College WTFs



  •  These are a few of the more memorable WTFs that came from my college classes (in no particular order):

    SCT100: Introduction to Microcomputers

    This class is basically just how to use Microsoft Office, and required creation of a hotmail account to complete the final exam.  Most days consisted of typing a document or spreadsheet and falling asleap for the remaining 45 minutes.  One day in class another student started using breathspray and a lighter to set his workstation, desk, chair, and eventually himself on fire.



    CIS106: Computer Concepts

    "The Windows Kernel is written in JAVA."

    "By signing into Windows as administrator it changes Windows 2000 Workstation into Windows 2000 Server."

    "You can only ever have one primary partition, and it must contain four logical drives."

    "DOS is based on the Windows Kernel."



    CIS124: Microcomputer Database Programming

    I hadn't made it to the bookstore before class to get the required text book, and ended up very thankful that I didn't.  The instructor pulled out a 400 page xerox copy of a book written for a two week oracle cram course.  The bookstore wanted $140 for the xeroxed pages, and another $15 for the binder.  Nevermind that every page had "Trade Secret" watermarked on it.  During the mid-session break on the first day I went and dropped the class.



    CIS1140: Networking Fundamentals

    The text book was riddled with errors, and so were many of the tests.  One question on the final exam stood out:
    "Subnet the following network into four subnets supporting 120 clients each: 415.237.311.0"



    CIS2150: Implementing Windows Server

    For the final exam we had to install Windows Server 2003 and configure the system as domain master, and join it to the forest (in less than two hours).  After completing the final in record time (35 minutes) I was accused of cheating.  Apparently It's not allowed to select quick-format while installing Windows (even on a known-good drive that was blanked the day before).  It took the remaining time to convince the professor I hadn't cheated.



    CIS157: Introduction to VisualBasic (The only programming language they offered)
    Note: on the 4th day of class the instructor was fired because he had lied about his credentials.

    "I don't know anything about computers, I'm just an electrical engineer"
     - The original Professor

    "Option Explicit will prevent your program from sharing variables between functions, so it should be used with caution"
     - The Replacement Professor

    "Wow, so this is how they made Half-Life?"
     - One of the students a week before finals



  • What kind of degree is this?  The fact that they make you take intro to computing classes makes me suspect it's for something "career-oriented" like IT.  It's been mathematically proven that such degrees are going to consist of at least 90% worthless, out-of-date, or flat-out inaccurate information.



  • I got my (worthless) degree in Cisco Networking (and my CCNA). Eventually my CCNA cert expired, and I'm doing general computer repair work to make ends meet.  I don't think I could have imagined ten years ago that I'd be spending eight hours a day removing viruses and dealing with very stupid users (the general public).



  • @bstorer said:

    What kind of degree is this?  The fact that they make you take intro to computing classes makes me suspect it's for something "career-oriented" like IT.  It's been mathematically proven that such degrees are going to consist of at least 90% worthless, out-of-date, or flat-out inaccurate information.

    On the other hand CS and CE degrees are at least 90% academic information of no practical use.

    Hey!  I did IT as my degree and it easily contained 90% useless academic information of no practical use.

    You must be thinking of computing degrees with the word "Business" in the title.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

     I finally finished my IT degree as well and apparently came out as some sort of "Software Engineer". Mind you, that's only because I forced the curriculum to bend to my will and hijacked innocent 'Design' classes and took them straight to developer hell. It was more efficient than starting with CE or CS, anyway, since cutting away bullshit (especially business-related bullshit) is easier than cutting away tens of years of entrenched academic cruft.

     On the other hand, some of my classmates got out without ever having to see code. 



  • I've been doing interviews with candidates for an developerish position that, by the nature of the req, must be filled by a recent college grad.  The position requires a good understanding of technical concepts, decent experience with Java, and preferably knowledge of Unix, Perl, and/or shell scripting.  We've been searching for months and months.  (Found a few gems, but they ended up rejecting us for shinier companies in the city.)  I never before imagined how many non-technical interviewees would interview for a technical position.  I realize they're just out of college, but knowing about imports and methods and classes does not make you a qualified Java programmer. Do they not know how much they do not know?  Or are they hoping to get in by gall/desperation and pick up the skills on the job they way they didn't in college?  What WERE they doing in college? Are their guidance councilors informing them that taking that intro class last year gave them adequate experience to land a job?

    From our experience, colleges are absolutely not preparing students of technical roles.  We got one who called himself an XML developer at past internship. I kept a straight face and asked for more details. "You know, I made elements and attributes."  Another advertised himself as a Java developer even though he hadn't done anything with it except create a GUI with an IDE.  Couldn't even tell me if it was Swing-based. 

