Tradition!



  •  TV is flooded with Christmas movies this time of the year (no Die Hard though, wtf) and as always we're subjected to an endless stream of Santa-Claus-is-actually-real movies. These never fail to annoy me in the same way that movies about honest, righteous, kind-hearted politicians piss me off; they insult my intelligence. Of course the Santa Claus movies are aimed at kids, not adults, which makes me wonder... why do we still bullshit kids about this? Is Christmas any less fun if the presents come from your parents instead of a magical figure? I mean there's nothing down that road but disappointment, not to mention resentment because the people you trust have been lying to your face for years.

    Maybe we should be teaching kids about the real world as opposed to fueling their naive and dangerous belief that it exists to cater to their needs. Or maybe I'm turning into the Grinch.



  •  It's a test.  We tell them there's this jolly fat guy who goes to every house on earth in a single night and leaves evidence of his having been there.  Then we wait for the kid to realize that this is mathematically impossible.  The ones who never notice that there's something seriously amiss with the hypothesis get jobs in marketing.

    And you don't give them hints because you need them to exercise their own mental muscles on the task.  Just like you're not supposed to help a baby bird break out of its eggshell; the ones cheated of that struggle grow up too weak to survive.



  • Die Hard is on Netflix.



  • @DOA said:

    Of course the Santa Claus movies are aimed at kids, not adults, which makes me wonder... why do we still bullshit kids about this? Is Christmas any less fun if the presents come from your parents instead of a magical figure? I mean there's nothing down that road but disappointment, not to mention resentment because the people you trust have been lying to your face for years.
    Yes, the whole Santa Claus thing seems a bit stupid.  But, strangely enough, I have never encountered a single person who hates their parents or who was somehow traumatized, because they were "lied to" as a child.  Sort of like My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @El_Heffe said:

    @DOA said:
    Of course the Santa Claus movies are aimed at kids, not
    adults, which makes me wonder... why do we still bullshit kids about this? Is
    Christmas any less fun if the presents come from your parents instead of a
    magical figure? I mean there's nothing down that road but disappointment, not to
    mention resentment because the people you trust have been lying to your face for
    years.
    Yes, the whole Santa Claus thing seems a bit stupid.  But,
    strangely enough, I have never encountered a single person who hates their
    parents or who was somehow traumatized, because they were "lied to" as a
    child. 
    Wait until the current feral generation discover their $2500 trainers don't come from the mystical sky fairy, and demand that the state fund their demand to have the latest gadgets placed in their hands rather than earning the money to buy them.



    c.f. the riots in the UK in 2011.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    But, strangely enough, I have never encountered a single person who hates their parents or who was somehow traumatized, because they were "lied to" as a child.  Sort of like My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants.

    My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants... hate their parents or are somehow traumatized? I don't follow.



  • @Spectre said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    But, strangely enough, I have never encountered a single person who hates their parents or who was somehow traumatized, because they were "lied to" as a child.  Sort of like My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants.

    My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants... hate their parents or are somehow traumatized? I don't follow.

    They are just as fictional as Santa Claus and I am not aware of anyone suffering any problems as a result of being exposed to them.

     



  • I'm more concerned about the reference to Die Hard and the implication that it is a Christmas movie. Just because it's set during Christmas does not automatically make it a Christmas movie. But TRWTF is that I started hearing it referenced as a Christmas movie by my in-laws and now I'm finding people I don't even know saying the same thing. That scares me.



  •  @nonpartisan said:

    But TRWTF is that I started hearing it referenced as a Christmas movie by my in-laws and now I'm finding people I don't even know saying the same thing. That scares me.
    Did noone tell you?!

    Sheesh... ok, look we know it's not really a Christmas movie but we're trying to pass it as one so they'll show it on Christmas. Otherwise you're gonna be stuck with the kiddie stuff all day long. You really want that?



  • @nonpartisan said:

    I'm more concerned about the reference to Die Hard and the implication that it is a Christmas movie. Just because it's set during Christmas does not automatically make it a Christmas movie. But TRWTF is that I started hearing it referenced as a Christmas movie by my in-laws and now I'm finding people I don't even know saying the same thing. That scares me.
     

    Same goes for It's A Wonderful Life.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    @Spectre said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    But, strangely enough, I have never encountered a single person who hates their parents or who was somehow traumatized, because they were "lied to" as a child.  Sort of like My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants.

    My Little Pony and Squarebob Spongepants... hate their parents or are somehow traumatized? I don't follow.

    They are just as fictional as Santa Claus and I am not aware of anyone suffering any problems as a result of being exposed to them.

