Let me complain about my workplace.



  • 1. The guy who helped me set up my Linux accounts when I started working here was severely overweight and could always be found in his cubicle... with his fly down. He would talk to you with his fly down. He would only correct himself if he had to get up and go to someone's desk. Fortunately, he is gone.

    2. Someone thought this was a good idea, where b has no default value and a is user input:
       switch a:
            case 1: b = <path 1>
            case 2: b = <path 2>
            case 3: b = <path 3>
        load b;

    3. When informed that "if a user enters '4', it's going to die a horrible fiery death", the author of said code tells me, and I quote, "That's only if they make a mistake. I don't make mistakes."

    4. My boss: "We don't have to follow the [office-produced but generally a good idea] standards while writing our code. We want to make it work first. We can have someone go back and fix it [add comments/make the variable names make sense/document what the program is supposed to even DO] later."

    5. I once encountered a variable named "tertiaty_subpath".

    6. I have also encountered a variable along the lines of termWeUse = "twu", which stood for, appropriately, "term we use". Furthermore, instead of using the termWeUse variable whenever someone wanted to put "twu" in a path, they just used the string "twu"

    7. Another variable name from the same script: "junky_columns". A few lines later, they used "input.junky_columns = junky_columns", and never referred to the original junky_columns again.

    8. This:
        filename_a = 'thisfile_adj.txt';
        filename_b = filename_a[1:8] + '.txt'.
    Noting, of course, that thisfile_adj.txt and thisfile.txt have absolutely no relationship to one another.

    9. "input.filename_b = input.directory + filename_b", with which there should be three notes: a) this was immediately after #8, b) input.directory had so far gone undefined, and c) filename_b was never used again

    10. array frequency = {some stuff}
          y = frequency;
          frequency = function(y);
          <delete y>

    11.  stdParameters.tasks = tasks;
          {three lines that don't matter}
          tasks = stdParameters.tasks;

    12. We have to manually discover that a location we have listed for a GA town is so far off that the location itself is in FL. This was only discovered because the elevation didn't match, not because we actually check to see if the locations we're given are even in the right state.

    13. I wrote a script to make everyone's work lives easier, and I support it. This script allows us to look at different sites, and there are something like 3000 sites. My co-worker reports an error. I ask her which site she was on. The reply: "I can't find it. Can you check?" Three. Thousand. Sites. And no, I didn't.

    14. Different co-worker reports that she's made a "habit" of exiting running scripts with ctrl+c (break) instead of using the well-marked 'save and exit' option on the menu. I was asked to make the script write output... after she breaks. I had enough strength to explain why that was not going to happen.

    15. A co-worker managed to add up numerical data from the same file twice and get two different answers. (Coding, not calculator -- no excuse here.) Bonus: he later tried to defend it.

    16. Co-worker manages code that takes 8 hours to run. Co-worker declares code 'very efficient'. Co-worker goes on two-week vacation. Statistician co-worker picks up code. Statistician co-worker gets code to finish running in 8 minutes with the same results. 'Efficient' has never come out of first co-worker's mouth since.

    17. 'Efficient' co-worker has been reported for sexual harassment twice by two different women. He still has his job. He claims that repeatedly asking women up to his apartment and sniffing hair and suggesting he 'steal them away' was a joke/misunderstanding. Boss believes him. Recently, he was put in charge of both women when boss went on vacation. Fortunately, no disasters yet.

    18. 'Efficient/harassment' co-worker has also told boss that he didn't do anything for a week because she didn't e-mail him a file he needed (and could have downloaded from the network himself). Boss doesn't mind. 'Efficient' co-worker does the same thing to people who /do/ mind being blamed for random shit that isn't their fault, but boss tells them to suck it up because he's just "like that".

    19. We have shelter-in-place drills in case of a gas/bio attack. We are given enough plastic for the stairway doors and the elevator doors... but not for the LAN room, where the cables come up through a hole in the floor.

    20. 'Efficient/harassment' co-worker was, for a time, convinced that because someone is from Bosnia, they must obviously speak/be Russian.

    21. I had to explain to the group web-dev what a DDOS attack is.

    22. I have been asked to look into web sites "being slow" when a) I could not reproduce the problem and b) the sites in question /do not belong to our group/.

