I'll Bet Mark Russell Just Bought a New Piano...



  • So, old "W" recently came out of hiding and gave some interviews. Much of what he said was obvious (Dick Cheney got mad at him.) But hidden amongst the platitudes was comedy gold: Old G.W. was quite forthcoming about his lust for the stale embrace of a post-menopausal female! If you're not sure what I'm talking about, just Google "what's sex like after 50."

    If you're a professional comedian, political cartoonist, Democrat, mime, previously torn celibate, decent human being, ventriloquist, acrobat, pundit, or Mark Russell, then you can go ahead and enter full celebration mode. Get out the champagne. Finance a Corvette and/or Cadillac, then wreck it. Tear down the goalposts and douse the ReallDoll in gasoline. This is your Buster Douglas moment. Enjoy it. Most people will never get to bellow "I Told You So" with such timbre and enthusiasm. Yours is no elusive, Al Bundy-esque anonymous triumph. This is Valhalla, except much less Scandinavian. Enjoy.

    GW: What's sex like after 50?
    Hot-when-wasted family friend: Like your second term: pointless and expensive!



  • what is this i dont even



  •  Are you a spammer?



  • Isn't this the same OP that claimed that IE6 was the best browser ever?



  • @dhromed said:

    Are you a spammer?
    No, more like a reincarnation of Swampy, I think. Quoting from another thread:

    @bridget99 said:

    To make Calc.exe crash, press the following buttons in
    sequence (using the mouse or keyboard):
    2 * ( 4 / 7 = )

    It is necessary to have the program in "Scientific" mode (choose
    "Scientific" from the "View" menu if you're currently unscientific).

    So far as I can tell, the "MapleCalc" pop-up in SSDS is not affected.



  • @dhromed said:

     Are you a spammer?

    That's what I thought at first, but there's no links. Maybe he's trying to Googlebomb some keyword? ... but that also would require links.



  • @bridget99 said:

    Tear down the goalposts and douse the ReallDoll in gasoline.

     

     But how will I kick a goal?



  • @frits said:

    @bridget99 said:

    Tear down the goalposts and douse the ReallDoll in gasoline.

     

     But how will I kick a goal?

    This is your Buster Douglas moment. Enjoy it.



  •  @blakeyrat said:

    @dhromed said:

     Are you a spammer?

    That's what I thought at first, but there's no links. Maybe he's trying to Googlebomb some keyword? ... but that also would require links.

     

    Maybe just drunk. 



  • "Cool, I broke his brain!"

    --George W Bush quoting Bart Simpson



  • @bridget99 said:

    Brain puke
    The actual story was that in JWB's drunk days, on one party he blurted this phrase to a female post-meno guest. A few years later, when JWB hit 50, that woman sent him a mail: "Now you know that" or so.



  • @alegr said:

    @bridget99 said:

    Brain puke
    The actual story was that in JWB's drunk days, on one party he blurted this phrase to a female post-meno guest. A few years later, when JWB hit 50, that woman sent him a mail: "Now you know that" or so.

    That actually makes less sense.



  • @blakeyrat said:

    @dhromed said:

     Are you a spammer?

    That's what I thought at first, but there's no links. Maybe he's trying to Googlebomb some keyword? ... but that also would require links.

     

    No, he's a real user, actually. Just an odd one, kinda.

     

    He's like the reincarnation of CPound.

    Remember CPound, guys?

    Yeah. Good times.



  • @dhromed said:

    He's like the reincarnation of CPound.

    I always wondered why Americans called "#" a "pound" instead of "number sign" or "hash". I had always assumed it was because shift-3 on a UK keyboard is "£" (which is the real pound symbol) and shift-3 on a US keyboard is "#". But no, apparently some people write "2#" instead of "907g". According to Wikipedia, "lb" cursively turned into "#", I guess like "et" became "&".



  • @Zemm said:

    According to Wikipedia, "lb" cursively turned into "#", I guess like "et" became "&".
     

    The irony is that the symbols are significantly more cumbersome to write.

    In musical notiation, I'm looking for a faster way to write ♯, because it's nuts.



  • @dhromed said:

    In musical notiation, I'm looking for a faster way to write ♯, because it's nuts.
     

    Does your music really have that many  ♯ in it?



  • Well, you don't have to write # with four individual strokes.  Make a ⊃ from top to bottom and then a ∩ on top of it from left to right and there you go.  If you get really fast at then then you can start writing celtic music!

    (Edit: mixed everything up.  God I can't ever remember which is left and which is right.)



  • @El_Heffe said:

    Does your music really have that many  ♯ in it?
    All his songs are in the C♯ pentatonic scale, but written in the C key.



  • @Zecc said:

    @El_Heffe said:
    Does your music really have that many  ♯ in it?
    All his songs are in the C♯ pentatonic scale, but written in the C key.
    Pff, Microsoft's bastardized version of the key, you mean.



  • @Xyro said:

    Microsoft's bastardized version of the key, you mean.
     

    It's offset by 2 cents.



