Enough with the handshakes
-
People in my new company always want to shake hands.
Every. Single. Day.
"Hey Cartman, what's up (high five with boss), good morning Joe (shake hands), wassup (fist bump with another guy)...."
What the fuck!?
You shake hands ONCE, the first time you meet a person. That's it. MAYBE if they are away for 2 or more weeks and then return. Not every single fucking day.
I think I'll just start giving the most limp, slippery handshakes imaginable, see if I can get them to fucking stop.
-
I feel your pain, same happens here.
My favourite occurrence is when I'm eating a sandwich and someone comes in, from the city, after at least an hour of public transportation, walks directly to me and sticks his hand into my face with a loud 'HI!'.
"Are you fucking retarded?" is one of my milder thoughts on such occasions.
-
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
-
@mrl Keep a bottle of hand-sanitizer on your desk (or wherever you eat) and make a show of cleaning your hands before shaking theirs, and after.
The before part is crucial: tell them (if they ask) that you don't want them to have to touch your hands that are dirty from food (mayonnaise or whatever), and they have to wait until you're done, once they've initiated the gesture to shake hands with you. If they say that they're sorry for wasting your time or similar, make a big show of "that's nothing", "I wouldn't want to be impolite" etc. so that they feel even worse. Do it again after shaking (this time for the true reason...), and do it immediately while they're still looking at you and see that they're still wasting more of your time.
I'm pretty sure that in no time no-one will try to shake hands with you again.
Mostly because they'll see you as a jerk, but, hey, what's not to like in there?
-
Made this for you, because you're right.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".I don't know which of these is more unsettling.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
Meh, depends on the workplaces. Where I am we don't shake hands with people we see everyday. We shake those that we see, I don't know, maybe less than once a week or so.
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
That one makes me cringe every time. Especially when there happens to be Brits around (e.g. in a conf call)...
-
@remi Becoming a hated social pariah in the office is a small price to pay for not having to shake hands, I guess...
-
@remi said in Enough with the handshakes:
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
Meh, depends on the workplaces. Where I am we don't shake hands with people we see everyday. We shake those that we see, I don't know, maybe less than once a week or so.
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
That one makes me cringe every time. Especially when there happens to be Brits around (e.g. in a conf call)...
Don't forget that I am a Brit. That's why I notice it. (An American might know about it, but probably wouldn't think anything much.)
-
@remi said in Enough with the handshakes:
@mrl Keep a bottle of hand-sanitizer on your desk (or wherever you eat) and make a show of cleaning your hands before shaking theirs, and after.
The before part is crucial: tell them (if they ask) that you don't want them to have to touch your hands that are dirty from food (mayonnaise or whatever), and they have to wait until you're done, once they've initiated the gesture to shake hands with you. If they say that they're sorry for wasting your time or similar, make a big show of "that's nothing", "I wouldn't want to be impolite" etc. so that they feel even worse. Do it again after shaking (this time for the true reason...), and do it immediately while they're still looking at you and see that they're still wasting more of your time.
I'm pretty sure that in no time no-one will try to shake hands with you again.
Huh, that's pretty good! I may use that.
Mostly because they'll see you as a jerk, but, hey, what's not to like in there?
I used to just say "I don't shake hands"* or "don't touch me"**. But I'm trying to be social and likeable for some time now, so...
@cartman82 said in Enough with the handshakes:
@remi Becoming a hated social pariah in the office is a small price to pay for not having to shake hands, I guess...
Totally worth it, if you ask me.
* which is problematic, because it's not true. I do shake hands with my closest friends. Sometimes.
* which is problematic, because people think it's directed personally against them.
-
@remi said in Enough with the handshakes:
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
Meh, depends on the workplaces. Where I am we don't shake hands with people we see everyday. We shake those that we see, I don't know, maybe less than once a week or so.
We rarely shake hands in my workplace as well.
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
That one makes me cringe every time. Especially when there happens to be Brits around (e.g. in a conf call)...
That never bothered me, probably because I'm not a Brit. I might have used the gesture around Brits, but they haven't complained about it (at least, not to me). I assume Brits indicate the number 2 with thumb and forefinger, because that seems the only reasonable alternative. Anyway, the sign is usually made with the palm turned outward rather than inward like the rude gesture.
-
@cartman82 I don't see anything wrong with that. Is that not normal in Cartistan?
-
@pie_flavor said in Enough with the handshakes:
@cartman82 I don't see anything wrong with that. Is that not normal in Cartistan?
It's maybe normal with highschoolers trying to appear cool, but not in a professional environment.
Is it normal in your workplace? So what, when you come to office, you high-five the secretary, fist bump the cleaning lady, shake hands with the marketing department......?
-
@cartman82 said in Enough with the handshakes:
It's maybe normal with highschoolers trying to appear cool,
i've figured out why I don't see anything wrong with that.
-
:fistbump:
Meh. Shaking hands every day seems a bit over the top. Something like a fist bump or equivalent? Depends on the people -- I've had friends where the greeting involved something like this (we wouldn't meet daily though; just for martial arts classes 2-3 times per week).
