Ugh, marketing people



  • Our company just put out a report on "5 technologies that are changing the world", and it's so full of fail... I just have to gripe to someone. (No URL, because it's 1) not publicly available yet, and 2) I don't really want to shove my company name here anyway.) Here goes:

    Fail - Report requires "HTML5" browser, despite HTML5 not being a completed standard, and the site not actually using any HTML5 features. As a result, it fails on IE5.

    Fail - Report requires textual instructions on the homepage for how to turn the page. Because our agency is sooo good at web development, we apparently can't create a page-turning widget that people can figure out right away.

    Fail - Report introduction starts out by quoting Kurzweil. That doesn't signify our company has innovative new ideas, that signifies that our company is bowing at the feet of some ass who had innovative new ideas 20 years ago, many of which were complete bunk.

    Fail - Introduction relies on that retarded urban legend that people "only use 10% of their brains": "in[sic] the past it's been said that most folks only use 10% of our brain. Well, maybe we can up that to 12% or 15%."

    Fail - Actually a *lot* of this report relies on Kurzweil, fuck.

    I have to admit the individual articles aren't really all that bad, but everything about the site design, the web development, the writing in the intro, is a huge fail. It's embarassing for the company. And I'm really starting to hate working here.



  • Zen Philosophy saying of the day.

    Marketing department rarely listen to technical people. That is their loss.
    Marketing department rarely listen to technical people. That is their gain.



  • What are other 4 technologies?



  • @blakeyrat said:

    people "only use 10% of their brains"
    I find that the people who only use 10% of their brains are the ones that believe people only use 10% of their brains.



  • @Nagesh said:

    Zen Philosophy saying of the day. Marketing department rarely listen to technical people. That is their loss. Marketing department rarely listen to technical people. That is their gain.

     Are you sure that is correct?

    @Nagesh said:
     
    What are other 4 technologies?
     
    What do you mean? He did not list any.  However I'm curious blakey, what are the techs that your company think are changing the world


  • @Nagesh said:

    What are other 4 technologies?

    1. Near Field Communications (that technology where you can tap your cell phone on a receiver and it pays your bill)
    2. The UI "revolution" brought about from cheap touchscreens and multitouch and things like Kinect
    3. Open consumer APIs ("even the stodgiest brands can benefit".)
    4. "Big Data" analytics, basically using Map/Reduce and other data processing technologies to make "real-time" use of your data analytics
    5. Cloud computing

    It's not really a terrible list, and like I said most of the individual articles are mostly well-written. Just that intro and website, ugh.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @blakeyrat said:

    Near Field Communications (that technology where you can tap your cell phone on a receiver and it pays your bill)
    How the fuck is that changing the world? We've been touching things to things to pay bills for DECADES now - they've just removed the need for a couple square inches of plastic in my wallet - which I must have on my person to carry around my government-issue identification anyway. They've replaced it with an additional function on a complex, fragile device that I should demonstrably NOT have on my person at all times, because the things I do tend to destroy them quickly. Oh, and they changed the movement from a 4-inch swipe to a light tap. Whee.

     @blakeyrat said:

    The UI "revolution" brought about from cheap touchscreens and multitouch and things like Kinect
    Yeah, these are great if you ignore the part of the human brain that wants tactile response. The phone vibrating every time I press a control doesn't fucking count. However, yes, it is changing the world - into a place full of shittier UIs. We were [i]just[/i] figuring out how to do it right, too...

    @blakeyrat said:

    Open consumer APIs ("even the stodgiest brands can benefit".)
    Consumer APIs? What the fuck is a consumer API? Why the hell should anyone trust a consumer to know what an API even does. If they stuck the word 'consumer' in there just to sound trendy and really mean 'open APIs for consumption' then yes, I agree.

    @blakeyrat said:

    "Big Data" analytics, basically using Map/Reduce and other data processing technologies to make "real-time" use of your data analytics
    Because what we as a civilization truly need is more statistics majors. Yeah, okay, we can do it faster and more efficiently now, but really this is just a variation on what we've been doing for decades anyway.I'll give them partial credit for this, because it is in fact a change.

    @blakeyrat said:

    Cloud computing
    Just because [i]you[/i] don't have to think about your infrastructure doesn't make it go away. This changes nothing in the large scale, and just cleans up some details on the small scale (usually at the expense of adding another layer of rules).

     

     

     

    Sounds just like marketroids. Tow the line, don't approach anything from a practical perspective, and wrap it all in a terrible website..



  • @Weng said:

    (intense hate)

    Maybe firehose that hatred in another direction, huh? I'm just the messenger.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @blakeyrat said:

    @Weng said:
    (intense hate)

    Maybe firehose that hatred in another direction, huh? I'm just the messenger.

    Sometimes killing the messenger is best. However, just necause your name was on the quotes doesn't mean I'm bitching at you - I'm simply hating the ideas.



  •  @blakeyrat said:

    Fail - Introduction relies on that retarded urban legend that people "only use 10% of their brains": "in[sic] the past it's been said that most folks only use 10% of our brain. Well, maybe we can up that to 12% or 15%."

    My new company, Darwin Diets, GUARENTEES that on our new, revloutionary diet, you will loose 1.4kg of weight INSTANTLY.

    The average human only uses 10% of their brain. By removing the unusued 90%, you will INSTANTLY LOSE WEIGHT!

    And best because our unqiue and patentent process continues to lose you weight!

    Darwin Diets. It's good for you, and for us.

     



  • @Lorne Kates said:

    My new company, Darwin Diets, GUARENTEES that on our new, revloutionary diet, you will loose 1.4kg of weight INSTANTLY.
     

    Trust me, there's nothing new or "revloutionary" about food poisoning.



  • I never understood how Kurzweil's crap became so widely accepted.  He should have stuck with musical instruments.



  • @Weng said:

    Sometimes killing the messenger is best.
     

    But it does make you Notorious.



  • @dhromed said:

    @Weng said:

    Sometimes killing the messenger is best.
     

    But it does make you Notorious.

    Sending the decapitated head of a messenger back to sender tends to be rather effective way of showing your disaproval.


  • @galgorah said:

    @dhromed said:

    @Weng said:

    Sometimes killing the messenger is best.
     

    But it does make you Notorious.

    Sending the decapitated head of a messenger back to sender tends to be rather effective way of showing your disaproval.

    I'd like to see Weng's list.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    I'd like to see Weng's list.

    That sounds dirtier than it probably is.



  • @El_Heffe said:

    I never understood how Kurzweil's crap became so widely accepted.  He should have stuck with musical instruments.
    And music.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @Weng said:
    (intense hate)

    Maybe firehose that hatred in another direction, huh? I'm just the messenger.

    Just remember that before posting anything again on TDWTF, dude. You're doing this all the time... (not that I'm surprised or otherwise annoyed, of course, just sayin' ...)

    Btw... these 5 "world-changing" things are just tiny "IT-world-changing" ...



  • @blakeyrat said:

    As a result, it fails on IE5.
     

    The real WTF is knowing, in 2011, whether something fails in IE5.



  • @Zolcos said:

    @blakeyrat said:

    As a result, it fails on IE5.
     

    The real WTF is knowing, in 2011, whether something fails in IE5.

    That's a typo, sorry. I meant to type IE8.


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