  • @dhromed said:

    It's offset by 2 cents.
    Wait... weren't pounds subdivided in pence? Now I'm confused.



  • @Zecc said:

    @El_Heffe said:

    Does your music really have that many  ♯ in it?
    All his songs are in the C♯ pentatonic scale, but written in the C key.

    How about songs make heavy use of chromatic scales, but written in the key of C♭?



  • @frits said:

    How about songs make heavy use of chromatic scales, but written in the key of C♭?
     

    You mean B?



  • @dhromed said:

    @frits said:

    How about songs make heavy use of chromatic scales, but written in the key of C♭?
     

    You mean B?

    Well sure, if you're using well-tempered instruments you could call it that.  But the notation wouldn't be quite as fun.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C-flat_major



  • @dhromed said:

    @frits said:

    How about songs make heavy use of chromatic scales, but written in the key of C♭?
     

    You mean B?

    TRWTF is B.



  • @Spectre said:

    TRWTF is B.
     

    Yeah.

    Fucking B.

    Totally cut that one out of my bass.

    Hate it.



  • @dhromed said:

    @Spectre said:

    TRWTF is B.
     

    Yeah.

    Fucking B.

    Totally cut that one out of my bass.

    Hate it.

     

    I have mine tuned to A♭. 26 Hz is floppy.

     



  • @frits said:

    @dhromed said:

    @frits said:

    How about songs make heavy use of chromatic scales, but written in the key of C♭?
     

    You mean B?

    Well sure, if you're using well-tempered instruments you could call it that.  But the notation wouldn't be quite as fun.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/C-flat_major

    On that note, screw F♭ major.

    Anything with more than 5 flats/sharps can eat me.



  • Good music has lots of sharps, at least in the key signature. Nobody writes a successful sitcom theme song or Top 40 hit in Eb Major; something like A major (which has lots of sharps in its key signature) is a better choice. In vocal music, some concession to the singer's range must be made. But in instrumental music, I say go for as many sharps (key signature - not accidentals; accidentals are weird) as reasonably possible.

    This is true even of the best instrumental music. Beethoven, for example, was once asked why people so much preferred his 7th symphony (key of A major) to his 8th (key of F major). Beethoven's reply was, "because the 8th is so much better," i.e. implying that popular taste is irrelevant. Of course, Beethoven knew the real answer (A major is better than F major), but he either didn't want to bore his interlocutor with "shop talk," or he was attempting to preserve his own hard-won knowledge.

    After all, nobody's coding in E-flat. Except Scott Guthrie, of course, but he's a tard.



  • To whoever wrote bridget99, that's a damn good markov chain right there.



  • @Faxmachinen said:

    To whoever wrote bridget99, that's a damn good markov chain right there.

    Actually, there's an interesting point hidden in it, somewhere.

    A piano's most logical scale is C. For a guitar, that's A. I haven't researched it, but I can imagine that to someone who's used to music that's mainly composed on a piano (as is the case with a lot of classical music), C will sound more or less "normal", and A major sounds pretty damn chirpy. If you're used to guitar rock (ie most of us), scales like D/A/E might make more sense and F/C/G could easily sound more "relaxed".

    Or I could be talking complete bollocks, of course.



  • @dhromed said:

    @frits said:

    How about songs make heavy use of chromatic scales, but written in the key of C♭?
     

    You mean B?

    I once got yelled at by my piano teacher because I insisted that there was no such thing as F♭. ---   It's freakin' E!!!

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    I once got yelled at by my piano teacher because I insisted that there was no such thing as F♭. ---   It's freakin' E!!!
     

    Eh, enharmonics. Whachagonnado.

     



  • @El_Heffe said:

    I once got yelled at by my piano teacher because I insisted that there was no such thing as F♭. ---   It's freakin' E!!!

    It sounds like E on a piano, but it's not necessarily the same. Given a different tuning, it might even sound (minutely) different.

    So yes, he was right for yelling. Did he use the E#-word?



  • @b-redeker said:

    Actually, there's an interesting point hidden in it, somewhere.

    A piano's most logical scale is C. For a guitar, that's A. I haven't researched it, but I can imagine that to someone who's used to music that's mainly composed on a piano (as is the case with a lot of classical music), C will sound more or less "normal", and A major sounds pretty damn chirpy. If you're used to guitar rock (ie most of us), scales like D/A/E might make more sense and F/C/G could easily sound more "relaxed".

    Or I could be talking complete bollocks, of course.

     

    That's fairly true. For rock/metal, D/A/E Minor are the most common keys. Using a different key when you play does make stuff sound fresh.

    But this is from the perspective of [i]playing[/i] guitar. When I only listen to music I generally don't notice or otherwise give a crap what key it's in.



  • @bridget99 said:

    something like A major (which has lots of sharps in its key signature)

    I'd not say 3 sharps is lots. In fact, it's very convenient for the piano.

    And accidentals are not weird. Accidentals is the spice of music. Without them it's bland.



  • @mott555 said:

    @b-redeker said:

    Actually, there's an interesting point hidden in it, somewhere.

