Obfuscated and Obscene



  • A new engineer was hired for our team; he managed to get the project running in our IDE in less than a day which immediately told us he had at least half a clue.  Asked to get him started, I figured a simple report page we needed for our customer was a good way to introduce him to the system. It was a simple report showing all the teachers in a school and their classrooms.  The next day he checked in and let me know it was done. Impressed, I ran the report. It worked beautifully. It ran under different users, took multiple parameters beyond the original scope, and had good error messages when there was a problem. This guy knew what he was doing. I decided to look under the hood.  Code was fantastic, well formatted, and even concise informative comments, but he used very truncated variable names, and I realized I had forgotten to mention our coding standards document.  I didn’t really care about this since it was such a basic report (it was just a web page with very basic formatting), but then I noticed it. Very subtle because of the case usage on the abbreviation of the second word, but I realized I couldn't pass this code on to our customer:
     

    //Get all teachers
    for (Iterator tIt = al.Iterator(); tIt.hasNext();)
    {
     tchr = (Teacher) tIt.next()
     …
     //Get the teacher's classrooms
     for (Iterator clIt = tchr.getClassrooms().iterator; clIt.hasNext();)
     {
      clrm  = (Classroom) clIt.next();
     ...

     }
    }

    This was quite some years ago; he is still with us and follows the standards doc to the letter.

     



  •  You know with some work this could turn into code for a porn flick. clIt.next() indeed.



  •  Ohh yaeh, like "Nerds Gone Wild" or some shit.  That would be hawt!



  • Although completely wrong, this would be proper coding standards at a company I worked at.  a Foo::iterator would be fit, Bar::iterator would be bit... you get the idea.  And we had a primary class that started with a 'T'.  We decided to use just 'it' instead :)



  •  sheesh, that is just wrong if you have a dirty mind or a bad imagination.



  • Hey baby. Want to invoke my private member?



  • @db2 said:

    Hey baby. Want to invoke my private member?

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?

     

    My member has public access, fool. 



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @db2 said:

    Hey baby. Want to invoke my private member?

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?

     

    My member has public access, fool. 

     

    Nice, but now you have left yourself open for a virus.  



  • @amischiefr said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @db2 said:

    Hey baby. Want to invoke my private member?

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?

     

    My member has public access, fool. 

     

    Nice, but now you have left yourself open for a virus.  

    throw new AIDSException("Oops!");



  • @danixdefcon5 said:

    throw new AIDSException("Oops!");

    // in a public method for accessing my private member
    PositiveTestCollection result = sender.STDtest();
    if (result.length > 0) {
      throw new AccessDeniedException("Positive STD test. Access Denied!");
      return 0;
    }

    return PrivateMember;



  • @danixdefcon5 said:

    @amischiefr said:


    Nice, but now you have left yourself open for a virus.  

    throw new AIDSException("Oops!");

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    My member has public access, fool. 

     

    You really should have made it protected instead.  It's just not good practice when your entry points might belong to some other package.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?
    Friends can access his private member, too.



  • @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?
    Friends can access his private member, too.

     

    Not to mention anybody in his extended family.



  • @amischiefr said:

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?
    Friends can access his private member, too.

     

    Not to mention anybody in his extended family.

    Uh, no?  His children can't access his private member, even though they have inherited it.



  •  Oh yeah, that would be obscene.  They would have to call getMember(), not able to touch it directly.  What a sad day for morbs :(



  • @bstorer said:

    @amischiefr said:

    @bstorer said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    Private?  So you only permit your member to be invoked by yourself?
    Friends can access his private member, too.

     

    Not to mention anybody in his extended family.

    Uh, no?  His children can't access his private member, even though they have inherited it.

    The only thing my children are ever going to thank me for is bequeathing them the genes that give me such a fantastic member.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 

     

    There are several ways to transmit AIDS that do not involve homosexual activity.  One of those ways is heterosexual activity.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @danixdefcon5 said:

    @amischiefr said:


    Nice, but now you have left yourself open for a virus.  

    throw new AIDSException("Oops!");

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 

     

     

    there are many ways to get it

    Sex - straight, gay, bi, ANY TYPE

    Needles

    Blood Transfusions

     the highest rate of infection is among hetereosexual women (probably
    because bigoted men like you that assume non-gays are immune so go
    around and make like rabbits without protection)

     

     

     



  • @Kazan said:

    there are many ways to get it

    Sex - straight, gay, bi, ANY TYPE

    Needles

    Blood Transfusions

     the highest rate of infection is among hetereosexual women (probably
    because bigoted men like you that assume non-gays are immune so go
    around and make like rabbits without protection)

    This is just marketing propaganda spread by Big HIV to sell more AIDS cures.   For one thing, I don't have HIV.  And how am I going to get it from having unprotected sex with a woman, huh?  It's not like the HIV is going to swim up my urethra and I don't have any open sores on my genitals since taking those pills the doctor gave me.  Guess you didn't think of that, did you?



