a meeting full of Snoofloids, each nursing his customised Slugger, and each wondering why on earth all those dummies think they have the right to have one.



  • @snoofle said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    So all the Snoofle posts were just a build up to an ad? Feh.
    You caught me. Six years of posting horror stories were all just a front to get you to click through and possibly buy a bat...

    So TRWTF is that you forgot to include your affiliate code in the link?




  • @Zecc said:

    @Speakerphone Dude said:

    To each his own. I prefer a quick blowjob from the receptionist in the network cabinet.
    Good thinking, designating his job as "recepcionist".

     

    You mean recepticalist.

     



  • @dhromed said:

    @Zecc said:

    @Speakerphone Dude said:

    To each his own. I prefer a quick blowjob from the receptionist in the network cabinet.
    Good thinking, designating his job as "recepcionist".

     

    You mean recepticalist.

     


    Vacuum cleaners have become so advance nowadays!



  •  My vacuums are full of quantum static. This little gadget cleans it right up.



  • @dhromed said:

    My vacuums are full of quantum static.
     

    Upgrade to the newer model, they're full of quantum dynamic - automatically decides when and what you require cleaning without any prompting.

    It's approaching Blakey levels of usability.

    Almost.  


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