AVG Security report



  • What has AVG done for me in the past 30 days? Let's open their report:

    THREAT TYPE:
    Your Identity 0
    Suspicious processes monitored 0
    Suspicious transmissions blocked 0
    Spyware healed 0
    Infections healed 0
    Total threats protected against 4734240

    Hmm, 0+0+0+0+0 = 4734240? I must have been sick the day my math teacher discussed this...



  •  Maybe it is the number of virii definition in the AVG database...



  • What has my insurance policy done for me lately? Let's see: household fires: 0 water damage: 0 burglaries: 0 electrical damage: 0. Hmmm, better get rid of it, must be useless.



  • @gobes said:

     Maybe it is the number of virii definition in the AVG database...

    Sounds plausible, but why list the number of threat definitions in the same table as the number of threat instances? At the bottom, you know, where a sum can be expected...



  • @steenbergh said:

    @gobes said:

     Maybe it is the number of virii definition in the AVG database...

    Sounds plausible, but why list the number of threat definitions in the same table as the number of threat instances? At the bottom, you know, where a sum can be expected...

     

    Some king of commercial argument.

    "With our antivirus, you will be clever enough to don't be infected. We don't know if you you would have been without, but thanks to us, you won't have to wonder how you get through this 4 734 240 deadly infections."

     


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @piskvorr said:

    What has my insurance policy done for me lately? Let's see: household fires: 0 water damage: 0 burglaries: 0 electrical damage: 0. Hmmm, better get rid of it, must be useless.
    I'm sure your insurance policy is less painful than AVG.



  • @piskvorr said:

    What has my insurance policy done for me lately? Let's see: household fires: 0 water damage: 0 burglaries: 0 electrical damage: 0. Hmmm, better get rid of it, must be useless.

    FWIW I got a new roof from insurance this year, so not useless. But then the disadvantage of a non-leaking roof means I have to water my plants manually now...



  • @Zemm said:

    @piskvorr said:
    What has my insurance policy done for me lately? Let's see: household fires: 0 water damage: 0 burglaries: 0 electrical damage: 0. Hmmm, better get rid of it, must be useless.
    FWIW I got a new roof from insurance this year, so not useless. But then the disadvantage of a non-leaking roof means I have to water my plants manually now...

    While they were up there fixing your roof, you should've had 'em add sprinklers...



  •  @Zemm said:

    FWIW I got a new roof from insurance this year, so not useless. But then the disadvantage of a non-leaking roof means I have to water my plants manually now...

    Pf. You have it easy/

    My parents' roof got fixed a little while ago and now when I'm visiting and it's raining, I have to wet my bed manually.



  • @Weng said:

    @piskvorr said:
    What has my insurance policy done for me lately? Let's see: household fires: 0 water damage: 0 burglaries: 0 electrical damage: 0. Hmmm, better get rid of it, must be useless.
    I'm sure your insurance policy is less painful than AVG.

    Hmm... if insurance was as painful as Windows antivirus...

    Insurance: "Okay, all set. Your policy starts today as soon as Agent Avery arrives at your house!"
    ...
    You: "Avery, why did you go through my phone and delete my friends?"
    Avery: "SOME OF THEM COULD HAVE BEEN CON ARTISTS. YOU ARE PROTECTED FROM 825,101 CON ARTISTS."
    ...
    You: "Avery! I think I've been robbed! My place has been ransacked while I was gone!"
    Avery: "YOUR PLACE OF DWELLING HAS BEEN VERIFIED TO BE SAFE."
    You: "Wh... di... did you do this???"
    Avery: "YOU ARE PROTECTED FROM 23,749,914 UNSAFE OBJECTS."
    ...
    Avery: "EXCUSE ME WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING."
    You: "Uh, I'm trying to put away these matches I just bought from the store?"
    Avery: "MATCHES ARE A FIRE HAZARD. I'M THROWING THEM OUT."
    You: "But how am I supposed to light my candles?"
    Avery: "I THREW THOSE OUT, TOO. YOU ARE PROTECTED FROM 1,981,034 FIRE HAZARDS."
    ...
    You: "Avery. Stop this. Get out of my face. I'm trying to eat my lunch."
    Avery: "LUNCH FOOD MAY CONTAIN HARMFUL BACTERIA."
    You: "That's it!! Get out of here! I'm cancelling my policy!"
    Avery: "IF YOU CANCEL YOUR POLICY, YOU WILL BE AT RISK FOR 921,459,003 LUNCH FOOD VIRUSES. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"
    You: "... GET OUT."
    Avery: "YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSIONS CANCEL YOUR POLICY. YOUR PLACE OF DWELLING MUST NOW BE SEARCHED FOR UNSAFE OBJECTS."


