Excel 2007 WTF



  •  I received an Excel document from a client, and for whatever reason they'd hyperlinked lots of the cells, so copy/pasting was a nightmare. In my naivety (I don't use Excel that often) I thought I'd be able to select the cells in question, right-click and remove the hyperlink, as you can with a single cell. But no, there was no "remove hyperlinks" option on the context menu. So I dug into the help file, and was pretty dumbstruck to find this:

    Excel 2007 Help File




  • Dupe



  • I do use Excel quite a bit, and I'd never seen this one.Very nice...

    This one must have been low on the priority list around shipping time: we have a workaround, so screw it. Who cares if it's the dumbest, most non-intuitive workaround ever?



  •  Yeah, that's retarded.  And it doesn't even remove the blue text and underline, just the actual hyperlink.  By comparison, format painter will remove the blue and underlining, but not the hyperlink.  



  •  Or you could try this. Too easy, though.



  • @barfoo said:

     Or you could try this. Too easy, though.

    Yes, scripting your spreadsheet because the application lacks obvious functionality: too easy.



  • That's actually pretty cool. You don't even have to do this from a module, you can just do it from the immediate window (ctrl-G).

    The weird bit is that for this to be available in VBA, I guess this has to be some functionality in Excel itself, which makes it even more of a WTF that they didn't include it.

    Huh. Even weirder: this DOES remove the underlining/blue formatting.



  • @bstorer said:

    @barfoo said:

     Or you could try this. Too easy, though.

    Yes, scripting your spreadsheet because the application lacks obvious functionality: too easy.

    Maybe by "too easy" he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.
    I thought you said he was Cambodian. 



  • @belgariontheking said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.
    I thought you said he was Cambodian. 

    You dumb bastard, Vietnam and Cambodia are the same place, like Holland and Denmark.



  • @bstorer said:

    @belgariontheking said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.
    I thought you said he was Cambodian. 

    You dumb bastard, Vietnam and Cambodia are the same place, like Holland and Denmark.

    Wrong again, idiot: they're independent cities in the same country located 50 kilometers (7,000 miles) apart.  Holland is where we get our wooden shoes from.  Denmark gives us danish pastries and depressed, brooding princes suffering existential dilemmas.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    @belgariontheking said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.
    I thought you said he was Cambodian. 

    You dumb bastard, Vietnam and Cambodia are the same place, like Holland and Denmark.

    Wrong again, idiot: they're independent cities in the same country located 50 kilometers (7,000 miles) apart.  Holland is where we get our wooden shoes from.  Denmark gives us danish pastries and depressed, brooding princes suffering existential dilemmas.

    Partial credit: danishes are from Dania, which is in the Ivory Coast.  But, yes, Hamlet is Denmarkish, which -- since it's the same thing as Holland -- means that he is also Hollandaise.



  •  Continue.

    I must see how this plays out.

    takes a bite of Gouda before returning to polish the Sunday clogs



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    @belgariontheking said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.
    I thought you said he was Cambodian. 

    You dumb bastard, Vietnam and Cambodia are the same place, like Holland and Denmark.

    Wrong again, idiot: they're independent cities in the same country located 50 kilometers (7,000 miles) apart.  Holland is where we get our wooden shoes from.  Denmark gives us danish pastries and depressed, brooding princes suffering existential dilemmas.

    Partial credit: danishes are from Dania, which is in the Ivory Coast.  But, yes, Hamlet is Denmarkish, which -- since it's the same thing as Holland -- means that he is also Hollandaise.

    Partialer credit: Africa didn't exist yet in the 17th century, so there's no way Hamlet could have sailed there and discovered danishes.  Shakespeare contradicts your entire timeline:

     

    Scene I: The castle in Elsinore.  Hamlet and Horatio enter, eating danishes.

    Horatio: Verily, Sweet Prince, these pastries you have invented are delicious!

    Hamlet: Aye, dear friend.  But these wooden shoes you invented are stylish and impractical!

    [ Enter windmilll. ]

    Horatio: 'Zounds!  Look out, Sweet Prince, a feral windmill approacheth!

    Hamlet: I will fight it!

    Horatio: Tilting at a windmill?  You are mad!

    Hamlet: It probably killed my father!  [ Fights windmill.  Is mortally wounded. ]

    [ Enter ghost. ]

    Ghost: Hamlet, you fool!  It was your Uncle all along!

    Hamlet: Fadder?

    Ghost: You have failed to avenge me!

    [ Exeunt Ghost and Windmill. ]

    Hamlet: I am filled with ennui!  This has provoked a deep, existential crisis!