    We have been very disappointed.

    Also, never write "JAVA" on a résumé. That's not how it's spelled.



  • @Xyro said:

    sigh<input name="ctl00$ctl00$bcr$bcr$ctl00$PostList$ctl07$ctl23$ctl01" id="ctl00_ctl00_bcr_bcr_ctl00_PostList_ctl07_ctl23_ctl01_State" value="value:Filed%20under%3A%20%3Ca%20href%3D%22%2Ftags%2Fso%2Bmany%2Bred%2Bflags%2Bbut%2Bwe%2Binterview%2Bthem%2Banyway%2Bbecause%2Bwe%2Bare%2Bgetting%2Bdesperate%2Fdefault.aspx%22%20rel%3D%22tag%22%3Eso%20many%20red%20flags%20but%20we%20interview%20them%20anyway%20because%20we%20are%20getting%20desperate%3C%2Fa%3E%2C%20%3Ca%20href%3D%22%2Ftags%2Fsigh%2Fdefault.aspx%22%20rel%3D%22tag%22%3Esigh%3C%2Fa%3E" type="hidden">
     

    Maybe you should drop the recent college grad requirement, then. :\ See what pops up. I'm pretty sure there's a fair amount of non-college twenty-somethings with excellent Java skills wanting to earn a buck.



  • @Xyro said:

    Also, never write "JAVA" on a résumé. That's not how it's spelled.

    False.  I have it on good authority that JAVA stands for "Just Another Violent Ass-raping".



  • @Xyro said:

    From our experience, colleges are absolutely not preparing students of technical roles.  We got one who called himself an XML developer at past internship. I kept a straight face and asked for more details. "You know, I made elements and attributes."
    Sounds like he's perfect for enterprise Java.



  • :(

     

     

     

    @dhromed said:

    Maybe you should drop the recent college grad
    requirement, then. :</blockquote>We've tried, but it's not really in our hands. College grads are much much cheaper.  Also, I want a new friend younger than twice my age.



  • @Xyro said:

    Also, I want a new friend younger than twice my age.
    The perfect age is half your age plus seven.  Or is that for wives?  I always get those confused.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Do me a favor and PM me (you can do that on Community Server, right?) a link to that posting. If it's in the right place, I may be interested.

     

    Oh, and yes, you are told those introductory classes are enough knowledge to actually work in the field.

    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk



  • @Weng said:

    Do me a favor and PM me (you can do that on Community Server, right?) a link to that posting. If it's in the right place, I may be interested.
    I think I have sent you a PM, but this is CS so who knows.  It might end up in Funny Stuff.  I added a poll in the PM so you can vote.



  • @Censorship McHitler said:

    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk

    Nazi!  Fascist!



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Censorship McHitler said:

    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk

    Nazi!  Fascist!

    That's stupid; you can't be a Nazi and a fascist.  That's like being a communist and a socialist.  Idiot.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Censorship McHitler said:
    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk
    Nazi!  Fascist!
    Take it easy.  You can get a spanking too if you just quote a few OPs.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Weng said:

    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk
    That... Wasn't the OP, but a reply?

    Unless the stupid tie I was wearing was cutting off circulation to my brain, anyway.



  • @Weng said:

    @Weng said:
    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk
    That... Wasn't the OP, but a reply?

    Well, then, don't quote replies!  Although BTK gets pissy about that, too.  But you have no right to question your superiors.

     

    You'll quote what you're told to quote!



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Weng said:

    @Weng said:
    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk
    That... Wasn't the OP, but a reply?

    Well, then, don't quote replies!  Although BTK gets pissy about that, too.  But you have no right to question your superiors.

    You'll quote what you're told to quote!

    I'm not sure who or what I'm supposed to quote any more, so I've gone ahead and qouted you, but I'm hedging my bets by censoring it.



  • @dhromed said:

    earn a buck.
     

    Just to be safe, I'm going to quote myself.



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm not sure who or what I'm supposed to quote any more, so I've gone ahead and qouted you, but I'm hedging my bets by censoring it.

    DLTFY.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    DLTFY.
    You win; there's no point in bothering with the internet any more.  Shut 'er down, boys!  We've reached the pinnacle.



  • @Xyro said:

    Also, never write "JAVA" on a résumé. That's not how it's spelled.

    Aye, I never understood why people keep using French letters in English words.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    DLTFY.
    I am amazed you remember that, complete with her website.



  • @Weng said:

    @Weng said:
    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk
    That... Wasn't the OP, but a reply?

