For the love of f*ck



  •  I need to vent somewhere or I'll just snap and have a massive fight with someone here. It's the constant interruptions you see. Every hour of every day, constant irritation from idiot colleagues who simply don't understand that they need to piss off.

    A minute ago a data-entry drone came over to the developer sitting next to me. They've learned long ago not to bother me so now they bother this guy. The following conversation ensues:

    Drone: "Do you have a calculator?"

    Dev: "...don't you have one on your PC?"

    Drone: "I don't trust myself with these calculations"

    Then they proceed to do the math together.

    The really bad part is that I can't use my headphones for too long cause my ears hurt. I've listened to far too much loud metal trying to drown out the stupid.



  • fight fight fight!



  •  Update: in the time it took me to write the above a grand total of 5 people gathered next to me to discuss which cutesy animal picture to use for the company christmas card email.

    The people involved: 3 data-entry drones, my fellow dev and the boss.



  •  You may try to be a jerk to them. Although that is not necessarily the best long-term strategy.



  • Strategy #1 - Be the Alpha Male and take control of your pack.

    Verbally tell them to FUCK OFF. Be loud and clear and assertive. Do not disrepect, but don't be shy to curse if needed.

    Do not show trebly anger in your voice or insecurity. Imagine you are training your dog. It's all in the energy you transmit and the tone of voice.

    Be the alpha male.

    If you look wimpy and nerdy and are not seen as the alpha male type, leader of the pack kind of thing, forget this strategy. They'll just laugh at you.

     

    Strategy #2 - Highschool Revenge

    Get them to perceive you as a psycho. If you are nerdy and quiet, use that to your advantange. You are the misterious type. You are kind of a freak, you might have decapitated bodies in your basement and human organs in your fridge. Get them to think that, and next time they bother you, act weird. Put a freaky grin in your face and tell them, "You are bothering me. Please Stop", and smile like a goblin, go back to your seat and start humming a child's song, or singing softly to some song with murderous lyrics.

    Start bringing books on serial killers, and putting satanic screensaver and get a poster of that Postal Worker that went "postal", and / or one of the Unabomber. But don't be to obvious.

    You could grab some random coworker and show him a pic of a decapitated body or something gross like that.

    Make them think you have a stick on your shoulder. You were abused in Highschool, and waiting for the right time for Columbine style payback.

     

    Strategy #3 - WAR WAR WAR

    Start a war. You know the drill, bad taste dangerous office pranks that annoy the shit out of everyone.

    This one won't help but It could be pretty fun while it lasts.

     

    Strategy #4 - Direct approach

    Go there and tell them something like "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL BUST YOUR HEAD OPEN".

    Be sure to follow through your warning in case they don't shut up. You'd probably end up fired and arrested for assault. But you will become a legend. People will talk about you for years to come, and they will never fuck with you again.



  • Or, you could, you know. Be a bit social? Instead of being the stereotypical psycho coder?



  • @DOA said:

    The really bad part is that I can't use my headphones for too long cause my ears hurt. I've listened to far too much loud metal trying to drown out the stupid.

    There isn't enough metal in the world to drown out all the stupid. I've tried...



  • If you are in a high traffic area, you could try to get moved to an area that is more peaceful...



  • @steenbergh said:

    @DOA said:

    The really bad part is that I can't use my headphones for too long cause my ears hurt. I've listened to far too much loud metal trying to drown out the stupid.

    There isn't enough metal in the world to drown out all the stupid. I've tried...

    I don't know, I think a 150-ton cake of molten iron would be a good start. At least it would drown one officeful of stupid.


  • @NSCoder said:

    @steenbergh said:

    There isn't enough metal in the world to drown out all the stupid. I've tried...

    I don't know, I think a 150-ton cake of molten iron would be a good start. At least it would drown one officeful of stupid.

    You suffer from the delusion that the people hired to replace the officeful of stupid will somehow be better than their predecessors.



  • @Adriano said:

    @NSCoder said:
    @steenbergh said:

    There isn't enough metal in the world to drown out all the stupid. I've tried...

    I don't know, I think a 150-ton cake of molten iron would be a good start. At least it would drown one officeful of stupid.

