Things that go through your mind



  • Does anyone else have this quote from "The Hunt for Red October" pop in their head when asked to fix something you aren't sure of yet?

    "I have to figure out what's wrong first... It could be a problem with the liquid helium or maybe the superconductors"...

    I have this odd environment specific problem I'll be debugging this afternoon and almost emailed that out...



  •  Is this in real time? Maybe you could create a GUI interface using Visual BASIC, see if you can track an IP address.


  • SockDev

     And don't forget to magnify and sharpen at the same time :)



  •  Reverse the polarity and reroute the encryption.



  •  Things that go through your mind, Star Trek edition:

    Every time Kirk concludes a chance-encounter-in-the-corridor briefing with something like "Very well, Mister Spock; carry on", I want to see Spock suddenly start blubbering and crying.




  • When I have to find the source of a bug in a poorly-written application, I always keep in mind a quote from Inglourious Basterds:

    @Kernel Landa said:

    However, the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.

    Disclaimer: no offense intended to Jewish or French or German people.



  • If only you had three or four screens with lots of green digits scrolling on them. You could just see the problem, encrypted right in the computery bytes!


  • BINNED

    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.



  • @da Doctah said:

     Things that go through your mind, Star Trek edition:

    Every time Kirk concludes a chance-encounter-in-the-corridor briefing with something like "Very well, Mister Spock; carry on", I want to see Spock suddenly start blubbering and crying.

     

    Good chance there's an outtake of that kind of thing.

    Would love to see that.

     



  • @Onyx said:

    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.



  • @toon said:

    @Onyx said:
    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.




    .. or you could reroute everything through astrometrics ...



  • @toon said:

    Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.
    An inverse tachyon beam can fix almost anything.



  • @Nelle said:

    @toon said:
    @Onyx said:
    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.




    .. or you could reroute everything through astrometrics ...

    ...but since the computer is down, we'd have to access the port nacells via the jefferies tube...



  • @toon said:

    @Nelle said:
    @toon said:
    @Onyx said:
    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.




    .. or you could reroute everything through astrometrics ...

    ...but since the computer is down, we'd have to access the port nacells via the jefferies tube...
    ...but because life support is failing we'll have to send the EMH in there and hope he doesn't screw things up even more...



  • But you would first have to learn to read Japanese (but only katakana, not the far more difficult kanji) that is horizontally flipped.


  • BINNED

    @Douglasac said:

    @toon said:
    @Nelle said:
    @toon said:
    @Onyx said:
    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.




    .. or you could reroute everything through astrometrics ...

    ...but since the computer is down, we'd have to access the port nacells via the jefferies tube...
    ...but because life support is failing we'll have to send the EMH in there and hope he doesn't screw things up even more...

    Failing that we can send Seven of Boobs Nine and Harry Kim, which will then result in him dying either from asphyxiation or shame of looking at her implants boobs implants. Hillarity ensues.



  • @that really other guy said:

    Does anyone else have this quote from "The Hunt for Red October" pop in their head when asked to fix something you aren't sure of yet?

    "I have to figure out what's wrong first... It could be a problem with the liquid helium or maybe the superconductors"...

    I have this odd environment specific problem I'll be debugging this afternoon and almost emailed that out...

     I'm embarrassed to admit this (even on an anonymous forum) but yes, this has gone through my head when asked how long a fix will take.  I'm not alone anymore!



  • I would probably think of something along the lines of 11 years, 2 months, 26 days, 9 hours, 3 minutes, 27 seconds.



  • @Onyx said:

    @Douglasac said:
    @toon said:
    @Nelle said:
    @toon said:
    @Onyx said:
    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.




    .. or you could reroute everything through astrometrics ...

    ...but since the computer is down, we'd have to access the port nacells via the jefferies tube...
    ...but because life support is failing we'll have to send the EMH in there and hope he doesn't screw things up even more...

    Failing that we can send Seven of Boobs Nine and Harry Kim, which will then result in him dying either from asphyxiation or shame of looking at her implants boobs implants. Hillarity ensues.

    But none of it matters, because it's a FUCKING HOLODECK EPISODE!



  • @blakeyrat said:

    But none of it matters, because it's a FUCKING HOLODECK EPISODE!
     

    Or a "Time Travel Ctrl-Z" episode.

