I intentionally the whole Internet



  • So one of our C-level execs has a vacation home in one of the deserty Southwestern states. Since he hasn't spend much time there in the last couple years, he decided to cancel his internet service. Fast forward to this week, he is now at his vacation home with no Internet access. To work around this he got his neighbor's wifi password, but his laptop cannot see the network. Apparently the neighbor is not home and has turned his access point off. Exec then calls the network admin (my boss), who suggests going to a library or some other location with free wifi access.

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access. Since that site is library, he can't use VoIP software or make phone calls. Given his affinity for yelling at people over the phone, I think I prefer it that way.

    I have also spent part of my afternoon trying to get him to understand that, even though they have very similar names, Outlook Web Access does not have the same feature set as Outlook.



  • You should just start talking about how Stephen Colbert and Stephen Hawking are the same person.



  • ...so he travels to a location which he KNOWS lacks Internet, and when he arrives he proceeds to blame his neighbor, the network administrator, and then the library for his lack of foresight? Of course, TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.



  •  Yes, although this situation is unique. Usually he just blames the network administrator.



  • @RHuckster said:

    TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.
     

    Tell him to turn off the water in his house, because flowing flouride can cause chemical interference with 2.4ghz signals.

    Then tell him to keep running in circles around his house with his laptop held above his head, to induce a high-energy collection of signals in his laptop. If it's especially hot and sunny, he'll have to run around for a while to overcome the static electricity in dry air. Just keep running and running and running through the desert until there isn't a problem anymore.

     



  • @Buffalo said:

    ...we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access.
     

    Dear Exec.

    You cancelled your internet account and now it is frustrating because you don't have internet access. Congratulations, you have just learnt the concept of "consequences of your actions"; a concept most of us learn before we turn 5.

    Yours sincerely,
    IT Department

     



  • @RHuckster said:

    Of course, TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.
    It's very nice out here this time of year.



  • @Buffalo said:

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access. Since that site is library, he can't use VoIP software or make phone calls.
     

    Aren't there mobile phone networks in the desert? I've successfully Skyped over 3G, on a moving train no less!

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?



  • @havokk said:

    @Buffalo said:

    ...we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access.
     

    Dear Exec.

    You cancelled your internet account and now it is frustrating because you don't have internet access. Congratulations, you have just learnt the concept of "consequences of your actions"; a concept most of us learn before we turn 5.

    Yours sincerely,
    IT Department

     

    I wonder what the consequence of this action would be?



  • @Zemm said:

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    Who is Shirley?


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @TheRider said:

    @Zemm said:

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    Who is Shirley?
    You can't be serious?



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    @RHuckster said:

    TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.
     

    Tell him to turn off the water in his house, because flowing flouride can cause chemical interference with 2.4ghz signals.

    Then tell him to keep running in circles around his house with his laptop held above his head, to induce a high-energy collection of signals in his laptop. If it's especially hot and sunny, he'll have to run around for a while to overcome the static electricity in dry air. Just keep running and running and running through the desert until there isn't a problem anymore.

     

    Dogbert: You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof.



  • @RHuckster said:

    ...so he travels to a location which he KNOWS lacks Internet, and when he arrives he proceeds to blame his neighbor, the network administrator, and then the library for his lack of foresight? Of course, TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.
     

    I don't think he'd qualify as a c-level executive if he wasn't a complete twat.

    I once worked for an exec who, upon finding that the network was down when he got into his office, unplugged his cat-5 cable from the wall and left it until our network techie got in.  Of course from our perspective it was more like this:  first thing in the morning the phb complains that the network is down, walk into office to find cable unplugged, plug cable back in, and voila!  network access.  The amazing thing is that the exec isn't at all embarrassed.  That capability must be stored in the part of the hair they shave off to make the points.



  • @Sutherlands said:

    It's very nice out here this time of year.

    I'm sure it is, but I don't go on vacation just for the weather. Especially if I can simulate that weather by turning my heat up here in frozen tundra. I'd at least want to be within a mile of some big body of water if I were purchasing a second home to just chill out in.



  • @PJH said:

    @TheRider said:
    @Zemm said:

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    Who is Shirley?
    You can't be serious?
    Yes I am, and don't call me Sirius.



  • @RHuckster said:

    @Sutherlands said:
    It's very nice out here this time of year.

    I'm sure it is, but I don't go on vacation just for the weather. Especially if I can simulate that weather by turning my heat up here in frozen tundra. I'd at least want to be within a mile of some big body of water if I were purchasing a second home to just chill out in.

    But it's hard to play golf in the frozen tundra or on a big body of water, so why should anyone ever care about that, right?