    You suffer from the delusion that the people hired to replace the officeful of stupid will somehow be better than their predecessors.
    You forget that you now have a roomful of half-iron half-dimwit mutant Stupormen of Steel ready to promote to robot overlord status. They'll keep the new data entry monkeys in line.



  • Due to a mixture of people leaving and redundancies I'm left with 3 other people on an entire floor and those 3 are on the other side of the floor, separated by a huge wall of 7-foot tall filing cabinets. It is heaven. I get no interruptions at all.

    Well, apart from Skype and the phone.



  • @Daid said:

    Or, you could, you know. Be a bit social? Instead of being the stereotypical psycho coder?
     

    That was my first thought.  Is the work you are doing so important that any noise is going to cause some kind of chain reaction that destroys the world?

     

    If not, chill the fuck out and maybe socialize for once.  I don't get it.  So two co-workers were having a conversation... when normal people are involved, this kind of thing happens.  



  • @amischiefr said:

    So two co-workers were having a conversation... when normal people are involved, this kind of thing happens.  

    Not when I'm around with my rolled up newspaper ready to practice some Pack Leadership



  • I'm following your need to vent



    They laid of a bunch of developers a couple of weeks ago (economic situation excuse) and followed random complaints from incompetent project managers about which ones to fire.



    Off course they laid of most of the good ones and now i'm left with dev's asking me shit like

    "it's telling me i can't insert a value in that column, why is that (multiple years of dev experience)"

    reply "it's a fucking identity column"


    got a phone call this morning from the same dev "how can I extend the time table"

    reply "it's in the installation manual i wrote"

    dev "where can i find that"

    "in the documentation folder in the source code you are looking at"

    i'm so close to snapping, it's getting unreal


    one time I got the question "could you help, everything is stuck" and i went to my car to get the bottle of wd40 that was in my trunk, you should've seen the look on the dev's face.



  • @DOA said:

    ...The following conversation ensues:

    Drone: "Do you have a calculator?"

    Dev: "...don't you have one on your PC?"

    Drone: "I don't trust myself with these calculations"

    Then they proceed to do the math together.

    The really bad part is that I can't use my headphones for too long cause my ears hurt. I've listened to far too much loud metal trying to drown out the stupid.

    Wait, let me get this straight. Someone in your office wants to double-check their calculations, is able to admit they might screw it up, is asking for help from someone smarter than himself, and this is a bad thing? How is that a bad thing? I've only ever worked in offices where everyone was an idiot and wouldn't have even bothered to double-check their work. (At least before now. Now I work with a bunch of people way smarter than me.) It sounds like you work in a pretty cool place that might actually produce some good work! Congratulations! I hope you're able to keep such a good job for a long time!



  • @DOA said:

    Update: in the time it took me to write the above a grand total of 5 people gathered next to me to discuss which cutesy animal picture to use for the company christmas card email.

    The people involved: 3 data-entry drones, my fellow dev and the boss.

    In which case,  I would have joined in. If I don't get peace and quiet, I don't code, and joining in is far better than just sitting there staring at a blank wall. Sometimes you get the boss asking why stuff is taking longer than expected, to which I always reply with something along the lines of "The more interuptions I get, the longer it'll take, obviously. Apparently you thought that ranting about your last plane trip was more important at the time.". Sometimes I'm much more sarcastic, but they seem to appreciate the honesty rather then the people being apologetic all the time.



  • @Daid said:

    Or, you could, you know. Be a bit social? Instead of being the stereotypical psycho coder? 
    I want peace and quiet to do my job and you're telling me to socialize? How's that gonna help me?

    @dcardani said:

    Wait, let me get this straight. Someone in your office wants to double-check their calculations, is able to admit they might screw it up, is asking for help from someone smarter than himself, and this is a bad thing? How is that a bad thing?
    blink

    It's the drone's job to do those calculations. She's interrupting a software developer to do grade school math. Surely she can muster the mental coordination needed to use a calculator? Or even Excel? Add the rest of the drones and this guy can't even spend a consecutive half an hour a day to do his job. And since I'm sitting next to him neither can I.

    Surely you can see why this is a problem



  • @DOA said:

    @dcardani said:

    Or, you could, you know. Be a bit social? Instead of being the stereotypical psycho coder? 
    I want peace and quiet to do my job and you're telling me to socialize? How's that gonna help me?