    [ Enter Ophelia. ]

    Ophelia: Oh, Sweet Prince, you are dying!  I love you; do not die!

    Hamlet: You are a vile slut for having sex with me after I got you drunk and took advantage of you.  Get thee to a cathouse!

    Ophelia: [ Drowns self. ]

    Hamlet: Goddammit, I was hoping to shame her into giving me one, final handjob!

    [ Enter Yorrick, carrying sküll. ]

    Yorrick: [ Talking to sküll ] Alas, you are a sküll!  You are representative of the inevitability of death and the cruel joke of mortality!

    Horatio: [ To Sweet Prince Hamlet ] Christ, this old queer is schizo.

    Yorrick: [ To Hamlet ] Quickly, Hamlet, your Uncle hath drilled a hole in the dyke!  Soon we will all drown!

    [ Enter dyke spewing water. ]

    Hamlet: I will plug it with my finger!  [ Does so.  Dies. ]

    Horatio: Oh, Sweet Prince!  You hath died saving us!  And without exacting revenge on your devious Uncle!

    [ Enter Claudius. ]

    Claudius: Ho ho!  I see my plan to murther Hamlet has succeeded!  [ Takes partially-eaten danish from Hamlet's non-dyke-plugging hand.  Takes bite. ]  Ack!  Treachery!  The danish was poisoned!  [ Dieseth. ]

    Horatio: Woohoo!  [ Takes bite of his own danish.  Looks down at if after swallowing. ] Oh, shit, the poison.  [ Dies. ]

    Yorrick: It will be awhile before the coroner collects the bodies.  Might as well have a little fun... [ Unzips pants of his clown outfit.  Fade to black. ]



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    @belgariontheking said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    he wasn't referring to difficulty but meant that it would give you painful herpes, like Vietnamese hooker everybody tried to warn me about.
    I thought you said he was Cambodian. 

    You dumb bastard, Vietnam and Cambodia are the same place, like Holland and Denmark.

    Wrong again, idiot: they're independent cities in the same country located 50 kilometers (7,000 miles) apart.  Holland is where we get our wooden shoes from.  Denmark gives us danish pastries and depressed, brooding princes suffering existential dilemmas.

    Partial credit: danishes are from Dania, which is in the Ivory Coast.  But, yes, Hamlet is Denmarkish, which -- since it's the same thing as Holland -- means that he is also Hollandaise.

    Partialer credit: Africa didn't exist yet in the 17th century, so there's no way Hamlet could have sailed there and discovered danishes.  Shakespeare contradicts your entire timeline

    Now you're being dumb.  Shakespeare wrote Othello, about a successful black man fatally betrayed by his jungle fever.  He even wrote about the inventer of Africa, Cleopatra, and her relationship with Jennifer Lopez's husband, Marc Anthony.  Of course he knew about Dania and their namesake pastries.  Sure, Hamlet was the first to realize that they'd be better if they used flour in place of the traditional Ebola virus. But his influence is questionable, because he also insisted Ophelia would be better if her blood were replaced with flour, and look how that turned out.  Bitch went crazy.@morbiuswilters said:
    Yorrick: It will be awhile before the coroner collects the bodies.  Might as well have a little fun... [ Unzips pants of his clown outfit.  Fade to black. ]
      You didn't even mention the finale where Fortinbras of Norway (present-day Sweden) enters and the cops pin the whole thing on him, thus destroying the royal houses of two nations.  This left a vacuum of power (resulting in a period of decline called the Dark Ages) that was finally filled 300 years later by Nazi occupation.  And then nothing bad ever happened again.



  • @bstorer said:

    Shakespeare wrote Othello, about a successful black man fatally betrayed by his jungle fever.

    True, but Othello wasn't African, he was a Moslem.

     

    @bstorer said:

    He even wrote about the inventer of Africa, Cleopatra...

    Cleopatra was Greek.  And she invented Egypt, not Africa.  Egypt and Africa are sort of close to one another, being only 100,000 kilometers (4.2 miles) apart.  But Africa is all jungle and Egypt is desert.  It was Cleopatra who decided to build the pyramids.  She enlisted the help of Charlton Heston who was an astronaut from the future who traveled back in time and crash landed, so he had the engineering know-how to move 200 ton rocks.

     

    Things fell apart, however, when during a routine excavation he uncovered the ruins of a New York City icon: the World Trade Center.  This prompted the realization that the Egyptian Muslims he worked for were behind 9/11 and that the "giant apes" he had been using for slaves were actually Jews.  Coming from Hollywood, he was very comfortable working with Jews and no longer felt it was right to use them as slaves, declaring "Let my people go!".