    23. I once had a "bug" reported to me: the user stated that when entering invalid identification information, the program prints "invalid input" and asks the user to try again.

    24. I discovered that we have code to check whether two sites are within five miles of one another. This code will not make any immediate assumptions about ridiculous queries, and goes immediately to using the approximate diameter of the planet and sin/cos happy fun time to definitively inform us that no, location A in Michigan and location B in Louisiana are not within five miles of one another. Instead of, you know, immediately excluding everything more than so-and-so degrees off because it's absolutely ridiculous and we're not exactly dealing with the north pole here. I was firmly informed that I'm not allowed to touch it.

    25. The guy a couple cubicles back keeps snoring. It's really effing annoying.

     

    Did I mention I'm a US federal contractor?



  • No, you didn't specifically mention you were a US federal contractor, but #19 was kind of a giveaway.



  •  That's a "very efficient" post.



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    17. 'Efficient' co-worker has been reported for sexual harassment twice by two different women. He still has his job. He claims that repeatedly asking women up to his apartment and sniffing hair and suggesting he 'steal them away' was a joke/misunderstanding. Boss believes him. Recently, he was put in charge of both women when boss went on vacation. Fortunately, no disasters yet.

    I'm backing this guy.  Not because I support sexual harrassment, but because any man who can pull that move off with a straight face is worthy of my respect.

    @TsukikoRain said:

    21. I had to explain to the group web-dev what a DDOS attack is.

    "It's like a Denial of Service attack, except it's distributed."

     @TsukikoRain said:

    25. The guy a couple cubicles back keeps snoring. It's really effing annoying.

    Sorry dude, I have sleep apnea.  I'll do my best to keep it down.  You can have my stapler if I die in my sleep at work.

     



  • @frits said:

    Sorry dude, I have sleep apnea.  I'll do my best to keep it down.  You can have my stapler if I die in my sleep at work.
    That was so much win.



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    10. array frequency = {some stuff}
          y = frequency;
          frequency = function(y);
          <delete y>

    11.  stdParameters.tasks = tasks;
          {three lines that don't matter}
          tasks = stdParameters.tasks;

    I had a clueless webdev like this once.  His CodeSOD handle is "Gary".  Might I suggest gathering together the whoppers and submitting them to the front page, as I have?

     



  • @TsukikoRain said:

     I'm a US federal contractor?

    Then this is not a WTF, it is a dreamjob, you got off easy



  • @hoodaticus said:

    @frits said:

    Sorry dude, I have sleep apnea.  I'll do my best to keep it down.  You can have my stapler if I die in my sleep at work.
    That was so much win.

    Truth in jest and all that.  I had to scrutinize the details to make sure this wasn't one of my co-workers.



  • @frits: a) I am not a dude. b) I was previously informed that this guy snores for two hours around noon because "he stays up late". He also never does it when the branch head is around, just when it's fairly empty... except me, because I know that if I teleworked I wouldn't get anything done. Not that I get anything done during nap time, either. D;

    @hoodaticus: I did. They didn't make it. 😞

    @serguey123: Depends on which angle you take. On the one hand, being surrounded by people who don't know what they're doing typically lends to job security. On the other, I ended up with the irresistible urge to post here. Balance? Yus.



  • #17 and #18 make me think "efficient" and boss get in bed together. But with an open relationship, of course.

    (this post is not intended to be demeaning to women, just bosses)



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    @frits: a) I am not a dude.

     

    You are in my joke 🙂



  • 26. Helpdesk refuses to support 64-bit machines, but we have more RAM than we can use installed on the machines anyway. (For example, two-monitor machines with not-bad video cards = 4 GB RAM installed, 2 usable. And they buy this setup. For everyone. It adds up.)

    EDIT:
    27. We have a microfiche machine plugged up in the corner. All the microfiche started to smell like vinegar two years ago, so they tossed it. We are not allowed to remove the machine.



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    24. I discovered that we have code to check whether two sites are within five miles of one another. This code will not make any immediate assumptions about ridiculous queries, and goes immediately to using the approximate diameter of the planet and sin/cos happy fun time to definitively inform us that no, location A in Michigan and location B in Louisiana are not within five miles of one another. Instead of, you know, immediately excluding everything more than so-and-so degrees off because it's absolutely ridiculous and we're not exactly dealing with the north pole here. I was firmly informed that I'm not allowed to touch it.