    @dcardani said:

    Wait, let me get this straight. Someone in your office wants to double-check their calculations, is able to admit they might screw it up, is asking for help from someone smarter than himself, and this is a bad thing? How is that a bad thing?
    blink

    It's the drone's job to do those calculations. She's interrupting a software developer to do grade school math. Surely she can muster the mental coordination needed to use a calculator? Or even Excel? Add the rest of the drones and this guy can't even spend a consecutive half an hour a day to do his job. And since I'm sitting next to him neither can I.

    Surely you can see why this is a problem



    Dude! You should socialize and try to bang the drone. Set your priorities straight like your neighbour does.



  • @t-bone said:

    got a phone call this morning from the same dev "how can I extend the time table"

    reply "it's in the installation manual i wrote"

    dev "where can i find that"

    "in the documentation folder in the source code you are looking at"

    I tried something like that once and the reply was "I don't have time to read the documentation, so tell me anyway"



  • The WTF is that a co-worker wants to double-check his math?

    That's enough to get you into a fight? Jesus Christ.



  • I can't believe I haven't seen the classic passive-aggressive option here.

    Mutter to yourself as you work.  Honestly, it seems difficult at first but once you get going it's self-sustaining.  Muttering is enough to keep away some of the timid.

    Whenever someone tries to interrupt you hold up your INDEX finger in the classic "hold a moment" gesture.  Then go back to what you were doing and muttering.  Ignore the person completely.  If they make any noise, repeat the "hold a moment" gesture.  Repeat until they go away.

    Eventually they'll realizing that trying to bother you gets no result and will go bother someone else.  It takes a little more time but it's quite effective and gets more of a "he's too busy to do that - go talk to [other person]" attitude going.

    Note - make sure it isn't someone actually important trying to get your attention.  That would be .. bad.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @dcardani said:

    @DOA said:

    Then they proceed to do the math together.

    Wait, let me get this straight. Someone in your office wants to double-check their calculations, is able to admit they might screw it up, is asking for help from someone smarter than himself, and this is a bad thing? How is that a bad thing?
    Double-checking should be a separate exercise from producing the figures to be double-checked.



    It's like asking your testing department (you have one?) to test your code while you're writing it, as opposed to testing it, while you're not there, after it's been written.



    The former is pointless, the latter results in fixing bugs.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @MrsPost said:

    Whenever someone tries to interrupt you hold up your INDEX finger in the classic
    "hold a moment" gesture.
    Or, for the more serious passive-aggressive, hold up the next finger.



    It's worked for me occassionally at work. Usually for the twats wanting to pinch the hardware on my desk that I'll be needing in the next week to satisfy the vapourware they sold 6 months ago.



  • @DOA said:

    The really bad part is that I can't use my headphones for too long cause my ears hurt. I've listened to far too much loud metal trying to drown out the stupid.

    And here's the technical solution. use noise-cancelling headphones instead of noise-generating ones. kthx.



  • The obvious solution is to sleep with all of them. Get them hooked and threaten to withdraw them if they get out of line. You get peace, quiet, and free service.



  • @fennec said:

    And here's the technical solution. use noise-cancelling headphones instead of noise-generating ones. kthx.
     

    ^ this.

    Or if you really get desperate, sample them and remix them. Thats what I do to people who piss me off... it's kinda therapeutic. 

    Things that make me snap are whispered office drama - usually about redunancies, but just out of earshot so you can never be sure if it involves your unit or not - and bad personal habits. Like the guy who cleared his throat constantly like a car engine revving up... 'Hreeeemmm..... HEMMMMMMMMM'. 

    I bought noise cancelling headphones



  • @fatdog said:

    Strategy #1 - Be the Alpha Male and take control of your pack.

    Verbally tell them to FUCK OFF. Be loud and clear and assertive. Do not disrepect, but don't be shy to curse if needed.

    Do not show trebly anger in your voice or insecurity. Imagine you are training your dog. It's all in the energy you transmit and the tone of voice.

    Be the alpha male.

    If you look wimpy and nerdy and are not seen as the alpha male type, leader of the pack kind of thing, forget this strategy. They'll just laugh at you.

