# The Phone Screen, continued

• The other day, I posted about the Phone Screen.

During lunch today, I went over there to find out more. I couldn't wait to share....

Upon arrival, I find myself in a waiting room, with a door on the right end of the inner wall. On the left edge of the door are two dead bolt locks. Six inches to the left of the locks is a large opening (no window); yes, you could reach around and open the locks.

I ask the receptionist on the other side of the opening to let the HR person know I'm there. A few minutes later, I'm called in. I reach around and open the locks to let myself in.

We go down to an open office room filled with a modest sea-of-desks. I notice that each desk has a 17" CRT (no flat panels), but figure: Ok, they give crap to the secretaries. After some small talk, the HR lady gets down to business.

Ok Mr. Snoofle, you said that you would not work for a daily rate; what hourly rate do you want for this position?
I charge \$150 per hour (not really, but since I was fishing for fun...)
That's more than we usually pay, can you do any better?
I would accept \$175 per hour!
No, I meant would you do it for less? (I love when they pull this crap)
Hmmmm, I would do it for \$-10 less.
You'd do it for \$140 per hour?
No, I said that I'd do it for \$185 per hour.
But \$150 minus 10 is \$140.
No, \$175 less minus ten - use your adding machine (the kind with the paper tape).
She enters: '1', '7', '5', '-', '1', '0' and gets \$165.
Try entering: '1', '7', '5', '-', '+/-', '1', '0'.

She does, and gets 185, decides that it must be broken and calls a tech guy to come out and check it. A few seconds later, a guy comes through a back door of the room, and asks what's wrong. She explains. I explain. He laughs and spends the next 7 minutes trying to explain to her the concept of subtracting negative numbers.

In the mean time, I notice that beyond the open door, every desk has a 17" CRT and a bundle of phone wire going straight up to the ceiling.

I inquire of the tech guy. Oh, CRTs show the same pixels as flat panels, and are way easier to scrounge on the cheap. What about the phone lines? We run the office over those - we don't use much bandwidth so it's ok. We schedule our bigger transfers at night when it won't hold anybody up.

At this point, the HR lady asks me if I'd do it for around \$30 per hour, because that's what most of the people there make.

I pointed out that if they want all the skills of someone with 25+ years of experience, they'd have to pay something beyond what you pay junior people.

At that point, I excused myself and left.

God, I *love* this profession!

ED: removed code tags, added quote tags.  Love, btk

• You're kidding about the subtracting negatives part, right?  How did you keep a straight face?!

This is front-page material...

Sidenote: how often do you deal directly with clients?  Over here, it's 98%+ through agencies (usually for insurance reasons).  In fact for government contracts, you *must* go through a third party who is properly vetted, insured, etc.

• @C-Octothorpe said:

You're kidding about the subtracting negatives part, right?  How did you keep a straight face?!

This is front-page material...

Sidenote: how often do you deal directly with clients?  Over here, it's 98%+ through agencies (usually for insurance reasons).  In fact for government contracts, you *must* go through a third party who is properly vetted, insured, etc.

Please realize that the whole purpose of going in there was to mess with them. I've been on enough interviews that I have some standing answers for stupid questions. This woman just came across as a dim bulb, and I honestly didn't think she'd get the subtracting negative amount bit (sadly, I was right).

Every once in a while, I'll get a call from some company's HR person who was scouring the job boards collecting resumes, figuring that they can save agency fees if they find people directly. Usually it's months after I've taken my resume off the job board, so obviously, they are just saving them for a rainy day. Most of them have been pretty large places. Maybe it's just a cost cutting thing.

• It's always funny getting a call or an email out of the blue from someone you've never heard of referencing a 4 year old resume asking if you'd like to take a job you have no experience in in a city about 2.5 thousand miles away...

Me: Um, didn't you *read* my fucking resume?!

Moran: Well, no, but if you could forward this role onto your netwo[interrupting]

Me: Look, I create web applications, you recruit "talent".  Do your own fucking legwork...

• @C-Octothorpe said:

It's always funny getting a call or an email out of the blue from someone you've never heard of referencing a 4 year old resume asking if you'd like to take a job you have no experience in in a city about 2.5 thousand miles away...
This reminds me of the Java User Group listserv I'm on.

Every few months, we'll get someone who makes a post to the users listserv about job opportunities.  These should go to the javajobs listserv.  I understand if you're new, but when you're signing up for the listserv, it's pretty obvious which one you should be posting to.

Then, on top of that, they'll usually be from Jacksonville or NYC or some place far away (from Cincinnati), and they'll misspell obvious things like common Java packages (I once saw them misspell Swing) and/or misspell Cincinnati. I mean, it's not one of the easiest cities to spell (but is certainly easier than ones like Albuquerque or Milawauke, but if you're trying to attract people, lern2spell.