If you're grossed out by your colleagues hands (as some people indicate ... I mean, whatever, you do you), transition to something like a fist bump, where only the outer part of the hands touch briefly?
-
@cvi said in Enough with the handshakes:
If you're grossed out by your colleagues hands (as some people indicate ... I mean, whatever, you do you), transition to something like a fist bump, where only the outer part of the hands touch briefly?
I'm not grossed out, I'm just annoyed and weirded out by having to do this all the time.
-
@cartman82 said in Enough with the handshakes:
I'm not grossed out, I'm just annoyed and weirded out by having to do this all the time.
Yeah, fair enough (I added the grossed-out part after having read a few of the other's posts, so that wasn't specifically in response to you).
Still, a brief fist bump takes less time than a proper full-on hand shake. You don't even need to stop fully for it, so it's perfectly doable why passing by (possibly wearing headphones to indicate that you're not currently interested in social interaction). In a sense, it's even lower effort than stopping by and saying hello, because that might lead to the inevitable "how are you? how was your weekend? etc etc".
-
@cartman82 said in Enough with the handshakes:
I think I'll just start giving the most limp, sweaty, slippery handshakes imaginable, see if I can get them to fucking stop.
-
You find handshakes annoying? In my workplace, I have to start every 1-on-1 online meeting with a small talk! Fucking Americans.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
@remi said in Enough with the handshakes:
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
Meh, depends on the workplaces. Where I am we don't shake hands with people we see everyday. We shake those that we see, I don't know, maybe less than once a week or so.
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
That one makes me cringe every time. Especially when there happens to be Brits around (e.g. in a conf call)...
Don't forget that I am a Brit. That's why I notice it. (An American might know about it, but probably wouldn't think anything much.)
I would think it weird that they had the back of their hand facing out. When communicating numbers by finger we generally have our palms towards the person we're communicating with.
An alternate strategy for @cartman82 would be to get a grip exercise thing and start really clamping down on people. He'll be getting waves from across the room real quick.
-
@cvi said in Enough with the handshakes:
If you're grossed out by your colleagues hands (as some people indicate ... I mean, whatever, you do you), transition to something like a fist bump, where only the outer part of the hands touch briefly?
What is this obsession with touching other people? Why do people assume I want to touch them? Fucking hell.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
Doesn't that depend on which way the palm is facing?
-
@mrl Physical contact is an important part of being social, I'm afraid. I can understand why it's such a problematic subject around here.
-
@boomzilla said in Enough with the handshakes:
An alternate strategy for @cartman82 would be to get a grip exercise thing and start really clamping down on people. He'll be getting waves from across the room real quick.
Get really close into their face as I'm griping them and wear one of those super musky colognes, but don't brush teeth.
-
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
You find handshakes annoying? In my workplace, I have to start every 1-on-1 online meeting with a small talk! Fucking Americans.
AKH YES! Business contacts insisting on chit-chat before getting down to business should be its own thread.
-
@boomzilla said in Enough with the handshakes:
@mrl Physical contact is an important part of being social, I'm afraid. I can understand why it's such a problematic subject around here.
That's funny, because my relations with close friends involve virtually zero physical contact. Handshake once in a blue moon, pat on the back maybe once ever, and that's it. It's the work colleagues that love shaking hands every morning.
-
@boomzilla said in Enough with the handshakes:
clamping down on people
aka doing the Trump Shake as opposed to the Obama Fist Bump
-
@zecc said in Enough with the handshakes:
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
Doesn't that depend on which way the palm is facing?
It does. My colleagues have a tendency (even before I ever mentioned it) to do it palm-in, so yes, it's rude. And it's not just colleagues either.
-
-
@cartman82 said in Enough with the handshakes:
@boomzilla said in Enough with the handshakes:
An alternate strategy for @cartman82 would be to get a grip exercise thing and start really clamping down on people. He'll be getting waves from across the room real quick.
Get really close into their face as I'm griping them and wear one of those super musky colognes, but don't brush teeth.
Fussy reminder on English usage:
- Gripping = present participle of grip.
- Griping = present participle of gripe.
- Gripe != grip.
I dunno, maybe you are griping at (or about) them, and indeed, that will tend to discourage social contact, but a grip exercise thing isn't needed for that.
-
@steve_the_cynic clearly he meant groping.
-
Every now and then a thread comes up which shows that not
all stereotypes are false. This is one such thread.
-
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
In my workplace, I have to start every 1-on-1 online meeting with a small talk!
About something other than the subject of the meeting I take it?
-
@mrl said in Enough with the handshakes:
What is this obsession with touching other people? Why do people assume I want to touch them? Fucking hell.
Be glad you're not working in the acting industry in America...
-
@pjh said in Enough with the handshakes:
@mrl said in Enough with the handshakes:
What is this obsession with touching other people? Why do people assume I want to touch them? Fucking hell.