    A piano's most logical scale is C. For a guitar, that's A. I haven't researched it, but I can imagine that to someone who's used to music that's mainly composed on a piano (as is the case with a lot of classical music), C will sound more or less "normal", and A major sounds pretty damn chirpy. If you're used to guitar rock (ie most of us), scales like D/A/E might make more sense and F/C/G could easily sound more "relaxed".

    Or I could be talking complete bollocks, of course.

     

    That's fairly true. For rock/metal, D/A/E Minor are the most common keys. Using a different key when you play does make stuff sound fresh.

    But this is from the perspective of playing guitar. When I only listen to music I generally don't notice or otherwise give a crap what key it's in.

     

    Woodwinds prefer flat keys.  But a long time ago someone jiggered the notation so their scores would all be written in C, even when they're playing in E flat.  Which leads to junior high school band teachers stopping practice and saying "Susie, play me a G.  No, I mean concert G."

    But that's even less relevant to rock.  They haven't used woodwinds extensively since the tenor-sax fad of the fifties.

    Except Jethro Tull.  And flutes are non-transposing so they don't count.



  • @alegr said:

    And accidentals are not weird. Accidentals is the spice of music. Without them it's bland.

    The Blues and Jazz heavily rely on these and even more intermediate pitches, i.e. blue notes.



  • @frits said:

    @alegr said:

    And accidentals are not weird. Accidentals is the spice of music. Without them it's bland.

    The Blues and Jazz heavily rely on these and even more intermediate pitches, i.e. blue notes.

    I know it, and more and more of this is making its way into popular music. My earlier post was facetious in its oversimplification, but I do find this trend to be corrosive and aesthetically dubious. I find it particularly annoying when blue notes make their way into Country music, e.g. "Harper Valley PTA" (Jeannie C. Riley) or "Redneck Woman" (Gretchen Wilson). If I wanted to hear those scales, I would not have tuned into a country station.

    This is not cultural elitism on my part... I just think that when you mix one set of rules (diatonic) with another (blues), you end up with a mishmash in which any note fits. Does Bb work over C? Sure, it's a blue note. What about B natural? Sure, it can work too, judiciously applied, even in the same section of the same song.

    In fact, the theory behind the blues is fairly wide-open even before you mash it together with the diatonic system. This to me is why mixing blues and diatonic majors does not work as well as mixing major and minor. Major and minor are variations on a common theme that dictates the scope and nature of the rules. E is "diatonic" in C major in the same sense that Eb is in C minor. Like UDP and TCP in networking, they reside at the same level of the metaphorical OSI stack, i.e. they answer the same questions in different ways.

    The blues has its own great merit as a standalone system, but I do not like the way it meshes with the diatonic system because the blues does not answer the same questions as does the diatonic system. What blues scale is supposed to fit over the IV7 ("four") chord in a twelve-bar blues song? Is it the blues scale that starts with the root of the IV7 chord, e.g. C blues if the "one" chord is G7? Or is it the blues scale that starts with the root of the I7 chord (e.g. G blues if the I is G7)?

    People get mad at me when I ask these things, and tell me things like "you don't understand the blues," or "there isn't a set of rules like that," but even those people do have a set of rules and they know it. There is a set of conventions about how blues and the diatonic system are supposed to interact within a song, and this is not a set of conventions that I find to be final or satisfying.

    For instance, I like to play up the blues scale over the I7 chord in a twelve-bar blues and end dramatically on the sharped second note of the scale (E natural in a C blues scale). To me this sounds great, but it pisses off the "no rules" crowd. For them, the rules of a certain kind of blues/pop fusion are actually quite rigid, and when I blast out that E-natural over there C7 chord I am no longer welcome. But I would submit that I) their rules are not codified; it's difficult to express why my E offends them and yet a "blue" Eb in an otherwise diatonic song can be "soulful" and 2) their rules are "crowding out" the kind of analysis - and playing - that I want to do.

    Incidentally, the assertion that the blues "relies heavily" on accidentals is itself a bit of a misconception, and this fact hints at the incompatibility of the blues system and the diatonic system. The notes that form the blues scale are approximations of the notes from an African scale that do not precisely correspond to any notes from our diatonic scale. Eb is an approximation when it appears in the C blues scale, for example. The actual tone originally used was slightly different, and even more importantly it wasn't a "flattened" version of some other tone. It was a first-class entity in its own right.



  • @frits said:

    @alegr said:

    And accidentals are not weird. Accidentals is the spice of music. Without them it's bland.

    The Blues and Jazz heavily rely on these and even more intermediate pitches, i.e. blue notes.

    Open, for example, Bach's Die Wohltemperierte Klavier score. Or Die Chromatische Fantasie und Fugue. Or his any other album. Great music can't exist without those alterations and modulations.


  • @alegr said:

    @frits said:

    Blues and Jazz

    Bach

    Quite so.

    @alegr said:

    Die Wohltemperierte Klavier

    Das.

    </pedantic_dickweed>


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