What it takes to sell software



  • You have to be clever to develop software but anyone who can sell the kind of crap displayed in this forum is a sheer genius. I have had the privilege of working with a sales guy who was divine.

    It was the early nineties. We had a demo for a Liverpudlian soap factory of a system that ran on NeXT. It had recently made the transition to Intel hardware but did not run on any laptop. It sported graphics that were best appreciated on a big screen.

    The best you could hope for back then was an overhead projector so we carried a desktop tower and 19’’ CRT monitor on the plane to Manchester. You could do such things before homeland paranoia and full body scanners kicked in, provided there was enough room.

    Upon arrival, the sales guy convinced me that you can’t travel that far without trying a fine selection of local ales. So under the weight of the hardware and consumed spirits our entrance in the presentation room couldn’t have made a very stable impression. Nevertheless, he managed to convince the soap boilers that our garage outfit was a seriously dedicated business partner and our software indispensible for their future success.

    Running late on the way back he concluded that for us homies, Manchester Airport was the closest thing to tasting a good curry. So we sat the tower, the monitor and ourselves down for a good dinner. After nibbling half a papadam we heard the PA shout: "Will Mr. Slick and Mr. Nerd please proceed to the boarding gate, you are delaying the flight." This didn’t deter him. During a spicy vindaloo the PA got serious: they would proceed offload our luggage. We only have carry-on’s, he said and ordered desert.

    When we finally set out for the plane the gate was closed but he charmed his way in nonetheless. On a Friday afternoon, the plan was chockfull. He opened an overhead bin and shoved in the monitor, crushing the tax free Chanel and single malt whisky bottles of our fellow passengers. The bins weren’t designed to carry such weight or volume and started bulging with a creaking sound.

    The horrified flight attendants started reaching for crowd control devices but with commanding presence he convinced captain, crew and passengers that transporting this equipment was of vital importance to the world economy. So the equipment was strapped into his seat and he got a ride in the cockpit.

    You gotta love sales people.



  • @JvdL said:

    You gotta love sales people.
     

    They will have their place in the new world order.



  • With a little bit more of story telling abilities, this could hit the front page easily!



  • @JvdL said:

    The best you could hope for back then was an overhead projector so we carried a desktop tower and 19’’ CRT monitor on the plane to Manchester. You could do such things before homeland paranoia and full body scanners kicked in, provided there was enough room.

    Just reserve a seat for Joe Pillow!



  • @JvdL said:

    Liverpudlian soap factory of a system

    Is this an English expression, or is the story actually about a soap factory?



  • @Someone You Know said:

    @JvdL said:
    Liverpudlian soap factory of a system

    Is this an English expression,

    It's not one I've come across.



  • There is also a reference to "soap boilers". I'm pretty sure it's about a soap factory, as opposed to (say) a SOAPFactory.



  • @Someone You Know said:

    @JvdL said:
    Liverpudlian soap factory of a system

    Is this an English expression,

     

    I suspect there's some snark about Scousers (Liverpudlians) not being large soap-users, hence the suitability of chosing such a location for that particular industry.

    See also: solar-powered sunlamps, waterproof teabags, soluble umbrellas...



  • @Cassidy said:

    @Someone You Know said:

    @JvdL said:
    Liverpudlian soap factory of a system
    Is this an English expression,
     

    I suspect there's some snark about Scousers (Liverpudlians) not being large soap-users, hence the suitability of chosing such a location for that particular industry.

    See also: solar-powered sunlamps, waterproof teabags, soluble umbrellas...

    Funny British humor...


  • @Cassidy said:

    See also: solar-powered sunlamps, waterproof teabags, soluble umbrellas...
    ... birmingham screwdrivers ...



  • @PJH said:

    @Cassidy said:
    See also: solar-powered sunlamps, waterproof teabags, soluble umbrellas...
    ... birmingham screwdrivers ...

    Oh yeah? What about Newcastle... uhh... old castles?



  • @aihtdikh said:

    Oh yeah? What about Newcastle... uhh... old castles?

    That was intended to prevent another country prepending "New" to the name then claiming it.



  • @PJH said:

    @Someone You Know said:
    @JvdL said:
    Liverpudlian soap factory of a system

    Is this an English expression,

    It's not one I've come across.
     

    It's the anonymization of a well-know multinational company with premises across the Mersey from Liverpool, in a town named after their 19th century killer app: a smoothly lathering soap bar.

    The original sentence should be read: a demo (to that company) (of a system).



  • @frits said:

    Funny British humor...
     

    Incomprehensible sentence fragments...

     



  • @Zylon said:

    @frits said:

    Funny British humor...
     

    Incomprehensible sentence fragments...

     

    Three ellipsis points...



  • @Cassidy said:

    @aihtdikh said:

    Oh yeah? What about Newcastle... uhh... old castles?

    That was intended to prevent another country prepending "New" to the name then claiming it.

    Nah, all they have to do is call it Third Castle... haven't you ever heard of Fifteenth York?



  • @Someone You Know said:

    @Zylon said:

    @frits said:

    Funny British humor...
     

    Incomprehensible sentence fragments...

     

    Three ellipsis points...
    You're a good friend dot dot dot, dot dot


  • @dhromed said:

    @JvdL said:

    You gotta love sales people.
     

    They will have their place in the new world order.

    First up against the wall.



  • @Someone You Know said:

    @Zylon said:

    @frits said:

    Funny British humor...
     

    Incomprehensible sentence fragments...

     

    Three ellipsis points...

     

    Non-sequitur cascading giraffe...

     



  • @Gazzonyx said:

    @dhromed said:

    @JvdL said:

    You gotta love sales people.
     

    They will have their place in the new world order.

    First up against the wall.

    <Hopeful>The wall of the ice cream and blowjobs factory???</Hopeful>



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Gazzonyx said:
    @dhromed said:

    @JvdL said:

    You gotta love sales people.
     

    They will have their place in the new world order.

    First up against the wall.

    <Hopeful>The wall of the ice cream and blowjobs factory???</Hopeful>

     

    Why sully that wall with blood?

     



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Gazzonyx said:
    @dhromed said:

    @JvdL said:

    You gotta love sales people.
     

    They will have their place in the new world order.

    First up against the wall.

    <Hopeful>The wall of the ice cream and blowjobs factory???</Hopeful>


    No, it's a Factory Factory for creating Factories. They will have to work in them. They will be forced to use XML, too.


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