  • @Xyro said:

    YOU ARE PROTECTED
     

    I like it.



  • @gobes said:

     Maybe it is the number of virii definition in the AVG database...

    It's vir[b]us[/b] not vir[b]ius[/b]. So even if you want to use the quasi-intellectual latin plural at least use the proper form, vir[b]i[/b]. Except that virus is a bit of a special case (neutered noun from greek) it doesn't have a plural we know of (never found in ancient text), but the correct form would be vira.



  • @Xyro said:

    Hmm... if insurance was as painful as Windows antivirus...

    Do you mean Microsoft antivirus (security essentials), Windows Defender or Windows Malware removal tool?



  • @dtech said:

    @gobes said:

     Maybe it is the number of virii definition in the AVG database...

    It's virus not virius. So even if you want to use the quasi-intellectual latin plural at least use the proper form, viri. Except that virus is a bit of a special case (neutered noun from greek) it doesn't have a plural we know of (never found in ancient text), but the correct form would be vira.

     

    It seems to have originally been a non-count noun, like smoke or snow in modern English. You can have an amount of it, but not a number of it, so it didn't have a plural form. 



  •  

    @Someone You Know said:

    @dtech said:

    It's virus not virius. So even if you want to use the quasi-intellectual latin plural at least use the proper form, viri. Except that virus is a bit of a special case (neutered noun from greek) it doesn't have a plural we know of (never found in ancient text), but the correct form would be vira.
     

    It seems to have originally been a non-count noun, like smoke or snow in modern English. You can have an amount of it, but not a number of it, so it didn't have a plural form. 

    Homo Virii

    Man of the Virs

     

     

    I don't actually know much Latin, so I don't know it it's right.

     



  • @dtech said:

    @gobes said:

     Maybe it is the number of virii definition in the AVG database...

    It's virus not virius. So even if you want to use the quasi-intellectual latin plural at least use the proper form, viri. Except that virus is a bit of a special case (neutered noun from greek) it doesn't have a plural we know of (never found in ancient text), but the correct form would be vira.


    Nice try, but you've failed too.



  • @dhromed said:

    Homo Virii

    Man of the Virs

     

     

    Oddly enough, "vir" in Latin means... man! (It's where we get words like "virile" (manly) and "triumvirate" (three men))...

    How "virus" came to mean essentially "poison" I don't know... maybe they figured poisons were powerful, and men were powerful, so sure, let's mess with the word for "man" and make it mean "poison" as well!

     



  •  



  • @ekolis said:

    Oddly enough, "vir" in Latin means... man! (It's where we get words like "virile" (manly) and "triumvirate" (three men))...

    How "virus" came to mean essentially "poison" I don't know... maybe they figured poisons were powerful, and men were powerful, so sure, let's mess with the word for "man" and make it mean "poison" as well!

    Or, from an entirely different root:

    virus late 14c., "venomous substance," from L. virus "poison, sap of plants, slimy liquid," probably from PIE base *weis- "to melt away, to flow," used of foul or malodorous fluids (cf. Skt. visam "poison," visah "poisonous;" Avestan vish- "poison;" L. viscum "sticky substance, birdlime;" Gk. ios "poison," ixos "mistletoe, birdlime; O.C.S. višnja "cherry;" O.Ir. fi "poison;" Welsh gwy "fluid, water," gwyar "blood"). Main modern meaning "agent that causes infectious disease" first recorded 1728. The computer sense is from 1972. Adjective form viral was coined 1948.


  • @steenbergh said:

    Hmm, 0+0+0+0+0 = 4734240? I must have been sick the day my math teacher discussed this...
     

    It all comes down to how many zeroes you add together.



  • @ekolis said:

    @dhromed said:

    Homo Virii

    Man of the Virs

     

     

    Oddly enough, "vir" in Latin means... man! (It's where we get words like "virile" (manly) and "triumvirate" (three men))...

    Vir



  • @ekolis said:

    @dhromed said:

    Homo Virii

    Man of the Virs

     

     

    Oddly enough, "vir" in Latin means... man! (It's where we get words like "virile" (manly) and "triumvirate" (three men))...

    How "virus" came to mean essentially "poison" I don't know... maybe they figured poisons were powerful, and men were powerful, so sure, let's mess with the word for "man" and make it mean "poison" as well!

     

    What, and "virgin"?

    I'm not entirely sure that every Latin word starting with "vi" meant the same thing, but there is a common theme developing: "man", "young shoot", "slimy liquid"...

     



  • @boomzilla said:

    Welsh gwy "fluid, water,"
     

    Excellent! So the word goo and gooey come from Welsh!



  • @Watson said:

    I'm not entirely sure that every Latin word starting with "vi" meant the same thing,

    And then there's emacs, which contains two letters from the word "man". Oh wait...


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