If certain tech companies produced carpentry tools...



  • If Apple manufactured carpentry tools and XCode was a hammer, the hammer would

    • Have a striking surface made of low-density polystyrene foam.
    • Have a handle made of a slinky. Most people spend a considerable amount of time splinting and wrapping the slinky so the hammer can be properly held and swung.
    • Only have one claw. The older models had two claws, but one of them got
      removed due to a bug and Apple has no plans to fix it. Complaints will
      be met with responses from certified Apple engineers telling you to just
      use an old model if you really need the claws. However the old model of
      hammer does not work at all with current-generation Apple nails. A
      third party will figure out how to break off a claw from the old hammer
      and attach it to the new one, but the only bonding agent that can stick
      to the material is saliva and it will break off every time you try to
      pull a nail.
    • Have a wasp nest with live wasps living in it attached to the end of the handle. Getting stung by wasps is considered a feature because it makes your end product better. Marketing refuses to explain how it helps, but the terms of use require you to leave it attached and not circumvent it in any manner.
    • Work much better if you hold it upside down and use the wasp nest as a striking surface. However, this is against Apple's terms of use because it can hurt the wasp larvae and they will not allow you to sell any products made with the hammer if it is used in such a manner.
    • Occasionally become possessed by evil spirits and repeatedly smash the carpenter in the face. This will last for several hours and there is nothing you can do about it. Apple denies that this is even possible, so many carpenters think that Apple doesn't even use its own hammers.
    • Be free, but can only be stored in a $1500 toolbox made of aluminum foil. Storing it in any other brand of toolbox is a violation of the terms of use. They will also spend millions designing the hammer so that it is physically incapable of fitting inside another toolbox. Occasionally someone may produce a compatible toolbox for relatively cheap, however they will immediately update the hammer's design to invalidate the new toolbox and sue the maker out of business.
    • Only be capable of pounding in nails made of compacted unicorn feces, though it is the only hammer in the world capable of doing so. But because the crap came from unicorns, everyone in the world wants them, so carpenters have no choice but to use the hammer.
    • Have the capability to scale up the nail if you accidentally use one that's obviously too small for the task at hand. However, once the nail is driven in it will immediately change back to a small nail and fall out.
    • Produce furniture that you may not be able to sell because Apple must approve all constructions and all sales must pass through them. You will not know until you finish building whether they'll approve. Also, if Apple at some point decides to make the same type of furniture as you, they may destroy every one you've already built and sold.
    • Produce furniture that only works in run-down 600-square-foot apartments which cost $2500 a month in rent. The magic of the unicorn dung nails detects if this is not so and will fail, causing the furniture to completely collapse. And it notifies Apple's legal team of the violation and you may be barred from ever producing furniture again.

     

    If Microsoft manufactured carpentry tools and Visual Studio was a hammer, it would

    • Have several models depending on how big of a nail you want to use, and depending on whether you intend to sell your build or just give it away/keep it for yourself.
    • Cost $900 each. However every street corner has crates full of them, and Microsoft doesn't really seem to mind when people steal them.
    • Have interchangeable heads made of different materials so you can safely and easily use it on a variety of materials.
    • Never become possessed by evil spirits. Unless you use the hammer while watching porn and catch a virus.
    • Be extremely versatile, even outside its intended use. Some people have even been able to inflate truck tires and bake cakes using the hammer, though it is quite difficult.
    • Work on almost any kind of nail. It probably would work on unicorn-dung nails too, but no one has cared enough to try. It just looks too messy.
    • Have hilarious TV commercials with an overweight guy on cocaine dripping gallons of sweat while saying "Hammer!" for ten minutes straight.