    And speaking of fucking holodecks, how intelligent is the "off" button? Does it know to get rid of all organic matter that is no longer-- hmm-- inside the user? If you run one of "those" programs, do you have to bring a mop to clean up afterwards once your "target" vanishes?

    splash

    Who had to program those subroutines? Who had to do QA on them?

     

     



  • @toon said:

    @Onyx said:
    It's all good until you go the Star Trek: Voyager route: just use the deflector, it can do anything.

    Then you replace the deflector with XML.

    Ah yes, the deflector array. Or you can always emit a modified tachyon beam.

    and increase it on the order of one to the fourth power.



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    If you run one of "those" programs, do you have to bring a mop to clean up afterwards once your "target" vanishes?

    This reminded me of the transporters in Galaxy Quest.
    @Lorne Kates said:
    Who had to program those subroutines? Who had to do QA on them?

    Do you imagine how well this would go if snoofle's shop had produced the holodeck software? Or if it was a FOSS project?


    --This is Tech Support how may I help you?


    -- The Gorn is not disappearing!!!


    --Hmph, noob, this is easy as pie, RTFM!


    --But is going to kill me!


    --Whatever, you are probably just a dumb MS Holodeck user anyways, just use the command line, is 7 commands tops with 3 or 4 switches


    --I'm not! I'm not! Just tell me what to do.. ARGH it got my foot...


    --I'm going to disconnect now, I can't help you anymore, you are so dumb click Hey Randy, did you heard this shit? That guy could get the Holodeck ver 0.0122.89.8878b off


    --Yeah, something like that, let the user fix it, we are releasing another version today anyhow, we are adding some colored flashy buttons and we are leaving all configurations as blank plain text files, more configurable that way.



  • @that really other guy said:

    Does anyone else have this quote from "The Hunt for Red October" pop in their head when asked to fix something you aren't sure of yet? "I have to figure out what's wrong first... It could be a problem with the liquid helium or maybe the superconductors"... I have this odd environment specific problem I'll be debugging this afternoon and almost emailed that out...

    When dealing with my code base, the fragile steaming pile of cow dung, the most often quote I hear (also from Red October) is: "Be careful, Ryan. Things in here don't react well to bullets."



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    Who had to program those subroutines? Who had to do QA on them?

    The same guys who thought them up and then wrote them, I should think.


  • BINNED

    @Lorne Kates said:

    And speaking of fucking holodecks, how intelligent is the "off" button? Does it know to get rid of all organic matter that is no longer-- hmm-- inside the user? If you run one of "those" programs, do you have to bring a mop to clean up afterwards once your "target" vanishes?

    splash

    Who had to program those subroutines? Who had to do QA on them?

    Don't even go there. If the damned thing actually produces matter (they can eat/drink in there, so apparently it does), AND it has, apparently, a power source incompatible with the rest of the ship, AND they can run a fscking program even when they have an energy crysis... why was there ever an energy crysis? Simulate a warp drive, steal a pocketfull of fuel, problem solved.



  • @Onyx said:

    Simulate a warp drive, steal a pocketfull of fuel, problem solved.
     

    Duh, you can't take projections off the holodeck.


  • BINNED

    @dhromed said:

    Duh, you can't take projections off the holodeck.

    They did say that food is matter, since it's easier to just replicate the stuff than to simulate it. At least I think they did.

    Also, if all the booze disappears as soon as I leave I'm not excited about it anymore



  • @Onyx said:

    it's easier to just replicate the stuff
     

    Replicators operate on a special form of magic that circumvents E = mc^2.


  • BINNED

    @dhromed said:

    Replicators operate on a special form of magic that circumvents E = mc^2.

    Oh, it's a magic door, why didn't you say so!



  •  A wizard did it.



  • @dhromed said:

    Duh, you can't take projections off the holodeck.
     

    @Moriarty said:

    Says you.


  • BINNED

    @Cassidy said:

    @dhromed said:

    Duh, you can't take projections off the holodeck.
     

    @Moriarty said:

    Says you.

    I intended to post that but I was afraid it was too obscure. Apparently not.



  • @Onyx said:

    @dhromed said:

    Replicators operate on a special form of magic that circumvents E = mc^2.