     

    Strategy #2 - Highschool Revenge

    Get them to perceive you as a psycho. If you are nerdy and quiet, use that to your advantange. You are the misterious type. You are kind of a freak, you might have decapitated bodies in your basement and human organs in your fridge. Get them to think that, and next time they bother you, act weird. Put a freaky grin in your face and tell them, "You are bothering me. Please Stop", and smile like a goblin, go back to your seat and start humming a child's song, or singing softly to some song with murderous lyrics.

    Start bringing books on serial killers, and putting satanic screensaver and get a poster of that Postal Worker that went "postal", and / or one of the Unabomber. But don't be to obvious.

    You could grab some random coworker and show him a pic of a decapitated body or something gross like that.

    Make them think you have a stick on your shoulder. You were abused in Highschool, and waiting for the right time for Columbine style payback.

     

    Strategy #3 - WAR WAR WAR

    Start a war. You know the drill, bad taste dangerous office pranks that annoy the shit out of everyone.

    This one won't help but It could be pretty fun while it lasts.

     

    Strategy #4 - Direct approach

    Go there and tell them something like "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'LL BUST YOUR HEAD OPEN".

    Be sure to follow through your warning in case they don't shut up. You'd probably end up fired and arrested for assault. But you will become a legend. People will talk about you for years to come, and they will never fuck with you again.

     

    #5 - Fogging for mosquitos

     Start adding lots and lots of beans, tacos, etc. to your diet (whatever foodstuffs cause your system to become malodorously gaseous).



  •  There's one I've used with excellent effect on several occasions when there's a loud conversation at the desk next door - I stop work ostentatiously, turn to them, and say "Would you mind holding your meeting in a meeting room, not in the office?". They always look shocked, suddenly feeling guilty. Works even on quite snarky bosses.



  • @fatdog said:

    Strategy #1 - Be the Alpha Male and take control of your pack.

    Verbally tell them to FUCK OFF. Be loud and clear and assertive. Do not disrepect, but don't be shy to curse if needed.

    Do not show trebly anger in your voice or insecurity. Imagine you are training your dog. It's all in the energy you transmit and the tone of voice.

    Be the alpha male.

    If you look wimpy and nerdy and are not seen as the alpha male type, leader of the pack kind of thing, forget this strategy. They'll just laugh at you.

     

    IMHO, this is the most sensible solution (except for the cursing part. A real pack leader would have better words at his disposal).  Assuming leadership in these work situations might even get you promoted!



  •  Just make sure you don't help to identify this as a possible training need and, God forbid, even involve yourself in helping to identify and/or train drones that need it on how to do these calculations in such a manner that they never need to come and bother you or your co-workers again, thereby getting them to sign a document that says "I know how to do this" so that if they DO bother you about it then you can wave it in their face and send them back to their desks to do their job and not try to get someone else to share any possible future blame for an error in their calcuations (which is probably what that person is doing) thereby improving your productivity, the company's efficiency and therefore, The Bottom Line (gasp for air; fuck I gotta quit smoking or at least borrow a few punctuation marks in future ;)

     I mean, that would make you a professional, for chrissakes!



  • Maybe she's trying to hook up with him...

    And who's the "drone?" the one who sits in his cube coding to a beat? Or the one who gets off her ass and admit she needs help...or just wants to talk to another human being?

     Seriously, dude, get over it. If you work in an office, people are going to talk. Or do you work in a library?

    We had a "lead" like you at one of my companies, he stayed heads down, didn't socialize, didn't want to talk, got annoyed when anyone asked for help "GO LOOK THROUGH THE CODE."  So, he was eventually surprassed, because no one needed him anymore. And he just went away.

     



  • @Daid said:

    Or, you could, you know. Be a bit social? Instead of being the stereotypical psycho coder?
    I don't know this stereotype.  I've heard of the shut-in, socially inept one, but never the psycho.  Other than the ones on the front page of this site, of course.

    Some people come over to my cube and chat with my cube mates about shit that really irritates the fuck out of me.  They're very conservative, and they don't even know it.  I'm convinced that if I pitched it just right, I could get them to support the idea of anarchy.  When they do that, I just put my headphones on, but if that ever fails, it is not too much to ask them to leave.  I need to get work done.  You need to get work done.  Neither of us is getting work done while you come in here and bitch about how much you hate the Obama administration.  I didn't come into your cube and point out every little thing that Bush did wrong when he was in office, did I?