     

    If GNU/Open Source people created hammers, it would

    • Not actually be a hammer, just a set of incomplete blueprints you could use to build a hammer with. Every blueprint you find is incomplete and incompatible with most other blueprints. You will spend weeks or months trying to learn enough to kludge together a working hammer. Asking for help will only result in mountains of insults being heaped upon your head. Eventually you'll get a working hammer, but for some reason your finished blueprint will only work once.
    • Have several well-known design flaws. They will refuse to fix them, because after all if you think it's a problem you can just get the blueprints and fix it yourself.
    • Possibly come with a restriction that it can only be used to make other hammers, or for making things that will be used to make other hammers. However this only seems to happen if you get the blueprints from smelly, bearded hippies.
    • Only weigh a couple grams. Even the weakest carpenters could wield this hammer. However it can be tiring to use because you have to swing so many times for effect, but if you just want to quickly tap in a nail and hang a picture on your wall it's more than adequate. Using it to carve canals and dig oil wells seems to be a point of pride for many masochists, though they will not be finished even 25 years after the project starts.
    • Have an extremely long life. Once you get the hammer built, if you use it properly, never switch the toolbox it's stored in, never change nail sizes or materials, and never let someone else use it, it will last you a good ten or fifteen years before it breaks.



  • What do the one claw and hornets' nest represent?



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    What do the one claw and hornets' nest represent?
    This.
    Funny as hell, otherwise! +1



  • You forgot to mention that xcode-hammer can only be used for roughly 1 hour at a time before having to be put down and picked up again. And that the time shortens with each new release.



  • Very entertaining analogy 🙂



  • @mott555 said:

    Only have one claw. The older models had two claws, but one of them got
    removed due to a bug and Apple has no plans to fix it. Complaints will
    be met with responses from certified Apple engineers telling you to just
    use an old model if you really need the claws. However the old model of
    hammer does not work at all with current-generation Apple nails. A
    third party will figure out how to break off a claw from the old hammer
    and attach it to the new one, but the only bonding agent that can stick
    to the material is saliva and it will break off every time you try to
    pull a nail.

    Saliva? What? You should have ended this one about 2 sentences earlier.

    @mott555 said:

    Only be capable of pounding in nails made of compacted unicorn feces, though it is the only hammer in the world capable of doing so. But because the crap came from unicorns, everyone in the world wants them, so carpenters have no choice but to use the hammer.

    Huh? Rewrite, this one's confusing and weak.

    @mott555 said:

    Produce furniture that only works in run-down 600-square-foot apartments which cost $2500 a month in rent. The magic of the unicorn dung nails detects if this is not so and will fail, causing the furniture to completely collapse. And it notifies Apple's legal team of the violation and you may be barred from ever producing furniture again.

    Again: rewrite the ones dealing with unicorn dung. What the hell is that?

    @mott555 said:

    Have several models depending on how big of a nail you want to use, and depending on whether you intend to sell your build or just give it away/keep it for yourself.

    Not accurate, you can sell or give away software made with any version of Visual Studio. Yes, even Express. Although there's some weird persistent myth that you can't.

    @mott555 said:

    Have hilarious TV commercials with an overweight guy on cocaine dripping gallons of sweat while saying "Hammer!" for ten minutes straight.

    That wasn't a commercial, that was a all-hands company meeting.

    @mott555 said:

    Have an extremely long life. Once you get the hammer built, if you use it properly, never switch the toolbox it's stored in, never change nail sizes or materials, and never let someone else use it, it will last you a good ten or fifteen years before it breaks.

    Huh?



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    What do the one claw and hornets' nest represent?

    The claw might be the debugger (incomplete? Only half-working? Sounds like Apple debugging to me.) The more confusing thing about the claw one is the saliva-- why saliva?

    The hornet's nest I read as the DRM required to publish on the app store. Or perhaps the app store itself?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @mott555 said:
    Only have one claw. The older models had two claws, but one of them got
    removed due to a bug and Apple has no plans to fix it. Complaints will
    be met with responses from certified Apple engineers telling you to just
    use an old model if you really need the claws. However the old model of
    hammer does not work at all with current-generation Apple nails. A
    third party will figure out how to break off a claw from the old hammer
    and attach it to the new one, but the only bonding agent that can stick
    to the material is saliva and it will break off every time you try to
    pull a nail.