     

    Sorry, you're complaining that the code doesn't have an unnecessary special case because you think that 4 calls to fast library functions is overkill?



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    @serguey123: Depends on which angle you take. On the one hand, being surrounded by people who don't know what they're doing typically lends to job security. On the other, I ended up with the irresistible urge to post here. Balance? Yus.

    Ohh, I did not meant it like that, I meant that as I did something like that it could be much, much worse, it is a pity I can't post about it because of the



  • @pjt33: When you're doing this 100,000 times, it gets a little annoying, yes. I think my other problem with it was that, at the time, I didn't have much to do -- it was play with that or stick labels on folders. Guess which one I ended up doing.

    28. A coworker said in a meeting this morning that he can't use a combination of read-only network files and his own files to make a third file, because he absolutely has to get the folder owner to put his files in that directory... instead of just having his code check his local folder. I am learning how to repeat "not my problem" very quietly to myself. I sometimes worry that I may come off as the crazy one.



  • I'm not convinced that #24 is actually a WTF, unless the comparison needs to be highly optimized.

    But the rest of them definitely are.  I hope you're being well compensated with my tax dollars for having to suffer this.

     


     



  • @Rootbeer: Alas, no. I started working here so I could feel like I'm saving the world, not for the pay -- but then, I didn't expect this.

    Let's just say that grabbing a GS-9 position in my locality would be a raise, and I'm not allowed to get overtime. (You need more stuff done? It's after 3:30? Tough shit, I'm off work!)



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    26. Helpdesk refuses to support 64-bit machines, but we have more RAM than we can use installed on the machines anyway. (For example, two-monitor machines with not-bad video cards = 4 GB RAM installed, 2 usable. And they buy this setup. For everyone. It adds up.)

    I don't understand this at all. Can you elaborate? Because what I'm thinking is you're using a 32-bit OS, which should support up to 4GB of RAM without using PAE (Physical Address Extension). With PAE, you can use up to 8GB. I know that both Windows and Linux support PAE; Windows has a boot switch you can pass (Found under the My Computer properties under the boot stuff (don't recall the exact location, but Google can help you with that), and Linux requires a PAE kernel module. But being government, I guess you may not be able to do anything about that ala policies?



  • @dohpaz42: As long as I'm not completely mistaken (I don't really work very "close" to the hardware, typically), the memory on the video cards (among other things, though less so) impacts that limit.

    EDIT: And you're right, policies don't allow people to do much. Laziness also doesn't allow people to do much, because you'd figure with going through and replacing all the computers anyway, they might as well go with something they have a better chance of being able to build on instead of scrap five years from now.



  • @dohpaz42 said:

    Because what I'm thinking is you're using a 32-bit OS, which should support up to 4GB of RAM without using PAE (Physical Address Extension)
     

    32 bits can address all 4GB of RAM, yes.

    But Windows reserves some of it for communication with hardware or something that was explained to me some time ago and didn't quite stick.

    It varies. Resultant available RAM for software is usually anywhere between 2.5 and 3.5GB.



  • @dhromed said:

    @dohpaz42 said:

    Because what I'm thinking is you're using a 32-bit OS, which should support up to 4GB of RAM without using PAE (Physical Address Extension)
     

    32 bits can address all 4GB of RAM, yes.

    But Windows reserves some of it for communication with hardware or something that was explained to me some time ago and didn't quite stick.

    It varies. Resultant available RAM for software is usually anywhere between 2.5 and 3.5GB.

    I was reading up on PAE to ensure that I wasn't too off base (btw, PAE can allow up to 64GB of RAM), and it turns out that for most Windows installations, they ignore PAE even with the boot switch because of a) license restrictions, and 2) not all kernel modules can be guaranteed stable when using PAE. In addition to what you said, another factor that can affect the amount of available RAM is whether or not the RAM is being shared with the video card - usually set through the computer's BIOS.



  • @dohpaz42 said:

    'nother factor that can affect the amount of available RAM is whether or not the RAM is being shared with the video card
     

    Yep. 😕



  • @dhromed said:

    @dohpaz42 said:

    'nother factor that can affect the amount of available RAM is whether or not the RAM is being shared with the video card
     

    Yep. 😕

     

    Welcome to why I could probably take one stick of RAM out of every PC on this floor and no one would know the difference.