    Wait, what were we talking about?



  • @belgariontheking said:

    I didn't come into your cube and point out every little thing that Bush did wrong when he was in office, did I?

     

    Why not? Everyone else was doing it.



  • @DOA said:

    @dcardani said:

    Wait, let me get this straight. Someone in your office wants to double-check their calculations, is able to admit they might screw it up, is asking for help from someone smarter than himself, and this is a bad thing? How is that a bad thing?
    blink

    It's the drone's job to do those calculations. She's interrupting a software developer to do grade school math.

    And yet, I can see it causing even bigger problems for the software developer if she does the calculations incorrectly on her own.

    No, that drone should not be doing a job she cannot do.  However, the fact is, she's already in that job.  At this point, there are three options: Suffer because she's incompetent at her job, accept her doing what it takes for her to get her job done correctly, or get her fired.  At most companies, the latter option is phenomenally difficult if the only issue is that she's not competent at her job, especially if they have a difficult time hiring competent people for the money they're willing to pay.

    Personally, I'd rather help drones with basic calculations for a few minutes from time to time than spend days attempting to debug my program because it produces the wrong output when you give it the wrong input.

    And sometimes, it only takes a few times of being shown how to do the calculations for them to pick it up.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @tgape said:

    At this point, there are three options: Suffer because she's incompetent at her job, accept her doing what it takes for her to get her job done correctly, or get her fired.
    There is a fourth option: Formally train her so she can do her job unaided.



  • Personally I never minded a bit of socialising, and when i have actual work to do I have loud enough metal.

    However, since the "problem" seems to be the math, why the fuck are these people doing math anyway? They enter data, the software should be doing the math. Unless of course the application asks m2 and they only have a width and a height data, in that case they should be shot to preserve the gene pool.

     



  • @stratos said:

    They enter data, the software should be doing the math.

     

    This is an excellent point. Probably the best thing the op should do is to write a program that will automate the basic, repetitive calculations that the drones routinely ask help with and that will get them to socialize about actual sociable stuff instead of help.



  • @stratos said:

    However, since the "problem" seems to be the math, why the fuck are these people doing math anyway? They enter data, the software should be doing the math. Unless of course the application asks m2 and they only have a width and a height data, in that case they should be shot to preserve the gene pool.
     

    Because sometimes you have to do the math by hand to make sure the jackass that wrote the code got it right.



  • @amischiefr said:

    @stratos said:

    However, since the "problem" seems to be the math, why the fuck are these people doing math anyway? They enter data, the software should be doing the math. Unless of course the application asks m2 and they only have a width and a height data, in that case they should be shot to preserve the gene pool.
     

    Because sometimes you have to do the math by hand to make sure the jackass that wrote the code got it right.

     

    That's supposed to be the responsibility of the jackass that wrote the code.



  • @bob171123 said:

    @amischiefr said:

    @stratos said:

    However, since the "problem" seems to be the math, why the fuck are these people doing math anyway? They enter data, the software should be doing the math. Unless of course the application asks m2 and they only have a width and a height data, in that case they should be shot to preserve the gene pool.
     

    Because sometimes you have to do the math by hand to make sure the jackass that wrote the code got it right.

     

    That's supposed to be the responsibility of the jackass that wrote the code.

     

    If he could be trusted to get it right, he probably wouldn't be considered a jackass.



  • @DOA said:

     I need to vent somewhere or I'll just snap and have a massive fight with someone here. It's the constant interruptions you see. Every hour of every day, constant irritation from idiot colleagues who simply don't understand that they need to piss off.
     

     I've been reading TDWTF for months but haven't been motivated enough to join and reply to a post until now.  This one really hits close to home.  I too am sick to death of constant interruptions.  I'm not a psycho programmer nor am I particularly anti-social; I just find peace and quiet to be incredibly beneficial when I'm writing code.