    Saliva? What? You should have ended this one about 2 sentences earlier.

    @mott555 said:

    Only be capable of pounding in nails made of compacted unicorn feces, though it is the only hammer in the world capable of doing so. But because the crap came from unicorns, everyone in the world wants them, so carpenters have no choice but to use the hammer.

    Huh? Rewrite, this one's confusing and weak.

    @mott555 said:

    Produce furniture that only works in run-down 600-square-foot apartments which cost $2500 a month in rent. The magic of the unicorn dung nails detects if this is not so and will fail, causing the furniture to completely collapse. And it notifies Apple's legal team of the violation and you may be barred from ever producing furniture again.

    Again: rewrite the ones dealing with unicorn dung. What the hell is that?

    @mott555 said:

    Have several models depending on how big of a nail you want to use, and depending on whether you intend to sell your build or just give it away/keep it for yourself.

    Not accurate, you can sell or give away software made with any version of Visual Studio. Yes, even Express. Although there's some weird persistent myth that you can't.

    @mott555 said:

    Have hilarious TV commercials with an overweight guy on cocaine dripping gallons of sweat while saying "Hammer!" for ten minutes straight.

    That wasn't a commercial, that was a all-hands company meeting.

    @mott555 said:

    Have an extremely long life. Once you get the hammer built, if you use it properly, never switch the toolbox it's stored in, never change nail sizes or materials, and never let someone else use it, it will last you a good ten or fifteen years before it breaks.

    Huh?

    A perfect example of why comedians generally hate the people in the audience.



  • The unicorn turd nails represent iPhones, and other Mac product, which are pieces of overhyped shit



  • @El_Heffe said:

    A perfect example of why comedians generally hate the people in the audience.

    Who heckles the hecklers?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    Not accurate, you can sell or give away software made with any version of Visual Studio. Yes, even Express.

    Even student/pupil licenses (of the Professional edition)? I am pretty sure the EULA of VS6 had a clause against it, and I just assumed the later version have one too.

    And the claws made me think about mouse buttons first, but since I am not an Apple user, I might be wrong here...



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @mott555 said:
    Have an extremely long life. Once you get the hammer built, if you use it properly, never switch the toolbox it's stored in, never change nail sizes or materials, and never let someone else use it, it will last you a good ten or fifteen years before it breaks.

    Huh?

    I'm guessing this means that you can run a Linux box continuously for years on end, but only if you don't tweak any of the configuration settings, because some of them will cause KERNEL PANIC errors!



  • @ekolis said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @mott555 said:
    Have an extremely long life. Once you get the hammer built, if you use it properly, never switch the toolbox it's stored in, never change nail sizes or materials, and never let someone else use it, it will last you a good ten or fifteen years before it breaks.

    Huh?

    I'm guessing this means that you can run a Linux box continuously for years on end, but only if you don't tweak any of the configuration settings, because some of them will cause KERNEL PANIC errors!

    You can run NT machines for years, assuming you don't install updates. And the same applies to Linux: you can only run it for years if you aren't installing updates. Given how often security patches for core Linux software come through now, Linux users who brag about a 1 year uptime are just telling everyone they don't bother keeping their systems secure (and probably that they can't manage high-availability, since that's usually why companies desperately cling to uptime.)



  • @mihi said:

    I am pretty sure the EULA of VS6 had a clause against it, and I just assumed the later version have one too.

    Yeah and when I was a kid, public phones were in booths that had sliding doors, so I just assume all public phones now are also in booths with sliding doors.

    Wait, that's not a car analogy...



  • @ekolis said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    @mott555 said:
    Have an extremely long life. Once you get the hammer built, if you use it properly, never switch the toolbox it's stored in, never change nail sizes or materials, and never let someone else use it, it will last you a good ten or fifteen years before it breaks.