    Unless the stupid tie I was wearing was cutting off circulation to my brain, anyway.

    So it wasn't.  Spankings for me then!



  • @belgariontheking said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    DLTFY.
    I am amazed you remember that, complete with her website.

    Sadly, the fantastic censoring is gone now.  Those were simpler times, when nipples peeked out at you from behind little rectangles.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @Censorship McHitler said:

    ED: Please don't quote the OP.  Next time it's a spanking -btk

    Nazi!  Fascist!



  • @Spectre said:

    @Xyro said:
    Also, never write "JAVA" on a résumé. That's not how it's spelled.

    Aye, I never understood why people keep using French letters in English words.

     

    Because he's not talking about a button on your TiVo.



  • @stratos said:

    @Spectre said:

    @Xyro said:
    Also, never write "JAVA" on a résumé. That's not how it's spelled.

    Aye, I never understood why people keep using French letters in English words.

     

    Because he's not talking about a button on your TiVo.

    Those are called Freedom letters in America.  And we don't use them because the French are assholes.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Filed under: Except for the Democrats who are basically French.
    I wish.  At least then we'd get a short work week and more rabid xenophobia.



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Filed under: Except for the Democrats who are basically French.
    I wish.  At least then we'd get a short work week and more rabid xenophobia.

    You're already allowed two days off per week.  If I had my way, people would get three days off each year: Dick Cheney's birthday, July 4th and Victory Over Europe Day (once Europe is defeated--probably sometime in fall).

     

    You complain too much.  Maybe some shameful public punishment is in order.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    You're already allowed two days off per week.
    Yeah.  One to worship our Lord and Savior Dick Cheney, and the other to watch cars drive around an oval really fast.  I need another day to fit in my hobby of harassing foreigners.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    If I had my way, people would get three days off each year: Dick Cheney's birthday, July 4th and Victory Over Europe Day (once Europe is defeated--probably sometime in fall).
    In the grand tradition of the Republicans, all three of these need to be renamed to honor Ronald Reagan.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    You complain too much.  Maybe some shameful public punishment is in order.
    Great!  Normally I have to pay for that sort of thing.



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    You're already allowed two days off per week.
    Yeah.  One to worship our Lord and Savior Dick Cheney, and the other to watch cars drive around an oval really fast.  I need another day to fit in my hobby of harassing foreigners.

    There shall be no day devoted to harassing foreigners.  As a good American, harassing foreigners is a full-time job and should be done at every possibility.

     

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    If I had my way, people would get three days off each year: Dick Cheney's birthday, July 4th and Victory Over Europe Day (once Europe is defeated--probably sometime in fall).
    In the grand tradition of the Republicans, all three of these need to be renamed to honor Ronald Reagan.

    July 4th shall become Gippermas.  Victory Over Europe Day will be know as Ronukkah.  We considered rolling the birthdays of Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Dick Cheney into a single "President's Day" to be celebrated on the first Monday of February, but Dick Cheney said he didn't want to share a day with those faggots.  We were afraid he'd throw us in the dungeon of his castle (you know, the one built with Iraqi slave labor) so we dropped it.

     

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    You complain too much.  Maybe some shameful public punishment is in order.
    Great!  Normally I have to pay for that sort of thing.

    You will be billed.  Just like when we bill a wounded soldier for medical care because he didn't move out of the damn way of the bullet.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    There shall be no day devoted to harassing foreigners.  As a good American, harassing foreigners is a full-time job and should be done at every possibility.
    Well my job in the salt mines hardly grants me many opportunities, and I feel the need to do my duty like any true American patriot.@morbiuswilters said:
    We considered rolling the birthdays of Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Dick Cheney into a single "President's Day" to be celebrated on the first Monday of February, but Dick Cheney said he didn't want to share a day with those faggots. 
    Well no wonder.  MLK?  Lincoln?  Why don't you just ask him to share a holiday with Lenin and Trotsky?  Let's swap them out for Douglas MacArthur and Thomas Paine.

    @morbiuswilters said:

    You will be billed.  Just like when we bill a wounded soldier for medical care because he didn't move out of the damn way of the bullet.
    This is why I favor the use of unmanned drones, by which I mean castrated slaves.  They are raised since birth to be thoughtlessly obedient killing machines incapable of feeling pain.  On Gippermas of their tenth year they must cut off their own manhood, dedicating themselves to the only woman they shall ever need: Lady Liberty.



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    There shall be no day devoted to harassing foreigners.  As a good American, harassing foreigners is a full-time job and should be done at every possibility.
    Well my job in the salt mines hardly grants me many opportunities, and I feel the need to do my duty like any true American patriot.