     

    He was eventually assassinated when he uncovered the startling conspiracy dreamed up by Cleopatra to process the older, useless Jews into food for the younger Jews, telling them that it was a nutritious supplement known as "Soylent Lapis Lazuli".  The Jewish slaves attempted to pay homage to his legacy by covertly including his likeness on the Sphinx, but the stone proved of insufficient strength to replicate his massive nose and it fell off.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    He was eventually assassinated when he uncovered the startling conspiracy dreamed up by Cleopatra to process the older, useless Jews into food for the younger Jews, telling them that it was a nutritious supplement known as "Soylent Lapis Lazuli".
    He wasn't assassinated for that.  He was sentenced to a slave gang on a galley.  On his way, he nearly dies of thirst, but Jesus gives him some water.  After a battle at sea with pirates, he is freed by his commander.  He becomes a charioteer and gets revenge on those who betrayed them.  Later, Heston tries to return the favor to Jesus by offering him water during his walk to crucifixion.  Jesus was so moved by this that he sent Heston back to the present day to await his return.

    Sadly, Heston died four years too early.  He was killed by the fifth column headed by Michael Moore.  Moore's anti-gun crusade is part of an evil plot by the King of England, Gordon Brown (who you might know better as the reanimated corpse of John Maynard Keynes), to disarm us so we can be retaken.  Moore sent his most dangerous operative, the fag David Beckham, to kill Heston and take the gun from his cold, dead hands.  Job done, Beckham was free to leave his admittedly flimsy cover as a soccer player in the US.

    On a related note, it was Heston, who was working with an acting troupe visiting Elsinore, who gave Hamlet the idea of improving danishes.  His contract rider included a requirement of a pastry platter.  He took a single bite of one of Dania's finest pastries, and was given to exclaim that the danish is people.  Of course, it was actually ground monkey, not human, but he can be forgiven for his mistake.  He was a friend of the Jews, after all.  Anyway, long story short, Hamlet overheard the remark from his customary brooding place in the shadows, and had a stroke of genius.



  • Another solution is to copy the values (or formulas) to safe place, clear contents of the cells and then change them to use "Normal" formating. No, I have no idea why this works...



  • @bstorer said:

    Anyway, long story short, Hamlet had a stroke of genius and diethed.
     

    I revisionisted that for you.



  • @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    Anyway, long story short, Hamlet had a stroke of genius and diethed.
     

    I doth revisionistedeth that for you thou.

    STFY



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    Anyway, long story short, Hamlet had a stroke of genius and diethed.
     

    I doth revisionistedeth that for you thou thee.

    STFY

    lern2declension, nub



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    Anyway, long story short, Hamlet had a stroke of genius and diethed.
     

    I doth revisionistedeth that for you thou thee.

    STFY

    lern2declension, nub

    Thee is retarded.  That's how they talked back then, retard.  lern2history, stupid.



  • Turning an Excel WTF into an alternate history / shakespeare fanfic. I love you guys, I've been chuckling to this the entire morning, or at least 15 minutes.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Thee is retarded.

    I think you meant "Thou art retarded".



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    O! How thee be of ample retardation! Let me count the ways! Thence, man speaketh thus, o retarde.  lern2history, stupid my mute fellow.
     

    STFY II



  •  This is the most epic thread of all time...

     

    EDIT: Post count = total posts - 1?



  • @Rumen said:

    EDIT: Post count = total posts - 1?
    Nope. Post count = total posts - 10 minutes.



  • @Lingerance said:

    @Rumen said:
    EDIT: Post count = total posts - 1?
    Nope. Post count = total posts - 10 minutes.

    I thought it was: Post count = total posts - 10 potatoes + rand(0, eleventy-bajillion)



  • so who was this julius ceasar chap then?



  • @zipfruder said:

    so who was this julius ceasar chap then?

     

    The dude who first successfully derived the air speed of an unladen potatoe.



  • Interesting: x*1 equals x sans hyperlinks.



  • @dhromed said:

    @zipfruder said:

    so who was this julius ceasar chap then?

     

    The dude who first successfully derived the air speed of an unladen potatoe.

    He was actually the inventor of the Caesar salad, which he first prepared as a treat for him and his pal Brutus.  After serving up he popped back into the kitchen to grab the cutlery but when he returned Brutus had scoffed the lot.  This prompted Caesar to remark "Ate two, Brute?"

     



  • @RTapeLoadingError said:

    @dhromed said:

    @zipfruder said:

    so who was this julius ceasar chap then?

     

    The dude who first successfully derived the air speed of an unladen potatoe.

