Craigslist Resumes



  • The other day I was looking at craigslists job board and noticed they had a section for posting resumes. After reading some of the posts I'm even more scared of the website than before :-)

    I don't know just what exactly half the people posting there were thinking when they wrote up their skills. I am much more confident about my own skills now, though. Here are some of the gems that I found:

    GOT LAIDOFF, I NEED A JOB!!!

     This guy gets straight to the point. He needs a job. He also likes diesel truck, hanging out and "gormet foods", just in case you were wondering. With "
    More than basic knowledge of Windows operated computer" he's probably a perfect fit for some of the WTF-y companies that make the front page.

    Always Keeping My Options Open...

     This is an amazing candidate. Not only smart, but hard working too! He once created a 50 page web site in one day, a true machine. Of course he also knows martial arts. It's mentioned awfully close to the "computer" section, so this may actually refer to the Street Fighter video game.

    It's a good thing to let us all know that <font face="arial">"never did I get fired, except once, it was a
    mutual walk-away, I had a late night party using the company office
    building, poor desicion on my part, I deserved to lose my job, I
    learned a good lesson."</font>

    IT PROFESSIONAL

    THIS IT PROFESSIONAL HAS AWESOME QUALIFICATIONS (INDOWS 2000 AND 2003 SERVER AND WINDOWS XP, 2000 PRO, VISTA, AND 9X CLIENTS) BUT SEEMS TO BE SUFFERING FROM A  STUCK CAPS LOCK KEY. A SHAME. MADE Y EYES BLEED SO I COULDN'T ACTUALLY READ ANY FURTHER.

    Craiglist also has a section for computer gigs, which I assume means unreliable sketchy proposals.

    Looking for a strong SDE to be a partner for a startup

    What more could you ask for? A partnership in a new startup. There's only one catch: "Other than being an SDE, the only other requirement that I have is that
    you must be in “recovery” for substance abuse. I am in recovery myself
    and this project deals with those types of issues."  D'oh. I guess I'll have to pass on this one. It sure sounds like a winner though. "This will NOT be a non-profit site so I plan on it making $$ as time
    goes on and we will eventually get paid for the services we provide."

    Looking for quick PHP Tutorial

     What could be easier... "I need some to come by and show me a quick tutorial on Php....I learned
    Php a long time ago and I have forgotten most of it but I'm sure I will
    pick it up pretty quick once we go into it." It only gets worse after that. He doesn't want to pay for more than "an hour or two", but that should be plenty of time to get him started, as he already knows what the project will do.

     



  • @Nandurius said:

    The other day I was looking at craigslists job board and noticed they had a section for posting resumes.

    HO-LY ... SHIT! 100% total FAIL.



  •  

    Craiglist also has a section for computer gigs, which I assume means unreliable sketchy proposals.

    Nah, thought it probably depends upon the metro area. The Seattle listings haven't been too bad - I've used Craigslist twice and gotten good positions both times. I've been with that 2nd employer for 4 years now; the company is about 15 years old, and has found Craigslist to be a pretty good recruitment tool.

     (edited to add: not having realized that those were Seattle listings, I have to say that those look particularly bad...)



  • The other day one of my dumbass co-workers spent 20 minutes writing the following rèsumè (names changed to protect the stupid):

     

    <meta http-equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><title></title><meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 2.2 (Linux)"><meta name="CREATED" content="20080520;10433000"><meta name="CHANGED" content="20080520;11280800"> 

    <style type="text/css">
    <!--
    	@page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in }
    	P { margin-bottom: 0.08in }
    -->
    </style>
    