     



  •  @frits said:

    @TsukikoRain said:

    @frits: a) I am not a dude.

     

    You are in my joke 🙂

    Chicks are still called "dude", at least in California.  But they aren't bros.

     



  • @dhromed said:

    32 bits can address all 4GB of RAM, yes.

    But Windows reserves some of it for communication with hardware or something that was explained to me some time ago and didn't quite stick.

    It varies. Resultant available RAM for software is usually anywhere between 2.5 and 3.5GB.

    Windows reserves the lower 2GB of virtual address space for itself, at least in some versions.

     



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    @dhromed said:

    @dohpaz42 said:

    'nother factor that can affect the amount of available RAM is whether or not the RAM is being shared with the video card
     

    Yep. 😕

     

    Welcome to why I could probably take one stick of RAM out of every PC on this floor and double my annual salary.

     



  • @Lord abletran: Does that require an evil sidekick? Would I have to pay him? Would that impact my profits?

    @hoodaticus: I'm on the other coast. D; Doesn't work so hot here, alas. At least, not in text.



  • You say you'll pay him, then after he's helped you steal the RAM, you blackmail him for even more money. Bonus points if you can get the efficient guy to do it.



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    @Lord abletran: Does that require an evil sidekick? Would I have to pay him? Would that impact my profits?


    Bad Idea™ Involving Other People™ almost certainly guarantees you'll get caught.

    @TsukikoRain said:

    @hoodaticus: I'm on the other coast. D; Doesn't work so hot here, alas. At least, not in text.

    Not true. I'm on the east coast, and I've always called people dude, regardless of their gender. Of course, it seriously helps if the "dude" in question has a sense of humor. But then again, I've always been That Guy™ (I'm all about the ™ symbol today) who is always a little socially awkward.



  • @dohpaz42 said:

    Not true. I'm on the east coast, and I've always called people dude, regardless of their gender. Of course, it seriously helps if the "dude" in question has a sense of humor. But then again, I've always been That Guy™ (I'm all about the ™ symbol today) who is always a little Socially Awkward™.
     



  • Trademark Everything And Sue™



  • @dohpaz42 said:

    @TsukikoRain said:

    @Lord abletran: Does that require an evil sidekick? Would I have to pay him? Would that impact my profits?

    Bad Idea™ Involving Other People™ almost certainly guarantees you'll get caught.

    Only if you are doing it wrong.

    1. Use a lackey to do your dirty work.
    2. Make sure all evidence points to lackey  (if there is no evidence left/found fabricate or collect it)
    3. ????
    4. Profit

    Good escapegoats are harder to get this days but they are still a good asset



  • @Zecc said:

    Socially Awkward™

    @Zecc said:

    Filed under: FTFY™

    Both made me lol™ like [url=http://newsfeed.time.com/2011/08/18/watch-anderson-cooper-cracks-up-during-depardieu-inspired-punning-spree/]Anderson Cooper™[/url]



  • @serguey123 said:

    @dohpaz42 said:

    @TsukikoRain said:

    @Lord abletran: Does that require an evil sidekick? Would I have to pay him? Would that impact my profits?

    Bad Idea™ Involving Other People™ almost certainly guarantees you'll get caught.

    Only if you are doing it wrong.

    1. Use a lackey to do your dirty work.
    2. Make sure all evidence points to lackey  (if there is no evidence left/found fabricate or collect it)
    3. ????
    4. Profit

    Good escapegoats are harder to get this days but they are still a good asset

    On a completely unrelated note, are you looking to make a couple of extra bucks on the side?  All you have to do is sell some stuff online for me, and we'll split the profits, I promise...  Oh, and try to speak loud and clearly into this oversized pin on my shirt.



  • @TsukikoRain said:

    17. 'Efficient' co-worker has been reported for sexual harassment twice by two different women. He still has his job. He claims that repeatedly asking women up to his apartment and sniffing hair and suggesting he 'steal them away' was a joke/misunderstanding. Boss believes him. Recently, he was put in charge of both women when boss went on vacation. Fortunately, no disasters yet.
     

     At my last job my balding, near 300 lb manager got comfortable enough around me that one day he started tell me about one of his favorite hobbies...S&M. I think I instantly developed an eye twitch from the effort I put into suppressing the mental images.