  • @Buffalo said:

    ... To work around this he got his neighbor's wifi password,

     

    First time through I read that as ""neighbour's wife password". Sounds more fun than reading your email..

     

     



  • @boomzilla said:

    But it's hard to play golf in the frozen tundra or on a big body of water, so why should anyone ever care about that, right?

    It's no less difficult to play golf on a big body of water than to live in a house on a big body of water. You just need to use some creativity.



  • @DaveK said:

    @Lorne Kates said:

    @RHuckster said:

    TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.
     

    Tell him to turn off the water in his house, because flowing flouride can cause chemical interference with 2.4ghz signals.

    Then tell him to keep running in circles around his house with his laptop held above his head, to induce a high-energy collection of signals in his laptop. If it's especially hot and sunny, he'll have to run around for a while to overcome the static electricity in dry air. Just keep running and running and running through the desert until there isn't a problem anymore.

     

    Dogbert: You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof.

    I love that strip so much! I once told someone at college the same thing, and they believed that for a couple of days too.



  • @havokk said:

    Dear Exec.

    You cancelled your internet account and now it is frustrating because you don't have internet access. Congratulations, you have just learnt the concept of "consequences of your actions"; a concept most of us learn before we turn 5.

    Yours sincerely,
    IT Department

     

    Consequences are for blaming on other people.

     @Zemm said:

    Aren't there mobile phone networks in the desert?
    I've successfully Skyped over 3G, on a moving train no less!

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    There are, but mobile data plans cost more than broadband, and even that was apparently too expensive.


    @jetcitywoman said:

    I once worked for an exec who, upon finding
    that the network was down when he got into his office, unplugged his
    cat-5 cable from the wall and left it until our network techie got in. 
    Of course from our perspective it was more like this:  first thing in
    the morning the phb complains that the network is down, walk into office
    to find cable unplugged, plug cable back in, and voila!  network
    access.  The amazing thing is that the exec isn't at all embarrassed. 
    That capability must be stored in the part of the hair they shave off to
    make the points.

    He's in charge and he gets paid more,
    so obviously he knows more than those lowly techs. The best course of
    action is to berate and abuse employees that were hired for their
    expertise, second-guess their decisions and ignore their
    recommendations. Keeps 'em motivated.

     



  • @Renan said:

    @DaveK said:

    @Lorne Kates said:

    @RHuckster said:

    TRWTF is he has a vacation home in the desert.
     

    Tell him to turn off the water in his house, because flowing flouride can cause chemical interference with 2.4ghz signals.

    Then tell him to keep running in circles around his house with his laptop held above his head, to induce a high-energy collection of signals in his laptop. If it's especially hot and sunny, he'll have to run around for a while to overcome the static electricity in dry air. Just keep running and running and running through the desert until there isn't a problem anymore.

     

    Dogbert: You'll also need to replace all of your plumbing and get a new roof.

    I love that strip so much! I once told someone at college the same thing, and they believed that for a couple of days too.
    Let me guess, were they in a philosophy program?


  • @Buffalo said:

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access.

    "Really? According to our records, you should have internet access from home!

    Oh, hang on, it looks like someone cancelled it. Damn them! Don't they know how much that will cost this company in productivity loss, as well as end-user frustration? I'm having someone from HR track down that individual and commence disciplinary procedures RIGHT NOW!"

    Did anyone actually ask the exec "should you have internet access from home? Surely your position warrants it... wasn't a home hookup requested as part of your moving package?"



  • @Buffalo said:

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating
    it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access. Since that
    site is library, he can't use VoIP software or make phone calls. Given
    his affinity for yelling at people over the phone, I think I prefer it
    that way.

     

     

    I am LOVIN' the thought of a verbally abusive C-level exec forced to go to a gasp PUBLIC library and use the PUBLIC computers with the rest of the hoi polloi.  I wonder if the librarian made your exec get off the computer when his 60 minutes were up, so that the homeless guy waiting in line could have a turn.



  • @Zemm said:

    @Buffalo said:

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access. Since that site is library, he can't use VoIP software or make phone calls.
     

    Aren't there mobile phone networks in the desert? I've successfully Skyped over 3G, on a moving train no less!

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    Yes it can be more expensive, not that difficult.  USA is less densely populated than most countries (not even in the top 100) this means that it takes more cell towers to cover the same number of people if you try to do full coverage.  More towers = more cost.  So in deserts where population is highly dispersed it is very hard for cell companies to justify the cost of putting 3G in those areas, which means no coverage.  There are other factors too that also drive up costs which I do not feel like getting into. 