    <font style="font-size: 20pt;" size="5">Dumbass McDumbass </font>

    <font style="font-size: 20pt;" size="5">123 Foo St, Nowhere, Ks</font>

    <font style="font-size: 20pt;" size="5">555-555-1234</font>


    <font style="font-size: 15pt;" size="4"> <font size="3">IniTech LLC. (approx. 10 months) Production Technician </font><font size="3">– Built ADA boards which can read several different variances of portable drives from 2.5 inch drives to 3.5 inch drives. I have built several different hard drive docks from standard docks which read the drive and then you can still read what is on the drive as well as write on the drive. Forensic docks get a separate firmware on them upgraded by myself which allows you to only read the drive and not write on it which allows many government groups to get information from suspects without compromising the evidence. After that I started working on some larger products which can store several drives at once for companies who need large amounts of storage for their business. Some of these products have to be totally broke down and new extrusions added so that the product can be larger for more drives. I have also built products which enable someone to retrieve an entire computer without ever booting it down which entitles me to wire this product up and test its functionality. I have dealt a lot with wiring and precise drilling and have the experience needed to do my job well. A main part of this job entitles me to be able to firmware products with certain versions depending on the product and where it is going. Using a computer is a must know qualification for this job as well as knowing how to fix it as well as which type of cable to use for the products which are USB, USB 2.0, mini USB, FireWire 800, FireWire 400, RS-232, Scsi, as well as ethernet.</font></font>


    <font style="font-size: 15pt;" size="4"><font size="3"> </font><font size="3">Jiffy Lube (approx. 1 month) Motor Technician</font><font size="3"> – Did several different jobs from changing oil to transmission flushes, injector cleanings, air cleaner swaps, air conditioning recharges, differential fluid swap outs, and radiator flushes. This job gives you a sense of helping customers with their automotive needs and recommending certain flushes or swap outs depending on the car's needs and the needs of the customer.</font></font>


    <font style="font-size: 15pt;" size="4"><font size="3"> </font><font size="3">Green Lantern Car Wash (approx. 6 months) Bay Leader – </font><font size="3">This job had me leading an entire crew of workers to make sure that they were all doing their job to a quality that was fit for the company. I would go around and check the employee's work as well as organize where the cars were going to and sending the right amount of people to the right cars in order to get all the vehicles out in the right order and in a fashionable amount of time.</font></font>



     

    That was it -- just a work history. Not even a rèsumè, really. I didn't even have to hack his machine to get it -- he saved it in a public share on the server.

     



  • @protected static said:

    I've used Craigslist twice and gotten good positions both times.

    giggling like a little girl



  • @AbbydonKrafts said:

    @Nandurius said:
    The other day I was looking at craigslists job board and noticed they had a section for posting resumes.

    HO-LY ... SHIT! 100% total FAIL.

     

    I agree, TRWTF is the OP.

    Who the fuck looks for jobs in the same place that other people look for bi sexual threesomes?



  • @MasterPlanSoftware said:

    Who the fuck looks for jobs in the same place that other people look for bi sexual threesomes?

    For some people, that is a job.



  • @protected static said:

     

    Craiglist also has a section for computer gigs, which I assume means unreliable sketchy proposals.

    Nah, thought it probably depends upon the metro area. The Seattle listings haven't been too bad - I've used Craigslist twice and gotten good positions both times. I've been with that 2nd employer for 4 years now; the company is about 15 years old, and has found Craigslist to be a pretty good recruitment tool.

     (edited to add: not having realized that those were Seattle listings, I have to say that those look particularly bad...)

     

    I got an interview with a reasonable company on CL... They had a line in all caps at the end of the post that intrigued me: "OFFERS TO OUTSOURCE THIS POSITION WILL BE DELETED!" 



  • @bstorer said:

    For some people, that is a job.
     

     Craigslist: Ebay for the ridiculously poor.



  • @MasterPlanSoftware said:

    @bstorer said:

    For some people, that is a job.
     

     Craigslist: Ebay for the ridiculously poor.

    Craigslist: Match.com for the hideously ugly.



  • @bstorer said:

    @protected static said:
    I've used Craigslist twice and gotten good positions both times.

    giggling like a little girl

     

    head --> desk

    d'oh!



  • @MasterPlanSoftware said:

    @AbbydonKrafts said:

    @Nandurius said:
    The other day I was looking at craigslists job board and noticed they had a section for posting resumes.

    HO-LY ... SHIT! 100% total FAIL.

     

    I agree, TRWTF is the OP.

    Who the fuck looks for jobs in the same place that other people look for bi sexual threesomes?

     

     

    ... most threesomes are bi sexual i think



  • <font face="arial">I just want to continue doing what it is that makes me happy, and that would be to do what I like to do
    </font>

    Next time I'm looking to hire someone to drink my beer and watch my television I'll look him up ...