    Huh?

    I'm guessing this means that you can run a Linux box continuously for years on end, but only if you don't tweak any of the configuration settings, because some of them will cause KERNEL PANIC errors!

    I took it to mean Linux has good backwards-compatibility, which is obviously ludicrous. But maybe the problem is that it's too vague.



  • @this_code_sucks said:

    The unicorn turd nails represent iPhones, and other Mac product, which are pieces of overhyped shit
     

    Looks like someone's app got rejected from the App Store.

    They are not shit. Not shittier than Samsung or Nokia, at least. The next Samsung is going to be twice the size of an iPad, have a built-in projector, weigh 3 grams and have a battery life of, wait, I have to recharge.

    And iPhones don't require you to know the giggling gross geek squad's codename-of-the-week. Ice-cream sandwich? Is that the version before or after Jelly Bean Rabbit of Death Fern?



  • @TGV said:

    @this_code_sucks said:

    The unicorn turd nails represent iPhones, and other Mac product, which are pieces of overhyped shit
     

    Looks like someone's app got rejected from the App Store.

    They are not shit. Not shittier than Samsung or Nokia, at least. The next Samsung is going to be twice the size of an iPad, have a built-in projector, weigh 3 grams and have a battery life of, wait, I have to recharge.

    And iPhones don't require you to know the giggling gross geek squad's codename-of-the-week. Ice-cream sandwich? Is that the version before or after Jelly Bean Rabbit of Death Fern?

    I still think iOS is kind of shitty. Better than Android? Sure, but that's a very low bar to clear. Having used both, I was impressed by neither.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @mihi said:
    I am pretty sure the EULA of VS6 had a clause against it, and I just assumed the later version have one too.

    Yeah and when I was a kid, public phones were in booths that had sliding doors, so I just assume all public phones now are also in booths with sliding doors.

    Wait, that's not a car analogy...

    Is that just a rant or do you definitely know?

    Anyway, it is hard to find public phones nowadays, but if you find them you may be lucky and even find ones that have rotary dials... 😃

    And for Android codenames: Just sort them lexically, that will probably remain to be true at least until they reach "Z". And it is still easier than comparing Windows 7 and Windows 3.1 and Windows 95...



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    You can run NT machines for years, assuming you don't install updates. And the same applies to Linux: you can only run it for years if you aren't installing updates. Given how often security patches for core Linux software come through now, Linux users who brag about a 1 year uptime are just telling everyone they don't bother keeping their systems secure (and probably that they can't manage high-availability, since that's usually why companies desperately cling to uptime.)

    Simply not true. Apt-get and yum can install updates without rebooting, with the excemption of kernel updates. There's even a mecanism to switch over to a new kernel on the fly (openSuse has it enabled by default)

    I once upgraded a debian etch (4) box to lenny (6) remotely over SSH using just "apt-get dist-upgrade". Granted, the new kernel wasn't active untill a reboot 2 months later and it had a lot of default config, but let's see Windows do that...



  • @dtech said:

    Simply not true. Apt-get and yum can install updates without rebooting, with the excemption of kernel updates.

    Except for the changes to actually take effect, you have to stop and restart every single program running-- which practically is no different from a reboot, so I don't see why Linux people always make this ridiculous assertion.

    @dtech said:

    I once upgraded a debian etch (4) box to lenny (6) remotely over SSH using just "apt-get dist-upgrade". Granted, the new kernel wasn't active untill a reboot 2 months later and it had a lot of default config, but let's see Windows do that...

    Windows doesn't do it because who gives a shit? Microsoft focuses on making practical software, not performing "techie magic tricks".



  • @dtech said:

    Simply not true. Apt-get and yum can install updates without rebooting, with the excemption of kernel updates. There's even a mecanism to switch over to a new kernel on the fly (openSuse has it enabled by default)

    I once upgraded a debian etch (4) box to lenny (6) remotely over SSH using just "apt-get dist-upgrade". Granted, the new kernel wasn't active untill a reboot 2 months later and it had a lot of default config, but let's see Windows do that...