     

    But at least they don't claim to be real.

    Also, watch [url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGlaR_BtS90[/url] and then tell me you're not suffering.



  • @Spectre said:

    Also, watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGlaR_BtS90 and then tell me you're not suffering.

    So that's what MLP looks liked without Lauren Faust involved... shudder.

    It was hard just staying awake long enough to get to the truly bad bits. A typical episode of Friendship Is Magic would have hit you with five gags in the time it took that show to zoom into a tea party. It's not a good sign when there's padding before the story even begins.

    Ok I've watched it a few more minutes, and now I'm convinced the padding is actually the best part. Wow. That cartoon is awful on every level.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

     In the event that I ever become evil enough to cope with the idea of subjecting offspring to this shithole of a world, I'll go all the way and make sure that they get the FULL real-world experience right out of the womb.



  • @Weng said:

     In the event that I ever become evil enough to cope with the idea of subjecting offspring to this shithole of a world, I'll go all the way and make sure that they get the FULL real-world experience right out of the womb.

    Lies are part of the real world.  If you really want them to experience it, just parachute drop them in some obscure part of the third world (I do not recommend my country), this will acomplish your goal (if they survive of course).



  • @serguey123 said:

    just parachute drop them in some obscure part of the third world (I do not recommend my country),

    Yeah, the North Koreans will shoot down the plane if it violates their airspace.

    How you guys coping with the regime change? Has the rice ration gone up to 20 grams a day to celebrate?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    Yeah, the North Koreans will shoot down the plane if it violates their airspace.

    I'm pretty sure that is the standard practice on every country

    @blakeyrat said:

    How you guys coping with the regime change? Has the rice ration gone up to 20 grams a day to celebrate?

    It's like elections in the US, new guy in charge but nothing changes



  • @Weng said:

     In the event that I ever become evil enough to cope with the idea of subjecting offspring to this shithole of a world, I'll go all the way and make sure that they get the FULL real-world experience right out of the womb.

    Go go gadget infant-rape-o-tron!



  • I am forntunate, my parents flat out told me Santa did not exist.  The math behind Santa making, storing, and delivering presents to kids all over the world is quite entertaining.  I did like one Christmas movie that showed Santa's bag is actually a bag of holding, that at least addressed the issue of storage.  If Santa did exist he would be in jail for trespassing (assuming the owner was not a proud gun owner and shot him), and the result of this would be that he would never be able to deliver presents.  So, sorry little kids Santa will never be delivering presents, but look on the upside you get to be naughty all you want.



  • @Anketam said:

    If Santa did exist he would be in jail for trespassing (assuming the owner was not a proud gun owner and shot him), and the result of this would be that he would never be able to deliver presents.

    Ah! But if you calculated the speed, you know he moves faster than a bullet. So how could you shoot or arrest him?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @Anketam said:
    If Santa did exist he would be in jail for trespassing (assuming the owner was not a proud gun owner and shot him), and the result of this would be that he would never be able to deliver presents.
    Ah! But if you calculated the speed, you know he moves faster than a bullet. So how could you shoot or arrest him?

    Arresting him would be hard unless you trap him inside a home (sleeping gas might work) but killing him is really easy, you only need to put something in his path that is hard to see (like piano wires) and let physics do the rest.



  • @serguey123 said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    [Ah! But if you calculated the speed, you know he moves faster than a bullet. So how could you shoot or arrest him?

    Arresting him would be hard unless you trap him inside a home (sleeping gas might work) but killing him is really easy, you only need to put something in his path that is hard to see (like piano wires) and let physics do the rest.

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.



  • @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.

    Convention. The same reason nobody notices Superman and Clark Kent are the same person.

    Besides, I'm sure there have been at least a few comics in the "Dark Age" that had speedsters beheaded in this way. (And possibly in the Golden Age, before the conventions were in place.) I'd be really surprised otherwise.



  • @serguey123 said:

    Arresting him would be hard unless you trap him inside a home (sleeping gas might work) but killing him is really easy, you only need to put something in his path that is hard to see (like piano wires) and let physics do the rest.

    It's as simple as actually USING your fireplace... so far as I know, Santa's butt is not fireproof!



  • @ekolis said:

    @serguey123 said:

    Arresting him would be hard unless you trap him inside a home (sleeping gas might work) but killing him is really easy, you only need to put something in his path that is hard to see (like piano wires) and let physics do the rest.

    It's as simple as actually USING your fireplace... so far as I know, Santa's butt is not fireproof!

    Leave it burning overnight? Unattended?

    You people are terrible at anti-Santa arguments.



  • @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.
     