    He was actually the inventor of the Caesar salad, which he first prepared as a treat for him and his pal Brutus.  After serving up he popped back into the kitchen to grab the cutlery but when he returned Brutus had scoffed the lot.  This prompted Caesar to remark "Ate two, Brute?"

    You sick son of a bitch.



  • @RTapeLoadingError said:

    @dhromed said:

    @zipfruder said:

    so who was this julius ceasar chap then?

     

    The dude who first successfully derived the air speed of an unladen potatoe.

    He was actually the inventor of the Caesar salad, which he first prepared as a treat for him and his pal Brutus.  After serving up he popped back into the kitchen to grab the cutlery but when he returned Brutus had scoffed the lot.  This prompted Caesar to remark "Ate two, Brute?"

    And now we remember that fateful day, memorialized in the phrase "never wear white after Labor Day."



  • @bstorer said:

    "never wear white after Labor Day."
     

    I agree.

    I never wear anything after Labor Day.

    Maybe socks.

    Black socks.



  • @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    "never wear white after Labor Day."
     

    I agree.

    I never wear anything after Labor Day.

    Maybe socks.

    Black socks.

    I typically weaer a tam o'shanter and a strategically-placed piece of sheer gauze (off-white, of course) so as to retain the mystery and tease the senses.



  • @bstorer said:

    a strategically-placed piece of sheer gauze (off-white, of course) so as to retain the mystery
     

    I could wear such a thing, yes, however there would still be no mystery.


     

     

     

    Because of the rich smell.

     

     

     

     

     

    And the sheer size of it.



  • @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    a strategically-placed piece of sheer gauze (off-white, of course) so as to retain the mystery
     

    I could wear such a thing, yes, however there would still be no mystery.

    Because of the rich smell.

    And the sheer size of it.

    Unless you're trying to entice goiter fetishists, I think you're wearing the gauze wrong.  Also, you should probably clean that thing if it's starting to smell again.  You wouldn't want to wind up in another situation like last time.  Who knew that your natural odor, when mixed with the stench of month-old puss and flesh rot would so closely replicate the pheromones of raccoon in heat.  I mean, sure it was funny, but it was also kinda sad; the raccoon thought he was doing his duty for his species, but really all he was accomplishing was to make your anus jealous of your neck.  Nobody was a winner that day, except of course the viewers at home.



  • @bstorer said:

    pheromones
     

    This is the thing that just made me lose all respect for your person.



  • @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    pheromones
     

    This is the thing that just made me lose all respect for your person.

    Not sure what you're talking about; looks perfectly fine to me...



  • @bstorer said:

    @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    pheromones
     

    This is the thing that just made me lose all respect for your person.

    Not sure what you're talking about; looks perfectly fine to me...

    You'r trying to hide the truth, like the good little conspirationist you are. But I have evidence in my mailbox!



  • @bstorer said:

    Not sure what you're talking about; looks perfectly fine to me...
     

    I attempted to forge the username that automatically gets filled in when a mod edits it, but now it is as though I edited it.

    : (



  • @tdb said:

    @bstorer said:

    @dhromed said:

    @bstorer said:

    pheromones
     

    This is the thing that just made me lose all respect for your person.

    Not sure what you're talking about; looks perfectly fine to me...

    You'r trying to hide the truth, like the good little conspirationist you are. But I have evidence in my mailbox!

    Wow, CS must have some weird bug where it changes the spelling of words in emails.  I guess TRWTF is CS.  Now let's all move on to a new topic, with no further questioning of my statements.

    Hey!  Who likes Irish Girl?



  • Getting briefly back on topic, the easiest way to fix it is to select the range, do a "paste special -> formulas" on some empty cells, then copy and paste that back over the original cells.

    So TRWTF is Microsoft's help files. Does that surprise anybody? No, I didn't think so.



  • @Scarlet Manuka said:

    So TRWTF is Microsoft's help files. Does that surprise anybody? No, I didn't think so.
     

    Hey, I was looking for help on the fucked focus interaction of Vista+ widgets and the sidebar,  and I found useful information!

    To wit:

    Winkey + Space focuses all free widgets.

     

    Protip: you should not use the physical sidebar, just its torn-off widgets.

     

    Addendum I: I only used the widgets Calendar and Clock, because in classic shell + double-height taskbar, there is no date in the time box, just the day-of-week. There is a full date under Aero. It's one of those things that make you sigh deeply and move on.

    Addendum II: I use classic shell in Vista because Aero does not focus modal dialogs when you alt-tab to an application (such as color palette, search dialog, etc), which means I cannot dismiss them with the keyboard using Esc or NumpadEnter.


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