    Having my train of thought thoroughly derailed in the name of helping a struggling coworker doesn't usually bother me unless I'm head-down coding to meet a deadline.  It's the other pointless, thoughtless distractions that piss me off.  For example, there is a large woman who sits several desks away.  She sneezes on a regular basis and finds it necessary to yell AAAAAACCCCCHHOOOOOO!!! every time.  This is no exaggeration.  She's (in)famous in another department far away on the other side of the floor for this bullshit because they can hear her clearly.

    I actually did buy a nice expensive set of noise-cancelling headphones.  They're life savers for the most part, but the sneezy bitch is too much for them to handle and I can always hear her.  The worst part?  She thinks this behavior is acceptable.  I actually heard the head of IT trying to do something about it.  Her response?  "God made me this way."  His response? "I'm sorry if I offended you."  F**king twat.  </rant>

     



  • This actually reminds me of a job I had in the past. The other developer and me were working in the same room as a few other employees with random jobs (I believe book keeping). One of them always put on really aweful music and at some point when some singer died they had a marathon on the radio, playing his music all day long for about a week. We asked her several times to turn it down and she did, but it became a little bit louder and louder until after a few hours it was really loud again. When complaining about it or after taking it up with the boss, the conclusion was that we had to "respect" her choice of music (the boss liked that music as well). On top of it all when one particular song was on she started to cry and become hysterical, starting a tirade about how she loved that singer so much (after the second time onward I just left for an extended sigarette break and two days later I opted to work from home).

    The worst part is that the boss really liked to complain about the developer team's low productivity. Gee, I really wonder why it was so low.

    I understand that job really was a worst case scenario, and right now I have really easy going collegues so having a chat and chilling out every once in a while is nice. But I so do understand your rage.=P



  • ROFLMAO @DOA said:

     Update: in the time it took me to write the above a grand total of 5 people gathered next to me to discuss which cutesy animal picture to use for the company christmas card email.

     

    Your job sucks yo xD if thats what you deal with, find another job/career.



  • @SQLDave said:

    #5 - Fogging for mosquitos

     Start adding lots and lots of beans, tacos, etc. to your diet (whatever foodstuffs cause your system to become malodorously gaseous).



    That may not be a good idea.. Personal hygiene includes this and most companies have a policy against it. Some will send you home, others will fire you. Just depends on the "pencil pushers" day.


  • @feelthesicness said:

    ROFLMAO @DOA said:
    Update: in the time it took me to write the above a grand total of 5 people gathered next to me to discuss which cutesy animal picture to use for the company christmas card email.
    Your job sucks yo xD if thats what you deal with, find another job/career.
    Glad you've stuck around.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @Smitty said:

    I actually did buy a nice expensive set of noise-cancelling headphones.
    Cue recent /. story about boss banning programmers from listening to music at work because it 'lowers their productivity.'



  • @Smitty said:

    Her response?  "God made me this way."  His response? "I'm sorry if I offended you."  F**king twat.  </rant>

     

    What a dumb answer. I hate people who's only defense for their behavior is that God made them that way. She should just find other people that God made that way and work with them, instead of pissing everyone else off who already agreed not to do certain things at work.



  • @Smitty said:

    She sneezes on a regular basis and finds it necessary to yell AAAAAACCCCCHHOOOOOO!!! every time.  This is no exaggeration. 
     

    I know exactly what you mean. There's a guy at my office who does the same thing. And I sit right next to him. it defends me every time. Apparently now he's gotten silver nitrate now which is supposed to help. I tell him to disengage his vocal cords. He had sneezed a few times without yelling, so it's not impossible!

    @Smitty said:

    I'm not a psycho programmer nor am I particularly anti-social; I just find peace and quiet to be incredibly beneficial when I'm writing code.

    I'm the main "developer" where I work: it's a small team and there is pretty much only one person per area. When I had a big programming job on the boss made a timetable. The staff could only interrupt me during one preset hour each day. Outside that hour I was off-limits. It did help when trying to juggle all the things in my head without also having to worry if the front-end's body font should be increased by a point-size, or if the logo is "too blue", or, or, or... Yes, those things are important enough to interrupt me so that I lose concentration and waste 20 minutes getting back to where I was...



  • @Smitty said:

    She sneezes on a regular basis and finds it necessary to yell AAAAAACCCCCHHOOOOOO!!! every time. This is no exaggeration

    Surely your entire grievance is based on the fact that it IS an exaggeration.


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