    Because they thought of banana peels first.



  • I figured out why Santa lives at the North Pole.

    Everyones house is directly south of the north pole, so he can hit every single home in the world in one straight line, just by going South.



  • @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.
     

    Same question as What does The Flash do when it rains?



  •  A sarlac lives in my chimney, how does Santa deal with that one I wonder?



  • Obviously with Thermal Detonators.  Which reminds... Santa where is that lightsaber I always wanted for Christmas?!



  • @dhromed said:

    @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.
     

    Same question as What does The Flash do when it rains?

    At that speed? Are you joking? Wet floors wouldn't do a thing but raindrops would make him mince meat



  • @serguey123 said:

    At that speed? Are you joking? Wet floors wouldn't do a thing but raindrops would make him mince meat
     

    Exactly!

     

    There was that episode of the new avengers cartoon or whatever, and they all have a hard time with Brainiac embedded inside lex luthor, and the flash starts running around the world, charging up with some uber-punch. You see his POV, with stuff like rainforests and the pyramids shooting by several times, so he's basically moving at a significant fraction of c. There is just too much wrong with how it's portrayed to effectively suspend disbelief. To top it off, when he makes the punch, he transforms into... the speed force! And then one guy physically pulls him out of the vortex wholesale.



  • @serguey123 said:

    @dhromed said:

    @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.
     

    Same question as What does The Flash do when it rains?

    At that speed? Are you joking? Wet floors wouldn't do a thing but raindrops would make him mince meat

    he's so fast he can avoid them, but traction would be a problem



  • The thing that always bugged me is that comic book villains are always trying to clone Superman (or Supergirl in the reboot) using DNA. What's the point? Obviously DNA isn't the only, or most important thing, involved in making Superman Superman, so your clone's going to be some kind of weird weak mutant creature.

    DNA can't make a organelle that can somehow convert sunlight (but only of a certain color!) into massive quantities of energy. DNA can't make a material that can be hit by a tank shell and come out completely unharmed. DNA can't produce an organ or organelle that allows for reactionless flight. Whatever the hell's going on with Superman, DNA ain't it.

    Plus it's such a huge cliche. You've been doing "stealing DNA to clone Superman" plots for fucking decades. The WORST Superman movie, Superman IV, was based on the idea. You're a writer, working in 2011. Why do you want to use an idea that's been both beat to death, and was the foundation of the WORST comic book movie ever made? It boggles the mind.

    (Oh yeah: the answer is comic book writers, with extremely few exceptions, are talentless hacks who never did a millisecond of actual research in their lives. That's why everybody loves Atomic Robo, guys... Brian Clevinger actually knows stuff and puts the stuff he knows into the book. Figure it the fuck out.)



  • @Nelle said:

    he's so fast he can avoid them, but traction would be a problem

    Avoid them!? What kind of wimpy-ass rain do you have where the drops are 8' apart from each other?



  • @Nelle said:

    @serguey123 said:

    @dhromed said:

    @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.
     

    Same question as What does The Flash do when it rains?

    At that speed? Are you joking? Wet floors wouldn't do a thing but raindrops would make him mince meat

    he's so fast he can avoid them, but traction would be a problem

    I really hope you are joking because the alternatives are:

    1. You don't know physics.
    2. You have never seen rain
    3. You are retarded
    4. All of the above


  • @Anketam said:

    Obviously with Thermal Detonators.  Which reminds... Santa where is that lightsaber I always wanted for Christmas?!

    Santa's little helpers are having a bit toooo much fun with it...

     



  • @galgorah said:

    @Anketam said:
    Obviously with Thermal Detonators. Which reminds... Santa where is that lightsaber I always wanted for Christmas?!
    Santa's little helpers are having a bit toooo much fun with it...

    "Oh that. Hasbro wasn't interested in a toy that cost over $2 million per unit in parts alone, and the Army said, 'we don't sword fight anymore'. Feh."

    - Doctor Venture, talking about his lightsaber invention



  • @locallunatic said:

    I always wonder whenever there is a fast person in comics why no one's first reaction is piano wire.
     

    Just been reading some old X-Men comics in which Storm sets up a "rope between two trees" trap for a speedster. However, her plan is thwarted by the speedster's two associates who are trawling the forrest whilst the speedster takes the road - when one associate (supposedly invulnerable and immovable) spots the speedster's dust cloud in the distance, he quickly positions himself in front of the rope, letting the speedster bounce off him rather than risk decapitation.

    I'm guessing the latter was done to highlight that a super-fast ability doesn't extend to speedy thinking or quicker reactions.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    The thing that always bugged me is that comic book villains are always trying to clone Superman (or Supergirl in the reboot) using DNA. What's the point?