    Kernel updates are updates, dumbass. Linux has frequent kernel updates and frequently needs rebooting if you are actually applying updates. Did you post just to display your ignorance or did you have a point?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    Windows doesn't do it because who gives a shit? Microsoft focuses on making practical software, not performing "techie magic tricks".

    It also makes no practical difference. Unless you're just a lazy, sloppy sysadmin who doesn't apply security updates (which is what dtech sounds like), you're going to be rebooting at least once a month, whether Linux or NT. When I hear people making absurd claims about Linux uptime, I know they're usually shitty sysadmins (or dilettantes).



  • Not to mention that Linux updates tend to break things, especially if you're using software that (gasp!) wasn't installed from the package manager.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    When I hear people making absurd claims about Linux uptime, I know they're usually shitty sysadmins (or dilettantes).

    I wager dtech is now thinking either:

    1) "Oh shit, you mean my computer hasn't actually been updated? You mean it's had the security hole I thought I patched 4 months ago still? SHIT! I'm a terrible sysadmin!"

    2) "Oh shit, I found a forum where the posters are savvy enough to call me out on my pro-Linux bullshit instead of accepting it unquestionably!"



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    A perfect example of why comedians generally hate the people in the audience.

    Who heckles the hecklers?

    ...the watchmen?



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    A perfect example of why comedians generally hate the people in the audience.

    Who heckles the hecklers?

     

    These guys:

    Statler and Waldorf



  • @dtech said:

    but let's see Windows do that...
    Do what?  Make a bunch of changes that don't take effect till you reboot?  Doesn't sound very impressive to me.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @dtech said:

    Simply not true. Apt-get and yum can install updates without rebooting, with the excemption of kernel updates. There's even a mecanism to switch over to a new kernel on the fly (openSuse has it enabled by default)

    I once upgraded a debian etch (4) box to lenny (6) remotely over SSH using just "apt-get dist-upgrade". Granted, the new kernel wasn't active untill a reboot 2 months later and it had a lot of default config, but let's see Windows do that...

    Kernel updates are updates, dumbass. Linux has frequent kernel updates and frequently needs rebooting if you are actually applying updates. Did you post just to display your ignorance or did you have a point?

     

    Actually, kernel updates can be applied without restarting now using tools such as Ksplice (and no, I don't know why it's named that as it doesn't appear to have anything to do with KDE)

    Windows is getting a lot better with the number of restarts it needs, but there are still moments of WTF. Any Adobe/MS Office product gets installed, we need to restart. They only happen to be some of the most popular software makers for the most popular software out there. True, about 70% of the time the restart can be ignored. A simple software install shouldn't really need the whole machine to be restarted.

     



  •  OP wins a prize for most strained, milked, unfunny metaphor.



  • I've got one! What if they made drink receptacles!



    Apple would obviously make a shiny aluminum Thermos because it's all about aluminum, branding, and insular double walled gardens.
    Microsoft would be mostly selling ordinary but well-used, dependable mugs after years of perfecting them, but over the past few years sold a few aluminum cheese graters as mugs in an effort to chase Apple but getting pretty much nowhere due to them mostly copying only the flaws .
    The Linux guys provide origami templates to make your own paper cup from. They don't actually fit together as the tabs have dependencies on slots that don't actually exist.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @dtech said:
    but let's see Windows do that...

    Do what?  Make a bunch of changes that don't take effect till you reboot?  Doesn't sound very impressive to me.

    Of course not. Everything requires a reboot for Windows.



  • @ASheridan said:

    Actually, kernel updates can be applied without restarting now using tools such as Ksplice (and no, I don't know why it's named that as it doesn't appear to have anything to do with KDE)

    HTFY



  • @boomzilla said:

    Of course not. Everything requires a reboot for Windows.
     