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    And how am I going to get it from having unprotected sex with a woman, huh?  It's not like the HIV is going to swim up my urethra and I don't have any open sores on my genitals since taking those pills the doctor gave me.  Guess you didn't think of that, did you?
    And I guess you didn't think of the fact that you can get it from a toilet seat if some gay guy used it first.  Or have you ever accidentally seen another man's junk in the locker room at the gym?  Because if that guy is gay, he can totally infect you that way.  The truth is, nobody is truly safe.  Hell, you're probably at greater risk than most, living in Massachusetts.  Any time you go out drinking, you could black out only to wake up in the morning married to a gay man!



  • @kraagenskul said:

    clIt
    What does this guy know about the Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-dwellers?



  • Heh, all this time I thought "clit" meant Command-Line Interface Terminal.



  • @Zecc said:

    Heh, all this time I thought "clit" meant Command-Line Interface Terminal.
     

    Well, it does require the experienced (key)strokes of a power user to operate it correctly.



  • @belgariontheking said:

    @kraagenskul said:
    clIt
    What does this guy know about the Coalition for the Liberation of Itinerant Tree-dwellers?
     

    @Rimmer said:

    I think we're losing sight of the real issue here,
    which is, what are we going to call ourselves? I think it comes
    down to a choice between "The League Against Salivating Monsters," or, my
    own personal preference, which is "The Committee for the Liberation and
    Integration of Terrifying Organisms and their Rehabilitation Into
    Society." Uh, one drawback with that - the abbreviation is "CLITORIS."



  • @Heron said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 

     

    There are several ways to transmit AIDS that do not involve homosexual activity.  One of those ways is heterosexual activity.

     

    You're right, there are lots of way.  I heard you can catch AIDS by replying to trolls on Internet forums.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    [quote user="Kazan"]

    there are many ways to get it

    Sex - straight, gay, bi, ANY TYPE

    Needles

    Blood Transfusions

     the highest rate of infection is among hetereosexual women (probably
    because bigoted men like you that assume non-gays are immune so go
    around and make like rabbits without protection)

    This is just marketing propaganda spread by Big HIV to sell more AIDS cures.   For one thing, I don't have HIV.  And how am I going to get it from having unprotected sex with a woman, huh?  It's not like the HIV is going to swim up my urethra and I don't have any open sores on my genitals since taking those pills the doctor gave me.  Guess you didn't think of that, did you?

    [/quote]

    It's not sex unless you both end up bleeding.



  • @kraagenskul said:

     //Get the teacher's classrooms
     for (Iterator clIt = tchr.getClassrooms().iterator; clIt.hasNext();)
     {
      clrm  = (Classroom) clIt.next();
     ...

     }

     

    We devs would have so much better luck in the dating scene if women knew how good we are at busy spinning over class room iterators :)



  • @Heron said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 

     

    There are several ways to transmit AIDS that do not involve homosexual activity.  One of those ways is heterosexual activity.

     

    I don't think that's going to be a problem for him either.

    Back on topic, there's no WTF other than an engineer with ability attempting to properly conform to the coding style of his organisation.  Wait, I guess that is a WTF.



  • @Nozz said:

    @Heron said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 

     

    There are several ways to transmit AIDS that do not involve homosexual activity.  One of those ways is heterosexual activity.

     

    I don't think that's going to be a problem for him either.

    Right, because there's no way the HIV is going to swim up my urethra (can viruses even swim?) and it's not like I have any open wounds.  Finally someone backs me up!



  •  @morbiuswilters said:

    @Nozz said:

    @Heron said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    I'm not a homosexual, so this is not a possibility. 

     

    There are several ways to transmit AIDS that do not involve homosexual activity.  One of those ways is heterosexual activity.

     

    I don't think that's going to be a problem for him either.

    Right, because there's no way the HIV is going to swim up my urethra (can viruses even swim?) and it's not like I have any open wounds.  Finally someone backs me up!

     

    a) it doesn't have to swim up your urethra

    b) you don't have to have visible open wounds, a simple microtear [which almost always happen] is more than sufficient (that being said the strain prevalent in the US is much more easily transmitted man->woman than woman->man but it IS transmittable both ways)

    c) he's saying you're not likely to ever get laid so you won't be exposed via sexual activity

    d) you're a fucking bigot



  • Morbius grows his own garlic for the soup that he drinks to protect himself from HIV; something we should all strive for, I think.



  • @Kazan said:

    b) you don't have to have visible open wounds, a simple microtear [which almost always happen] is more than sufficient (that being said the strain prevalent in the US is much more easily transmitted man->woman than woman->man but it IS transmittable both ways)
    How big is a microtear?  Despite the name it must be pretty big, otherwise the virus could just go through your pores and everyone who ever shook hands with a gay guy would be infected.  And you probably can't even get a microtear if your skin is properly moisturized, and if there's one thing I think we can all agree on, it's that morbiuswilters uses copious amounts of lotion.

     @Kazan said:

    d) you're a fucking bigot
    How does stating a fact make him a bigot?  Gay men are more feminine and weaker than real men, so AIDS kills them more.  Magic Jordan has had it for years, but it hasn't killed him. You probably don't even realize that people don't die from AIDS, the AIDS just makes them weak and other things kill them.  Well it's obviously going to kill the weaker people better, hence it's more prevalent in gays.