  • @Anketam said:

    @Zemm said:

    @Buffalo said:

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access. Since that site is library, he can't use VoIP software or make phone calls.
     

    Aren't there mobile phone networks in the desert? I've successfully Skyped over 3G, on a moving train no less!

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    Yes it can be more expensive, not that difficult.  USA is less densely populated than most countries (not even in the top 100) this means that it takes more cell towers to cover the same number of people if you try to do full coverage.  More towers = more cost.  So in deserts where population is highly dispersed it is very hard for cell companies to justify the cost of putting 3G in those areas, which means no coverage.  There are other factors too that also drive up costs which I do not feel like getting into. 

    Don't forget: while 99% of the US is a barren, post-apocalyptic landscape, the other 1% is a densely-packed urban shithole where you run into the opposite kind of density problem, where there are too many people wanting to use too much data in too small of an area.

    I'm a bit envious of the $1/month Internet, but I have to remind myself this is Australia we're talking about: 90% of Australians live on less than $3 a week. Basically, Zemm had to choose between wireless Internet and feeding his child and he chose the Internet.

    I'm not poor, so I don't know how much I pay for wireless Internet. It's a very tiny amount of my vast wealth.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Anketam said:

    @Zemm said:

    @Buffalo said:

    Later this morning, we get an email from the exec saying how frustrating it is that he has to go off-site to get Internet access. Since that site is library, he can't use VoIP software or make phone calls.
     

    Aren't there mobile phone networks in the desert? I've successfully Skyped over 3G, on a moving train no less!

    I'm about to change to a $1/month plan for my netbook, Shirley it can't be more expensive in the USA for mobile data!?

    Yes it can be more expensive, not that difficult.  USA is less densely populated than most countries (not even in the top 100) this means that it takes more cell towers to cover the same number of people if you try to do full coverage.  More towers = more cost.  So in deserts where population is highly dispersed it is very hard for cell companies to justify the cost of putting 3G in those areas, which means no coverage.  There are other factors too that also drive up costs which I do not feel like getting into. 

    Don't forget: while 99% of the US is a barren, post-apocalyptic landscape, the other 1% is a densely-packed urban shithole where you run into the opposite kind of density problem, where there are too many people wanting to use too much data in too small of an area.

    I'm a bit envious of the $1/month Internet, but I have to remind myself this is Australia we're talking about: 90% of Australians live on less than $3 a week. Basically, Zemm had to choose between wireless Internet and feeding his child and he chose the Internet.

    I'm not poor, so I don't know how much I pay for wireless Internet. It's a very tiny amount of my vast wealth.

    Morbs? You're back? How've your penis-bottom interactions been in the meantime?



  • @Anketam said:

    USA is less densely populated than most countries (not even in the top 100)

    Like that makes a difference. Australia is the third least densely populated country in the world, just above Namibia and Mongolia. To go from 97% to 99% population coverage of Telstra NextG they had to triple their tower count.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Don't forget: while 99% of the US is a barren, post-apocalyptic landscape, the other 1% is a densely-packed urban shithole where you run into the opposite kind of density problem, where there are too many people wanting to use too much data in too small of an area.

    Yep, talking about Australia again. Seen this documentary?

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm a bit envious of the $1/month Internet, but I have to remind myself this is Australia we're talking about: 90% of Australians live on less than $3 a week.

    That $3 AUD buys like $300 USD right? Toilet paper costs more.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Basically, Zemm had to choose between wireless Internet and feeding his child and he chose the Internet.

    I'm part of the 10% then because he's full of food.



  • @Zemm said:

    @Anketam said:
    USA is less densely populated than most countries (not even in the top 100)
    Like that makes a difference. Australia is the third least densely populated country in the world, just above Namibia and Mongolia. To go from 97% to 99% population coverage of Telstra NextG they had to triple their tower count.

    We don't necessarily have mobile coverage out in the boondocks either. My dad's place is about 50km out of a major regional town; he doesn't have mobile coverage there (and nor do we; he's with Telstra, we're with Optus), except that if I go to the right spot on his property I can sometimes receive text messages if the weather is right. Then I have to guess when they were sent :)

    He was telling me that they were having problems with their landline recently; Telstra's website was (shock!) less than helpful, directing him to call one of various numbers depending on what type of line it was. Hard to do when you have no mobile coverage, and the fault you're trying to report is that you can't make calls from your landline. He did manage to find a complaint form on their website, but when he filled it out and tried to submit it, he just got an error. Telstra's customer service shines again :)

    Of course, TRWTF here is that the non-functioning web form probably shows up in management reporting as "Number of web complaints open for more than 24 hours: 0".


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