Not feeling well today?




  • This is the contents of an email sent to everyone at the local site (~200 people) of my company today.
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    If you are not feeling well today, I hope you feel better soon.

    Maybe you are not feeling well and that is why you decided that it was ok to not clean the toilet seat area after you clearly and most disgustingly befouled it.

    I can’t fathom why any adult would do this and leave it this way.
    - Are you so privileged that you feel this is solely the job of the cleaning staff?
    - Did you think your peers might find it entertaining?
    - Are you so self-absorbed that you didn’t even notice?

    I have learned to accept many things here:
    - People not washing their hands - I have learned to always exit with towel in hand and then follow up with GermX
    - People not flushing - I delude myself into believing it to be a plumbing problem and perform a nice shoe flush
    - People patting me on the back or making pleasant conversation at the urinal - I just try to ignore it and exit quickly (remembering to use the GermX after washing)

    But this?  No, I just can’t accept or ignore this.  If you did this, and you think you can bestow upon me your outstanding reasoning (perhaps convert me), please drop me a mail or come by my office and explain it.

    If anyone has been offended by reading this, I apologize; however, it believe it probably pales in comparison to the offense I have felt.

    regards,

    Name Withheld
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



  •  That is the greatest email in at least 100 years.



  • @bstorer said:

     That is the greatest email in at least 100 years.

     

    probably the greatest since at least the time of christ.



  •  I am so jelous of Name WItheld.  I have wanted to send out such emails myself.  I had one assclown actually steal one of my hot pockets, only one, leaving the other for me.  How nice of them...



  • I laughed so hard, I lost control of my bowels. 



  • @amischiefr said:

    I am so jelous of Name WItheld.  I have wanted to send out such emails myself.  I had one assclown actually steal one of my hot pockets, only one, leaving the other for me.  How nice of them...

    It's appropriate you should mention Hot Pockets in a thread about nauseating fecal incidents. 



  • @bstorer said:

    That is the greatest email in at least 100 years.
    I'm not so sure.  I was informed just yesterday that I would be able to incr3ase the 51ze of my p3n1s significantly.  I think that's better than shitting on the toilet seat.



  • No attachments to the mail?

    Of the pictoral kind, of course, not the fecal kind...



  • @belgariontheking said:

    @bstorer said:

    That is the greatest email in at least 100 years.
    I'm not so sure.  I was informed just yesterday that I would be able to incr3ase the 51ze of my p3n1s significantly.  I think that's better than shitting on the toilet seat.

    Yeah, right.  Like you of all people need to increase your penis size.



  • @bstorer said:

    @belgariontheking said:

    @bstorer said:

    That is the greatest email in at least 100 years.
    I'm not so sure.  I was informed just yesterday that I would be able to incr3ase the 51ze of my p3n1s significantly.  I think that's better than shitting on the toilet seat.

    Yeah, right.  Like you of all people need to increase your penis size.

    Yeah, any bigger and he'd poke out your ear drum or give you a stretched nostril.



  • @morbiuswilters said:

    stretched nostril
    Nothing like a good nosefucking joke


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    Really, the only reason to get upset about this is if someone did it to the handicapped stall - which, as everyone should be aware, is exclusively reserved for pooping and the seat should be kept clean and accessible at all times.

     The only time that pooping in other stalls is authorized is when the handicap stall has been compromised by a GARGANTUAN POOP (which is an excusable offense) - and in this event, the next pooper is responsible for cleaning up whatever mess exists on the next stall down the line, which becomes the surrogate handicap stall and should from that point forward be kept clean and accessible.

      



  • @Weng said:

    Really, the only reason to get upset about this is if someone did it to the handicapped stall - which, as everyone should be aware, is exclusively reserved for pooping and the seat should be kept clean and accessible at all times.

     The only time that pooping in other stalls is authorized is when the handicap stall has been compromised by a GARGANTUAN POOP (which is an excusable offense) - and in this event, the next pooper is responsible for cleaning up whatever mess exists on the next stall down the line, which becomes the surrogate handicap stall and should from that point forward be kept clean and accessible.

    I think you think way too much about these things



  •  This reminds me of an email that was accidentally sent to every member of my university's Exchange server. Some staffer was emailing her supervisor to tell her that she wouldn't be able to make it into work and then became very detailed about the exact nature of her symptoms (diarhea, vomitting, etc.). Probably one of the most amusing emails I have ever woken up to read.


  • Discourse touched me in a no-no place

    What else am I supposed to do while I'm getting paid to poop? 


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