I wish I could say that these people don't get bites but I can't say that for sure, as any email response directly to the recruiter would not be sent to the listserv.

• You are in a waiting room.

LOOK

You are in a waiting room with a door on the right end of the inner wall. On the left edge of the door are two dead bolt locks. Six inches to the left of the locks is a large opening (no window).

LOOK OPENING

The large opening is about six inches to the left of the locks. Yes, you could reach around and open the locks.

OPEN LOCKS

You reach around and open the locks to let yourself in.

INVENTORY

You are carrying:

• A large quantity of wit
• A blessed amulet of +10 patience

• @Xyro said:

You are in a waiting room.

> LOOK
You are in a waiting room with a door on the right end of the inner wall. On the left edge of the door are two dead bolt locks. Six inches to the left of the locks is a large opening (no window).

> LOOK OPENING
The large opening is about six inches to the left of the locks. Yes, you could reach around and open the locks.

> OPEN LOCKS
You reach around and open the locks to let yourself in.

> INVENTORY
You are carrying:
* A large quantity of wit
* A blessed amulet of +10 patience
Like.

• @Xyro said:

I want one. NOW.

•  I am so freaking jealous of the fun you're having with this!

• @hoodaticus said:

I am so freaking jealous of the fun you're having with this!

Same here. Every time I think about doing something like this I worry it will bite me in the ass some time afterwards like in the unlikely event the interviewer happens to relocate to my new job or something.

Of course on the other hand, with recruiters, anything goes. You can stop a recruiter mid-sentence and tell him you have to feed your captive in the basement real quick and he'll not only hold, but tell you some far out story about his captive when you get back just to "relate."

• @RHuckster said:

@hoodaticus said:

I am so freaking jealous of the fun you're having with this!

Same here. Every time I think about doing something like this I worry it will bite me in the ass some time afterwards like in the unlikely event the interviewer happens to relocate to my new job or something.

Of course on the other hand, with recruiters, anything goes. You can stop a recruiter mid-sentence and tell him you have to feed your captive in the basement real quick and he'll not only hold, but tell you some far out story about his captive when you get back just to "relate."

I am *so* doing that the next time I get a call from a recruiter...

• @C-Octothorpe said:

@Xyro said:

You are in a waiting room.

> LOOK
You are in a waiting room with a door on the right end of the inner wall. On the left edge of the door are two dead bolt locks. Six inches to the left of the locks is a large opening (no window).

> LOOK OPENING
The large opening is about six inches to the left of the locks. Yes, you could reach around and open the locks.

> OPEN LOCKS
You reach around and open the locks to let yourself in.

> INVENTORY
You are carrying:
* A large quantity of wit
* A blessed amulet of +10 patience
> LIKE.

I'm sorry, I don't know how to like something.  Also, FTFY.

What now?

>

• @Xyro said:

You are in a waiting room.

> LOOK

You are in a waiting room with a door on the right end of the inner wall. On the left edge of the door are two dead bolt locks. Six inches to the left of the locks is a large opening (no window).

> LOOK OPENING

The large opening is about six inches to the left of the locks. Yes, you could reach around and open the locks.

> OPEN LOCKS

You reach around and open the locks to let yourself in.

> INVENTORY

You are carrying:

• A large quantity of wit
• A blessed amulet of +10 patience

Plugh!  I nearly blew cheerios out my nose when I saw this.  I recently installed adventure on my machine for my son.  (Of course, he thought it was "boring"...  Sigh...)

• Years ago, working in the USA, I regularly got a phone call from one recruiter. Finally I told him that I wanted a job working as a manager in a whorehouse. From then on, every time I called, I could ask if he finally had the kind of job I want and he had to admit that he did not. But the calls were more fun.

A couple of years later I was living in Thailand, and my mistress owned a gogo bar. Be careful what you ask for.

• @AndyCanfield said:

Years ago, working in the USA, I regularly got a phone call from one recruiter. Finally I told him that I wanted a job working as a manager in a whorehouse. From then on, every time I called, I could ask if he finally had the kind of job I want and he had to admit that he did not. But the calls were more fun.

A couple of years later I was living in Thailand, and my mistress owned a gogo bar. Be careful what you ask for.

Do you play Go or write Go at a GoGo bar?

• @AndyCanfield said:

A couple of years later I was living in Thailand, and my mistress owned a gogo bar. Be careful what you ask for.

Not a goggomobil? Gee-Oh-Gee-Gee-Oh...

•  sounds almost scottish at the start

• @C-Octothorpe said:

This is front-page material...
To be edited beyond recognition? Pass..

Love, btk
Why do I always think of sandwiches when I read "btk"?