    Yeah, every time Assassin's Creed autosaves for example. Fortunately I am a patient man.



  • @boomzilla said:

    Of course not. Everything requires a reboot for Windows.

    The mouse has changed position. Windows must restart for this change to take effect. Please close all open applications, and save any data. Windows will restart in [30... 29... 28...]



  • @boomzilla said:

    @ASheridan said:
    Actually, kernel updates can be applied without restarting now using tools such as Ksplice (and no, I don't know why it's named that as it doesn't appear to have anything to do with KDE)

    HTFY

    Yeah, but normally packages that start with a single k like that are to do with KDE, Kmail, Kwrite, Kget, KmyMoney, KcharSelect, Ktimer, etc. I should have realised that this was one of the few sensible ones!



  • @dhromed said:

     OP wins a prize for most strained, milked, unfunny metaphor.

    This. Leave those cracked and bloodied teats alone.

    Yes, XCode is fucking terrible, but you've stretched the joke to the point where no one understands your analogy any more.

    I'm not sure if, on the whole, you're trying to praise or damn Visual Studio but, either way, that section's just dull.

    And, are you trying talk about reference a particular open source editor in the third section, or did you just fling together a few very general, hackneyed open source references?



  • @TGV said:

    @this_code_sucks said:

    The unicorn turd nails represent iPhones, and other Mac product, which are pieces of overhyped shit
     

    Looks like someone's app got rejected from the App Store.

    They are not shit. Not shittier than Samsung or Nokia, at least. The next Samsung is going to be twice the size of an iPad, have a built-in projector, weigh 3 grams and have a battery life of, wait, I have to recharge.

    And iPhones don't require you to know the giggling gross geek squad's codename-of-the-week. Ice-cream sandwich? Is that the version before or after Jelly Bean Rabbit of Death Fern?

     

    Just because Android sucks too doesn't mean iOS doesn't suck.

     



  • @ASheridan said:

    Any Adobe/MS Office product gets installed, we need to restart.

    When's the last time you installed Office? Because it hasn't required a restart in 5 years. (Adobe products are built by... gasp! Adobe. They say nothing about the quality of the OS.)



  • @TGV said:

    And iPhones don't require you to know the giggling gross geek squad's codename-of-the-week. Ice-cream sandwich? Is that the version before or after Jelly Bean Rabbit of Death Fern?

    For what it's worth, the Android code names go in alphabetical order. After ICS will be a dessert that starts with a J, probably something jelly. After that, a K.

    OS X, on the other hand, requires a arbitrary order list of arbitrary big cats. There is an XKCD of this, but ... I will get made fun of if I link it 😞

    @nexekho said:

    I've got one! What if they made drink receptacles!

    I like it. Hey, let's kill the point AND the alread-dead joke but continuing this line of anti-humor! (I sounds like I'm being sarcastic, but I'm not.) BLAKEY LOVES THIS STUFF. (That one was sarcastic.)

    Okay, okay, so let me think. How about... okay, I've got it. If two tech companies and a collection of nebulous community efforts made... bookbags.

    Apple's would be expensive and shiny (cuz their products are expensive and shiny, get it?) but would only be able to fit Apple products. And they'd only have one strap, even though that's bad for your back. The Apple Backpack would be required wear to hang out in cool coffee cafes, where all the poor-as-broke douchebags and subculture miscreants hang out. (How they are able to afford Apple Backpacks and expensive single-serving coffee is a deep mystery, but one that is culturally taboo to investigate.) As a result of their shine, wearers of Apple Backpacks have long been convinced that their beloved pack would save them from being run over on the street at night even when they wear all back. However, recent successful pickpocket attempts have shaken this belief. (Why these two beliefs are conflated, as well as why they wear all back, is another aspect of the deep mystery.)