    Oh, it's a magic door, why didn't you say so!
    It is explained as a simpler form of the transporter, and takes matter that already exists in a reserve and converts it at the molecular level into something else.  It can also deconstruct matter and recycle it.  Holodecks are equiped with replicator technology for food and clothing.  Last thing you want is to change into some holodeck clothing and walk out without thinking and poof goes your clothes.  Likewise the holodeck can deconstruct what you leave behind or any messes you create.



  • @Onyx said:

    I intended to post that but I was afraid it was too obscure. Apparently not.
     

    Is this about that weird "sherlock" series I see all these feelgifs about but have never actually watched?




  • Ticket ID TT90339530
    Call Type PROBLEM
    Priority PR2
    Due Date Startdate 8361943579.1
    Related TT90339528
    Call Log
    cpt. picard wants projection off holodeck (see TT90339528)
    subtask A.7.
    -- HELPDESK AGENT 73; 8361943572.0

    reass. to eng. dept.
    

    -- HELPDESK AGENT 73; 8361943572.1

    Tried to contact user for details, but user was away.
    Will try to contact user tomorrow.
    

    -- ENSIGN MARTINEZ; 8361943573.4

    User talked about beaming projection off holodeck.
    Reassigning to Transporter division.
    

    -- ENSIGN MARTINEZ; 8361943574.3

    Contacted user for details.  Will try to decouple
    heisenberg compensator, experiment tomorrow during
    scheduled maintenance.
    

    -- ENSIGN CALDRONE; 8361943575.9

    experiment failed; reassigning back to engineering.
    

    -- ENSIGN BRAZIL; 8361943576.4

    user opened ticket TT90339549, closing this as dup.
    before due date expires
    

    -- HELPDESK AGENT 190; 8361943578.8

    TICKET CLOSED AS DUPLICATE; 8361943578.8
    


  • @dhromed said:

    @Onyx said:

    I intended to post that but I was afraid it was too obscure. Apparently not.
     

    Is this about that weird "sherlock" series I see all these feelgifs about but have never actually watched?

    No, that's about a TNG episode, where LaForge asks the computer to make an opponent that can beat Data, for use in a Sherlock Holmes holodeck program. The computer then creates a Moriarty that's so smart that he proceeds to figure out it's a hologram and figures out how to leave the holodeck. I think there's a later follow-up to it, but I'm not sure.



  • @toon said:

    No, that's about a TNG episode, where LaForge asks the computer to make an opponent that can beat Data,
     

    Oh right.  In my memory, that's a pretty cool episode.


  • BINNED

    @toon said:

    @dhromed said:

    @Onyx said:

    I intended to post that but I was afraid it was too obscure. Apparently not.
     

    Is this about that weird "sherlock" series I see all these feelgifs about but have never actually watched?

    No, that's about a TNG episode, where LaForge asks the computer to make an opponent that can beat Data, for use in a Sherlock Holmes holodeck program. The computer then creates a Moriarty that's so smart that he proceeds to figure out it's a hologram and figures out how to leave the holodeck. I think there's a later follow-up to it, but I'm not sure.

    If my memory serves me right, there was a followup and he actually left in that one. Haven't watched TNG in ages though.

    Also, this is a first thread on TDWTF I managed to completely derail, do I get a medal or something?



  • @dhromed said:

    @toon said:
    No, that's about a TNG episode, where LaForge asks the computer to make an opponent that can beat Data,
    Oh right. In my memory, that's a pretty cool episode.

    Except there's one scene where he draws a picture of the Enterprise on a piece of holodeck paper and Data takes it out of the holodeck and the paper doesn't appear WHICH MAKES ALL TREKKIES FURIOUS BECAUSE YOU CAN'T TAKE STUFF OFF THE HOLODECK DAMNIT! Also it was a poorly-written reveal.



  • Moriarty never left the holodeck, although he thought he did. That was the genius of the followup episode with Barclay. They managed to trick Moriarty at his own game, and moved him into his own little mini-holodeck-in-a-box to run forever while he explored the holodeck universe.

    Then, generations and generations later, after Moriarty's progeny populated an entire M-class planet, some of the holo-offspring wake up to realize they're not living in reality. They find a way to break free, but only to shocking horror that they're just being used as an [url=http://thedailywtf.com/Articles/Just-a-WarmUp.aspx]energy source[/url] from their evil enslavers. As a quirk in the mini-holodeck, an anomalous holoman named Neo becomes endowed with seemingly supernatural powers...



