Distracting Coworkers



  • @bridget99 said:

    @Daid said:

    @PJH said:

    5) The person who's expecting a support call on their mobile Soon[tm], then leaves it on their desk and dissappears for hour+ long meetings/lunch

    I found a very simple and quite tasty solution for this. Buy a pot of candy, stuff like gummy bears or something like that. Something that has a large chemical smell and is unresistant to eat.

    Soon you will have an empty pot, still smelling like candy. Which is a perfect container to put mobile phones in. You no longer hear them, and after the come out the phone will smell like candy for a while.



    If this won't work, fill the pot with water the next time. And put the phone in a drawer, as soon as the person sees the pot again he will thing "Ah, phone!" and will freak out for a moment when he notices the water.



    If that won't work. Let the phone swim.



    If that won't work (water resistant phone), concrete.



    (I've only had to do the first step a few times so far, but the amount of phone forgetting has dropped to almost 0 after that)

    I have read this post a dozen times and it still makes no sense. The phone will smell like candy? So what? And if that doesn't work, I'm supposed to 'let it swim.' This is one of those Markov chain things, right?

    I think I've just found a new use for those bottles of Aqium gel that appeared in every office since the swine flu hype started...



  • @Nyquist said:

    I think I've just found a new use for those bottles of Aqium gel that appeared in every office since the swine flu hype started...
    Sexual lubricant?



  • @bridget99 said:

    I have read this post a dozen times and it still makes no sense. The phone will smell like candy? So what?

    Don't you get it?  The phone will smell like candy that is unresistant to eat!  However unresistant to eat the phone is, the unsuspecting coworker will still be tempted to eat it which will result in death-by-choking.

     

    @bridget99 said:

    And if that doesn't work, I'm supposed to 'let it swim.'

    If they survive having personal electronics surgically removed and come back to work, you fill the jar with water so when they go looking for the phone they find the unresistant to eat, candy-scented water and drown while trying to eat it.

     

    If this still fails to kill them, just give them a pair of concrete shoes and dump them in the East River.



  • @upsidedowncreature said:

    I'm surprised nobody has mentioned speakerphones.  I'm also surprised there aren't more murders reported where the victim was bludgeoned with their speakerphone.

    The worst is when 2 people are about 50 feet away from each other, each on the speakerphone with the other, and you're sitting directly at the midpoint between them. On those Cisco IP phones, the lag between when you hear the voice through the air and when you hear it through the phone is just enough to drive a person crazy.
    
    Other peeves:
    
    Had a Sr Developer who would pick his nose during team meetings. Even while he was speaking and was the center of attention. Man, I hated that guy. For a lot of other reasons, too. He worked at this place for 7 years before getting a single promotion. I made sure never to shake this guy's hand. (Or type on his keyboard.)
    
    Not washing hands in the bathroom. JESUS H. I was at work one Saturday morning, originally pissed off about having to work the weekend, walk into the bathroom while my project is building to take a quick leak. When I'm done, I go to the counter and wash my hands like a normal human being. As I'm doing this, an indian guy comes out of one of the stalls, looks around like he's lost, walks over to a urinal, spits in it, walks back towards the counter, looks at himself in the mirror, then exits the bathroom. Came right out from the shitter and didn't even wash his hands. I wasn't a germophobe when I left home that morning, but I was definitely a germaphobe after that. My mind started racing thinking about all the objects he would touch throughout the day. Door handles, pens, coffee pot, refrigerator handle, keyboard, mouse, phone.... FML
    
    Lastly, not mine, but a guy I worked with went nuts because his cubicle neighbor would slurp on some kind of nut for several hours around lunch time. Apparently didn't eat the things, would just put them in his mouth and make slurp noises. Drove my coworker crazy... I would get daily IMs about how we should leave for lunch early because the nut slurper was at it again.
    
    All 3 of these guys were indian, too. In fairness, though, the place I worked was 90% indian.


  • @savar said:

    Not washing hands in the bathroom. JESUS H. I was at work one Saturday morning, originally pissed off about having to work the weekend, walk into the bathroom while my project is building to take a quick leak. When I'm done, I go to the counter and wash my hands like a normal human being.

    Unlike you, I'm able to take a leak without pissing all over my hands, so washing is unnecessary.  Of course, I would never use a public restroom for #2 but if I did I would definitely wash then.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Unlike you, I'm able to take a leak without pissing all over my hands, so washing is unnecessary.
    http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1043/why-are-men-supposed-to-wash-their-hands-after-urination



  • @PJH said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Unlike you, I'm able to take a leak without pissing all over my hands, so washing is unnecessary.
    http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1043/why-are-men-supposed-to-wash-their-hands-after-urination

    Fuck you for posting that shit!  I don't care what he says in the second article, I'm never eating pussy again.

     

    Only 8 oz. a day?  I just came up with a new slogan:  I could have had a Me8



  • @PJH said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Unlike you, I'm able to take a leak without pissing all over my hands, so washing is unnecessary.
    http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1043/why-are-men-supposed-to-wash-their-hands-after-urination

    Bah, I'm sure there are plenty of things more hazardous to touch than my penis, like door handles.   Besides, your mom is still healthy and she's had the damn thing in her mouth on a near-daily basis.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @amischiefr said:

    @PJH said:

     http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1043/why-are-men-supposed-to-wash-their-hands-after-urination

    Fuck you for posting that shit!  I don't care what he says in the second article, I'm never eating pussy again.

    You're more than welcome. Anytime you need etc. etc. etc.

  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @PJH said:

    <snip>

    <snip>Besides, your mom is still healthy and she's had the damn thing in her mouth on a near-daily basis.

    The care home did wonder who that strange man was, and why my mom seemed happier than usual....

     

     



  • @bstorer said:

    @Nyquist said:

    I think I've just found a new use for those bottles of Aqium gel that appeared in every office since the swine flu hype started...
    Sexual lubricant?

    rofl. Thats one we haven't thought of actually.. due to the alcohol content we've been too busy trying to work out ways to combine the bowl of jelly beans next to the Aqium to make vodka shot type things....



    Best idea we came up with so far was to clean it out and refill the bottle with vodka jello... and see if anyone would notice.


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