    Microsoft's would look like a cross between a briefcase and a fanny pack, but at least it would hold nearly anything. Except holes would regularly appear and it's not uncommon for people to pickpocket them. Therefore it's considered standard practice to buy a tarp to wrap over the backpack, to prevent damage and theft. The tarp would make the backpack less usable, but hey, it's standard practice. In the business word, where tarps are gaudy and unprofessional, one is expected to high small children or midgets to live inside the backpack in order to prevent any sort of theft or damage, as well as inspect incoming objects. This turns the backpack into a useless burden, but the midgets are expensive, and therefore valuable, and therefore worthwhile.

    The open source OpenPack (a fork of the Apache Hoatzin project, which is itself a fork of the BKPK code released by AT&T in 1991) would be very popular among hitchhiking enthusiasts, as it is free and fits nearly any object (as long as that object is not made by Apple or Microsoft). It's also covered in patches, which matches the clothing worn by these enthusiasts. In fact, it's basically nothing but a patchwork of differing fabrics, textures, and layers. As a result, splits are very common among the seams. However, friendly textile workers frequently give out free patches for which to patch the patches, so I guess it works out.

    Am I funny yet? Maybe if more people contributed to this pattern, it would retroactively become funny.



  • @Xyro said:

    Am I funny yet? Maybe if more people contributed to this pattern, it would retroactively become funny.
     

    I wish I could permaban your dad's dick from your mom's vagina, before you were conceived.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    When's the last time you installed Office? Because it hasn't required a restart in 5 years.
    Very rarely, it thinks it needs a restart, often if you're upgrading, adding or removing a component. That said, it behaves perfectly fine if you don't.



  • @Douglasac said:

    @blakeyrat said:
    When's the last time you installed Office? Because it hasn't required a restart in 5 years.
    Very rarely, it thinks it needs a restart, often if you're upgrading, adding or removing a component. That said, it behaves perfectly fine if you don't.

    The only time it needs a restart is if it updates an existing DLL, and the reason is that it can't be sure whether or not the DLL is loaded (due to Office Automation libraries) and so there's no other way to securely update a DLL.

    But! He didn't say "updating Office", he said "installing Office", and installing Office definitely does not require a reboot in many, many years.



  • @ASheridan said:

    Yeah, but normally packages that start with a single k like that are to do with KDE, Kmail, Kwrite, Kget, KmyMoney, KcharSelect, Ktimer, etc. I should have realised that this was one of the few sensible ones!

    Klibc, Kexec, Kcore, Kboot, Klogd, keventd, kapmd, ksoftirqd, kswapd, kupdated, ...



  •  @blakeyrat said:

    @ASheridan said:
    Any Adobe/MS Office product gets installed, we need to restart.

    When's the last time you installed Office? Because it hasn't required a restart in 5 years. (Adobe products are built by... gasp! Adobe. They say nothing about the quality of the OS.)

    I updated to MS Office 2010 just the other week, and it asked for a restart (it didn't need one, as I was able to use it without restarting, but it asked for one, which was the point I was making).



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @Douglasac said:
    @blakeyrat said:
    When's the last time you installed Office? Because it hasn't required a restart in 5 years.
    Very rarely, it thinks it needs a restart, often if you're upgrading, adding or removing a component. That said, it behaves perfectly fine if you don't.

    The only time it needs a restart is if it updates an existing DLL, and the reason is that it can't be sure whether or not the DLL is loaded (due to Office Automation libraries) and so there's no other way to securely update a DLL.

    But! He didn't say "updating Office", he said "installing Office", and installing Office definitely does not require a reboot in many, many years.

    Oh come on, don't be so damn pedantic. Updating MSOffice is just installing a newer version over the top, so it's still installing MSOffice.