@Xyro said:

• @AndyCanfield said:

Finally I told him that I wanted a job working as a manager in a whorehouse.[...]

A couple of years later I was living in Thailand, and my mistress owned a gogo bar. Be careful what you ask for.

I'm not actually seeing the downside here.

• @Scarlet Manuka said:

I'm not actually seeing the downside here.'

Upside for me. Cost me my wife and children and home and job and country, but on the whole an up. For males, when you hit bottom, come to Thailand; you are welcomed here. For females, when you hit bottom, come to my house.

Be careful what you ask for. If I had rhetorically asked for the job as the under-assistant west coast promotion man for Satanic Enterprises Inc. I might have gotten the job.

• @Zecc said:

Love, btk
Why do I always think of sandwiches when I read "btk"?
Because you love me almost as much as you love sandwiches?

As an aside, back in the day, when the #TDWTF channel was still going, AbbydonKrafts made a bot that had a specialized greeting for each regular.  Mine was "bacon, tomato, and ... kale?"

So, that.

• @belgariontheking said:

... was "bacon, tomato, and ... kale?"
Am I weird that my first thought was 'kippers'?

• @zelmak said:

@belgariontheking said:
... was "bacon, tomato, and ... kale?"
Am I weird that my first thought was 'kippers'?

Not as weird as I am.  My first thought was "potassium".

• @da Doctah said:

@zelmak said:

@belgariontheking said:
... was "bacon, tomato, and ... kale?"
Am I weird that my first thought was 'kippers'?

Not as weird as I am.  My first thought was "potassium".

Potassium is K though, not k.

• Bacon, technology and kittens: The Internet's favourite sandwich.

• @NSCoder said:

Bacon, technology and kittens: The Internet's favourite sandwich.

+1 bumper sticker!

• @belgariontheking said:

Milawauke
Uhm... is that, like, anywhere near Milwaukee?

• @Anonymouse said:

@belgariontheking said:

Milawauke
Uhm... is that, like, anywhere near Milwaukee?

I don't think you saw what he did there.

• @dhromed said:

@Anonymouse said:
@belgariontheking said:
Milawauke
Uhm... is that, like, anywhere near Milwaukee?
I don't think you saw what he did there.
No I didn't do anything.  I guess I was in a hurry and mispelled it.

• @belgariontheking said:

@dhromed said:
@Anonymouse said:
@belgariontheking said:
Milawauke
Uhm... is that, like, anywhere near Milwaukee?
I don't think you saw what he did there.
No I didn't do anything.  I guess I was in a hurry and mispelled it.
... which was a bit ironic, considering the context ...

I just wasn't sure whether he did it on purpose or not, as a kind of literary device to drive a point home via a bit of an ironic twist. I mean, his ridiculous misspelling of Albukerky should have been a dead giveaway, right?

• @belgariontheking said:

@Zecc said:

Love, btk
Why do I always think of sandwiches when I read "btk"?
Because you love me almost as much as you love sandwiches?

As an aside, back in the day, when the #TDWTF channel was still going, AbbydonKrafts made a bot that had a specialized greeting for each regular.  Mine was "bacon, tomato, and ... kale?"

So, that.

I must watch too many crime dramas, because every time that I see "Edited by btk", I think of [b]B[/b]ind, [b]T[/b]orture, [b]K[/b]ill. :-\

• @dohpaz42 said:

@belgariontheking said:

@Zecc said:

Love, btk
Why do I always think of sandwiches when I read "btk"?
Because you love me almost as much as you love sandwiches?

As an aside, back in the day, when the #TDWTF channel was still going, AbbydonKrafts made a bot that had a specialized greeting for each regular.  Mine was "bacon, tomato, and ... kale?"

So, that.

I must watch too many crime dramas, because every time that I see "Edited by btk", I think of Bind, Torture, Kill. :-\

Hmmmm

• @serguey123 said:

@dohpaz42 said:
I must watch too many crime dramas, because every time that I see "Edited by btk", I think of Bind, Torture, Kill. :-</blockquote>

Hmmmm

BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.

• @boomzilla said:

BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.

D'oh! That's right; I first heard of BTK/Dennis Rader from my Computer Forensics class. He would have gotten away with it if it weren't for those pesky kids - who were able to determine his location from a floppy disk that BTK sent to a news station. Or was it the Scooby Snacks? I can't remember.

• @boomzilla said:

@serguey123 said:
@dohpaz42 said:
I must watch too many crime dramas, because every time that I see "Edited by btk", I think of Bind, Torture, Kill. :-</blockquote>

Hmmmm

BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.

We don't have that in Corrupsylvania, people are too busy with real problems.

• @serguey123 said:

@boomzilla said:
BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.

We don't have that in Corrupsylvania, people are too busy with real problems.