    The whole "AIDS epidemic" is blown out of proportion anyway.  The religious right have trumped up its threat because they want to stop anonymous sex.  Really, we don't have that much to fear unless a penicillan-resistant strain gets loose, but we've had penicillan for, what, 150 years, so what are the odds of it happening now?



  • @bstorer said:

    Gay men are more feminine and weaker than real men, so AIDS kills them more.
    There's a reason it used to be called Gay Related Immune Deficiency.



  • @Kazan said:

    a) it doesn't have to swim up your urethra

    Right, it can also get in through open sores or wounds.

     

    @Kazan said:

    b) you don't have to have visible open wounds, a simple microtear [which almost always happen] is more than sufficient (that being said the strain prevalent in the US is much more easily transmitted man->woman than woman->man but it IS transmittable both ways)

    I do not engage in vigorous, unlubricated anal sex.  These "microtears" sound fake.  See pstorer's post above for more.

     

    @Kazan said:

    c) he's saying you're not likely to ever get laid so you won't be exposed via sexual activity

    Well that's just plain wrong.

     

    @Kazan said:

    d) you're a fucking bigot

    I'm a bigot because I think HIV is a disease only women and homosexual men get?  I guess it's also bigoted to say that white people are more likely to get a sunburn than a black person..  Oh no, science is bigotry now!!!!



  • @bstorer said:

    Magic Jordan has had it for years, but it hasn't killed him.

    Damn straight!  Oh, and Magic Jordan is not an exception to the "women and homosexual men" rule, because all blacks seem capable of getting HIV.  Something like 90% of Africa or somewhere has HIV, I think, which is very sad.  Africans are already weak from hunger so the AIDS will probably do them in quickly..  :-(

     

    @bstorer said:

    The whole "AIDS epidemic" is blown out of proportion anyway.  The religious right have trumped up its threat because they want to stop anonymous sex.  Really, we don't have that much to fear unless a penicillan-resistant strain gets loose, but we've had penicillan for, what, 150 years, so what are the odds of it happening now?

    It's the Religious Right and the Gay Agenda.  The former wants to stop what feels good and the latter wants to brainwash our kids into being gay because homosexuals can't reproduce via normal means.  So they fill the air with all kind of whimsical stories about "HIV" and how it kills everyone who has sex, but it really only threatens those who are gay or women or blacks and maybe a few smack addicts.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    Magic Jordan has had it for years, but it hasn't killed him.

    Damn straight!  Oh, and Magic Jordan is...

     

    Are you talking about the child Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson adopted when they had a relationship and infected each other with HIV?



  • @seriousJoker said:

    @morbiuswilters said:

    @bstorer said:

    Magic Jordan has had it for years, but it hasn't killed him.

    Damn straight!  Oh, and Magic Jordan is...

     

    Are you talking about the child Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson adopted when they had a relationship and infected each other with HIV?

    Michael Jordan is a pedophile who gets away with it because he can afford to pay off the families with all the money he made selling records.  You shouldn't joke about him having children.  You shouldn't joke about pedophilia. 



  • @seriousJoker said:

     

    Are you talking about the child Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson adopted when they had a relationship and infected each other with HIV?

    Shit, did I mix them up?  Which one was the basketball player?



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    You shouldn't joke about pedophilia.
    Q: What does Michael Jackson like about twenty eight year olds?
    A: That there are twenty of them!



  • @bstorer said:

    @seriousJoker said:

     

    Are you talking about the child Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson adopted when they had a relationship and infected each other with HIV?

    Shit, did I mix them up?  Which one was the basketball player?
    Michael Jackson.



  • @danixdefcon5 said:

    @bstorer said:

    @seriousJoker said:

     

    Are you talking about the child Michael Jordan and Magic Johnson adopted when they had a relationship and infected each other with HIV?

    Shit, did I mix them up?  Which one was the basketball player?
    Michael Jackson.
    No - Magic Johnson was the basketball player with HIV (Not AIDS, because he's rich and can afford to buy lots of drugs to prevent it from turning into AIDS). Michael Jordan was also a basketball player, but he does not have HIV, and the bit about them being in a relationship was a joke on seriousJoker's part, not actually true. Michael Jackson was the singer accused of molesting children, and contrary to morbius's belief, was not in any sense the subject of any joke made in this thread until after he [morbius] brought it up.



  • @Random832 said:

    Magic Johnson was the basketball player with HIV (Not AIDS, because he's rich and can afford to buy lots of drugs to prevent it from turning into AIDS). Michael Jordan was also a basketball player, but he does not have HIV, and the bit about them being in a relationship was a joke on seriousJoker's part, not actually true. Michael Jackson was the singer accused of molesting children, and contrary to morbius's belief, was not in any sense the subject of any joke made in this thread until after he [morbius] brought it up.
    What is your major malfunction, private?



  • @belgariontheking said:

    ]What is your major malfunction, private?

    crap, did i ruin the joke? i thought people were actually confused.



  • @Random832 said:

    crap, did i ruin the joke?


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