     



  • @ASheridan said:

    Actually, kernel updates can be applied without restarting now using tools such as Ksplice

    Which no distros use. And which sounds hacky enough that I'm pretty sure more organizations wouldn't bother with. Swapping out the kernel while it's running sounds like a good way to inadvertently corrupt data. Finally, why does this even exist? Rebooting isn't awful. Anyone who'd buy Ksplice surely has HA already in place, so why bother with this?



  • @mott555 said:

    If Microsoft manufactured carpentry tools and Visual Studio was a hammer, it would

    • Have hilarious TV commercials with an overweight guy on cocaine dripping gallons of sweat while saying "Hammer!" for ten minutes straight.

    Shouldn't it be "carpenters, carpenters, carpenters!"?



  • @mihi said:

    @ASheridan said:
    Yeah, but normally packages that start with a single k like that are to do with KDE, Kmail, Kwrite, Kget, KmyMoney, KcharSelect, Ktimer, etc. I should have realised that this was one of the few sensible ones!

    Klibc, Kexec, Kcore, Kboot, Klogd, keventd, kapmd, ksoftirqd, kswapd, kupdated, ...

    I keep running into a problem with Asian music videos: I can't tell whether KTV in a particular occurrence means it's karaoke-format or sung in Korean.

    And K stands for so many things that don't start with K, like black, strikeout, tanker aircraft, or even things that don't have a K in them at all, like potassium, thousand, absolute temperature, permeability, lysine, phylloquinone, and the Dallas branch of the Federal Reserve.



  •  I have one!  One if certain tech companies produced IDEs the way that they produce IDEs:

    Apple's would be extremely proprietary, and difficult to work with. There would be lots of undocumented gotchas, but that's okay, but it's all on the development side. The user's won't care, because to them, all they see is SHINY APP. It will only be able to work with the latest version of Apple's handheld devices, and there will be myserious and inconsistent rules for getting your app published, but you'll have to follow it because that's the only path from developer to user.

    Microsoft's wouldn't be pretty, but it would be extremely utilitarian.  It'd be able to handle just about any language you can throw at it, and is extensible so that third parties can provide utilities. The pricing strategy would mirror the sort of pricing they use across their entire corporation, with free versions, volume licenses, etc. There'll be a few quibbles with it, which will be hyper-inflated and laughed at, because, you know, Micro$oft!  At some point, Microsoft will release a confusingly named extension that tries to replicate certain open source utilities, and will be almost right but in the end fail at both replacing and introducing new features. They'll call it something like AjaxToolKit, which has nothing to do with Ajax, and isn't a toolkit.  Despite it's flaws, the power and easy of use of the product will become a gold standard for other IDEs to emulate.

    Linux, which isn't a tech company, but we forgot about that somewhere around the third paragraph (which this is-- self-referential recursion, get it?)-- will produce a wide array of IDEs. Some will be based on old technology, like an Improved VI. Others will try to copycat existing IDEs. In general, the more ambitious the IDE, the closer they'll get to usable, but will asymptotically fail to reach it. Anyone criticizing the IDE will be told to fix it themselves, or go such at the teat of one of the two tech companies mentioned above. Many of the quibbles with the products probably could be solved yourself, or by following some arcane set of commands from a Google search-- but really, isn't that how ALL tech issues are solved? I mean, how did you manage to get JQuery Intellisense working on Visual Studios, bub?  In the end, you'll end up with something that works for you-- or at least that you can tolerate-- and will be afraid to change anything for fear of breaking the house of cards. At the very least, it's unencumbered by proprietary technology and pricy licenses, so there' that. Chances are it's name will be an unpronounceable acronym,  or will sound like a deviant sex act you perform with aborted fetuses, so you'll never be able to tell anyone that you use it.

     



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Swapping out the kernel while it's running sounds like a good way to inadvertently corrupt data. Finally, why does this even exist? Rebooting isn't awful.
     

    Depends. Kernel? Reboot. Windows update.. maybe. Plain ol' software? OF COURSE NOT.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Anyone who'd buy Ksplice surely has HA already in place

    HydrogenAudio?

     


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