I dunno....getting killed (or 10 consecutive life sentences, depending on how twisted your perspective is) seem like they would get put into the "real problem" category. Or maybe all your would be BTKs already work for the government.

• @boomzilla said:

@serguey123 said:
@boomzilla said:
BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.
We don't have that in Corrupsylvania, people are too busy with real problems.
I dunno....getting killed (or 10 consecutive life sentences, depending on how twisted your perspective is) seem like they would get put into the "real problem" category. Or maybe all your would be BTKs already work for the government.

When you are starving, you have different priorities.

• @serguey123 said:

@boomzilla said:

@serguey123 said:
@boomzilla said:
BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.
We don't have that in Corrupsylvania, people are too busy with real problems.
I dunno....getting killed (or 10 consecutive life sentences, depending on how twisted your perspective is) seem like they would get put into the "real problem" category. Or maybe all your would be BTKs already work for the government.

When you are starving, you have different priorities.

Like posting to TDWTF?

• @C-Octothorpe said:

@serguey123 said:

@boomzilla said:

@serguey123 said:
@boomzilla said:
BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.
We don't have that in Corrupsylvania, people are too busy with real problems.
I dunno....getting killed (or 10 consecutive life sentences, depending on how twisted your perspective is) seem like they would get put into the "real problem" category. Or maybe all your would be BTKs already work for the government.

When you are starving, you have different priorities.

Like posting to TDWTF?

Posting to TDWTF have been scientifically proven to magically solve all your problems

• @serguey123 said:

We don't have that in Corrupsylvania, people are too busy with real problems.

Yeah, like rolling cigars or putting up portraits of Dear Leader.

See, because it's Cuba. Or perhaps North Korea. That is the joke.

• @serguey123 said:

...scientifically ... magically ...
Unlikely, unless you're talking about unicorns...

• @C-Octothorpe said:

@serguey123 said:

...scientifically ... magically ...
Unlikely, unless you're talking about unicorns...

Unicorns FTW

@Blakeyrat said:

Yeah, like rolling cigars or putting up portraits of Dear Leader.

Not mutually exclusive

@Blakeyrat said:

See, because it's Cuba. Or perhaps North Korea. That is the joke.

What makes you think that?  Fun fact: I actually speak korean and spanish so pick one of your guesses and run with it.

Nothing funny about that btw (my whole point is that serial killers are first world concern, people in third world countries have more pressing problems such as water and food and death) I'm not saying that people don't kill each other in my country, but there are not reported case of a serial killers.

• @serguey123 said:

What makes you think that? Fun fact: I actually speak korean and spanish so pick one of your guesses and run with it.

We've been over this before. Because there's only about 3 or 4 countries on Earth you wouldn't want to admit you're from, and Cuba and North Korea are the ones with the most hilarious stereotypes. (I mean, given, Iran was probably a front-runner on hilarious stereotypes before Team America drove North Korea to the top.)

• @blakeyrat said:

@serguey123 said:
What makes you think that? Fun fact: I actually speak korean and spanish so pick one of your guesses and run with it.
We've been over this before. Because there's only about 3 or 4 countries on Earth you wouldn't want to admit you're from, and Cuba and North Korea are the ones with the most hilarious stereotypes. (I mean, given, Iran was probably a front-runner on hilarious stereotypes before Team America drove North Korea to the top.)

So pick one and run with it

• @boomzilla said:

BTK was an infamous serial killer. I always assumed he shortened his nick like that in at least partial reference to the killer.
Nope, just lazy.

People on here started referring to me as BTK, then on IRC it became btk, and now I confuse people when I tell them I'm not a serial killer.

• @belgariontheking said:

I'm not a serial killer.

You aren't?  I always though that (puppies as avatar)-->(serial killer)

• @serguey123 said:

You aren't?  I always though that (puppies as avatar)-->(serial killer)

Nazi, actually.

• @Xyro said:

@serguey123 said:
You aren't?  I always though that (puppies as avatar)-->(serial killer)
Nazi, actually.

Same thing

• @serguey123 said:

@Xyro said:

@serguey123 said:
You aren't?  I always though that (puppies as avatar)-->(serial killer)
Nazi, actually.

Same thing

Mr Necessary, please meet Mr Sufficient. Anyways, serial killer != genocidal fascist.

• @boomzilla said:

@serguey123 said:

@Xyro said:

@serguey123 said:
You aren't?  I always though that (puppies as avatar)-->(serial killer)
Nazi, actually.

Same thing

Mr Necessary, please meet Mr Sufficient. Anyways, serial killer != genocidal fascist.

A serial killer kills a lot of people that fit a certain profile, a nazi does the same.

A serial killer is not well in his head, a nazi again is the same

In what meaningful way are they different?

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