     



  • @dohpaz42 said:

    @Zecc said:
    Socially Awkward™
    @Zecc said:
    Filed under: FTFY™
    Both made me lol™ like Anderson Cooper™
    I saw that last night, and it was fucking EPIC™!



  • I spoke to a Dell customer support rep named Tertiary Subpath just the other day!!



  • @lizardfoot said:

    I spoke to a Dell customer support rep named Tertiary Subpath just the other day!!

     

    Oh God! Dell is being assimilated by the Borg!



  • @lizardfoot said:

    I spoke to a Dell customer support rep named Tertiary Subpath just the other day!!

    Yeah, but I'll bet he introduced himself as Tim, right?



  • @ekolis said:

    @lizardfoot said:

    I spoke to a Dell customer support rep named Tertiary Subpath just the other day!!

     

    Oh God! Dell is being assimilated by the Borg!

    I think is the other way around



  • @serguey123 said:

    I think is the other way around

    This. Totally this. Dell is eating the Borg and making more cheap labor. It may or may not reduce complaints about outsourcing.

    @Cyrus: ... ... ... eeeew.

     



  • @Cyrus said:

    @TsukikoRain said:

    17. 'Efficient' co-worker has been reported for sexual harassment twice by two different women. He still has his job. He claims that repeatedly asking women up to his apartment and sniffing hair and suggesting he 'steal them away' was a joke/misunderstanding. Boss believes him. Recently, he was put in charge of both women when boss went on vacation. Fortunately, no disasters yet.
     

     At my last job my balding, near 300 lb manager got comfortable enough around me that one day he started tell me about one of his favorite hobbies...S&M. I think I instantly developed an eye twitch from the effort I put into suppressing the mental images.

     



    ...So was he a dom or a sub?



  • @boomzilla said:

    @lizardfoot said:
    I spoke to a Dell customer support rep named Tertiary Subpath just the other day!!

    Yeah, but I'll bet he introduced himself as Tim, right?
    That just blew my giggle fuse!



  • @Cyrus said:

     At my last job my balding, near 300 lb manager got comfortable enough around me that one day he started tell me about one of his favorite hobbies...S&M. I think I instantly developed an eye twitch from the effort I put into suppressing the mental images.
    OMG, I knew this guy we call "Benji" in San Diego that was balding, like 500+ lbs, and... had a sex sling in his living room.

    He also drove a truck for edible arrangements, which is like posting Colonel Sanders to guard the hen house.



  • @hoodaticus said:

    ... had a sex sling in his living room.


    So... were you in his living room? Seeing his sex sling?



  • @Lord abletran said:

    @hoodaticus said:

    ... had a sex sling in his living room.


    So... were you in his living room? Seeing his sex sling?

    More to the point: who went on top?



  • @dohpaz42 said:

    Both made me lol™ like Anderson Cooper™
    I haven't seen the video just yet, but knowing CityJet made these two tweets made smile:

    @CityJet said:

    As you may have seen on the news, we are busy mopping the floor of one of our planes this morning...

    @CityJet said:

    We'd also like to remind all passengers that our planes are fully equipped with toilet facilities...



  • @hoodaticus said:

    Windows reserves the lower 2GB of virtual address space for itself, at least in some versions.
    It does, but that has nothing to do with addressable memory.


    About PAE, Windows XP originally allowed the use of full 4GB RAM when PAE was enabled, even though it wasn't officially supported. Then SP2 came, and added support for NX, which requires PAE to work. Since most consumer drivers didn't behave properly when there was memory mapped above the 4GB boundary (it wasn't in the WHQL requirements either), Microsoft simply truncated the memory that was addressable to 32 bits - everything else was left out (then when people complained that XP showed less memory than was in their machines, they changed Vista to show total memory installed instead of total memory usable in System properties).



  • @ender said:

    (then when people complained that XP showed less memory than was in their machines, they changed Vista to show total memory installed instead of total memory usable in System properties).

    thereifixedit.com



  • @derula said:

    thereifixedit.com

    You, sir, are my ultimate hero! I just found the [url=http://thereifixedit.failblog.org/2011/08/10/white-trash-repairs-beer-brewin-bender/]Beer Brewing Bender[/url] project, and I am IN LOVE (with the project, not you).


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