  •  I'll probably be very disappointed by the episode if I were to watch it right now.



  • @Xyro said:

    an anomalous holoman named Neo becomes endowed with seemingly supernatural powers...
     

    He finds his way into a room with many little screens.

    A large comfortable chair swivels around.

    It is Picard|Geordi|Data.



  • The first one? Yes, probably. It was very early in the show, before they really got good at the whole TNG thing.

    The followup? Surely not! It has Barclay in it! All Barclay episodes are awesome.



  • @dhromed said:

    @Xyro said:
    an anomalous holoman named Neo becomes endowed with seemingly supernatural powers...
     

    He finds his way into a room with many little screens.

    A large comfortable chair swivels around.

    It is Picard|Geordi|Data.


    Zimmerman!



  • @Xyro said:

    The followup? Surely not! It has Barclay in it! All Barclay episodes are awesome.

    +1.

    Barclay was the only (and prototypical) normal guy in all of Star Trek. You expect me to believe that in 200 years, TV no longer exists and people spend all their hobby time performing Shakespeare and playing in string quartets? When they have HOLODECKS? Fuck that noise. Barclay was the only one who feared the transporter, but had good reason and his fear was justified! Unlike every other character (McCoy, Polaski who was a rip-off of McCoy but I liked her anyway) who hates the holodeck, who's treated as a wacky luddite meanwhile in every third episode the thing malfunctions and turns someone into goo. If our elevators failed as much as Star Trek transporters do, I'd take the fucking stairs too.

    Despite how awful Voyager was, they made good use of Barclay too. Hell, he's basically the hero of the entire Voyager series at the end.



  • @Xyro said:

    Moriarty [spoiler]. That was the genius of the followup episode with Barclay. They managed to [spoiler] [spoiler] [spoiler] [spoiler].

    There's a reason why they chose the word "spoiler" for that. I (but that's me personally, my own opinion) consider it extremely impolite and douchey to spoil any sort of story, be it online or IRL. Because some folks might not have seen the ep, and want to check it out after reading this thread.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @Xyro said:
    The followup? Surely not! It has Barclay in it! All Barclay episodes are awesome.

    +1.

    Barclay was the only (and prototypical) normal guy in all of Star Trek. You expect me to believe that in 200 years, TV no longer exists and people spend all their hobby time performing Shakespeare and playing in string quartets? When they have HOLODECKS? Fuck that noise. Barclay was the only one who feared the transporter, but had good reason and his fear was justified! Unlike every other character (McCoy, Polaski who was a rip-off of McCoy but I liked her anyway) who hates the holodeck, who's treated as a wacky luddite meanwhile in every third episode the thing malfunctions and turns someone into goo. If our elevators failed as much as Star Trek transporters do, I'd take the fucking stairs too.

    Despite how awful Voyager was, they made good use of Barclay too. Hell, he's basically the hero of the entire Voyager series at the end.

    Also, Schultz did an awesome job portraying him.



  • @toon said:

    @Xyro said:
    Moriarty [spoiler]. That was the genius of the followup episode with Barclay. They managed to [spoiler] [spoiler] [spoiler] [spoiler].

    There's a reason why they chose the word "spoiler" for that. I (but that's me personally, my own opinion) consider it extremely impolite and douchey to spoil any sort of story, be it online or IRL. Because some folks might not have seen the ep, and want to check it out after reading this thread.

    Are you fucking serious?

    Dude if someone hasn't seen an episode from 1990 by now, 22 years later, they don't care about spoilers. You've had an ENTIRE LIFETIME to watch it. That episode of Star Trek can DRIVE, VOTE AND DRINK in the US. It's graduated college.

    What the fuck is wrong with people on this forum?



  • @toon said:

    @Xyro said:
    Moriarty [spoiler]. That was the genius of the followup episode with Barclay. They managed to [spoiler] [spoiler] [spoiler] [spoiler].

    There's a reason why they chose the word "spoiler" for that. I (but that's me personally, my own opinion) consider it extremely impolite and douchey to spoil any sort of story, be it online or IRL. Because some folks might not have seen the ep, and want to check it out after reading this thread.

    :( I sorry



  • @dhromed said:

    Is this about that weird "sherlock" series
     

    As now explained, no..... but coming back to that point - get the BBC Sherlock, season 1. You'll like it.


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