    We'll have the State Doctors implant wireless Internet in your brain so you can troll European forums and HuffPo while still performing your primary duty of digging out the salt with your bare fingernails.

     

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    We considered rolling the birthdays of Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Dick Cheney into a single "President's Day" to be celebrated on the first Monday of February, but Dick Cheney said he didn't want to share a day with those faggots. 
    Well no wonder.  MLK?  Lincoln?  Why don't you just ask him to share a holiday with Lenin and Trotsky?

    We did.  He just growled and said "I'll fuck you up like I fucked up that faggot Kennedy!" and then took a nap.

     

    @bstorer said:

    Let's swap them out for Douglas MacArthur and Thomas Paine.

    Douglas MacArthur was a pussy poseur.  Instead of fulfilling his Constitutional duty to initiate a coup against Truman, invade China and set off WWIII he deferred to civilian leadership.  Jimmy Carter had bigger balls than that.

     

    @bstorer said:

    On Gippermas of their tenth year they must cut off their own manhood, dedicating themselves to the only woman they shall ever need: Lady Liberty.

    Also known by her nom-de-plume Ann Coulter.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:
    There shall be no day devoted to harassing foreigners.  As a good American, harassing foreigners is a full-time job and should be done at every possibility.
    Well my job in the salt mines hardly grants me many opportunities, and I feel the need to do my duty like any true American patriot.
    We'll have the State Doctors implant wireless Internet in your brain so you can troll European forums and HuffPo while still performing your primary duty of digging out the salt with your bare fingernails.
    Fingernails?  Ha!  The government removed those years ago to prevent me from hurting myself with them.  How did you manage to survive the Gore years with them intact?  Did you flee to Canada or the Rupublic of Texas like so many others?@morbiuswilters said:
    @bstorer said:
    @morbiuswilters said:
    We considered rolling the birthdays of Martin Luther King, Ronald Reagan, George Washington, Abraham Lincoln and Dick Cheney into a single "President's Day" to be celebrated on the first Monday of February, but Dick Cheney said he didn't want to share a day with those faggots. 
    Well no wonder.  MLK?  Lincoln?  Why don't you just ask him to share a holiday with Lenin and Trotsky?
    We did.  He just growled and said "I'll fuck you up like I fucked up that faggot Kennedy!" and then took a nap.
    Oh, that's just a microcoma.  He slips into those now and then to preserve himself while he draws energy from the suffering of others and uses it to force his body to continue to function through sheer force of will.  His body is a long-dead puppet, with his malevolent spirit as a cruel puppetmaster.  He then uses that borrowed time to cause more suffering, which he can then feed off of to continue existing.  It's a shame the Nobel can't be awarded posthumously, because while he's technically dead, he still managed to invent a perpetual motion machine.@morbiuswilters said:
    Douglas MacArthur was a pussy poseur.  Instead of fulfilling his Constitutional duty to initiate a coup against Truman, invade China and set off WWIII he deferred to civilian leadership.  Jimmy Carter had bigger balls than that.
      Truman kept a spare nuclear bomb with him at all times, with a trigger attached to his heart that would detonate it if he was killed.   MacArthur wasn't a pussy, but he was just a man. And that pipe of his only carried standard explosive rounds, which is like bringing a knife to a gunfight.  MacArthur, ever the patriot, couldn't risk the destruction of the Constitution stored in the nearby National Archives.  So he used his military cunning to distract Truman while Eisenhower grabbed the presidency.  But MacArthur's life didn't end in vein; he held on long enough to
    assassinate JFK on Dick Cheney's orders.

    Truman, though forced from office, still had that nuke, and now he threatened to use it against America's Heartland, which, as we all know, is where all the True Americans live.  He used that threat to force Congress into passing Medicare, which immediately turned us all into socialists.  Truman even had the temerity to make Johnson personally give the first Medicare cards to Truman and his wife.  Eventually, he surrendered his bomb willingly to President Nixon in 1972.  The standoff was legendary: Truman shouted threats and dared Nixon to act, but Nixon simply scowled at him until Truman broke down weeping and begged for forgiveness for supporting Adlai Stevenson.  Nixon just turned away in disgust and left him sobbing on the floor.  A minute after Nixon had left the room, G. Gordon Liddy smothered Truman with a pillow and America was safe once again. @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:
    On Gippermas of their tenth year they must cut off their own manhood, dedicating themselves to the only woman they shall ever need: Lady Liberty.
    Also known by her nom-de-plume Ann Coulter.
    Oh, Liberty, you saucy little minx.  You're just asking for it in that black dress.


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