Be glad you're not working in the acting industry in America...
Or in sex industry anywhere...
-
@pjh said in Enough with the handshakes:
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
In my workplace, I have to start every 1-on-1 online meeting with a small talk!
About something other than the subject of the meeting I take it?
Yeah. They're asking how my weekend was, and I have to make stuff up because I don't remember much from the weekend due to alcohol.
-
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
Yeah. They're asking how my weekend was, and I have to make stuff up because I don't remember much from the weekend due to alcohol.
Solution: more alcohol. Then you won't remember about them asking you about the weekend.
-
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
Fucking Americans.
That will definitely give you a disease...
-
@izzion fucking white* Americans.
-
@cartman82 Just walk around with your hands in the front of your pants. Most sane people will not want to shake hands with you anymore.
-
@mrl said in Enough with the handshakes:
@cvi said in Enough with the handshakes:
If you're grossed out by your colleagues hands (as some people indicate ... I mean, whatever, you do you), transition to something like a fist bump, where only the outer part of the hands touch briefly?
What is this obsession with touching other people? Why do people assume I want to touch them? Fucking hell.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
It does. My colleagues have a tendency (even before I ever mentioned it) to do it palm-in, so yes, it's rude. And it's not just colleagues either.
So if I'm not misreading what you wrote:
You're in France, your colleagues show the number two with two fingers (kind of obvious, isn't it) like a reversed victory or peace sign, and you get upset that completely unbeknownst to them this simple sign is rude in England?Sounds like the problem isn't with them. Just ignore it.
-
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
@mrl said in Enough with the handshakes:
@cvi said in Enough with the handshakes:
If you're grossed out by your colleagues hands (as some people indicate ... I mean, whatever, you do you), transition to something like a fist bump, where only the outer part of the hands touch briefly?
What is this obsession with touching other people? Why do people assume I want to touch them? Fucking hell.
I am a little.. socially challenged, I can easily admit that. But I'm nowhere near that level of nuttery.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
What does bother me is the French habit of indicating the number two by sticking two fingers up at me. In British body language, that's rude, approximately equivalent to giving an American "the finger".
That puts Richard Nixon's famous gesture as he board the plane into some new perspective.
-
@gąska said in Enough with the handshakes:
@mrl said in Enough with the handshakes:
@cvi said in Enough with the handshakes:
If you're grossed out by your colleagues hands (as some people indicate ... I mean, whatever, you do you), transition to something like a fist bump, where only the outer part of the hands touch briefly?
What is this obsession with touching other people? Why do people assume I want to touch them? Fucking hell.
We had a whole thread on this idiot:
-
@cartman82 said in Enough with the handshakes:
I think I'll just start giving the most limp, slippery handshakes imaginable, see if I can get them to fucking stop.
Never be caught with an empty hand. Laptop in one hand, coke can in another. Always. 24/7.
... seriously, though, why the fuck would you shake hands with someone you've already met? Goddamned your continent sucks. Even Canadians wouldn't do that.
-
@thegoryone Oh man that's a blast from the past. I loved Mr. Shake Hands Man. (Everything else in that show kind of sucked.)
Did anybody actually ever gather a group of friends together and put bets on that show's skits? I never did that but I bet it was pretty fun.
-
@topspin said in Enough with the handshakes:
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
It does. My colleagues have a tendency (even before I ever mentioned it) to do it palm-in, so yes, it's rude. And it's not just colleagues either.
So if I'm not misreading what you wrote:
You're in France, your colleagues show the number two with two fingers (kind of obvious, isn't it) like a reversed victory or peace sign, and you get upset that completely unbeknownst to them this simple sign is rude in England?Sounds like the problem isn't with them. Just ignore it.
I do ignore it, but it did startle me the first time it happened(1). And the whole of Great Britain (it's rude in the parts of Britain that aren't England, too) is only over there, you know. I live and work near Lille, which is one of the major stops on the Eurostar train lines, so they can't even try to claim that it's hard to go there.
(1) The ones who know about it also seem to have swallowed whole the false theories about it originating in the supposed barbaric habits of their own people during the Hundred Years' War, specifically the supposed French practice of cutting off those two fingers of captured English archers.
-
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
Oh, handshaking is no big deal. I have to do the weird awkward fake cheek kisses thing when meeting any female family member/acquaintance.
Not in formal environments, thank god.
-
@anonymous234 said in Enough with the handshakes:
@steve_the_cynic said in Enough with the handshakes:
I guess neither of you is in France, where daily handshakes are normal behaviour. I'm used to it now, after nine years of it, but it is occasionally tedious.
Oh, handshaking is no big deal. I have to do the weird awkward fake cheek kisses thing when meeting any female family member/acquaintance.
Not in formal environments, thank god."La bise". Yup, been there, done that. With female colleagues I barely knew, too. And it's not just in Southern Europe. I live almost as far north as it's possible to go in France.
Fortunately, I can say that "formal" situations don"t seem to require it here.