    Superhero films generally try to pit an antagonist that is equal or superior in ability to the main protagonist - think of the Superman 2 and 3 (films), Iron Man 2, Hulk. I recall one Spiderman film where a villain created a clone from a drop of blood left behind by an injured Spiderman, if only to discover the identity of the person behind the mask.

     @blakeyrat said:

    (Oh yeah: the answer is comic book writers, with extremely few exceptions, are talentless hacks who never did a millisecond of actual research in their lives. That's why everybody loves Atomic Robo, guys... Brian Clevinger actually knows stuff and puts the stuff he knows into the book. Figure it the fuck out.)

    My faves are Mike Carey (Lucifer), John Romita, Kevin Smith (did an amazing run on Daredevil), Neil Gaiman, Garth Ennis, amongst others. I've found that if I narrow down titles to a small subset of writers that I know, it tends to filter out the dross.

    Not actually read Atomic Robo - should I give it a go?



  • @Cassidy said:

    Not actually read Atomic Robo - should I give it a go?

    Very yes, it has one of the greatest villians ever (he was in the free comicbook day one they did, he buys weapons using a paleontology textbook as picture ID).



  • Okay.. gonna add that to the Amazon wishlist if I can spot it.

    (just finished Chew, book 4. Cracking tale, for something quite simple)



  • @blakeyrat said:

    (Oh yeah: the answer is comic book writers, with extremely few exceptions, are talentless hacks who never did a millisecond of actual research in their lives. That's why everybody loves Atomic Robo, guys... Brian Clevinger actually knows stuff and puts the stuff he knows into the book. Figure it the fuck out.)

    There are lots that do research, the problem is past mistakes are carried forward due to continuty issues.  Plus some authors do an amazing run, and thus get lots of extra chances after a flop.



  • @locallunatic said:

    There are lots that do research, the problem is past mistakes are carried forward due to continuty issues.  Plus some authors do an amazing run, and thus get lots of extra chances after a flop.

    The one that pissed me off was in an issue of JLA (IIRC...). They had a holographic AI that "hacked 1024 encryption in a few milliseconds", which was SUCH A STUPID LINE I could barely restrain myself from banging on head on the table.

    If the writer had asked a SINGLE COMPUTER SECURITY person, they would have said:
    1) that strains credibility, even in a series where people are flying around on magical staffs
    2) the AI would sound a lot SMARTER if it had defeated the security by either bypassing it, or finding a technical fault with the chip that implemented it-- as an added bonus, that's a ton more believable.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    The one that pissed me off was in an issue of JLA (IIRC...). They had a holographic AI that "hacked 1024 encryption in a few milliseconds", which was SUCH A STUPID LINE I could barely restrain myself from banging on head on the table.

    OK, yeah that's a dumb one.  And I may cut a lot of slack to the authors I like (actually I know I do, Swift goes by her surname because it's first? really?).



  • My dad, a former aerospace engineer, would always get annoyed by movie scenes where, for example, different model of aircraft was shown on the runway than the in-air shots.

    Because of that, when I avoid watching any work of fiction involving computers with anyone who's not also into computers; as I've learned that pointing things like that out is very annoying; and/or can lead to inapproprite laughter during 'dramatic' scenes.



  • @bgodot said:

    inapproprite laughter during 'dramatic' scenes.
     

    Or laughing at what's supposed to be straight expository dialogue, like I did when John Cleese in "Rat Race" explained that the prize was in a locker at the railroad station in Silver City, New Mexico.

    (I lived in Silver City for nearly all of the 1970s.  There's no railroad station.  The only trains that go anywhere near the place are the industrial ones that carry copper ore between the mines and the smelters.)



  • @serguey123 said:

    I really hope you are joking because the alternatives are:

    1. You don't know physics.
    2. You have never seen rain
    3. You are retarded
    4. All of the above

    explain



  • @Nelle said:

    @serguey123 said:

    I really hope you are joking because the alternatives are:

    1. You don't know physics.
    2. You have never seen rain
    3. You are retarded
    4. All of the above

    explain

    Why explain when you have teh internetz?



  • @locallunatic said:

    @Cassidy said:

    Not actually read Atomic Robo - should I give it a go?

    Very yes, it has one of the greatest villians ever (he was in the free comicbook day one they did, he buys weapons using a paleontology textbook as picture ID).

     

    okay - just found out someone at work has the first few volumes as ebooks, so I'm gonna grab copies off him next week to try it out. Result!



  • Noone? Noone? Is Peter back again?


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