Corporate Email signature WTF

tgape

Paper trails are a good way to get caught. I keep no records of anything. Therefore, I can never be caught.

It might be nice if things worked that way; however, other people can keep the records that catch you.

My favorite tale of this was about an office which included a senior employee with a vicious stutter. He had been in that office for over 20 years, when the word came down, there was going to be an audit. His group was terrified the auditors would choose to talk to the stutterer, but he responded, "Don't worry. I'm prepared." His coworkers could tell he really was prepared, because he didn't stutter in that utterance - he'd obviously been expecting their concern.

Eventually, the auditors came to their department. They went straight for the most senior person. His face lit up when they entered his office. "Hi!" he said. He swiveled his chair around, grabbed a stack of boxes of papers, and swiveled back. "Here you go!"

He had handed them 20 years worth of documents revealing thousands of skeletons in the closets of nearly every department in the company - except his own. The audit found no problem with anyone in his department - they were far too busy following all the leads he gave them on everyone else.

I don't know if it really happened, but it sounded like a good story.

morbiuswilters

@tgape said:

@morbiuswilters said:
Paper trails are a good way to get caught. I keep no records of anything. Therefore, I can never be caught.

It might be nice if things worked that way; however, other people can keep the records that catch you.

My favorite tale of this was about an office which included a senior employee with a vicious stutter. He had been in that office for over 20 years, when the word came down, there was going to be an audit. His group was terrified the auditors would choose to talk to the stutterer, but he responded, "Don't worry. I'm prepared." His coworkers could tell he really was prepared, because he didn't stutter in that utterance - he'd obviously been expecting their concern.

Eventually, the auditors came to their department. They went straight for the most senior person. His face lit up when they entered his office. "Hi!" he said. He swiveled his chair around, grabbed a stack of boxes of papers, and swiveled back. "Here you go!"

He had handed them 20 years worth of documents revealing thousands of skeletons in the closets of nearly every department in the company - except his own. The audit found no problem with anyone in his department - they were far too busy following all the leads he gave them on everyone else.

I don't know if it really happened, but it sounded like a good story.

What an asshole. Off-topic: how do you pronounce your name? Is it "tee-gaap-ay"? Or "tee-gayp"? Or "tee-gee-ape"?

PeriSoft

To hell with the environment. Print 50 copies for all I care. 

morbiuswilters

@PeriSoft said:

To hell with the environment. Print 50 copies for all I care. 

I <3 it.

blakeyrat

Are there any fonts with an oil derrick? I'm so doing that.

galgorah

@blakeyrat said:

Are there any fonts with an oil derrick? I'm so doing that.

You could always make one and then have it installed on all your company machines!

JTSandvik

ROBLMAO

@PeriSoft said:

To hell with the environment. Print 50 copies for all I care. 

I actually rolled around laughing when I saw this one! Good luck I was lying in bed, or I would have been hurt.

I guess that's ROBLMAO.

I had to go do something else for a while, just to stop laughing.

And, oh yeah, I'm using that signature from now.

Medezark

The whole "don't print" thing has nothing to do with the environment. It's all about saving paper costs. Reasoning: Trees are crabon sinks. Using paper requires the harvesting of trees which are replaced with new trees, while the paper goes into landfills, thus removing more carbon from the atmosphere. The truly industrious would then capture the methane from the landfills for use as fuel.

Be Environmentally Responsible. Stop Recycling Paper. Print Everything.

tgape

@morbiuswilters said:

Off-topic: how do you pronounce your name? Is it "tee-gaap-ay"? Or "tee-gayp"? Or "tee-gee-ape"?

I actually pronounce my name almost, but not quite, entirely differently than any of those. But I pronounce my handle "t'gayp". (For the multi-consonant-challenged, 'tah-gayp' isn't far off.)

PeriSoft

@JTSandvik said:

I had to go do something else for a while, just to stop laughing.
And, oh yeah, I'm using that signature from now.

I made that at about 1am and it seemed hysterically funny, but because I was so tired I wasn't sure whether it was actually funny, or I was just giddy. It's good to know that even if it isn't actually funny, there enough other giddy tired people out there to appreciate it.

I wish I could take credit for the clip art, though. The look on the guy's face is clbuttic.

morbiuswilters

@tgape said:

@morbiuswilters said:
Off-topic: how do you pronounce your name? Is it "tee-gaap-ay"? Or "tee-gayp"? Or "tee-gee-ape"?

I actually pronounce my name almost, but not quite, entirely differently than any of those. But I pronounce my handle "t'gayp". (For the multi-consonant-challenged, 'tah-gayp' isn't far off.)

Damn, I'd been calling you "tee-gee-ape" in my head. "Ape-y" for short.