  • @dysmas said:

    ... most threesomes are bi sexual i think
     

    [Citation Needed]



  • @MasterPlanSoftware said:

    @AbbydonKrafts said:

    @Nandurius said:
    The other day I was looking at craigslists job board and noticed they had a section for posting resumes.

    HO-LY ... SHIT! 100% total FAIL.

     

    I agree, TRWTF is the OP.

    Who the fuck looks for jobs in the same place that other people look for bi sexual threesomes?

     

    One word: Ego boost. 

    This also proves the theory that I can't count.



  • @dlikhten said:

    Ego boost. 
     

    What does this have to do with AbbydonKrafts??



  •  Here are some more. It's like a trainwreck.. can't stop looking.

    19 year old male looking for Labor/anything

    "Fresh out of college", this guy doesn't seem to think his degree was worth it. "Job is non specific would like to make decent money." It seems the only thing he actually learned was physical labor. "Also am a college wrestler so I am extremely motivated and know proper lifting techniques for labor jobs."

    Unemployed Pot Smoker Looking For Work.

    Say, what? It sounds like a joke, but the post is entirely serious. "Given the opportunity, I am confident my contribution to you would be immediate and valuable." At least he's not setting his goals all too high. "OBJECTIVE: Find a Job."

    i need some extra cash..

     Don't we all? Apparently craigslist is not only good for dumping stolen merchandise, it's also great for hiring illegal workers. Just hope that the INS/IRS doesn't find out! "hi there. im over here from australia and my cash is running low.. i
    can work any hours doing anything.. but it has to be under the table..
    please it has to be.. so if you can help or know someone how could
    please let me know asap..
    "

    Seeking Position in Computer Technition, Install/Operate PC/MAC

     Another fresh college grad with an associate degree. At least this one knows what he wants, and what he's good at: "I am Knowledgeable in video and audio, good with cables and TV’s and stereos." I'm impressed. All those different connectors can be confusing at times. But that's not all, it gets better: "Proficient in eBay and have sold dozens of items throughout the past 5 years." You know, they write books about that. That's skilled labor.

    Need part time job

     While I approve of using ones mind, i'm not sure this is the best way of going about it. "I am 18, and a part time nanny, that would like another job on the side
    that will focus on using my mind more or interacting with my peers.
    Maybe something in an office setting, or customer service. I don't want
    to sell stuff.
    " Well, with all those options i'm sure it won't take long.

     

    Voice over, jingles, singing, Acting,-ist be me-eth

     Please tell me this is a line from a movie? "Howdy, I've been out of the game for awhile and need to get back in.
    about 3 years ago i lost my voice in freak dodgeball accident and I
    finally have it back.
    " This is starting to get too surreal.

     



  • @Nandurius said:

    It's like a trainwreck.. can't stop looking.
     

    That is how I feel about a lot of your posts...



  • @MasterPlanSoftware said:

    @Nandurius said:
    It's like a trainwreck.. can't stop looking.
    That is how I feel about a lot of your posts...
    Says the guy without a single positive comment in over 3000 posts.



  • @Nandurius said:

    Always Keeping My Options Open...

     This is an amazing candidate. Not only smart, but hard working too! He once created a 50 page web site in one day, a true machine. Of course he also knows martial arts. It's mentioned awfully close to the "computer" section, so this may actually refer to the Street Fighter video game.

    It's a good thing to let us all know that <font face="arial">"never did I get fired, except once, it was a
    mutual walk-away, I had a late night party using the company office
    building, poor desicion on my part, I deserved to lose my job, I
    learned a good lesson."</font>


    This guy has some gems...

    <font face="arial">"I'm recognizeable in the spotlight, I don't want to be found out. So, even if we do meet and interview, please know ahead of time that I will be asking you to sign a disclosure agreement. </font>


    Awesome.



  • @DOA said:

    Says the guy without a single positive comment in over 3000 posts.
     

    Right, I should make room for doozies like this one: http://forums.thedailywtf.com/forums/p/8742/165601.aspx#165601

    Earthshattering.



  • @MasterPlanSoftware said:

    @DOA said:

    Says the guy without a single positive comment in over 3000 posts.
     

    Right, I should make room for doozies like this one: http://forums.thedailywtf.com/forums/p/8742/165601.aspx#165601

    Earthshattering.

    I rest my case.


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